Monday, December 26, 2011


Dear Mr Hope and Mrs Happiness. Gimme some space to prepare for your arrival. :)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Tomorrow is my graduation day. There'll be a parade along Swanston Street in the morning and the ceremony will be held at Etihad Stadium in the evening.

I wish my family were here...

Is it bad to be a little envious of having seen friends with their family touring Melbourne and gearing up for the graduation? I guess it is, for it seems very ungrateful of me. Being able to graduate, even having the opportunity to study here, in Melbourne was a blessing.

So for tomorrow, I'll have Malaysia Hall assistant warden and his family and a friend to attend the event. well... four tickets, I was given. I'm glad still that there're people who want to go. ahaha.

But yeah.. it is not the same. I want my family here. it is impossible I know.

The whole world might give you all the attention you deserve, but when the person you care the most ignores you, nothing seems to worth celebrating.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


(warning: this is one of those boring emotional lament I often write when I get, well emotional) 

Light projection on State Library's facade. 

Weather I like it or not, the day will still arrive. I have 5 days, of my 5 years stay here. I know I've been ranting about it for the past few posts... but hey, detachment is god knows difficult.

I remember my first tram ride here. It was a tram ride to the city, for in my first year, I lived somewhere in the outskirt of the Melbourne CBD. I was 19, well turning 20 on that year to be exact. That day, I couldn't imagine spending my year after year here, I know that I would, but it was hard to comprehend the idea of being in a foreign land on my own... it was an excitement infused with fear and curiosity...I, was a little kampong girl who for the first time had set her feet in a place somewhere over 4000 miles away from home.. I couldn't imagine all the things that had happened in the last five years, but still... as my memory can recall.. they did take place in my life.

I am of course, happy to go home. Blood is thicker than water, although in these days, oil seems to be thicker than anything.. Blood, is indeed thicker than the aromatic morning cappuccino dusted with the heaviest chocolate powder over a layer of fluffy creamy foam. I miss my family... for I would inshaAllah, give all that I could for them... that includes, a desire for prideful personal achievement or even money. So, I am of course going home and excited about it. The thought of spending my days sembang with mak ayah, weekends shopping with my dearest Kak sarah, lepak2 at my siblings house... Those are sweet... sweeter than the sweetest nectarine from the grandest season. I love my family. enough said.

Yet, five years is an oodles amount of memories...and memories are memories, either bad or good, they often last. well, the bad ones often seem to leave permanent effect.. but the good ones would always be forever cherished. 5 years is ofc long enough to have given me an equal amount of both... but hey... every occurrence that came prior to the memory had made me who I am today, I think I have grown out quite well out of them. ahahah.

I guess the actual detachment is when you are left with no other option but to stay detached... and you can never be fully detached of something that has came to past until it has been replaced by something better, or more remarkable... I hope, in Malaysia, I'll have something better than cold weather, good transportation, freedom and higher purchasing power... ahaha... (sounds almost impossible)...

But still... love can soar above everything...     ;)

Bonda, ayahanda... tunggu anakanda pulang~~~

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


"Say: "O 'Ibadi ( My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins) Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
(Holy Quran; 39:53)

Friday, December 2, 2011

A Waitress Does That!

I failed my first plan. ahaha! My previous post says today should be my last day working as a waitress/ kitchen hand. But, I didn't even get to tell the makcik that I want to quit. so, I'll be working tomorrow. Anyway, now that she makes me work only from 11am - 3pm, I guess it isn't so bad. but hey, I have only two weekends left. I should really tell her that I'm quitting.

Now, who says it's easy to be the one's leaving? ;p

*neighbor's amp is too loud, should I bang the wall?*

hhehe.. sorry for the intermission.

Dear readers,
How many of you have ever worked in a restaurant? or maybe currently working in one?

When I first told my friends that I'll be working as a kitchen hand, they were like
"what are you gonna wear?"
"you don't seem befitting for the job?"

funny aye... I however understand their remarks. I have to say that my wardrobes is rather fancy. Not that stylish though. But I love skirts, lacey, chiffon, satin and colorful clothing, which seem a bit too much and inappropriate to be worn while potong ayam sayur mayur, wiping kitchen top and tables, carrying dishes etc etc... but hey, I do have normal shirts as well... afterall, I'm just budak comot as some may call.

I think working in a restaurant, albeit for just approx 3 months taught me a lot. Here I'm sharing what I've got for being a kitchen helper and waitress.

1.  I acquire some quite useful kitchen skills, that includes how to sharpen a knife properly, peel off chicken skin and slice carrot quickly. Since I haven't really been cooking since I live in Malaysia Hall (we are not allowed to cook), my cooking skills has really gone rusty. Thus, it is good that I'm working at the kitchen. I sometimes 'jeling2' the recipes while the chef is cooking. The recipes yeah, not the chef.

2. I learn about the ethnic differences. It is normal that we see men eat more than women. But ethnic background influences that too. Somalians and some of the Arabs really eat a lot. I mean like A LOT!!! like, nasi tu berbukit-bukit. Kadang tu dtg kedai skinny mcm bilis, nasiknya minta bergunung. oh, yeah, it's a Malay-Singaporean Restaurant, so they serve Malay food.

3. I learn how to be nice to people, even when I'm tired, busy and moody. That fake smile and happy "hello, how are you today sir?" are pretentious... but somehow, it can cheer you up just as well. even temporarily. I find that it makes me happy when someone returns a smile and greets me back etc. That adrenaline rush when there are lines of people waiting to be served, in the nervousness of being a newbie, I'm continuously repeating how are you, how can help you and forcefully plastering a smile on my face... It makes me feel good.

4. I learn to say sorry more sincerely. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when you are new at something. I'm a lousy cashier, always make mistakes at keying in and remembering codes for the menus.But everytime I made a mistake, I said sorry... to the customers... and surprisingly, the locals, I mean orang puteh are more forgiving than many other races. oh, more on ethnic background.

5. Malaysians are not the most berbudi bahasa. This is quite related to the above point, and point no. 2 as well. I'm most happy at serving orang puteh. First, they say thank you. At the age of 24, I learned that being appreciated is one of the best feelings in life. And saying thank you does a lot of that. Bagi sudu ckp thank you, tunjuk air kat mana ckp thank you, ambik duit dari tangan dia pun cakap thank you. Dahla tu, senyum selalu. and as I said, they are forgiving too. Rarely they frowned if I did something wrong or made them wait. They'd accept my apology and say.."that's allright"... Ada jugak org kita berbudi bahasa... but meh! not that many though.

6. I learn about business here and there. Not so much though, but kinda gives a good insight of what it's like to run a kedai makan. since it's a small restaurant, the tauke turun padang, the kitchen isn't so big and I can pretty much here every business discussion they had... I think I've got something... ahaha.. what are they? hmmm... rahsia la...

7. Money doesn't come easy. My salary is hourly based. I'm beginning to compare every expense with the number of my working hour. ahhaha.. damn you capitalism! :D

Okay, I think that's all for now.. but hey... any of you can add to the list? Selingan, makcik tu masak taufu sedap laaaa. I think I'll miss her sweetspicy taufu.

should I become a full time housewife...
 I'll get myself a stylish apron. ahaha

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Lifebuoy

Hi, I'm updating again....

It feels like I've been literally living in the present these days, I live my life, as commonly say, going with the flow. Although, I don't live to the common understanding of the phrase, I once said to a friend, that we are the 'flow' of our life. As in, what happens about our life is predetermined by the things we did prior to a circumstance. Therefore, there's really no 'going with the flow' in which we often refer to a situation which we do not make decisions but rather succumbing to fate and go along with it. Deciding not to decide is after all a decision, a predetermination of 'the flow'.. urgh! am I making any sense? Anyway, all that I was about to say is I need to start making plans. 

Upon listening to a friend laying out his plan A, B, C, D, E.......Z, I feel like I need to start planning out my life rather than loitering around, solely waiting... waiting... waiting... for.. I don't know. a miracle?

To be honest, I don't feel like looking for a job yet. ahaha. But hey, what am I going to do with my time if I don't look for work. As I often say to myself, financially speaking, life is either making money, or spending it. I think every breath has a cost and benefit, since nothing comes free. The air is free, but the electricity, the water that you drink as you get exhausted breathing, eh!. ahaha. well. I'm being merapu. but you get what I'm saying. oh, btw, have you watched In Time? I think that movie is fantabulous!

So, other than working as a waiter/kitchen hand at a restaurant here, which I plan to quit after tomorrow, I need to start thinking seriously about my future. The time has come, to be a person, a useful one.

So I am laying out my plans here instead of scribbling in my organizer which will soon meet its end and being replaced, just to remind myself that I do have a plan(s) or more like aims. or is it  more like a things-to-do list. ahahah... anyway, here is all the above or whatever you wish to call it.

1) Quit working as a waitress
2) Email JPA for Elaun Tamat Pengajian (money! yeay!)
3) Finish up CV and Portfolio
4) Graduation
5) Job Search
6) Holiday plans, where to go and whatnot
7) Souvenir Shopping (see if its necessary)
8) Pack Up for shipping, second round! ahhaha
9) Balik Malaysia! (woohooo!)
10) Holiday in UK! (loooooooking forward!!!!)

11) Must start looking for jobs seriously!
12) Lapor diri di JPA
13) Find a job around Penang.
14) Tak dapat, then go to KL or maybe Singapore. eh!

Once dapat kerja and onwards......
Bekerja dengan bersungguh-sungguh menjadi manusia berguna... selama setahun... kumpul duit.... nak pergi...

15) Jeng jeng jeng.... SANTORINI!!! ahaha... okay, that's not the ultimate aim of couse.

16) I'm hoping, after 3-4 years, I can get an Ar. inshaAllah....
Ar Nur Asriah. aiceh... only then, I can really call myself an architect. :)

17) Ada rezki, cukup capital, ada partner atau investor... I'll be starting my on firm in 5-7 years inshaAllah.

Ada plan hidup yang tertinggal ka? Apa? Apa? Apa? eheheehe... oh, yang itu....
That one is difficult... who doesn't want it, but it's something I cannot plan alone, especially when you don't see anyone to 'ajak' plan along. ahhahaa. I think eventually, I'll go traditional. Mak said, I have a year. huh? so that makes the plan #279 ahahaa... apabenda mengarut ni.......

In general, the future seems uncertain but quite promising, the past was full of colors and the ugly ones are getting bleaker. The present is wonderful. I sometimes feel like, I have everything that I need for now... and a boyfriend is not needed, for those who had asked. ;)

After all, Allah SWT is the Masterplanner. My dear readers, spare me some duaas for my success and happiness. 

InshaAllah, inshaAllah...inshaAllah... he'll give us what's best for us. 

Love, we only have two weeks.

My memories are fragmented. 2 weeks left. This heart is as heavy as a mountain. I'm going to miss not just the place, but all the great friends I met. Who's to say that we will meet again? Not every opportunity comes twice. Hoping for a missing chance to revisit is the beginning of a regret.

Malaysia Hall Melbourne.
I will write more about this place. A place I never thought I would spend approx. 24 months of my life. Here, I met not just friends, but family. I'll remember this place... but most of all, I remember every happenstance.

As the saying goes;
"we do not remember days, we remember moments."

Mc-ing on MHRC Night (Malaysia Hall Biaanual Dinner)
Aishaah, an 8 yr old girl I have grown fond of in the last few months.
It is always so easy to love a kid..

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Missing you, already!

You know that feeling when you miss something/one that sits right before you. in front of your eyes, knowing that you prolly won't see it again.
That is exactly how I feel right now, as I stroll down every park and street of Melbourne. I am already missing Melbourne! oh, how heavy this heart of mine! Maybe I won't come back here... or even if I do, it'll be in a far unthinkable future. I love this place, but there's nothing for me here. 5 years, and it should be it. 3 weeks left, everything begins to get sentimental... like every petal of a rose given by a lover. I want to remember you forever...

Oh! I know I'll miss you. I know I'll miss you dreadfully.
I don't really wanna leave you. but I have too. I don't belong here.

My dear, I have to go back to where I used to be.
But you, in my heart... will always be near.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A Possum is Not Awesome

Imagine waking up to a possum staring right into your eyes. His/her face so closed to yours. The eyes glistened as they pierced right through you. 

No no no. Maybe it wasn't the stare that woke you up. It was his/her fur that brushed against the bare skin of your arm. It was a momentous touch that happened for only a tiny second of your life but left a permanent effect on the spot where the intact had occurred. It was fast, instantaneous... perhaps it was longer than you realized for you had been sleeping when it began... but you woke up as you felt the caress... you thought it was a dream...

and you opened your eyes.... there, a possum of a size of a fat cat... standing on your bed, in front of your face. Glaring at you... eyes to eyes....

I wished it was an imagination, I wish it was dream. But it wasn't....

I am Zoophobia. 
I jumped off a chair when a cat passed through my legs. I borrowed other people bathroom for there was a dragonfly in mine. I woke my dad up in the middle of the night to catch a frog in my toilet back at home. I cried when I saw a kangaroo running towards me in a the Wild Life Park. I had weeks of after effect on my palm after forcefully attempted to feed a wallaby. I am scared of animals.

Now tell me, how do I forget what happened last night. I still feel the touch of the possum in my arm. 


I think I'm a bit psychologically damaged now. There's inconsolable 'geli'-ness that I can't get over. urgh! 

The possum previously used to stand outside of the windowpane, for hours... and stare into the room. I never thought he/she would have such a courage to get into the room, onto my bed! and last night, when I woke up and switched on the light... he/she run out frantically to the same spot outside the window pane, turned back to me and stared innocently... like, like... like it never came in. huh! belakon!!!

Lesson: Shut the windows properly at night. 

For those who do not know what a possum is, here's a photo of it... and a wiki link...

urghhh! tgk gambar ni pon rasa nak muntah and nangis. 

I need to jerit one more time...


I need a way to get this geli-ness out of me. Help!

Friday, November 18, 2011

About Worrying

It occurs that what worries us the most isn't really about not getting an opportunity to do something that we wish to do, but rather the decision we made upon every chance presented before us. We human, worry about consequences, for it is a lot easier accepting the fact that something is not meant to be ours given the matter remains out of reach. But once an effort was made... we worry about not getting things right or achieving what we had imagined we would achieve before the decision was made ... we human, worry about failure.

A famous quote says that...

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

There is only a single 'what if...' if we denounce a chance and that is..

"what if I had taken the chance to..." 

but it would be hundreds of them.... if we had walked the path....

"what if I did not say that....
"what if I took it slower....
"what if I have tried harder.....
"what if I am a lot forgiving....
"what if I had said No...."

at the end of the day.... we suffer the same.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Tamed Giant of Kuala Lumpur

Here's my final project for everyone to have a look at. Click on the image for a larger view.

This project is a polemical response to the Malaysian Government’s proposal to build yet another mega tower as a landmark for Kuala Lumpur in the Petronas Twin Tower tradition. The proposition responds to significant public disproval by providing an alternative design to the existing 100-storey mega tower proposal, and in turn seeks to answer whether built form, other than a high rise tower can become a landmark for a city or region? 

The critical architectural act is defined by a simple and vernacular process of ‘braiding’. In this case the two separate towers of a Petronas Complex are ‘braided into one’. The two are bonded, separate things united, unity suggested. This is envisaged as an appropriate landmark metaphor for a multi-racial country.

A further insight is possible...imagine this...the mighty tower now lies prostrate. It is reclaimed by Kampung Baru, the last remaining urban village in KL. It is as if the tall, proud capitalist giant has humbled itself to the low, almost slum like urban nature of the traditional village. Between then and now the traditional village has reclaimed the tower for its own. Big and little, Rich and Poor dwell together. 

“The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together, and a little child will lead them.” - Isaiah 11.6

And the outcome? A tamed giant, a 12 storey, strangely familiar built form nesting into the medium rise zone on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

You're Attractive To Me!


How is everyone today?
ahaa.. that sounds a little like a teacher or maybe a tv presenter or maybe some boring dj in the lamest radio channel. oh, do you know that I once wanted to be a tv presenter or a dj. I think I blogged bout that before. 

Anyway, today, I would like to write about charms or attractiveness. eh! whats up with all this formality.. ahah.. this post should be a brief one. 

What defines attractiveness to you?
I've been browsing through Lat's cartoon these few days for my major project. Since my project looks very much cartoon-ish, my sv, Neil suggested I should present it more like a comic, and make it very Malaysia-ish.. thus, I decided to present it in the manner of Lat's. I tell you man, it's difficult to copy something as great as that.

ah! this is so nostalgic! I think I called in tumbui instead of tumbung. Image taken from here.

Browsing through some of his cartoons took me to various cartoonist/ artist websites, effectively dragging me into endless admiration and awe. I think, people with artistic trait are very very very charming! regardless how they look. I know I always have a thing for people who writes...or should I say, those who rhyme? ahhaha. I love to rhyme myself, though it's never as good as a hymn. Anyway, all these cartoonist or artist are just fabulous in their very own way. They have their own strokes/style, their own font, their own bubble box... so much about the artist in an artwork. how can every of them manage to find their own individuality when there are like... I don't know billionsss of them? Maybe there are some similarities but still... you can tell the different.

I remember how I used to adore Kazuya Minekura. I used to like Saiyuki very much. oh, here's my recent sketch of a character in the story.

I copied it somewhere ofc.
Prior to that, I used to collect Blues untuk Aku if any of you are familiar with the series. I like Sireh and his Student Life, and AIE of course, then Jakalll who came a little bit later than the two aforementioned. (I remember emailing him a couple of times asking about drawing techniques and whatnot). I had also tried making some comic strips back then, but I gave up... why? because I found myself copying the artists I admired rather than having my own styles. Sad. I think when it comes to drawing, I only know how to copy. I guess, that's why I like to draw portraits. here's some portraits of friend that I've drawn. 

Ok, this post seems to take a different direction. ahahaha.. and haven't I said that it should be a brief one? hish. Anyway, see those two portraits... I drew both, but they don't seem to possess similar style. you think? I think if I should become really good at drawing pun... I won't have my own style. Sad!

Dahla...should just give up on drawing, all heart out for identity quest in architecture.

Anyway, I think I'm a little jealous too with all these talented people and their uniqueness. Oh, yes, that's the word. Uniqueness. I'm all for unique. ;) Dear all talented people, stop being so attractive to me.

I sometimes randomly hum a silly prayer
"...send me a poet.... send me a poet..."
 maybe I should ask for a cartoonist/painter too. ahaha.

or... will I ever meet a poet who draws?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

How I deal with fireflies in my tummy?


A friend, upon knowing how I never had any exam except 3 minor tests in 5 years study asked how do I really cope with presentations, don't I feel nervous or anything.

I guess for most architecture students, weekly presentation is like going to the toilet in a cold wintry night. It's  torturous sometimes, but we gotta do it anyway because to wet your mattress during winter is the worse decision ever, It ain't no sun to light it dry, leaving you sleeping on the floor for the following months. Damp and dirty mattress will invite bedbugs... and, oh, you know what they do... ok sudah2.. the analogy is getting to far... but who wets a mattress even in a other season? baloq sungguh. eee. pengotoq.

Anyway, most of us can actually do the presentation subconsciously... u know, like how you p** with your eyes half-opened/closed. It's just something we used to do. fullstop.

Nevertheless, for major presentations... as for me, I still get fireflies in my tummy... No matter how many years I've been doing it, it's still feel the same, every time, especially when I know there'll be a list of well-known scrutinizers architects as my guest critics.

So, how do I keep the cool?

1. GET YOUR WORK DONE!!! / Be prepared. Kalau dah kerja tak siap2 sah2 la ketaq. tak upaya la. Asriah, nanti tolong print awal2 sikit.

Hahaa.. takdak gambaq nak letak.
2. Dress well. When I was in high school, I used to join forums and some other public speaking competitions, Bahasa Melayu la tapinya... and I remember preparing the night before making sure my uniform is freshly washed and ironed. I would also laced up my shoes tightly. That was the reason why I wore laced shoes during high schools although most girls would go for normal pump shoes. Brogues are my favorite now. These days, I would think on what to wear a day earlier as I always face incurable indecisiveness in deciding on daily outdoor attire. Sometimes I would iron and hang it next to my bed if the presentation should start early in the morning. But normally I would just iron on the day. Ya, saya mmg rajin iron baju. sampai stakat ni smua yg jd roomate kat hall ni teguq. takdala suka. tapi habit. pastu kdg lupa tutup iron. -_-". Anyway, I think, "when you look good, you feel good" kinda works for me. Plus, when you know you look presentable, you at least have one thing less to worry about. Make sure your attire is appropriate and comfortable though, not just pretty or nice. I did mistakes too sometimes, like how I wore skirt for my last presentation not realizing I had to climb and crawl to setup the presentation. Expect the unexpected. But don't get too excited, to an extent... hari lain pucat macam nak mati, mai nak present, tudia aih mulut merah... tebai setimba... 6 kilometer nampak dah bibiaq dia. dress moderately. Like last time, I wore black and white since my presentation panels were all very colorful. Nak orang tengok kerja ka, nak orang tgk hang? Ok. dah... I should prolly write a separate post for this... ahhaha

3. Be confident. but how? I know it's not easy to get THE confident. Aside form point #1, you have to believe in what you're going to say. 'Know' them well but never memorize the text (if you had any) word by word. If you did, once you forgot... you'll just go blank. It happened to me before. I got lost and didn't know how to pick up where I left. Also, do not read up or at least, don't read too much from text. It's ok when it comes to quotes... but if you just read from the beginning to the end, your presentation tends to sound like this "--------------------------" and it's BORING! Same goes to slides presentation. Avoid placing long texts or paragraphs. Use points and BIG and punchy font if suitable. Say it slightly different form the slides because apparently your audience can read. Also, to have the confident, you really need to believe in yourself and your authority in telling people what they (just assume) don't know.... and throw your voice as you speak, at least... it fakes the confident even though it's not really there.

4. Drink enough water. I'm not suggesting to eat which is actually quite necessary. It's your mouth that should do the talking not your tummy. But in my case, I most of the time prefer not to eat (much) because when I get too nervous, I always feel like vomiting, and if I had eaten, I would then end up vomiting causing me feeling tired and all. I always keep a bottle  of water with me. Maybe carry something to munch. Buah-buahan ka... oh, tapi yg sesuai laa.. satgi makan epal krukrakkrukkrak... hingaq kot.

5. Talk to the critics, or maybe just anyone. Anxiety piles up if you keep quite. But don't create a scene laa.. org present kat depan dok potpetpotpet stail anak mami kat blakang susah la. If you had a chance, talk to the critics... I find this helps, because presenting to a complete stranger who would later criticizes your work is rather...hmm intricate? I don't know how to say it, but to put it simply... talking to your critics eases the tension between you and them, thus it makes you feel easier when it comes to 'telling' them your work. It's like warming up. 

6. Unless you must, don't pay too much attention on other people's presentation. ahaha.. why? Intimidation is one. Common... let's get real, won't you get intimidated when the person before you were all pumped and praised up by the critics? or what if the critics were so mean...what if the person's works seemed fine to you but he got bogged down so badly. what if... ahaha.. ok... my point here is, our emotion is usually quite unstable before the presentation, thus... all the 'if-examples' can sometimes demotivate us. Thus, listen... but don't give too much heed. I sometimes go out  for a little walk from the room when it gets too intense pretending like going to the toilet. yeah, I think they were some presentations in which people would have thought I got kidney problems. Or find a distraction, like texting friends or twitting... I don't know.. it depends on you.

7. Last, but the most important one is to tawakkal to Allah. Say bismillah, recite the prayer of Moses. After all, Allah is the most powerful of all. He makes it easy whatever He wills. If Allah were to test you with difficulties, no matter how you've prepared... it won't be as easy as you wish. Pray. jangan prepare nak present sampai tak solat. 

There go 7 points from me. Cukup la kot. I think my points are more on doing architecture presentations... maybe some are quite unrelated to you. Mind to share yours?

*I prefer fireflies than butterflies. ;)

Friday, September 30, 2011

My Awesome Neil

Thursday was somewhat momentous. ahaha.. that prolly sounds a bit too dramatic. Anyway, I had a second mid crit for my major project. One last public review before the final presentation in November. I was all nervous since the night before. I really shouldn't be for I've been doing project presentation for like almost five years till now, but somehow, I was indeed not quite myself. I had a restless night like a typical-night-before-crit, in which I would either had no sleep or sleep like a sheep jumping on a trampoline on his two feet. I mean, tidoq jaga-lena-jaga-lena....

Unlike many other students, I was asked by my supervisor to prepare slides presentation other than 3A0 posters that go on the wall. I didn't finish the slides until like 30 minutes before the crit session started. It added to my nervousness that I had never set up the built-in projector in the allocated studio room where we'll be presenting. Being the only person using it, it was all up to me to set it up and I couldn't do it earlier that 6pm since there was a class running in the room. I was worried, like what if the projector didn't work, what if I couldn't use my laptop but the provided computer in which my animation might not work properly etc etc. and out of all days, I made a wrong decision wearing a skirt on that day. Putting up 3A0 posters-vertically aligned on the wall turned out to be quite a challenge. I am petite. I had to panjat up and down to pin up the massive sheets on the wall. Luckily some friends did give a helping hand. and for some reasons the projector cables had to tangled up behind the pc table, leaving me crawling underneath like a spider in a skirt. ahhaaha.. imagine doing all of those dgn control 'ayu'nya. note to myself, don't wear a skirt for the next crit.

The presentation started at 6pm, I was the third last person on the list. Everyone was given 20 minutes to present their work plus getting feedback from the critics. My sv Neil wasn't there when the session began. I thought he would be maybe 20 or 30 mins late for he's not an RMIT staff. He had to come all the way from his office after work. He's prolly hungry and went to grab something for dinner first. He's quite old btw. kesian dia kalau lapaq. one presentation after another and kelibat Neil masih tidak kelihatan. The weather was bad. The sky has been very upset for the last couple of days, maybe Neil was stuck in the traffic or so I thought. The clock stroke 715 and he's still not there yet. I began to panic. The thought of presenting without my sv was devastating. None of the critics had a clue about my project. And I don't have any other sv-mate, I mean, some svs tutor a few students, but I'm the only Neil's student. Neil's the only person in the world who understands my project and every time other sv 'backup' their students in the presentation, I felt scared. oh! what would happen to me? I got no one to back me up, not that Neil definitely would, but I know he won't let me get abused by others. ahaha.. I texted him but he didn't reply. My calls were pickup my the voicemail. =(

I waited and waited. The pain of waiting, oh! heaven knows. I've became so anxious when the person before me (according to the list) was presenting. I was upset and didn't feel like presenting at all. But posters were up. the slides turned on, I had to go anyway, with or without Neil. I said to myself, 'hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakeel'...

As I braced up myself and ready to go, one of the critics told me that Neil had just called him and said he would be there in 30 mins or so. So they moved my presentation to the last. What happened was Neil's flight had just touched down from Sydney, the flight was delayed due to the weather condition. I received a text from Neil as well, saying the same. I don't know how to describe how it felt. But I was reminded by the moment when prophet Ibrahim placed the knife on prophet Ishmail vein for the sacrifice. Then Allah revealed that he has completed his task and replaced with a lamb. How relief was he, how light must his heart felt to not actually sacrificing his son. Maybe it seemed totally unrelated and irrelevant to you. But I was extremely relief and grateful. It felt like, sunshine after the rain. My heart and head felt light instantaneously.

Neil arrived. My presentation went quite well, alhamdulillah. and I'm hoping the final one will be the best of all. ameen.

That day I learned that, sometimes... Allah tests us like that. He made the most probable thing end up seemingly like it would never happen and gave us no other option but to move on with whats left on us. Like, having your supervisor to be there for your presentation is the most common expectation of any student. Never had I thought I would have to go without Neil, thus I was very unprepared. But there I went, almost crying and felt so down, but eventually redha that I had to present anyway... and right before I present, Neil walked through the same door I had been staring for the last three anxious hours of my life. and of course, he had his reason for being late. To have Neil coming straight away from the airport is a blessing. I am grateful. He must've been very exhausted after few days of out station works and all. Thank you Neil. you're my awesome supervisor!

Kita jangan bersangka buruk dengan Allah. We planned, but Allah is The Master Planner. As commonly said, if its meant to be, it will be... it's just the matter of time. Waiting can be dreadful but if you're pleased with whatever Allah has decreed upon you. you'll do just fine.

It's just the matter of time... ;)

Here's some snippets of my project btw. Hope it'll serve as your eye candies after my long icky post.

"what in the world are you designing Asriah?"
ahaha... I'll write up about my project later. insyaAllah. when the time is right ;)

p/s: Neil Masterton is an architect from ARM here's his profile.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Less We Forget

Remember when you knew nothing but the face and voice of your mother. Remember when you liked everything including the striking red worn out sandals of your neighbor.

Remember when the sky always felt so high yet so touchable by the sunlight penetrated through the gaps of your fingers, your breath always felt so fresh, your mind was as light as the wind breezing the lovegrass lawn at the back of your door where you used to sit in the midst of it and got up with the seed heeds all over your pants.

Remember how a rainy day never grieved you, instead it called for joy of a mud bath and outdoor shower. Remember how rainbow always amazed you, leaving you wondering weather there was really a box of colorful floating ribbons and magic art tools at the both ends of it.

Remember how everybody pleased you, even just a smiling stranger. Remember, remember... remember how everything was so beautiful including me and you.

I think I remember, I hope you do too.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

One Stressful Post

I always find it a bit 'poyo' to always use 'stress' as an excuse for something. Eg; to get angry at others, to act sick, to skip classes, to apply for special consideration for late presentation/exams, to cry like a baby out of the blue.

Nevertheless, I think I in my not-so-right-mind do all the above except applying for a special consideration because as for me, no matter how stressful a situation can get, alhamdulillah... I always find a way to keep up with datelines. So it is what it is, saya jugak poyo lah mcm tu.

Anyways, we all have our own ways in managing stress... eg; shopping, p bertumbuk dgn org, tidoq tak bngun2... it always good to channel out our negative energy as long as, tak menyusahkan orang. apparantly, kalau p shopping pakai credit card cik abang tu, kesian la.. bertumbuk ngan org tu lagi buruk perangai.

There are also many reasons why someone gets so stressed out Workloads is a common example, a good and acceptable one. but there are many other reasons too, some are quite privacy... and in cases which you cannot share with others for reasons of appropriateness, or you stop sharing in order not to annoy others with your never-ending grief... it could eat you up. like seriously.. it begins to affect your health.

For example... sometimes it makes you heart go sprinting with no reasons. funny eh. But hey, the world does not revolve around you. the world goes around with or without your heart sprinting, I mean beating.... sometimes, you have to deal with it. if it's pain. painful it is. if it's stress, stressful it is.

Trust me, I've had ECG done, and the doctors said "it's stress"

Haha.. what a random post. anyway people. don't always buckle up inside. go talk to someone who cares. it'll help. don't let stress ruin your health.

smile, for smile sometimes is equal to.... happiness ;)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

On Happiness and Frantic Leap


There had been too many unpublished posts for the last couple of weeks. whilst writing this, my heart is wishfully praying that this one would be a finished post albeit part of me is confidently saying..'no, you're not gonna make it, u don't really have much to babble about tonight, u're not gonna talk about mat sabu or prof zainal kling, not even commenting on somalia or even 9/11 anniversary...u'll fall asleep halfway through the writing...' oh! that monologue was prolly unnecessary, a bit too much for an intro yea?

So how are you dear readers (if there were any laa)... blogging often feels like throwing words into space relying on the luck of random projectile motions, wondering or maybe more accurately hoping there'd be some wanderers with too much time in hands aka stalkers, stumbling upon it and subconsciously reading through all these words that may or may not carry any meaning to his or her life.

How is life getting on for everyone out there.. eh! this sounds so redundant...anyway, I sometimes sit on a tram, looking at strangers and wonder whats really on their mind, what sort of life are they living, what are their worries, are they happy? sad? anxious?. hahaa.. do I sound like I've got nothing to wonder about my own monotonous life to be so curious about others?

Well, I suppose, my life isn't so monotonous, maybe not as roller coaster as others but it does have its ups and downs. UPS and downs. oh, speaking of the two, how often do we complain about all the downs but rarely remember and be grateful for the ups. That goes to me most of all. ahhaha..

I've been contemplating about happiness a lot lately... about what makes someone happy, what really makes a happiness? is that an unexpected shiny day when you've had all your umbrella or poncho prepared for an outing, or a sweet surprise of chocolate and flowers from friends who care?

I am often reminded by Ibn Taymiyyah words, he said something like 'if a person does not find happiness in this world he is unlikely to find it in hereafter'. Thus, I sometimes feel scared when I grief. Little things as the aforementioned examples can definitely give temporary excitement. at least to me, they do... but I guess it all goes back to the most basic and tak-payah-cakap-pun-org-tau, it is to feel sufficient or content with what Allah has given to us.

This matter has been written and explained far too many times by Muslim scholars and philosophers. I'm not elaborating on that. But I'm telling you my dear readers (which might only be a future me), for an average person like me; to feel content takes a lot of faith. Faith in Allah SWT who's testing us with all sort of miseries... and... it is He-knows difficult. But no one ever says that to attain happiness in hereafter aka entering the jannah is easy.

I'm jealous of people who whenever is tested with hardships, he feels content, smiles and says "Allah is enough for me".

Hang on, why am I writing this? oh yeah! I'm trying to be a happy person. Am I sad? well... I guess we all have our own sadness at some point of times. Kalau tuhan bagi seronok sahaja, lupa daratan kot. I just feel that.. hmm how do I put it; would it make me a bad person if I should say I don't feel like I'm grateful enough? What else do I expect from this life? I have a loving family though I do not live with them, I have so many amazing and caring friends, I'm getting good education, living in a reasonable place, eating proper meals, wearing nice clothes, breathing clean air etc etc (which of the blessings will you deny?)

Of course, at this age, well.. 24 and.. umm, single? is quite something to think about. THINK about, not-yet worry about. Therefore, it shouldn't be so bothersome right? ahaha.. As I had spoken to many girlfriends of my age, the pressure is actually quite there. A really close friend is tying a knot at the end of this year, a few friends recently got engaged. there are 'blooming' babies more like mothers, here and there? ahaha.. I sometimes don't know how I feel. like... am I jealous? no I guess not, I'm excited every time I heard a friend is walking down the isle, eh silap I mean getting on the dais, eh tak jugak... takda sanding2... I mean... you know, completing the other half of his/her religion. It's exciting!!! Alhamdulillah!

It's just... for some strange-reasons-God-knows-who-can-explain-this, I feel scared. You know how we all are traveling on different paths in this life, some took the one less traveled. They aren't many people there... prolly met a few other travelers when the paths crossed, but paths only crossed at a junction... oh a junction is a junction, no one stays there for too long... everyone will move on to the path that is destined for them, and me... walking, so carefree... meeting new people and bidding goodbye at every junction... there would always be some familiar faces at some of the many junctions which sometimes lead you wondering while wandering weather are they following you or viceversa. There were moments when you'd expect them to end up taking the same route as yours but after a while you just get used to waving goodbyes.

What I really find scary is, to suddenly having a stranger you've never met in any of the junctions you've traveled to suddenly cross your path and does some kind of frantic leap entering your route. huh! *gasp*.. or maybe, you are the one doing that. ahahaa...

Okay, this post has gotten a bit too much. But life is sometimes like that, full of surprises, and surprises are good when you are not fainthearted. ahaha... Anyway, this post isn't totally about me, it came out of sembang2 I had with friends recently.

I don't know how to wrap it up, but all in all.... I'm trying to be happy person and prepared to be happy with whatever Allah would bestow upon me. Should I do a frantic-leap?

Monday, August 29, 2011

O' Stranger

I came to RMIT (my uni) hurriedly this morning.. worrying not be able to get any computer to work on for I wasn't as early as I should have been... there are only a few computer labs in this design school and during weekdays like this, some of the labs are used for teaching and only one or two are available for students, and most of the time, if you're late... most of the computers are already taken... Since my computer is now old and lazy, not to mention making sounds like the engine of an aeroplane.... I prefer to work at RMIT, the computer is faster, the softwares are all uptodate, faster and unlimited internet connection, I procrastinate less etc etc etc....

Anyway, on my way here... as usual, I took a tram... however the pakcik tram (driver) seemed to be a little careless this morning, he stopped the tram so sudden causing me who was standing without holding on a thing to loose my balance andddddd.... fell... well, almost did. but was saved... by a stranger... *say: aaauuuwwww~*

In that instance... it occured to me that sometimes in this life, it takes a stranger to catch you when you fall.

Thus, be kind to strangers... and be a good stranger too.

Oh! and I arrived at RMIT just to realise there aren't many people around or any class running... which reminds me.. this week is actually a holiday.. its the spring break. oh well, my supervisor refuses to acknowledge the cuti ponnnn...

here I am at RMIT, still having this strange fuzzy feeling from falling on a stranger... haha... and sitting on my favourite spot at the computer labs. I like this computer, it's at the corner of the room. I can see the whole room from here :)

ok. I should start working. oh btw... enjoy these final days of Ramadhan. ;) Allah Bless.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

New Addiction

I didn't know that Hamza Namira has a new album, Insan, after Ehlam Ma'a (Dream with Me) until today... now I'm so addicted to this song. I like that most of his songs in Insan ain't so melancholic... so refreshing!

ياما نفسي أعيش انسان قلبه على كفه
Oh how I wish to live like a human being who carries his heart in his hand
كل اللي بردانين ف كفوفه يتدفوا
All those feeling cold would find warmth in the palms of his hands

يضحك يضحّك خلق الله
When he laughs all of God’s creation laughs
يفرح يفرّح كله معاه
When he’s happy he makes everyone else happy
إنسان جواك وجوايا

A human being inside you and me
إنسان له حلم له غاية
A human being who has a dream and an aim

اللي معاه على طول مش ليه
He’s always giving away everything he has
ولا حتى روحه ملك إيديه
And he doesn’t even own his own spirit
جواه في قلبه ونن عينيه
Inside his heart and in the depths of his eyes
شايل أمل وشروق وحياة
He carries hope, sunrise and life

إنسان بيحب ولا يكره
A human being who loves and never hates
إنسان شايل أمل بكره
A human being who has hope for a better tomorrow
بيبان في الشدة ويطمّن
He appears in the midst of hardship and reassures others
ولا خان ولا عمره هيخوّن
Never has he betrayed nor will he ever accuse anyone of treason

كلمات: حازم ويفي
لحن: حمزة نمرة

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Creepy Me in my Poems

For the first time in my architecture-life, I'm bringing my poems into architecture. What's more interesting is, I use my poems in their original form, by this I mean, in Malay language. Now everybody in my class knows how Malay language sounds like. ahaha...

The project is pretty much investigating the space between poems. The atmosphere of hearing two poems recited simultaneously. Sounds that make space, space that's defined by sound. Seriously, I don't really know how it'll work out... but hey, just having some experimentation with stuff a bit off-architecture... a break from my headache major project. Plus, I kinda enjoy making people listen to my poems without expecting them to understand a word... rather then, reciting to a bunch of people who understand but couldn't 'appreciate' them... and yeah, I receive some flattering comments from 'mat-salleh' course mate like...

"when something is well written, even you can't understand it... you can kinda tell it"

hahahhahahahaa.... ok.

here's how my superimposed poems sound like.

Spacebetweebpoems01 by asriahtalib

*heyyyyy! don't laugh!**malu la mcmni*

creepy much ey? hahaaa... I myself kinda like how the word 'mati' singularly ends the poem... *psycho alert*

they seem to enjoy it though. and.. oh! these poems are I guess the most emotional ones I had in my collection, well... I mean among those that I published on the blog. of course there are a lot more psycho emotional insensible poems in my private collection. hahaa...

rasa kena record lain, dahla record malas2...if you notice in one of the poems I miss pronounced the word 'tiada' as 'tayada'... hahaha... punya malas nak rakam lain... such half-assed recording for the sake of the assignment. now I know that I have to make a public installation, I better re-record it properly.

anyways...since the tutor wants to 'immerse' in my voice (that's the exact word he used)... I guess, I gotta make them creepier... so that he'll get goosebumps!!!

this is so mengarut.

oh, btw I just realise that it makes me smile when people call me a poet, but for some unknown reasons, I feel like I have to put on a serious expression when I was called an architect.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Holy Floral Pattern

You do not know how much what you say on fb or twitter can affect others. or at least make others think. for example, a brother on my twitter tweeted;

"a sister's reading Quran on the tram, mashaAllah"

This left me pondering about people's perception seeing me reading Quran on a tram. I don't do it frequently, in fact I rarely carry Quran around since I use iphone for there's an apps for it, but now that its Ramadhan, just like many of us I try my best to increase my Quran reading as much as I can... and travelling over an hour to and fro almost everyday gives me quite a chance to flip through my little holy book. I used not to mind what people think, especially the non-muslims. I sometimes like how that sort of thing kinda become a conversation starter. but to make 'an impression' on other muslim, is the least I wish to do.

To's some kind of guilt to present yourself better than what you are. I feel ashamed if people had given a better impression than my true self. I wonder if any of you had ever felt this way too. I don't know how to explain this. It's just, people kinda give you a good perception and somehow through the complexity of your mind, it turns into an expectation that does not meet up the actual condition. and, it's a shame, on me! huhu.

So today, I clothed my little green Quran with floral pattern wrapping. Unless you peep through, no one knows what I'm reading. I don't know if it's good or bad. but the matter of heart, is always hard to justify.

O'Allah, grant me hikmah in every decision I made, big or small. Ameen

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Mengomel on Major Project 01

I guess the more we think about it, the harder it seems to realise.
The question I myself put forward is the one that's hindering me from moving on.
Oh, my fellow Malaysian....please tell me

What is really our identity?
When Malaysia is mentioned, what's the first image that comes across your mind?
other than food?

What sort of pictorial quality and tangible idea should I look at, without being socially bias of course? I mean, songket is too Malay, Bak kut teh is too Chinese and Sari is too Indian. Is there any cultural element that really belong to all of us.

(jangan ckp 1Malaysia boleh tak?)

This is difficult. T.T

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The Wait

Life can be pretty funny sometimes.... like how it keeps you waiting for something which is already yours... or hoping for something which you'll never have. but...

as, a friend said to me, why worry for something you do not know. Especially when you have a lot of other important (certain) things to worry about. ;)

The only very certain thing about life is, it will end. Lets strive for what's worth it. Ramadhan is coming... semoga sempat sampai and hoping it to be the best of all the previous Ramadhan. Plus, this would prolly be my last Ramadhan (here).

Monday, July 18, 2011

Mail it to Miss Kiambang ;p

I used to write little notes to myself when I'm in distress and put them at random places, just wherever I feel like hiding it. such as in the deep of a drawer, in the pocket of my organizer, in my arts box, between books or just pin it to the soft board.... It cheers me up when I discover them after sometime. hahaa. It occurs that... when you're down, the only person who can lift you up again, is yourself... and only Allah Jalla wa A'la can give you the strength you need.

I just found one today. It can be quite tah-apa-apa... but hey, I made myself smile today. hahaa... *narcissist much!*

Friday, July 15, 2011

This Place

The naive and inexperience me never thought I would end up falling in love with this place, to an extend... I wish I could stay and build a life here. haha... I love Melbourne.

I would have to go back still... for a lot more love than merely a love for a place, a place that never was and never will be mine.

Opss... too soon aihhh to sedih2... a semester to go yo! praying for the best semester in my 5 years here, inshaAllah. 

“Allahumma la sahla illama ja-‘altahu sahla anta taj ‘alu al hazana eza ma shi’ta sahla.”
“ Oh Allah! Nothing is easy except what you have made easy. If you wish, you can make the difficult easy.”

All the best to whoever needs the best in life ;)

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Everything sounds possible, achievable.... until you start putting them on paper and begin to work it out. By then you know, it's bloody difficult. 

oh well, as I was told, if life is as simple as a game strategy in which after a few levels you'd start to understand the pattern and move and be able to anticipate the next... it won't be interesting, perhaps... not worth living.

yes it is not a game... but still, it needs strategy... life needs to be carefully planned. what the future will be like, we can't forecast. maybe it won't rain tomorrow, but at least... last three years I've bought myself an umbrella, and I have it in my case in rains the day after tomorrow.

I need to let go some of this baggage. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Spider Gone Mad

Is it true that, if you tell people that you have the best/ the most precious thing in the whole wide universe, no one would ever believe in you? that... it is better for you, not to say anything... or people would just think you're insane.

Is it true that, if you must always hide a matter, it is in some senses, is a crime? or to some people.. whom it may or may not concern, or who may or may not concern you, it is rather offensive?

Is it true that, if too many people know about a thing that you believe is about to happen which you're somehow still quite curious about how it's going to happen, it will never ever happen... you would then have to blame it on the expectation. Expectation kills, curiosity has retired.  

I don't know which one is which, which one is true. The spider has gone mad. Oh, but I know, in this world , there is you. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Obedient Wives Club

The first time I heard about it, I was like... LOL...! now, there's a club for that? ridiculous!
anyways, I took that as  a joke, but later realized...woooaaah, these guys are pretty serious. They even made it international yo! haha

I wonder what's the main motivation that leads them to this. Educating women to be obedient? Teaching domestic housewife skills including, how-to-treat-your-husband-in-bed by comparing to the first-class-whores? what the..! or just a way of asking some acknowledgement from the male species that we're trying realllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy hard here to please you.... awwwwwww~  I supposed the club provides them with certificates too... that's what you got after every seminar or skills training, aite?

So the next time the husband complains, the wife can pretty much go;
 "abang! I taatt, ni ada sijil tau... jangan main2"

Godness gracious! they made men seem like such a pervert species on earth. 

and don't we have enough women's right and feminist group to deal with all of these concerns of being women/wives?

now the Sewing Club joined by a friend sounds a lot more sensible to me.

Ladies, don't you have anything else better to do? Yeah, go on... get busy with the club.... tgh hari lupa masak nasik! Ops!

I don't know... just think women should empower themselves with something better. Come oonnnnnnnn.

Yeah yeah.. I'm prolly being a pessimistic. oh well, what an unmarried girl* knows about being a good wife. but btw, I rather remain unmarried than being compared to a prostitute. Thanks!

*or maybe a person like me needs some lesson to become obedient. Kelab Isteri Taat, that is! ;p

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Itsy Dipsy Spider Trying To Get Higher

"Don't wish upon the stars... for stars themselves are made out of wishes."

I guess the problem with human mind "my mind" is; it acts more like a spiderweb. The heart, well my heart, is the spider. Every little thought or information is the catch... and this spider... sometimes can't tell whether the catch is edible or not. Poor little spider. 

Sure it's gonna be a mess if all the bugs and flies stuck on the web are left uneaten. But that doesn't mean you should just scrap them all in my dear spidey. That's okay. A web doesn't last very long anyway. They gonna fall down, and you gonna have to keep fixing and rebuilding it.

Every bug you've swallowed isn't gone. They become a part of you. and that's the problem, when the catch is poisonous.

But hey, you're not just any spider. Don't fall sick so easily. Let some of the catches left embedded in the web, thicken and strengthen the structure of the weave. You! don't eat them! You're not just any spider. You're a Tarantula. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

You and My Mama ;)

I'm very busy right now, but can't help to share a little story about my family. 

My parents live next to my late grandparents, on my father's side. When my grandpa was sick, she took care of him, until his last breath. Then, my grandma... also, until she breath her last. 

A few years prior to that, she took care of her mother, the mother that raised her, I'm pretty sure if she ever met her own mother, she'd do the same... I was young, I don't remember that grandmother very well. But I never forget how she suap makan and mandikan her every day.

She also cared for my dad's half blood aunt.. and a few other people I can hardly remember. They all lived with us. I remember, when dad renovated our house, she reminded him to built a dedicated room for the sick... which now has become my room.

Mum sometimes said, "I took care of many elderlies until Allah took them away from me, I hope Allah won't abandon me when I'm old"

It occurs to me how amazing my mum is. I've seen how hard it is to care for a sick AND old person. Even a sick person sometimes gets on your nerve. I wonder if I could be like her. 

I thank Allah for having my sister in law Kak Sarah. When it comes to taking care of people, she's like a clone of my mum, just a modern version. :) To me, you're the answer of mum's prayer. InshaAllah... 

Thank you for always be there for them, and jaga mak ayah very well! You're too, amazing! like mak! I have a lot to learn from you.