Friday, January 30, 2009


I wrote this, to remind myself of how great my life is and how grateful I should be...and to efface my worries on a few matters....

So many things had happened lately and i learned so much from other people experiences. Growing up in a family of adults is different from any upbringings one might imagine. 14 years gap between me and my brother does not separate us, but somehow i wish i could be a more understanding sister...
My staunch little self always being so defensive upon so many circumstances.. but i guess, I'm beginning to understand my being... Sometimes, i really wish that I don't know much about other people life..sometimes I wish I don't listen to their huffs and puffs... So that, I could live this life freely without worrying too much about..almost everything... But life goes on as it was written, to whine is to be ungrateful... indeed I'm very grateful for this wonderful life of mine... There are more sufferings in the other part of the world.. and, I'm very aware of it...
Enough of this cowardliness... There is no such thing of 'knowing too much'.. In a way, Allah is giving me a preliminary knowledge of a bigger life that I might have to face in the future... Be Optimistic!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Sungguh, agak sibuk 2,3 hari ni memandangkan khamis ini punya mid-crit...
Apapun, dalam lena dan jaga, kisah mereka tak pernah ku lupa... Jangan terbeli dengan pengunduran Israel dari Gaza.. teruskan usaha menentang mereka...

Saturday, January 24, 2009


Happy Chinese New Year, Mak!
Ahaaa.... bu xing...bu xing!!! That will seriously upset my mak... The worst thing to mention in my family is to question about my mak's biological parents. I know, it might not be the 'Chinese' part that would really upset her, but the fact that she was adopted. My mak lived a hard life before, she had once told me that her foster brother was so mean, teasing her that she is 'anak bela'.. owh God, that wasn't teasing, it was insulting... However, i can hardly hide my curiosity, since i know my mak was adopted (I think I was around 14 at that time), I always wish that someday, i could find her biological parents...well, it wasn't just me.. my brothers n sister were once wanted to look for it, but there was an objection from ayah.. I suppose, ayah doesnt want mak to be upset...and, he was right too.. that wouldn't change a thing... but, well.. we are just curious...
Anyway..I love my mak for whoever she is... knowing her past will not do any different...she is my mak, and I love her..n she loves me.. shouldn't ask for more...
So, here I go, wishing all chinese Happy Chinese New Year!~


My 3rd Rally & March...
Alhamdulillah.. May our voices be heard...n changes will follow, inshaAllah...

Friday, January 23, 2009


Yesterday, I went to a meeting regarding Palestine - Israel conflict held by Socialist Alternative. Well, I'm not one of their members even though I, once accidentally gave my details to them. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, these people are doing a really good job. By the way, back on the story of meeting, it was actually open to everybody and I got the info from last rally on Sunday. Along with me are my housemates, Oya n Mas. 3 speakers gave talk on the meeting, forgive me, I can't remember their names but they gave really good talks. One of them was directly brought from Gaza a representative from Union of Health Committees Gaza, he is a nurse there and currently in Melbourne giving talks regarding the real situation in Gaza. I wasn't shocked when he told me that there is no guarantee that all the troops had been widrawn from Gaza even though Israel had announced the cease-fire. Expected. Since when Israel kept their promises n media talks the truth? Because, if u listen to the mass media, it will say that the last soldier had leaved last Wednesday. This is bullshark! (well, I use a cute version of the speaker's word...)

The other speaker is a Palestinian who lives in Australia and had been involving in Palestine issues for years. He told, when he called his relatives in Palestinian asking how they are doing, the answer was ' we are staying but not living...'

I was really smitten by the seriousness of their efforts. It is pretty common to hear people talking about the horrific situations and counting numbers of injured n martyrs. Well, in a way, it helps to call upon public conciusness of this issue but the problem will not resolve. Thing is not as simple as going out yelling n marching on a rally but it is far beyond that. Solutions were discussed in the meeting. Although the implementations might take years but the goal is pretty clear. Well, they talked about 1 state solution, but the representative from Gaza clearly stated that he and his people have no hopes and cannot be optimistic anymore. It is pretty well understood, the issue has been going on for more than 60 years... The wound of Palestinian not just externally.. but those wounds also bleed inwardly. So, one of the goals here is to isolate Israel. They urged Australian Govt to cut all kind of connections and supports for the Zionist. Australian is indeed quite a big supporter for the Zionist especially in financing them, through taxes and etc. Well, it is important to clearly understand here that we are not against the Jewish, our real enemy is the Zionist. If all the west could stop their supports for Zionist, Israel will be isolated. It's a long way to go but we must go.

My mind somehow flew back to Malaysia, thinking of my people... What are they really doing??? Do they really pay attention towards the issue as much as Australians do?? Or is it just kedai kopi's petty talks or 'hot-hot chicken shit...' (hee..) I can't say much because I'm away from home, but I hope, my people is doing much much better than Australians, because to them, this is humanitarian issue but to us..this is aqeedah issue... We need to act... don't just goes to me too. I talk a lot...huhu...Lets make it happen... Ameen...

And ya..another rally in front of state library @5 pm today.. Yallah Melburnian!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Well, 2 posts in a day... the reason is.. well, no particular reason, my previous post was on the world current issue and this is on my current issue.. it's a warm summer night which restrains me from shutting the window and makes the free melody from the jazz club next door sounds louder than ever... I was really trying to do my tech assignment, trying to figure out the structure and bla..bla..bla.. but sticking my brain on that for the whole day really exhausts, i decide to write a post...

Last night, i had a chat with a friend, Malaysian Chinese who is a christian, well, i consider him as a religious christian as he himself proclaimed that he is religious. Anyway, religious or not, that wasn't my main concern.. But, what was really provoking is that he proudly announced that he loves Israel. I know, everyone has own right to side in any side he prefers. But, for him who is, I suppose should be able to see right from wrong, shall be able to tell who is the villain and who is the victim. Thing is crystal clear. Even atheist could tell, let alone a religious christian. I'm not speaking rubbish, but i could see that in here rallies and marches are widely supported by non-Muslims. This is no longer just a religious issue, it's humanitarian.. How could someone who promotes love and peace sided with Israel. I guess, there are more people like him out there and I pray I'll never meet any of them anymore. Even though he said that he could see my point of view but i believe he is far from understanding it.

Last morning, I was alone watching news, there were news on the aftermath of Gaza's attack after Israel had widrawn their troops and seeing the clips of Palestinian weeping while burying their love ones really touched me to deepest of my heart and seeing mothers looking for children tangled under shattered building made me feel even worst. I burst into tears, luckly I was alone, so no one could see. My body and soul full of hatred towards Israel. InshaAllah, it will not only be a feeling, I will do my best to help them. There is a lot of things one could do to help. Donations, rallies, boycott and pray. Please my brothers and sisters, this is the time to recite qunut nazilah in our prayers. Over 6o years of illegal occupation of Israel, but the world kept on turning blind eyes and deaf ears on the issue. This time around, thing should be different, actions shall be taken. I can beleieve how one could wake up every morning without thinking about this.

I remember what did my friend say, people out there is dying because everyone is subject to death. But to me, the way one die really matters. Yes, he is right, everybody will die. But not by being massacred, not by getting blown up n shot in front of love ones, not by being slaughtered like animals. Allah.. Gimme strength to help my ummah...

Homesick. Well, a 3rd year student shouldn't feel this way. But I am. It has not been a month since i returned from Malaysia, but I already miss home. Terribly. I'm not sure what is wrong with me, but sometimes I really feel like it is the first day being sent to a hostel..owh, still vivid. It was like yesterday. The only different here is that, I don't cry in the shower anymore. Haahaa.. Anyway, time flies really fast, if 9 years ago feels like yesterday, 2 or 3 years ago??? Whatever it is, I pray that someday I can wake up and see the independency of my ummah and my brothers and sisters all over the world could live in peace without any oppresion, just like all the black people seen their American dreams come true today, maybe even better. Ameen.

Currently reading Where the street had a name by Randa Abdel Fattah. By the way, pok-kam, Ive seen the book that u've suggested..interesting..but I shall wait for the prize to dive... I bought books on bargain... hee..

AND..yaa.. i need to improve my English....grrr Anyone willing to tutor me???

p/s: to my housemates, thanx for the internet.. sorry that i wasn't helping much :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Yaa..Sekarang dia sudah bergelar presiden, nanti dulu... Lihat siapa disekelilingnya... Orang bilang, jika mahu kenal siapa diri kamu, lihatlah orang-orang disekelilingmu....

Hillary Clinton - Secretary of State
Mungkin kembalinya ke White House mengimbas kenangan lamanya di situ sebagai First Lady dalam lingkungan tahun 1990an. Jangan lupa pentadbiran Clinton yang sungguh militan dan polisinya yang brutal. Semasa berkempen dahulu Obama sendiri bercerita betapa HC mendokong perang ke atas Iraq bahkan HC sendiri semasa berkempan lterang-terangan enggan bertolak ansur terhadap isu Iran. Aduhai sayang..

Robert Gates - Defence Secretary
Jawatan dikekalkan semenjak pentadbiran Bush. Bahkan pernah menjadi Direktor CIA. Bos lama takkan dilupa..

Rahm Emanuel - White House Chief of Staff
Pro-Israel tegar!!

John O Brennan - Adviser on Intelligence Matters & Co-leader of Obama's transition team
Semasa pentadbiran Bush, Brennan mendokong tindakan menangkap dan menyiksa tahanan di tempat rahsia seluruh dunia sebagai kaedah penting penyiasatan. Huh??!!

General James Jones - calon National Security Advisor
Merupakan teman rapat Mc Cain dan terang-terangan menentang sebarang rancangan menarik keluar tentera Amerika dari Iraq.

Ramai lagi dalang-dalang lama Bush dan Clinton disekeliling Obama termasuklah Robert Rubin dan Lawrence Summers. Sudahlah, wahai dunia, jangan gembira tak terkata, lihat dari tindak dan kerja. Sungguh rakyat Palestin lebih realistik, bila ditemuramah tentang Obama, mereka langusng tak punya harap, kerana bagi mereka pemimpin Amerika semua sama. Apapun, moga keajaiban berlaku dengan izin tuhan..moga polisi tidak menjadi basi dan biar siapa pun disekeliling dia tetap menerusakn misi..Namun..eloklah jangan terlalu berharap...

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Masih punya masa kamu?
Bersenda tawa bersorak suka...
Masih punya masa kamu?
Melompat girang menari riang...

Masih punya rasa kamu?
Malakar cinta bercanda asmara
Masih punya rasa kamu?
Menyanyi puja idola sukma

Mata kamu, buta?
Telinga kamu, tuli?
Lidah kamu, tiada?
Hati kamu, mati?
Akal kamu di mana?

Aduh sayang...
Darah terperah, kepala pecah, badan bersepah, isi terlapah
Aduh sayang...

Friday, January 16, 2009


Bukan tak suka
Tapi tak boleh
Bukan tak mampu
Tapi aku malu

Bukan benci
Tapi aku tak sudi
Bukan marah
Tapi aku tak salah


Jangan bicara belakang
Aku bisa dengar
Jangan maki hadapan
Aku bisa lawan

Hidup jangan bercakaran
Ingat tuhan
Kawan tetap kawan
Tak mungkin jadi lawan
Cuma akrabnya ada batasan
Ukurlah guna Iman

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Ceritanya begini, sudah berkali cuba menulis entri, namun entah, entri liat sekali terhasil, punya idea tak punya kata, punya kata tak punya makna.

Kakanda tersayang telah pun berangkat pulang, pastinya dia tak sabar bertemu suami tersayang, moga dirimu selamat terbang pulang.

Hari demi hari, dipenuhi berita sakit hati dan sungguh aku benci..sungguh Si bangsat Israel tak pernah berhenti membunuh mati saudaraku dan Amerika durjana sungguh tak berguna. Aku turut tawar hati dengan Obama, perlantikan orang disekelilingnya sungguh mengambarkan mereka semua sama. Alangkah hingusannya aku menaruh harapan pada dia. Mulanya terpanggil untuk membeli buku tulisannya, membaca cerita tentang dia, namun..sudahla...mungkin sesudah dia meninggal dunia menjadi sejarah, baru aku baca, itupun jika aku masih ada.

Semalam habis sudah buku cerita 'Meena'...seperti biasa aku gemar cerita benar tentang manusia, cerita karut rekaan..erm..mungkin jika aku punya masa lebihan...autobiografi Meena seorang pejuang wanita di Afghanistan..mungkin Meena mendokong revolusi yang agak liberal, namun aku mengerti keadaan menjadikan manusia begitu, penindasan wanita oleh USSR dan juga fundamentalist mewujudkan keadaan sedemikian. Korupsi kerajaan atas nama agama sungguh menghodohkan wajah negara hingga rakyat hilang pedoman dan tempat bergantung. Sesama saudara bertelingkah, berbunuhan, musuh ditagih bantuan akhirnya agama dan negara menjadi gadaian.

Bimbang. Minta simpang. Moga situasi begitu tidak wujud di negara ku, Ooooh Tuhan, cukuplah si kafir durjana menghantam kita, jangan sesama saudara bertelingkah juga. Seandainya...seandainya..krisis sesama saudara tidak wujud..pastinya kita punya lebih tenaga untuk menentang musuh kita... Seandainya...seandainya..ketua-ketua besar kita, tidak tamak haloba menjulang takhta mengilap nama, sebaliknya bekerjasama membela nasib agama.. mungkin situasinya tidak sama.. Namun.. sudahla.. Mungkin aku harus mencari buku baru untuk dibaca, mungkin untuk seketika bahannya harus ringan.. terlalu banyak kisah penderitaan, perang dan penderaan manusia buatkan emosi ku sedikit terganggu.. namun, sungguh..aku sendiri seolah sudah tidak pandai mencari tema cerita lain.. bagi yang gemar membaca, silalah sarankan..

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


GAZA...we don't just weep, but we gotta act for our brothers and sisters... Probably this is not my best effort but all of us gotta at least do something, for Melburnian, there will be another rally in front of state library on 18th Jan...Lets together fight against the illegal state of Israel, fight for our brothers' blood and tears...

Thursday, January 1, 2009


My Memory (Piano) - Yiruma
Engulfed by memories, I'm draping 2008 through reminiscing the past. For a moment, im so thankful for being able to survive through all the bads n goods of life. There were moments that i wish i could just erase from my history, yet i realize that those moments were somehow my best teachers. Through experiences, i knew life and i found my way to survive. Compared to others, i might be a little behind when i return to this track, but thank to Allah, it is not too late.

Reminiscing the past isn't as bad as some people might think. Many say that we should look forward and move on, i personally find, looking at the past is a good motivation to move on, just as good as dreaming of the future. Therefore, i, always turn back n reminise. My past lives in me, as long as im alive. Future, i am not sure, but i know the best is to live this moment at my fullest because, that is reality. However, it is better not to talk about those living memories but rather say what i have learned through those memories.

Have u ever experienced something like... u like certain thing, but u cant have it nor keep it, then the thing got stolen or broken or turned bad??? The moment that the thing has gone, u might feel disappointed or hurt...but once u contemplate on the matter, u will realise that is how Allah made it easy for you. Well, ya, I'm talking from personal experience...

What about sacrifices that u wish one would see but it turns out unseen or be misunderstood? Indeed if a sacrifice is not made for Allah, you will be in such distress. But if u straighten ur niah , inshaAllah...u will have peace and tranquility.

How about ur prayers which left unanswered, or perhaps, u dont realise that Allah has answered. Does it leave u feeling hopeless??? or it tells u to improve ur good deeds as we know that the higher one's piety the more likely that his prayer is to be anwered.

If I am to list all the lessons, the list will keep going on and on without ending..none of my intention to write a long post tonight, but the main thing i would like to mention here is, the hardness in life will eventually avail us if we believe that it is indeed, a test from Allah. Allah knows best!

I dont know if im still alive tomorrow, let alone a year..but I pray to Allah that 2009 will bring me bettterment in life.

"... And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know."
Surah Al- Baqarah 2:216

I leave with prayers for our brothers and sisters in Gaza. Ameen.