There had been too many unpublished posts for the last couple of weeks. whilst writing this, my heart is wishfully praying that this one would be a finished post albeit part of me is confidently saying..'no, you're not gonna make it, u don't really have much to babble about tonight, u're not gonna talk about mat sabu or prof zainal kling, not even commenting on somalia or even 9/11 anniversary...u'll fall asleep halfway through the writing...' oh! that monologue was prolly unnecessary, a bit too much for an intro yea?
So how are you dear readers (if there were any laa)... blogging often feels like throwing words into space relying on the luck of random projectile motions, wondering or maybe more accurately hoping there'd be some wanderers with too much time in hands aka stalkers, stumbling upon it and subconsciously reading through all these words that may or may not carry any meaning to his or her life.
How is life getting on for everyone out there.. eh! this sounds so redundant...anyway, I sometimes sit on a tram, looking at strangers and wonder whats really on their mind, what sort of life are they living, what are their worries, are they happy? sad? anxious?. hahaa.. do I sound like I've got nothing to wonder about my own monotonous life to be so curious about others?
Well, I suppose, my life isn't so monotonous, maybe not as roller coaster as others but it does have its ups and downs. UPS and downs. oh, speaking of the two, how often do we complain about all the downs but rarely remember and be grateful for the ups. That goes to me most of all. ahhaha..
I've been contemplating about happiness a lot lately... about what makes someone happy, what really makes a happiness? is that an unexpected shiny day when you've had all your umbrella or poncho prepared for an outing, or a sweet surprise of chocolate and flowers from friends who care?
I am often reminded by Ibn Taymiyyah words, he said something like 'if a person does not find happiness in this world he is unlikely to find it in hereafter'. Thus, I sometimes feel scared when I grief. Little things as the aforementioned examples can definitely give temporary excitement. at least to me, they do... but I guess it all goes back to the most basic and tak-payah-cakap-pun-org-tau, it is to feel sufficient or content with what Allah has given to us.
This matter has been written and explained far too many times by Muslim scholars and philosophers. I'm not elaborating on that. But I'm telling you my dear readers (which might only be a future me), for an average person like me; to feel content takes a lot of faith. Faith in Allah SWT who's testing us with all sort of miseries... and... it is He-knows difficult. But no one ever says that to attain happiness in hereafter aka entering the jannah is easy.
I'm jealous of people who whenever is tested with hardships, he feels content, smiles and says "Allah is enough for me".
Hang on, why am I writing this? oh yeah! I'm trying to be a happy person. Am I sad? well... I guess we all have our own sadness at some point of times. Kalau tuhan bagi seronok sahaja, lupa daratan kot. I just feel that.. hmm how do I put it; would it make me a bad person if I should say I don't feel like I'm grateful enough? What else do I expect from this life? I have a loving family though I do not live with them, I have so many amazing and caring friends, I'm getting good education, living in a reasonable place, eating proper meals, wearing nice clothes, breathing clean air etc etc (which of the blessings will you deny?)
Of course, at this age, well.. 24 and.. umm, single? is quite something to think about. THINK about, not-yet worry about. Therefore, it shouldn't be so bothersome right? ahaha.. As I had spoken to many girlfriends of my age, the pressure is actually quite there. A really close friend is tying a knot at the end of this year, a few friends recently got engaged. there are 'blooming' babies more like mothers, here and there? ahaha.. I sometimes don't know how I feel. like... am I jealous? no I guess not, I'm excited every time I heard a friend is walking down the isle, eh silap I mean getting on the dais, eh tak jugak... takda sanding2... I mean... you know, completing the other half of his/her religion. It's exciting!!! Alhamdulillah!
It's just... for some strange-reasons-God-knows-who-can-explain-this, I feel scared. You know how we all are traveling on different paths in this life, some took the one less traveled. They aren't many people there... prolly met a few other travelers when the paths crossed, but paths only crossed at a junction... oh a junction is a junction, no one stays there for too long... everyone will move on to the path that is destined for them, and me... walking, so carefree... meeting new people and bidding goodbye at every junction... there would always be some familiar faces at some of the many junctions which sometimes lead you wondering while wandering weather are they following you or viceversa. There were moments when you'd expect them to end up taking the same route as yours but after a while you just get used to waving goodbyes.
What I really find scary is, to suddenly having a stranger you've never met in any of the junctions you've traveled to suddenly cross your path and does some kind of frantic leap entering your route. huh! *gasp*.. or maybe, you are the one doing that. ahahaa...
Okay, this post has gotten a bit too much. But life is sometimes like that, full of surprises, and surprises are good when you are not fainthearted. ahaha... Anyway, this post isn't totally about me, it came out of sembang2 I had with friends recently.
I don't know how to wrap it up, but all in all.... I'm trying to be happy person and prepared to be happy with whatever Allah would bestow upon me. Should I do a frantic-leap?