Monday, July 22, 2013

Ramadhan 2013


How is your Ramadhan so far? My ramadhan has been, if not awesome, alhamdulillah..not so bad. I just came back form Penang yesterday but I already miss home. I seriously don't enjoy Ramadhan in KL much. It was better in Melbourne, it was much much better in Penang. No, it isn't just about the food and family. It's about the environment that facilitates the appreciation of Ramadhan. KL is always too busy. I hate the evening traffic. I don't like the idea of driving to the masjeed alone to pray tarawekh to which my dad advised, the best place for you to pray is in your home. So from now on, No more going to tarawekh alone. I'm gonna miss the imam's beautiful recitation. It takes a whole new level of motivation to pray tarawekh at home, alone... Allah... I wish I were married, so I can go to the masjeed with my husband... haha

Speaking of being married...

I had my braces off about a month ago, and I remember coming home to mak saying, jokingly;
"yay dah buka braces, boleh kawen?"
to which my mak replied; "haa, dah sedia ka nak jadi isteri?" 
and I only answered with a nervous laugh.

The question stroke me like a thunderbolt. 

Who doesn't want to get married? 

I bet there are people who don't want to be married for reasons only them know, but for most of us especially ladies in their mid 20s and beyond who are in their right mind, are spending, if not everyday but someday or another, waiting... waiting for that right person with that magical question "Will you mar........"

But the question here is, are you ready?

Like many other big events in life, the answer is... I don't know. Truth is we never really know when we are ready, take going to an exam for instance, or having a final presentation, do you always feel ready? There is always a chapter you feel you don't memorize enough, a formula you've partially forgotten, a cloud of information you brain fails to comprehend. Take death as the most extreme yet the best example, how many of us can confidently say, I'm ready to die today.

I, at this state of continuous struggle to take care of my eemaan... all I could say is I don't know, BUT, if I die today I wish and I want to go to Jannah.

Therefore, same goes to marriage. I don't know. I'm turning 26 soon inshaAllah, age wise, I'm beyond ready because girls get married at a younger age. But as an individual, a woman, I cannot promise that I can be a perfect wife. There's always a little self doubt, an endless internal conflict bubbling inside, a series of rhetorical questions and negative thoughts like, 'I'm a lousy cook, my husband gonna hate my cooking, I always forget to press the rice cooker's 'cook' button, I'm too skinny, I need to build more curve, my Quran recitation isn't perfect, how do I teach my children?, ' I get mad and cry at silly things, can anyone ever tolerate my nonsense etc. Sound petty, I know but here *pointing at my head*, there are a lot more complicated dialogues going on deemed inappropriate for blogging....haha.. Nevertheless, if I ever get married, I wish and I want to be a good wife and mother.

Do I sound unrealistic?

Again, I don't know. 

But we all wish for the best, don't we?So whatever is coming your way pray hard. Because Allah is near and He listens.

Have a blessed Ramadhan.