Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Day Minus 4, 3, 2


Oh God. Arrived home on Saturday and suddenly everything went by real quick. And it's Monday today. I'm scared.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Day Minus 8

I have fever and everything that comes with it.
Coming home after work today, I was a girl with a mission. I'm going to do something with my stuffy nose because I couldn't bear breathing through my mouth, it makes me sound like a whale and cough more often.

I read, somewhere on the internet (u know, like after an hour of scrolling through 'how-to' google search results) that inhaling steam helps your breathing.

So, in desperation to de-congest my stuffy nose, I boiled some water, poured it into a bowl, and carefully carried the bowl into a table, so I could sit, put a blanket over my head and inhale the steam...

It turned out, I wasn't careful enough... while  carrying the hot water to the table, I lost balance... and the steaming hot water spilled over my hand.

Lesson 101, if you're having a severe headache and can't barely walk properly, don't be so ambitious with yourself, you know like carrying a dangerous object while walking or... carrying a bowl of hot steaming water even for a short distance.

Consequence 101, padan muka nanti tangan buruk. I don't think it'll heal in 8 days. (Now googling: how to treat scalding)

The mission was however considered partially successful. The burn hurt so much, and I cried... and crying turned out to be an effective de-congestion.  well, at least temporarily. haha! I called mak because I don't know what to do and feel so miserable.. and useless....frustrated, self-loathing, knowing that I can't even take a good care of myself, how am I going to take care of someone else. 

To you, I'm sorry :(

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Day Minus 15


There is no turning back from where we are now,
 I chose you. Once did, forever do. Meow. 

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

On That Matter

Do you know what I love the most about you?
I am asking, because I don't know.






That convinces me that I will never fall out of love with you, 
because a love that stays for no reason, shall have no reason to leave.
InshaAllah.


734, 876 seconds to go.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Monday Flu-es.

uhuk uhuk uhukk uhukk...

its monday,
and I am home. alone.

I've been feeling ill since yesterday, and woke up this morning with a heavy head. I dragged my feet that carries my body to the washroom. I felt so fragile. Prayed two rakaat of fajr and my mind made up, 'I'm not going to work today'.

It's cloudy but warm as always, I wrapped myself in a thin blanket and rolled up on my bed. I imagined myself as a half-cooked sausage. My body is warm, but its cold at the same time, I could feel the chill.  I am a hot sausage topped with a layer of frozen lettuce and carefully wrapped in a room temperature pita bread, that is my blanket. I closed my eyes, or I think it was more like, they closed themselves. 

I slept for two hours or so and woke up to my own violent cough. I need to see a doctor.


Friday, August 16, 2013

Aku

Sejenak di rumah bonda lewat hari raya yang lalu, di suatu pagi saat merenung ke luar jendela lama (sbrnya tgkap baru sbb baru renovate tukar bingkai, tp lokasi sama) yang telah berapa org 'aku' menembus pandang di situ, aku bertanya pada diri, siapa aku sebenarnya...

Kebelakangan ini, media menyiarkan tentang keganasan dan gambar-gambar yang menganggu tentang situasi di Raba'a, Mesir, terus jiwa semakin terganggu, melihat senyum para syuhada, melihat hancur tubuh manusia, Allah... kerdilnya aku rasakan. Terasa murahnya nyawa, dekatnya mati, lemahnya upaya dan syaitanya manusia. Aku menangis dan meratapi situasi di sana, spt saudara kita yg jauh adanya, aku kirim hanya dua'a.

Aku masih mencari diri,

Lahirnya aku dalam sebuah keluarga yang sudah 'kembali' mendekati agama, aku diajari solat sedari umur 7 tahun, ayah sedia pukul sekiranya enggan. 19 tahun menunaikan solat, belajar semula tatacara yang lebih sempura melalui buku sifat solat nabi karangan al-albani lebih kurang empat tahun yang lalu... aku masih bergelut-perang untuk khusyuk. Ada kala masih terasa berat, sarat benar hati ini dengan dosa... siapa aku sebenarnya.

Dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang mempunya kecenderungan terhadap ilmu agama, aku diajar perihal aurat dan akhlak yang sempurna, pernah pada satu fasa remaja, aku terikut jua arus mahu bergaya tidak kira apa cara, alhamdulillah tuhan masih kasih, tudung masih di kepala, tetapi lupa juga sejauh mana Allah redha dengan busana. Pada hari ini, seperti kebanyakan wanita, masih terpaling wajah pada perhiasan indah, sehingga kadang aku malu, apabila lupa pesan ibu, lupa pesan ayah, apakah sebenarnya pakaian wanita solehah? Siapa aku sebenarnya.

Kadang-kadang berbicara tentang agama, dengan rakan dan taulan, ada sedikit ilmu aku kongsikan, boleh meyakinkan dan kadang kala menimbulkan perdebatan dan perbincangan, sehingga aku tertanya, untuk apa aku bersuara, apakah aku benar-benar ikhlas bercerita untuk ilmu dikongsi bersama atau sekadar mempamer pengetahuan dan menunjuk ketokohan keturunan, ampuni aku yang tuhan. Siapa aku sebenarnya.

Mereka bilang, bila seorang, kita lemah, lalu pernah mengikut jamaah. Cuba bergerak untuk dakwah, separuh jalan, aku punya perbezaan fikiran, menghormati mereka dan mengakui kelemahan diri ini yang tidak mampu seiringan, lalu kembali sendirian, dan kini seperti tidak kelihatan lagi dimana letaknya aku dalam spektrum luas manusia-manusia yang bergerak menyampaikan kalimah tuhan, aku kembali mencari, siapakah diri ini...

Tinggal sendirian di kota, jauh dari keluarga, pelbagai rencah hidup menguja lebih banyak bala dan bahaya, aku mohon perlindungan tuhan yang Esa. Kadang kala terasa sempurna, kerjanya elok selesa berkereta, rumah, sekalipun sewa tenang di awan sana, mungkinkah aku lupa untuk bersyukur seadanya, ini rahmat Tuhan yang sementara, ujian juga untuk yang mengetahui. Alangkah pelupanya seorang hamba.

Aku masih berusaha mengenali diri, masih menenun busana iman yang nipis sekali, agar aku punya kekuatan untuk sentiasa mengingati Tuhan dalam setiap gerak nadi kehidupan.

Semoga kita semua menjadi orang baik-baik.


Aku menangisi kelemahan diri ini yang tidak mampu berdoa untuk menjadi seorang syahid. Terasa alangkah lemahnya. Doakan aku moga diberi kekuatan untuk betul-betul seikhlas hati mencita-citakan syahid.



Monday, July 22, 2013

Ramadhan 2013

Assalamualaikum,

How is your Ramadhan so far? My ramadhan has been, if not awesome, alhamdulillah..not so bad. I just came back form Penang yesterday but I already miss home. I seriously don't enjoy Ramadhan in KL much. It was better in Melbourne, it was much much better in Penang. No, it isn't just about the food and family. It's about the environment that facilitates the appreciation of Ramadhan. KL is always too busy. I hate the evening traffic. I don't like the idea of driving to the masjeed alone to pray tarawekh to which my dad advised, the best place for you to pray is in your home. So from now on, No more going to tarawekh alone. I'm gonna miss the imam's beautiful recitation. It takes a whole new level of motivation to pray tarawekh at home, alone... Allah... I wish I were married, so I can go to the masjeed with my husband... haha

Speaking of being married...

I had my braces off about a month ago, and I remember coming home to mak saying, jokingly;
"yay dah buka braces, boleh kawen?"
to which my mak replied; "haa, dah sedia ka nak jadi isteri?" 
and I only answered with a nervous laugh.

The question stroke me like a thunderbolt. 

Who doesn't want to get married? 

I bet there are people who don't want to be married for reasons only them know, but for most of us especially ladies in their mid 20s and beyond who are in their right mind, are spending, if not everyday but someday or another, waiting... waiting for that right person with that magical question "Will you mar........"

But the question here is, are you ready?

Like many other big events in life, the answer is... I don't know. Truth is we never really know when we are ready, take going to an exam for instance, or having a final presentation, do you always feel ready? There is always a chapter you feel you don't memorize enough, a formula you've partially forgotten, a cloud of information you brain fails to comprehend. Take death as the most extreme yet the best example, how many of us can confidently say, I'm ready to die today.

I, at this state of continuous struggle to take care of my eemaan... all I could say is I don't know, BUT, if I die today I wish and I want to go to Jannah.

Therefore, same goes to marriage. I don't know. I'm turning 26 soon inshaAllah, age wise, I'm beyond ready because girls get married at a younger age. But as an individual, a woman, I cannot promise that I can be a perfect wife. There's always a little self doubt, an endless internal conflict bubbling inside, a series of rhetorical questions and negative thoughts like, 'I'm a lousy cook, my husband gonna hate my cooking, I always forget to press the rice cooker's 'cook' button, I'm too skinny, I need to build more curve, my Quran recitation isn't perfect, how do I teach my children?, ' I get mad and cry at silly things, can anyone ever tolerate my nonsense etc. Sound petty, I know but here *pointing at my head*, there are a lot more complicated dialogues going on deemed inappropriate for blogging....haha.. Nevertheless, if I ever get married, I wish and I want to be a good wife and mother.

Do I sound unrealistic?

Again, I don't know. 

But we all wish for the best, don't we?So whatever is coming your way pray hard. Because Allah is near and He listens.

Have a blessed Ramadhan.




Thursday, May 30, 2013

Glasses Off




It occurred to me that I always take my glasses off whenever I need to focus on doing a serious task. Like when I have to resolve a complicated detailing on Autocad. Or when I need to proof check construction drawings,  Or even when I want to compose a new poem.


So if it happens that I take my glasses off when I talk to you, please know that you have attained my full attention. Please know that at the instance my glasses leave my nose bridge, and the moment you see my naked Asian eyes blinking earnestly although not very attractively, the whole world has become unimportant, the surrounding is just a bokeh of lights and sounds, and for that very glorious moment the only subject that matters in the whole universe, is you.


Although sometimes, I just need to wipe off the greasy marks and fog on my glasses. :)



Friday, May 10, 2013

Rintihan Hati Rakyat

Seperti kebanyakan daripada kita, saya turut merasa rimas dengan isu-isu pilihanraya yang bertebaran di setiap media dan dunia maya, seolah-olah tiada kesudahan.

Saya juga menjadi hairan dengan beberapa orang kawan-kawan yang selama saya kenal akan mereka tidak pernah berminat isu negara tiba-tiba menjadi penganalisa politik terkemuka. Menyebar cerita dan membenarkan segala yang dia percaya, seolah-olah tiadalah yang betul melainkan apa yg ada dalam kepalanya dan sehaluan saja.

Saya mohon perlindungan tuhan supaya saya tidak begitu. Sedaya upaya saya cuba tidak menyebar sebarang berita di facebook twitter atau mana-mana tanpa usul periksa. Ah! Nak mengusul periksa pun begitu seksa rasanya dengan kacau kicau bilau semua orang berkata.

Orang muda. Orang muda seperti saya, ya, saya rasa saya muda biarpun ibunda saya sering mengomokkan tidak lama saya akan jadi anak dara tua, saya bersangka orang muda seperti saya boleh terima, yang Barisan Nasional itu sekalipun mereka menang pilihan raya, tidaklah mereka itu betul semuanya. Ada juga yang tak kena. Saya juga percaya. Anwar Ibrahim, sehebat mana perjuanganya, dia tetap tidak maksum. Segala tindakannya masih boleh dipersoal dan dipertikai. Khilafnya ada.

Tetapi saya silap, manusia itu, tidak mengira usia, kalau fanatik, fanatik juga.

Kita semua, sebagai rakyat, perlu buka mata, tapi tak bermakna semua orang perlu buka mulut. Pilihanraya13 mengajar saya untuk menjadi pemerhati atau bak kata orang kampung saya 'more observant'.

Alhamdulillah, saya rasa saya masih berkenalan dengan dunia. Banyak kejutan tentang manusia.

Oh ya, kuasa. Sebagai rakyat, kita memang kena mampu tunjuk kita ada kuasa terhadap pemimpin, bukan pemimpin terhadap kita. Kena mampu ajar pemimpin. "Kau tak boleh buat kerja?, jaga kau next election".

Tahniah orang Kedah. Biarpun ada yang tak gembira dgn keputusan, tapi saya rasa teruja sebab berjaya tukar kerajaan negeri setiap penggal. Saya rasa negara pun patut macam tu. Tapi bila kali tu tak tahulah.

Letih dan Kecewa. Saya dah tak percaya mana-mana. Cuma yang dah ada kuasa, janganlah menjadikan kekecewaan rakyat seperti saya ini semakin parah.

...dahla gaji belum naik... harga barang dah... baru haritu ingat boleh balik kampung tak payah bayar tol... ah! 


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Because I don't simply throw coins at a pauper

There was an article I read a few months ago with the title "Why is the child sleeping in the arms of a beggar." Although the source an authenticity of the writing is questionable, the points written worth a little attention and perhaps, more contemplation. I don't have kids myself, but I have lived with my nephews and nieces. Kids, being themselves, at such age, they don't sleep all day long. They run around and cry. Remember the last time you walked past a beggar with a child. What was the little child doing. Sleeping? And try to recall a couple of times before the last times you walk past them. Was the little creature sleeping too? Next time, you might want to try remembering the child's face, and see for yourself if the next time you walk past the same mother weather its the same child sleeping on her lap. It was mentioned in the article, from an investigation (insertyourskepticismhere) , the children were drugged to keep them asleep and in some cases, they died. So the child will be replaced with another one, kidnapped from some unlucky mothers who fed and clad them well and let them run around instead of sleeping all day long on the street.

Remember the last time you went to mamak with your buddies and they were a visually impared pakcik and a lady in baju kurung and tudung came around asking for some change? And next, you were having a lunch at a stall in the midst of KL rushing hour and the pakcik and the lady in baju kurung came for more donations and it seems to be a recurring coincidence that you wonder if they've been stalking you until it occured to you, its a different couple every time  And, one of these days when you find yourself having a little extra minutes to mind other people's business, ask the lady in baju kurung how is she related to the pakcik. I am quite positive the answer would be "I am the wife". So its a trend now to have a wife dragging their blind husband around town to make a living. Is this the image of a healthy society? Have it never crossed your mind that they might not be operating independently? With every dollar given, do you think you are really helping this blind pakcik or are you feeding some fat-ass mafia who is practically manipulating the less-fortunate ones to feed their greed. A modern form of human slavery, clad in the name of charity.

I like the idea of building more and more schools along with improving the quality of our teachers, as I always believe we need to have less children in a class so every child will get more attention from the  teacher. Thus, at  every opportunity, we should all take part in this, because improving the quality of education is working towards a better future for our children, my children. But, having a 12 years old boy walking around town or  knocking door to door asking for donation to build a new madrasah in a remote Kedah suburb, on a Wednesday morning when all the other children his age are in school is not what I had in mind. The organizer seems to be rich enough to bring the boys all the way to KL from Kedah, provide food and accommodation to do the collection albeit in dire need of money to build a new two storey blocks portrayed in a worn out pictured carried in the boy pockets with a title Sekolah Tahfiz written in Arabic calligraphy.  How can you build a  school at the expense of another child's education? Ain't that boy supposed to be in school. Why is he begging on the street at this hour? "So boy, you are from this so called need-expansion sekolah tahfiz, now recite to me surah Al-Baqarah verses 10-25. Or easy, how about one of the surah in the last juz'. An-Naba' perhaps?" ....and see, how he startles... 

Fellow Malaysians, are these the image of our dream society? Or am I the weird one who finds all the aforementioned scenarios are such a social nuisance. Do I hate paupers? No, I don't. Some of them are really poor and in dire need of help and life being life, has given them no other choice but to beg on the street. Nevertheless, I am skeptical about whose hands are actually receiving the money. Could it be that, instead of helping the needy ones, we are feeding the begging syndicates... and I strongly believe, this industry survived, because we Malaysians are too generous.....

...and maybe because the government is not trying hard enough....what do you readers think?


Can we expect changes after The General Election, regardless whoever wins.


Throw a vote for the right one. So latter you do not have to worry if you're throwing money at the deserving ones.... or not. Cheers.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Dear Saturday.

It's one of those weekends when I don't feel very well. Health is one of those blessings that you only realise when it's gone away. And I sit here in my little cradle with a cup of tea that often turns cold before my third sip.
Dearest tea, you've gone cold too soon.
who is going to warm up the aching pores of my old soul now.
Heat up.

I look out through the sliding door in my balcony and notice a little bird poop on it. It is white like toothpaste, but disgusting because it is a poop. Most of us, would agree that poop is disgusting.
Dear birdie, I love your songs but your business here, is not welcome.

I hear a faint cry of a lawn mower. I imagine the lawn mower man wearing a budenovka to cover up his head from the heat, with a towel underneath the cap, covering half of his face and absorbing his gracefully falling drops of sweat.
Thank you for doing a job that most of us refuse to do. I hope you love your job like I love mine. 

I hear a sound of metal pots clicking. I guess the neighbour has started cooking lunch. It's nearly afternoon. I wonder if I should start cooking too. It's very challenging to cook for one person. There is always a bowl of soup left, a few scoops of rice sticking at the pot, half of the omelette untouched, half loaf of bred gone mouldy, I don't want a house-mate though. I just need someone to eat with.
Thank you neighbour, for reminding me of the time.

I caught myself fan-gazing again. My head is running wild. It takes me to a pretty face of an admiring lady I met, a very respectable and successful lady. She has all my respect for the knowledge and working attitude. Oh how I adore her entertaining bubbly character. Then, I learn that she is struggling with her married life.
Life. Stop reminding me that I cannot have everything.


Dear Saturday, how many fail attempts does it take before someone decides to really really really give up?

Monday, April 1, 2013

Back!

Bismillah....

April it is now. I can hardly remember the last time I wrote anything here and what kind of fuss was it. haha. Anyways, yeah... I've been busy with technically everything. From settling to a new home, adjusting with a new workplace, learning the traffic, reviving my cooking talent (assuming it existed in the past) to getting to know new people as well those I might have known in the past. At some point of life you might be brought back to where you were once, it could be you might end up working at your school, university, hometown, you might end up working with your schoolmates or just simply meeting them again in a casual gathering after, say 10 years. When this happens, as for me, I take it as a new experience, those familiar places and faces are as strange as anything/one new. Things change, people change after all. And as the saying goes, the only constant thing in life is; change.

Speaking of change, have you ever felt like something inside yourself is changing or growing. Not physically, perhaps spiritually. You can hardly comprehend or justify, but you know something is going on. You become more acceptable to many things yet remain selective. If you are quite a giver, you finally learn to hold on. The curiosity you once had when you were little, now revisit in a different form, dressed in an agreement to disagree. This is hard, I can't even find the words to say.

oh! Perhaps this is what moving on is like.... or perhaps, I am just getting old. haha


A'la kulliha, Allahu musta'an. ;)

will write again soon inshaAllah.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Miss Planny



Maybe I am a bit too obsessed with getting my life mapped out and planned.
I'm always busy keeping tracks and pulling out dates for almost every event
No matter if it's certain to happen or just an expected coincidence
I jot down with an almost macabre sense of confidence.

7 years ago when I started using a planner I was still a student
It was filled with dates for classes, exams and dues for school assignment
Today I am an architect with lots of meetings, site visit, pending submissions and appointments
But writing a planner is becoming more like an obsession, I recorded almost every occurrence
holiday, sales and bills, my favourite snacks expiry date and sometimes the weather condition
I put down the day I expected my shoes to get worn out and probably need to buy a new ones
And if I had missed something, it will be backdated at an instance

I am obsessed with pre-arranging and scheduling everything that sometimes
dealing with people can give me annoyance, like asking 'when?' and not getting the answer
Don't you give me a 'soon' or 'someday' because I don't know where they fit in my calender
I prefer a definite date like February 9th, April 25th or maybe 28th of November,
Or maybe if you like me to calculate, don't hesitate,
 'Monday next week or 3 weeks from today' will just do
I can quickly have a look and work out the date without further ado.

It frustrates me too that there are a few things I cannot put into my schedule
like when will the roses in my garden bloom or when will I fall sick and need to see the doctor
and most importantly when will I fall in love again so I can start noting on dates for anniversary
instead of counting days since the day he left me for somebody who is not very planny.
I wish I knew all these too.

Sometimes I ask myself if I need to unwind a bit
Not to the extend of throwing my planner down the pit
But maybe just maybe try to let life unfolds more naturally
Stop rushing around just to get things done and fulfilling all the activitties of the month
Make plans for what is only necessary like work related or dentist appointment
Leave coincidence to its nature and never should I force things to happen
So maybe, just maybe I can avoid a frequent let down and disappointment

And maybe just maybe I could be happy, at once.



p/s: part of this writing is fictional



Monday, January 21, 2013

On The Other Side of Where I am.

I had a long week last week. From technical meeting on Monday to Site Meeting on Tuesday to 3 days am to pm interaction meeting to another urgent site inspection on Friday. I'm exhausted, flat on my ass at the end of the week that I could hardly enjoy a fabulous Friday night family dinner of ikan bakar at Teluk Tempoyak. kesian kan. haha.

Anyway, no matter how tiring it feels sometimes, I do gain satisfaction with the thing I'm doing. Working in a consultant company has given me such a great opportunity to learn so much about the profession. I love being in charge of a project, flipping through tones of thick heavy drawings and reports no matter how they often caused me paper cuts, rushing to the site under scorching hot Malaysia sun that often makes me dizzy, I love coordinating people albeit sometimes feeling all lost and confused when speaking to the engineers and other consultants, contractors, councils etc. I love discussing technical issues, giving out ideas and solution or even to the extent of making decision. I am learning at a fast rate and improving what I was lacking so much before I started working; people skill. And to be told by my superior that I am reliable and competent is the best self esteem booster. I love being an architect.

My career has just started, I could see clearly although not quiet confidently where I am at and where I want to be in the next 3 to 5 years. But one thing I forgot was to keep reviewing my Plan B.

Somewhere in October 2012, I attended an interview for an Architect position in the Ministry of Works which I was quite 110% confident that I didn't pass, considering the number of applicants and my performance during the interview session. I can hardly say I did ok. But I guess, when you took such a large sum of government's fund for your education, you can't just get away with it. When I just got the offer, I was a tad flat with my feelings. Half of me wished I did not make it through. I have 7 years bond with the government, meaning it is a must for me to accept the offer. I do not have a choice.

But I must be grateful. Come to think of it, I pretty much received a free tertiary education. I do not have to pay back a single penny comparing to others who have taken loan or even ptptn and now are painfully paying back every month out of their limited useful income. I only need to work with the government and it's not so bad. 

I will still hold a position of an Architect although the prospect and even the scope of works are very different. I've been liaising with JKR's architects for the last few months and I could see the differences. I will not say which is better than the other, like everything else in the world, I believe being a government officer has its ups and downs and soon enough I will learn what they are. I only hope I will love my new work and workplace as much as I love being an architect in a private company or maybe even better, I will love it more.

I'll be on the other side of where I am now and let's hope I can make the best of it. InshaAllah.

Oh yeah, by the way, my brother suggested that I should get married before settling to a new place in case they put me somewhere out of Penang. So, should I launch like a 30 days to find love mission or something of that sort? hahaha. 


Saturday, January 12, 2013

When Love Arrives


"thank you for stopping by....."






This was in Melbourne, I would have been there if I were still in Melbourne. They are awesome, I know. Perfect pair. Not in a romantic sense. 

Urgh.. why oh why didn't you guys visit Australia in 2011. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Reality unfolds not the way we were often told.
All in all, Allah knows best.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Of Kids.

I was baffled with the story of a 13 year old trying to rape a woman at a Shell Petrol Kiosk. And today another story of a 14 year old committed suicide. 

At that age, I was trying to get used to a hostel life, making more friends, curing homesick, keeping good scores at school and saving up monthly pocket money for a little shopping with my sister at the end of the month.  Those things were like my greatest struggles. These kids, I wonder what kind of childhood did they have. 

God, I don't even know if I should be mad or sad for either of the story. And as a woman, you can't literally trust anybody, not even a kid with an innocent face. God...

Being a parent these days must be very challenging. I don't know if I would make a good mother. 


. . . . . . . . .  
In a parallel universe...

As I came back from work, a seven year old neighbour who was playing near by told me that I looked pretty today. Awwww~

But then he also asked if I had some change so he could buy some ice cream. duh! haha. pandai betul.

And why must he has the same name as yours. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

And Today, The Boss Was Mad.

I had a hard time at the office today. The boss was mad at me. 

However, I learned one valuable lesson.

No matter how hard I try, or how much confidence I had, I need to stop myself from pushing too hard. I have my limit and still have heaps to learn. I should not rush into doing things or trying to do everything at the same time. Take things slow, not too slow that I would be left behind... but slow enough to avoid choking while chewing and digesting all the new experiences and information. 

I made mistakes. I admit it. I believe admitting your mistakes is a step towards maturity. What's next? Be responsible? If you broke something- fix it, If you lost something - find it, If you took something - admit it, If you hurt someone - apologize, If you love someone - tell her. Ops! haha.. the final 'If' may or may not be a mistake. 

What was my mistake? I overlook a structural discrepancies between engineer's and architect's construction drawings causing some funny! 3000 mm cantilevered heavy slab without a proper reinforcement. I should have chased the engineer to come out with the correct drawing before the beams and slabs were casted on site but I was too occupied with some other projects and I totally forgot about it. I took the blame. 

So the whole evening I held a mesyuarat tergempar with the engineer and site staff trying to figure things out. Actually, it wasn't very tergempar because I needed to take a deep breath, calm down, drink coffee, re-evaluate the problems, shut off the emotional turmoil, go to the toilet yada yada... haha... but sitting down and discussing calmly is the key to solving almost any problem. 


p/s:  Dear someone, I wish I could talk to you and tell stories, but it's impossible, right?