Thursday, March 31, 2011

Vacuous Waxing

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum... 
fuh fuh *tiup tiup... kuis kuis habuk sikit*

Apa khabar orang kampung? Lama sudah tak berjumpa. Haha.. Saya di sini sihat-sihat saja, sekalipun semakin gagal membezakan terbit mentari dan senja.

Do you remember when we were young, when we have absolutely nothing to worry about? Well.... I don't. If I were to trace back my childhood memories, it'd most probably begin when I was 6. 

People say, you can't really remember what you were worrying yesterday, but I do remember some of those troublesome moments; like the anxiety of not knowing where to hide and drink my daily milk during my sister's wedding reception... they were telling me it's shameful for a 6 yr old to still drink from a baby bottle. Also, about the brother in law. I was very attached to my big sister and the thought of her getting married scared me.. it felt like someone's snatching her away from me, thence I plotted a murderous scheme. hahaa... the plan was to dig a deep narrow hole in front of the house, cover it up with.. well, something (ok, I don't remember exactly what it was then)... I'd direct the brother to the hole and when he falls into it, I'd pour sand and cement. (construction materials were always pretty accessible around the house). The plan wasn't executed of course, because a few days prior to the wedding, that awesome brother bought me a really huge set of colour pencils. yeah, I was bribed. Fullstops. 

Kecik-kecik ada hati nak buat jenayah! hish.

As we're growing up, we begin to worry about many other things... we worry about ourselves, people around us, either we hate or love them... some are very trivial, some are really important... and all of these years and years of worries or any sort of disturbing thoughts just never really go away. They pile up and transform into memories... which, you can eventually look back and laugh it off...but those worries that were accompanied with frozen anger became one of the worst sort of negative feeling; bitterness. 

Ok. That was the ugly side of it, On a different note... there's wisdom in everything. How do you know and be concerned about a matter if you're not worried about it? How do you know how much you really love a person if you're not afraid of losing them. and how can a man know the strength of his faith if he had never been tested?

We can't really get away from worries, can't we? It's a part of life... however, lets pray and try not be so affected by it... shall we? and always know where to turn to.. :)

"Oh Allah, I seek refuge with You from distress, grief, incapacity, laziness, miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from being overpowered by men”.

Dear ayah, I beseech Allah The Great, The Lord of all Throne to heal you. Ameen. May you get well soon.

I love you so much.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Arranged Marriage

I'm feeling rather frustrated that I wasn't placed in my most preferred studio.

Oh, I better explain a bit about balloting.

Here in RMIT, the design studio (class) placement is a bit unique. We are not placed to studio according to year or semester. First of all, we are all classified by levels. To complete up to master course, we all have to do 9 studios (level 01 - level 09) + 1 semester of major project. 

The levels are divided into 2. Lower pool (level 01-05) and Upper pool (level 06-09). So now, I'm in upper pool  level 09. The highest and unfortunate level of all. haha... why it's unfortunate?

Let me explain.
In a studio, there will be mix of levels. Being in an upper pool studio means, you'll be in a class of students from level 06 to level 09...and being a level 09 student means, you're the senior, the most experienced, and tutor(s) will have a lot expectations on you. The assessment is also based on levels.

What's balloting?
No. Not for choosing a president. At the start of every semester, there will be a session in which tutors who'll be running studios for the semester will give about 5-10 minutes talk promoting their studios. Usually there'll be 15-25 studios per semester...and students must select 4 out of all, conventionally fill up a form, place in a box and wait for the result.

I rarely had more than 2 studios that I really liked...and again, I'm one of the unlucky people in the world who rarely got in my first preference. however, in previous years... level 9 students always got some priority in getting their first choice.

But the rules say 4. whatever it is... you must fill up four options...and it occurred that, there are so many level 09 students this semester... which explains why many of us don't manage to get in our first preferred studio.

I'm feeling frustrated because I balloted for the same studio twice (tutor(s) always rerun their studio). I got in my third choice. What's worse, I really really really like the studio which I didn't get in; that I became uninterested in any other studios. But remember, the rules say four, so I wrote the other options without being interested in them.

Anyway, there's nothing else I could do but to accept and learn to like the studio. If I keep hating it, I obviously won't be able to do the semester. Well, I don't actually hate this studio, I don't know yet how it's like. How can I hate it... but all that I know, I like that studio that I didn't get in. I should really learn to let it go. I ain't doing another studio anyway.

It occurred to me, this is almost like an arranged marriage.... in which you're in love with someone else, but the family brings in a few suitors, and at the end the of day they decide who you should marry. You don't hate the suitor, but you're in love with someone else. However, the decision is made and for some reason the person that you love can't take you in. You just have to go along with it, give out your best for the marriage, and learn to love the person who's meant to be with you.

I'm probably a bit too far off. hahaa... but life is giving me a good lesson.

The thing that you like is not necessarily the best for you and vice versa. Allah knows best. :)

"So hello Google Cities (name of the studio) , I'm gonna love you until winter holiday do us apart"