Monday, November 5, 2007

PUISI UNTUK AYAH

AYAH

Malam-malam yang kelam

Degil mata tidak mahu pejam

Dipasak anak mata pada atap berwarna suram

Direnung dinding kayu berselumbar tajam

Ditatap almari kelabu bercorak hitam

Dibolak balik badan di atas tilam

Ayah masih berjaga di larut malam

Semalam, ayah melakar sebuah kisah

Sekajang memoir bertinta darah

Seraut perjuangan menjadi sejarah

Namun, sejarah itu menjadi khazanah

Tersimpan di cerok rumah

Terkambus dan tetimbus dek tanah

Tanpa cangkul di tangan

Ayah mengali semula kenangan

Berputar ligat di enjin fikiran

Menyelak helai-helai perjuangan

Merungkai simpul-simpul pengorbanan

Mengusap luka-luka yang terkesan

Bukti cinta yang tak dimengertikan

Pada lewat usia meniti senja

Ayah menyaksi negara merdeka

Dari sebangsa kini tiga warna

Dari berbasikal kini berkereta

Dari tanah merah kini jalan raya

Dari rumah papan kini berbatu bata

Ayah kerut dahi tertanya-tanya

Apa ini benar-benar kita?

Pada lewat usia meniti senja

Ayah menyaksi anak-anak mendewasa

Dari dungu menjadi cikgu

Dari serba kurang menjadi pejuang

Dari kuli menjadi bos sendiri

Dari bertatih ke negeri orang putih

Ayah senyum bangga

Anak-anak ku berjaya

Ayah kerut dahi semula

Apa itu benar-benar mereka?

Ayah cuba pejam mata

Tapi matanya tidak tahu lena

Segala cerita menerka dan menerpa

Memenuhi ruang udara di sebuah rumah tua

Rumah itu terasa sunyi

Sunyi dan sepi tanpa bunyi

Kecuali detik jam yang hampir kehabisan bateri

Ayah pusing ke kanan dan ke kiri

Bagai terdengar anak-anak berlari

Bernyayi-nyayi memenuhi segenap ruang hati

Menangis sedih dan ketawa riang

Ah’ punyakah ingatan hanya pada ayah seorang?

Ayah tahu, mata itu memang begitu

Ayah rasa hatinya dibalut rindu

Rindu pada riuh hari-hari yang berlalu

Ayah juga tahu rindu agung untuk Dia yang satu

Mata tiada lagi dipaksa pejam

Kerana itu tidak mengundang tenang

Ayah ke pancur usang

Mengambil air sembahyang

Di ruang tamu sejadah dibentang

Dalam sujud yang tiada sudah

Ayah rangkul semua kisah

Menjadi doa penuh berserah

Seorang ayah di tikar sejadah

Tiada jemu tangan menadah

Air mata tumpah mencurah

Mengalir tenang di kedut wajah

ASR’ NOV 5TH,O7, 1:33 AM

MELBOURNE

Friday, November 2, 2007

Thursday, November 1, 2007

NOV 1ST....


Alhamdulillah... its nov 1st... whats so important about today? -secret- hahah... nothing..really.. its just...well, i have my final crit today...and Alhamdulillah.. this sem has ended without any injury... remember last sem? i got an eye patch due to super glue, i sliced my finger n nail n...cant remember... anyway.. i really thank Allah, the Most Merciful for helping n guiding me in every single thing ive done for this sem... the crit might not turn out da way it is without His help, my Most Merciful Lord, Allah Jalla wa 'Alla... u know what.. this is something that i really cherish... some people, they might not realize this... one of the greatest thing of being a Muslim... is the faith itself... the faith that we have upon Allah... and the feeling that, we have something which will always help us, something to rely on, something we can seek refuge and guidance when...even when we feel like we are at the bottom of the world....i was so nervous before presenting my work today..especially when i see some of my colleagues...i can say that.. the guest crit are pretty critical today... are they having a bad day??? haha.. i dunno... but, mashaAllah.. my Lord, He is there.. He helps me... i began with His name..with a little prayer... i feel a sudden calmness within my soul... i know that i have something which many of em' dont have... i have a weapon... prayer... (",) Alhamdulillah... the crit went so smoothly... the guest crit said that, i designed with 'heart' not just intellect... well?? is that a good thing? i ask my tutor n she said... well, there is nothing wrong with it...the truth is, i designed with the guidance of my Lord, Allah.. Alhamdulillah...its a beautiful day... it was raining... its a pretty warm spring day, but the rain has made it a little bit colder... but im still me... i love rainy days (i love rain more than a frog does, trust me!..haha)... look at how the rain falls from the sky... its just beautiful... im loving it... when i was a little girl... im kinda interested in drawings n paintings.. n always have a dream of me painting a beautiful portrait of a rainy day.. but.. i never come to the point where im able to draw a shiny day nicely..haha.. n obviously rainy day is even harder... yea..talking about rainy day.. there is one secret about me..but im about to reveal it now...haha.. i dont like to use umbrella... hahahha... i donno.. i love to feel the rain.. as it falls upon my face... it such a beautiful experienced... a great feeling of gratitude...i always find excuses not to use umbrella thou i have 2 umbrellas (one is partially broken n the other one, i bring it to the studio today.. but i forgot to use it n unintentionally leave it a the studio)...sometime i know its going to rain.. but i just lazily leave the umbrella at home... hahaha.. say im weird... but i juz think that.. the water that pour down from the sky is juz too beautiful n fantastic to avoid from...its one of the magnificent creation of my Lord, Allah Jalla wa 'Alla...one of the best day of my life is during my childhood.. it was a rainy day...i can say, a rainy week actually.. it had been raining for the whole week...then... i just cant help myself... i tell my mum that no one can stop me.. i want to feel the rain...(well, i begged my mum for a few days before..but she said no.. rain is intoxicated...owh Lord).. what a naughty n stubborn child..haha.. i juz dashed out from the home... n feel the rain!..hahah.. lucky i didnt catch a cold after that..Alhamdulillah.... well, actually... its such a personal sentimental thing... whenever the rain pours down... the sound, the smell, the coldness, the somberness... its a kind of things that subtle down my heart..its a mixture of feelings... i can say, if its raining at night, the effect is even stronger... impressed and stressed down by the mode, i just feel so calm n lonely... but thing is a lil bit different now... this kind of mode is even more beautiful n fantastic as it draws me closer to the greatest remembrance for a heart...it makes me sink into my feelings...i remember my Lord...Allah Jalla wa 'Alla... whenever drops of rain subtly pour down onto my face...n when i look around, i see the dews dripping from the leaves... MashaAllah... My Lord is amazing..its beautiful... Allah is beutiful n He loves beauty... if His creation is so beautiful... think about The Creator...O' Lord.. I bear witnessed that there is no gods but Allah... but sometimes.. when its raining more than never... its pouring cats n dogs.. heavily... plus with lighting n thunder... its a kind of fear within me... not that im afraid of thunder n storm...(well..perhaps i feel a little bit shaky) but...it makes me think more about the Hour... verily...the day will come... im reading a book by Al Hafiz ibn Kathir about great trials n tribulation... subhanallah.. the prophecies of the Hour... this world is coming to an end... O'Lord... forgive me, my family and my brothers n sisters in Islam... its nov 1st- it used to be something else for past year... but today, i have my final crit n a beautiful rainy day...n..i can still hear the sound of the water dripping outside the window......

Monday, October 22, 2007

PUISI HARI LAHIR

KURNIA

Celik mata disapa suria

Sekalung usia merangkak dewasa

Kelak esok dan esok yang menjelma

Maka dewasa menjadi tua

Ini fitrah kita

Namun bukan janji pasti setiap jiwa

Kerana esok yang menjelma

Bukan milik kita

Hari ini yang diberi nyawa

Bukan milik kita

Semalam yang mencoret cerita

Bukan milik kita

Setiap jiwa ada tarikhnya

Persis segala perkara ada luputnya

Seawal jiwa dberi nyawa

Semurni janji didepan pencipta

Seluhur bersih saat nafas pertama

Seredup cinta si bonda

Ruh dan jasad bersatu mula jejak pertama

Jejak ke sebuah dunia

Ahh.. dalamnya ada pelbagai perkara

Indahnya sementara

Namun kita manusia

Sering lupa dan tergoda

Bergolak dengan dosa pahala

Diiring sedar dan lupa

Benar…kita hanya manusia

Tapi kita didunia, bertamu sahaja

Itu jangan kita lupa

Sekalipun kita pelupa

Jiwa akan kembali ke penciptanya

Ditimbang amal seusia nyawa

Tiket ke syurga mahal harganya

Maka usia janga dipersia

Syukur pada sehari usia yang ada

Esok tidak tahu bagaimana

Usia itu kurnia

Kelak bakal ditanya

Moga nafas sehela menjadi saksi kesyurga

Bukan seabad usia menempa neraka.

ASR’ OCT 22, 2007



Sekalung puisi untuk kakanda (k. akma) di ulang tahun kelahirannya....22 Oct 2007... Moga dalam rimbun kasihNya selalu...

Monday, October 15, 2007

FRIENDS

Every now and then, Look at all your friends
And see how good they are, And if they fear Allah
Cause more often than not, those great friends you got
Those friends you know so well, will only make you fail

Who are them people that you hang with and gang with
I thought you said your Muslim and respect you demand it
You say they understand it, know about your habits
You say its safe to chill with them so knowledge they can have it
Well ya that’s kinda true, because the dawa that we do
Gotta teach them al-Islam cause right now it's kinda new
But yo, what's up with your homie, I wanna know
Why you keep him as a friend he be mad phony
It's like I see "AstagfirAllah" written on his head
You know the kinda guy he is cause all the things he said
I see lots of trippin' and sinning is not at minimal
All the people round the block know he's a criminal
The others are no better, Instead of
Following your ways, they follow kafirs to the letter
You never try to get a, moment of their time see to sit with them and shed a -
Light on their evil ways, over many days
Your in faith in Allah, it decays
You say you teach them morals with Islam as your source
But you follow their ways and they don’t follow yours
Scores of bad deeds coming your way,
See it's only with the Muslim that I chill with night and day
I keep shaytan at bay, so a mu'min I will stay.
I got good Muslims left, got good Muslims on my right
The others are my friends but I try to give light
I'm trying to give them sight so I spend hours with' em
But the folks that I role with they are only Muslim.
Cause Islam is my deen and I am trying to uphold it,
So only Muslims do I role with.

Bad bad brotherhood, do me no good
Are they your friends cause they live in your hood
Are they your crew cause, uh, what would do, if uh
You said good bye to folk you always knew, They'll say
We don’t need you and what you'll be alone
Spend hours bored maybe stuck in your home.
Or hmm maybe you're scared that uh, Muslims are weird,
And uh, they only worry of the Hijab and beard
So no, you hang with them, but who you trying to fool,
It's all about your rep your steps to being cool.
Little by little though, you leave the middle road,
You start behaving like them but you don’t even know,
Always you fail, maybe end up in jail,
But uh, there is no bail if you end up in hell
And when you see your scale, you'll beat yourself and yell
Why'd I take him as a friend just so I could chill,
Many Muslim people as friends I could have had
Excuses I made, but I knew that they ain't bad
But you stuck with the dude, with the bad attitude
He was very rude and shrewd and kinda crude.
So listen up here, cause now you're in the loop.
It's time to find a new group to be your troop.
Not just any Muslims they got to have good Iman,
They understand the beautiful plan of Al-Islam
And know about the test of living inside the West
If you find a buddy like that, it be the best
So check who your friends are, you never know,
That maybe your best friend is really your worst foe.

+++ good friends are hard to come by...pious one is even harder... i thank Allah for my friends.. our ukhwah is really beautiful... seems like its my first time living in a great circle of friends... i love u all, my friends... uhibbukum..fillah..

TEST by NATIVE DEEN

Lately things have been so stressed for you
It seems like life is trying to mess with you and pester you
You thought you knew exactly what to best pursue
You working hard on those things that you set to do
But you confess it's true that your success is few
And your folks are only helping in depressing you
You try to do the Deen but they be stressing you
And it gets to you but you suppress that too
An exam, you go and study day and night
You pray and write, hope for a grade you like
But when you get the test you're in dismay and fright
There's no A in sight and only 8 were right, wow!
And what about the sister you enquired about
She's so pious, devout that it required a scout
But then you get the news her Wali fired you out
They were wired, no doubt, to someone higher in clout
Lately its seems that your calling in life
Is just you falling in strife
The word appalling is right
And you notice you've been feeling sick, why who knows
So you call upon the doctor she can eye it close
She tells you I suppose, that you wont be very happy when I diagnose
Although you try your hardest not to cry it shows
It's a monster load, and your strength is sinking
You start wondering and thinking

What's going on? it seems all wrong, why am I the one struggling along?
I don't know why I'm hurting, I never hurt nobody
My life I'm living right, but it's crumbling around me
How strong is my faith this time? (got to pass the test)
Will my solution include Haram? (got to pass the test)
I gotta be strong during times like these, (got to pass the test)
I know after hardship there goes ease! (got to pass the test)

It's a test, (from Allah), a test (from your Lord), it's a test (what you gonna do?), gotta realize it's a test (4x)

Folks used to say you were smarty kid
Others made mistakes but you hardly did
Since then man, life has just been marvelous
You stand tall like an obelisk
It's obvious
Your high paying job is never arduous
Your living in your crib and you got marble this and marble that
Others dream to rival that
And your blessed to never draw major debt
because success is your motto nothing keeps you down
Passing peeps in town, yo by leaps and bounds
People clapping when you talk because of deep renown
You drive Hummers and top model jeeps around
You know its bad and haram to be a miser and boast
But your healthier and wealthier and wiser than most
You gotta an adviser to those, who try to propose
Cause there's so many potentials that they line up in rows
You got it all, the power the money the wealth
Your thinking God's gotta love you more than anyone else
But wait Whoa wait a second, this isn't what your thinking
You gotta stop and think why you getting all the blessings
Don't want to let it shake ya, or let the devil make ya
Forget to praise Allah and then fail the test your taken
No doubt you're gonna try your best
Gotta be thankful and pray no less
Already gotta head up above the rest
Cause you realize this is just a test


So face it, in life, you'll be tested at times
The devil, he's bright, don't let him mess with your mind
Yo, we're blessed, the Divine, which is the best for mankind
So He (God) gives us exams so don't get stressed out and whine
Even the best of all humanity was tested Himself
Allah can test us with calamity or test us with wealth
Can you hold back from profanity and focus yourself
Or maybe keep away from vanity and function in stealth
It's tough, trust me I know that it's rough
But after pain comes ease and you'll be blessed from above
I hope when the time for my test comes along I will cope and I'll find I'll be blessed when I'm strong
So my people, when life is a mess
You gotta focus and realize, this could be your test.

P/S---> well, the song might not sounds that appealing..but the lyric is really good...alhamdulillah... dedicated to all my muslim brothers n sisters and whosoever find him or herself in difficult circumstances...(im included..+_+) remember..its just a test from Allah...

Sunday, October 14, 2007

MENANTI DI BARZAKH




aku kira lagu ini sgt menyentuh hati aku.. mebayangkan esokku dgerbang mahsyar, sbelum di bawa diri menghadap mahkamah tuhanku...
p/s---> slack sket lagu ni psal sebut 'talkin'... kan ke talkin tu bidaah...adui la... dminta kpd penulis lagu, selidik baik2 apa2 yang nak djadikan lirik lagu.. otherwise, well done n menginsafkan...

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

HENDAK SERIBU DAYA, TAK MAHU SERIBU DALIH

Ramadhan bakal pergi... dan aku bakal dimabuk rindu lagi.. ahhh..ramadhan... alangkah cepat kau berlalu.. apakah aku telah mempersiakan hadirmu... jejak kelmarinmu...bagai tidak ku isi sempurna...malam-malam bersama mu..apakah aku hanya tidur lena... ramadhan..masih punyakah jodoh kita utk episod seterusnya....

Ramadhan kali ini..bukan sekadar episod baru dalam hidupku...tapi anjakan jiwa yg jitu... Ramadhan kali ini membawa cerita... ku lihat manusia pada neraca berbeza... mungkin kadangkala masih terantuk pada neraca hamba yang sering lupa.. tapi, neraca tuhanku mula ku terbiasa... menilai tekad dan harapan, kesungguhan dan perngorbanan dan natijah bukanlah persoalan... bicara seorang teman, Ramadhan kali ini suatu penapisan... aku kira... ada kebenaran... hidayah itu bukan suatu khazanah simpanan... diberi lalu dsemadikan... apabila perlu atau mahu maka dijadikan gadaian.... Hidayah itu, hadirnya bagai cahaya, jika ruang tidak dibuka, biar sesinar mana cahaya yang ada..tiada akan mampu menembusi ruang yang gelita...cahaya yg terbiar akan sirna dan akhirnya hilang entah ke mana....

seperti mata yang lama terpejam, apabila disinar cahaya silaunya terasa tajam... namun selepas seketika, mata akan terbiasa..bahkan pastinya selesa dlm tampok cahaya berbanding cerok gelita...maka dapatlah ditatap segala indah alam buana... namun bila degil menguasai mata... dipejam semahu-mahunya...biar tahu cahaya itu indah hakikatnya... kerna takut tajam kilau yang seketika....nikmat indah buana disinar cahaya dipersia.... ahhh... alangkah ruginya... begitulah hidayah dlm jiwa..dan hati itu mata... perit memang terasa di saat ingin bermula.... namun disaat kemanisannya terasa...ahh...sukar ku gambar nikmatnya....

Prolog suatu titik mula... memang... setiap sesuatu ada mulanya... perlu pendorong mahupun pemaksa atau secara suka rela... apa sahaja..segalanya membawa kepada sesuatu yang disebut 'mula'... permulaan terindah adalah permulaan dengan rela... tiada paksa...jiwa suka... senyum sahaja... tapi aku kira ini jarang berlaku dalam perkara mulia... terutamanya yang melibatkan revolusi jiwa.. ahh fitrah manusia aku kira... yang baik sering terasa terpaksa... aku akui, aku begitu pada mulanya...namun tekad itu ubat...dan hadirnya taufik seiring taubat.... aku sering ingat...Allah itu maha memberi rahmat...memang terasa berat lagi lambat...tapi aku tak mahu sesat.. lalu aku terus mula... kadangkala rasa luar biasa, kadangkala rasa janggal pula... tapi seperkara, ku lakukan bukan kerna manusia... biar apa mereka bicara... biar apa nista mahupun cerca... semua itu, cubaan semata... menduga iman di dada... pernah juga hatiku bersuara..sejauh mana ikhlas di dada..jika perkara paksa..sering ikhlasnya tiada..benar..itu hakikatnya... namun..demi tuhan... usaha insan ke arah kebaikan pasti dipaut selautan pertolongan... hati yang mahu biarpun penuh keberatan... pada permulaan begitu perlahan... namun kuasa tuhan juga yang mencampakkan keikhlasan... berat dan sarat... diubati dengan taat menjadi rambu-rambu kemanisan yang membuahkan keikhlasan... yaa.. keikhlasan itu hadir selepas tindakan... tiada dapat dipastikan andai hanya berdiam dan menerawang fikiran... bahkan kalau sekadar menanti..ku bimbang tiada hadir sepanjang jalan...campakkan ikhlas ke dalam hatiku oh tuhan...

Masa... ya namaku masa... namun apa ada pada nama... nilai dan erti itu lebih utama... alasan berlapis alasan menjadi setan dalam jiwa...aku hairan... masa itu sama bagi setiap insan... begitu juga di bulan ramadhan... namun ada insan...begitu kaya masanya untuk tuhan, begitu tersusun urusan seharian... ahh..apa masanya ada kelebihan???...dimana silapku yang sering menjadikan masa alasan dan sandaran kebertimbunan urusan...betapa bakhilnya diriku menginfakkan masa untuk tuhan... pernah terlintas di fikiran...jika ku memilih jalan kebenaran...maka masaku berkurangan...urusan ku tidak kesampaian....ah..bodoh... bukankah masa itu dari tuhan... Dia yang menciptakan..bahkan bersumpah bahawa manusia dalam kerugian... kecuali jika beriman dan saling memberi ingatan... dan masa depan... apa aku khuatir cita-citaku tidak kesampaian.. terlalu taat pada unsur ketuhanan...maka sia-sia biasiswa kerajaan..pulangnya tiada khidmat dicurahkan sebaliknya memilih meminda haluan, menjadi penggerak pelbagai kesatuan... aduh.. mahu ketawa bila ingatan seawal revolusi menerjah fikiran... sekali ku ingatkan pada diri..bukankah masa depan itu di tangan tuhan... berusahalah sehebat mana... tanamlah cita setinggi purnama dan impilah gaji berjuta... namun jika ditakdirkan semua itu bukan milik kita.. mungkin surirumah sepenuh masa juga...biarpun phd sepenuh bonet kereta...ahh..ketawa... dan lebih tragis peristiwa...jika mati menjemput usia...sebelum tgn mengenggem ijazah...sebelum menyentuh kunci rumah...sebelum memiliki kereta mewah... dan paling ngeri... sebelum kukuh kalimah syahadah dan sebelum cukup amal ibadah...nauzubillah...

Epilog hari esok yang ku bimbang...tiada janji mahupun kata pasti..esok masih milik ku lagi... hari ini... jari-jari ini menari di atas papan kekunci... dan rindu Ilahi masih memenuh segenap ruang hati... aku bimbang pada hri esok.. jika dkembalikan jiwa ke dalam diri...apakah rindu ini masih menghuni... apakah manis hidayah yg dikurnia masih bersisa di pembuluh rasa hati... apakah iman meninggi atau menurun kembali... dan seandainya pejamnya mataku adalah undangan pulang dari tuhanku... apakah redhaNya mengiringiku... apakah sekeping hati yang bakal bersaksi menjadi tiket aku ke firdausi...atau...ahh..gentar sanubariku memikirkan perihal ini....Ya Allah...aku tidak mahu prolognya indah, epilognya gundah... biar jatuh...parah pasrah lemah dan berdarah.... sepenuh jiwa aku berserah...kurnikan aku teguh jiwa dalam rimbun redup hidayah....

Monday, September 24, 2007

PUISI LAGI

PENAT

Sesat di rimba penuh ranjau

Janggal pada redup semuanya hijau

Rindu pada lampu kota berkilau-kilau

Bosan, benci, sakit hati bagai nak keriau

Kejut budaya rimba

Asing, lebih dari sumbang si kera

Memang rasa diri sebatang kara

Bicara: Ah! Ini hanya mula

Tamatnya entah bagaimana

Sedang yang dirasa hanya seksa

Pohon besar, akarnya menjalar-jalar bak ular

Biar batang boleh dibuat bersandar

Tapi tersadung lalu bercalar-balar

Aduh! Pedihnya bagai dikelar-kelar

Bedebah! Mau saja ditebang dan dibakar

Bicara: Sabar! Sabar!

Bila matahari tenggelam

Malam pastinya hitam

Datanglah nyamuk menerkam

Mujur bukan harimau membaham

Kaki lenguh, urat terseliuh

Sesaat mengeluh

Sesaat mengaduh

Badan hanyir bau peluh

Sudah, jangan nak mencemuh

Tunggu saja menjelang subuh

Ada cahaya dapat menyuluh

ASR’22092007- 11 Ram 1428, Melbourne


*herm..puisi kali ini temanya lain sikit dari tema2 biasa posts kat blog ni..huhu.. ni sekadar monolog dalaman seorg pelajar archi yg kerjanya bertimbun...kerja design yg begitu byk... puluhan drawings belum siap..bila buat asyik silap...penat la jugak! huuhu...

Saturday, September 22, 2007

TETAMU SENJA

Kita datang ini hanya sebagai tetamu senja
Bila cukup detik kembalilah
Kita kepadanya
Kita datang ini kosong tangan dada
Bila pulang nanti bawa dosa bawa pahala

Pada tetamu yang datang dan
Kenal jalan pulang
Bawalah bakti mesra kepada
Tuhan kepada Insan
Pada tetamu yang datang
Dan lupa jalan pulang
Usahlah derhaka pula
Pada Tuhan kepada insan

Bila kita lihat manusia lupa tempat
Atau segera sesat puja darjat
Puja pangkat
Segera kita insaf kita ini punya kiblat
Segera kita ingat kita ini punya tekad

Bila kita lihat manusia terbiar larat
Hingga mesti merempat ke laut biru
Ke kuning darat
Harus kita lekas sedar penuh pada tugas
Harus kita tegas sembah
Seluruh rasa belas

Kita datang ini satu roh satu jasad
Bila pulang nanti bawa bakti padat berkat
Kita datang ini satu roh satu jasad
Bila pulang nanti bawa bakti padat berkat

~ A. Samad Said

Friday, September 21, 2007

Ampuniku...ya Tuhan...

Agak seketika smenjak post yg lalu....dan hari ini.. aku kembali menatap ruang blog ini... kembali mencoret cebisan2 rasa... moga ada redha dlm lena dan jaga...
Ramadhan... ramadhan ini ramadhan pertama aku disini.. suasana baru...dan yang penting... tekad yang baru... sesegar tekad yang ada.. ku pohon pdNya teguh jiwa ...bagai baru semalam segalanya bermula.. dan hari ini.. atas kurnia usia drNya..aku masih menelusuri denai2 payah dan susah demi esok yg lebih cerah... hanya padaMu ya Allah..ku sandar tekad dan harapan... suatu imbauan pd pengisian ramadhan...kisah jahilliyah.. ya... Jahilliyah.. bukanlah jahilliyah pd rangka masa yang merujuk pd masyarakat arab sebelum kedatangan islam.. ttapi jahilliyah yg tumbuh hidup dan bersarang dlm jiwa...menjadi sebati dgn hati dan diri...nauzubillah...
sejenak pada hari-hari lalu hidupku... betapa aku mensiakan nikmat usia yang ada...jahilliyah ku pada tingkah dan kata... astaghfirullah...ampuniku ya Allah...

Jahilliyah- apa baja yg ku tabur hingga begitu subur tumbuh dlm jiwaku hingga berat nan sarat untuk ku hambat.. bahkan liat nyawa untuk ku bunuh...jawapan biasa lg bershaja... 'aku mangsa keadaan..mangsa pada serangan minda yang tak ku sedar.. dan aku hanya mangsa...' hah... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa.. membiar diri menjadi mangsa sedang kau tahu pilihanya ada... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa... akur pada keadaan sedang taatmu harusnya pada tuhan... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa...mengaku kalah sedang usaha mu tiada selangkah...nikmat mata kau persia pd cerita2 dusta di kotak kaca, kau hala pd sudut2 ruang yg harus kau tunduk pndang... kau hidang dengan indah dunia yg sementara...sedang mata itu bakal ditnya... bakal menatap tuhannya.... airmta tumpah pd secalar luka kerna manusia...sedang doamu kontang skalipun dosamu bergantang... nikmat dengar kau jamu dengan lagu2 hina kisah cinta manusia melanggar susila, pd suara2 sumbng penyair kufar dan fitnah2 manusia ingkar kau sandar dengar....sedang ayat2 tuhanmu lebih indah dr syair dan lagu...nikmat lidah kau khianat pd ucap yg tiada manfaat...pd alunan kata nista yg mencerca... pada bicara yg mengundang dosa... sedang kekok mengalun indah ayat2 tuhanmu..sedang tiada mampu mendebat tatkala agamamu difitnah hebat... tiada mampu tegar pada yg benar...terlalu sukar melafaz ampun atas dosa yang bertimbun... dan.. segumpal darah..seruang rongga didadamu..kau biar tidur lena..tiada diisi ruangnya... tiada dihadirkan pd tindak dan kata... wahai jiwa.. rugi lah dirimu jika kau terus begitu... ya..jiwa yang bangun mula sedar dan segar... aku bukan mangsa..bukan juga hamba kepada sesiapa.. aku adalah hamba Tuhanku..pemilik segala singahsana.. penaung takhta segala takhta...tiada lagi mahu terjerat pada cabang2 laknat.. pd sakibaki jahiliiyah yg memusnah...

semalam.. suatu kisah kelam dan hitam.. dan hari ini.. mendungnya masih ku rasa.. namun suluh sinar yg bermula..terbitkan sekelumit cahaya..menghambat reda kabut2 semalam....alhamdulillah...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

PUISI

RINDU

Rindu ini luar biasa

Sendat menyesak dada

Rindu ini luar biasa

Hadirnya dengan cinta

Rindu ini luar biasa

Syadunya segenap ruang jiwa

Rindu ini luar biasa

Bukan sekadar sedetik rasa

Rindu ini pada Tuhanku

Yang pernah ku menjauh suatu ketika dahulu

Rindu ini pada Tuhanku

Yang bicaranya menusuk kalbuku

Rindu ini pada Tuhanku

Yang kurniaNya tiada jemu

Rindu ini pada Tuhanku

Yang akhirnya akan menjemputku

ASR ‘07

Monday, September 10, 2007

BE ALIVE OR DIE TOMORROW.. I WISH...

  1. i can see a great gesture of mujaddids and mujahids who promised a great future of this holy religion...As it says in the hadith:"Allah shall raise for this Umma at the head of every century a man who shall renew (or revive) for it its religion" (Sunan Abu Dawud, Kitab al-Malahim, ch. 1)...which, i can say.. this gesture has already begun and its visible to my eyes... Alhamdullillah...i might not live long enough to see Islam rises again, control the earth and ruled by a great khalifah..(we don't even have any khalifah at the moment)...but..as long as its already began... there is a promise...
  2. and i want to be one of the mujahidah who strives in Allah's path and for the sake of His religion.
  3. i can see Palestine liberated and Al-Quds becomes a free sanctuary for every Muslim's soul.
  4. i can walk anywhere on the earth and people will respect and be friend with me as i am a Muslim... not just a human being...sometimes, even with a Muslim, they hardly be friend in the cause of religion.. but it rather be due to nationality or maybe same course, same language, same studio....no wonder, sometimes...thou a born-Muslim might treat me equally as other friends of his or hers who are non-Muslim...(ada la sorg tu in my studio- to qilah, mas n oya----> u guys know what I'm saying...hahah)
  5. i can sleep less at night and perform more devotional prayers... is it just me who find it is really hard to wake up one third of night...??? be deaf or dead..the alarm clock is soundless... tried so many times, but it hardly comes to a success unless it is a nightmare which shakes me up from my deep sleep or..i go to bed at 8pm...huh..sigh..
  6. haa..this is a really important thing to me... i wish..i can see qilah put on hijjab...(",) i mean, permanently..not just for Qc or any specific occasions....once she decides to wear hijjab.. i think..i'll be the happiest friend on earth... haa.. to qilah..i know u will.. and i'm waiting for the day...as long as i am alive... hopefully... it happens before i pass away... but if my soul and my body do part before the moment... i know u would never let me down... and please don't tell Allah on the day of judgment that I never advice u to do so... as i might not know what i should say in front Him as u are my dearest friend of mine...
  7. i wish i can see my parents and family... haven't seen them for almost 8 months and really miss them.. i want to tell them how much i love them.. i want to hug my mum as long as i could...i want to play with my nieces and nephews... i really love kids... especially babies and toddlers.. they are so cute... my heart will be tempted with excitement whenever i see them laughing...
  8. i can give some of my possessions to those who are needy... i think i posses too many worldly materials which will burden me one day as it seems as if I'm not using Allah gifts wisely...whilst i know there are some people who need these things more... to those who read my blog... take this as a will.. if i die.. do give all my belongings to those who need them...keep them not..as i will not rise from death and come back to this world and use them..but i will be awakened on the day of resurrections and will be questioned about those things... Subhanallah...
  9. i wish that my non-Muslims friends will become Muslims especially those who are in my 'list'... so far..no success..but, give up not! wink*...
  10. i also wish.. i can tell all my Muslims friends how much i love them.. as i read Riyadhusalihin once and it says..if we love a Muslim..we should tell him or her....what a greatest nikmat on earth which can only be tasted by us, 'ukhwah'... and how those non-Muslims miss this great thing... to all my brothers and sisters in Islam... i love u all for the sake of Allah as i wish..Allah will love me back...Amin...
  11. herm.. this eleventh wish is pretty weird.. but laugh at me not as i am serious... haha.. opps..why am i laughing..herm... i wish i have a son and name him Mus'ab... huhu.. i am so influenced and amazed by the character of Mus'ab ibn Umayr, one of the great companion of the prophet...but.. maybe i will not live long enough to get married and have son..huhu.. therefore..if anyone has the same amazement of a beautiful character of Mus'ab.. doubt not to name ur son Mus'ab... huhu...does anyone willing to pursuit my dream as i may not be alive tomorrow???? hands up??? hehe...
  12. herm..talking bout marriage... i want to see one of my dearest friend gets married..herm..this friend of mine, whom i know her since form 4.. is the most sincerest friend i ever seen.. i can say really caring... another friend of mine once said.. she is the most caring friend he ever meet...she is the one who always be there whenever i need a friend... i can say, she is the one who i will tell almost everything...huhu... and right now.. from my observance..im seeing her 'hijrah'....i know..about this hijrah thingy...we are in this phase right now.. may Allah guide us to the right path...but to this friend of mine.. her hijrah.. really excited me... im happy seeing her pacing phase by phase everyday... and, her change is sort of my inspiration...it boost my spirit to do better...hiiii... :)..so.. i want to see her gets married because... i want her to be with a perfect man who will guide her and love her and treat her in a way which Allah prefers... once i see this... i will be satisfy as i know..she will be happy and stay guided... :) herm..this friend of mine is mastura othman..
  13. i also wish another friend of mine, called oya who is in the same phase...revolution... will be succeeded in her life dunya and akhirat... i was not that close to her before... but with Allah will, RMIT has brought us together ..and i really enjoy this closeness of a blossoming friendship... and..maybe i want to see her getting married as well..hhahhaa..same goes to qilah... i want to see u getting married..huhu...for the same reason... i want them to obtain a great life and stay guided..i will be happy.... forget not to invite me..if..i am still alive...
  14. herm..my 14th wish... i should put this at the very beginning of this list but i forgot.. i wish everyone in this world whom i may have hurt, inflicted pains, spoken and done bad things, offended or anything which bring discontent to ur heart will forgive me... i am so really really asking for ur forgiveness hence Allah will forgive me...and.. insyaAllah.. i will always forgive all my brothers and sisters in Islam...
well..so far..its 14.... its not the end of the list yet..haha..if i am still alive tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.. maybe i will keep the list goes on and on..but enough for now... as... these are just wishes... but i wish they will be true.. be live or die... i hope, they will come true...insyaAllah.. whatever it is..be live or die... i wish tomorrow will always be better than today... Amin...

Friday, September 7, 2007

LONELINESS

I am all alone in my apartment... but i know He is watching me... n His loyal angels are jotting down every single deed of mine.. hopefully this blogging thing ain't something bad... i need to keep on writing... this is, sort of self reminder.. cause, i might forget how i feel today, at this very moment..once i open my eyes tomorrow..if only..i do open my eyes, again... Somehow.. i really like being alone... i feel closer to Him... i become very needy, and i know He is there to suffice me... i feel really vulnerable, yet i know... i can always turn to Him... But...there are things at the back of my mind which..i try hard to forget... but it keeps coming back to me... especially, when I'm alone...my past... undoubtedly, it is really hard to get rid of the past...its not that i want to forget.. its just, i wish.. i don't think too much...its sort of unpleasant feelings...I'm haunted by my past..and its really hard to deal with...regret and repent never seemed enough... thinking about all the sins I've committed...i keep asking myself, why did i do such and such...say i was 'jahil'.. i don't think its an appropriate word..because... sometimes.. i really know such and such thing..it is 'haram'...it is a wrong deed.. yet still.. Ya Allah... i don't want to be amongst the wrongdoers anymore...i ask for Ur forgiveness... Forgive me O' Lord.. I wonder, how long do i still have before my journey in this world comes to the end??? do i have enough time to strengthen the piety in my heart??? do i have enough time to divert all my attentions n love toward this 'dunya' into the greatest love and submission to 'akhirat'..??? n do i have enough time to do good deeds and erase all the sins I've committed....??? do i??? do i???

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I AM A SLAVE



أنا العبد الذي كسب الذنوبـــا وصدته الأماني أن يتوبــــــــا

أنا العبـد الـذي أضحـى حزينـــاً على زلاته قلقاً كئيـبــــــــــا

أنا العبد الذي سطـرت علـيـــه صحائف لم يخف فيها الرقيـبــــا

أنا العبد المسيــئ عصـيـت سراً فما لي الآن لا أبدي النحيـبـــا

أنا العبد المفرط ضــاع عـمـــري فلم أرع الشبيبة والمشـيـبـــــا

أنا العبـد الغريـق بلج بحــــــــرٍ أصيـح لربما ألقــى مجيبـــــــــا

أنا العبد السقيـم مـن الخطـايــا وقد أقبلت ألتمـــس الطبيـبــا

أنا العبد الشريد ظلمت نفسي وقد وافيت بابكـم منيـبــــــــا

Monday, September 3, 2007

MENGEMIS KASIH

Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati
Kepada manusia yang alpa jua buta
Lalu terheretlah aku dilorong gelisah
Luka hati yang berdarah kini jadi parah

Semalam sudah sampai kepenghujungnya
Kisah seribu duka ku harap sudah berlalu
Tak ingin lagi kuulangi kembali
Gerak dosa yang menhiris hati

Tuhan dosa itu menggunung
Tapi rahmat-Mu melangit luas
Harga selautan syukurku
Hanyalah setitis nikmat-Mu di bumi

Tuhan walau taubat sering kumungkir
Namun pengampunan-Mu tak pernah bertepi
Bila selangkah kurapat pada-Mu
Seribu langkah Kau rapat padaku

SO MEANINGFUL!!!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

BIG EVENT

i know its hard.. i know it fr the very beginning.. opting this decision..its hard man..really hard.. i know... i know it very well... but i think i can do it... i really think so....by thinking so...am i being a hypocrite?? am i a deceitful person... look at me...I'm still me, not much has changed...well..externally, those who know me before might notice a few changes...yet..what matter most, ain't what people can see and judge...external things...huh..there are just claddings.. what with so fantastic look externally but inside..huh crap.. eg; Guggenheim museum, Bilbao by Frank Ghery , those titaniums thingy, its merely cladding man..internally.. just a conservative spaces... look at Adolf Loos's Muller Villa... isn't it interesting.. externally, so humble, so rational, very pure forms but interior..so rich with meanings..very luxurious... no one will know by passing by the villa unless they get in it...Oooopss...what with this archi stuffs.. haha...well.. i call this non-secular approach... hahah..k.. back to what im saying before.. its something unseen..something inside..something in me..something which only He knows...day by day.. moment by moment..which pass by there is a feeling..in me...indescribable...its not something burdensome sort of things...yet, not a pleasure at the same time... guess what... I'm thinking of DEATH.... Allah says, "every soul shall taste death"... ok.... what with this many-people-don't-like-to-talk-about-topic...???? well.. the question is... am i afraid of death?????...as a Muslim... I SHOULD NOT!!!... therefore...obviously... i cant say i am... but..what with this worries... i am really am... i feel like..like... i'm not ready...ok, define 'ready'... i rather use example... the mid sem crits is coming (which is on this coming Monday actually...haha..current issue)..or maybe for other people (those non-archi-related human being who migth not know what on earth is this mid crits thing) take exams instead...if u haven't finished the model, haven't done the drawings ( i should be doing my drawings instead of writing this blogs... just cant help it..something inside trigger me so much..heh) or.. haven't studied...these are considered as not ready circumstances prior to crits or exams... will u feel afraid??? r u u scared???? obviously..yea...n u will say... Owh God..I'm not ready..SO SCARED... what am i going to do... what if i failed??? k...generally speaking when one is not ready..more or less... he or she will feel afraid of the consequences....so..so what... about this DEATH thing... am i scared??? am i?? NOOOOOOOOOOO.. i can't say that.. I'm a Muslim.. n a Muslim shouldn't scare of death... then what???? i did say i'm not ready... did i???? WHATTTTTTTTTTT?????? waaaaaaaaa... so...so???? arghhh.. see.. this is the thing... i know no one can give me the answer... the truth is... finding the answer weather i am ready or not..isn't what i should be doing... knowing that... i should prepare myself instead... i am... i am trying hard to prepare myself for that big event in my life...but..it never seemed enough... and im so worried where will i end up in once all my deeds be judged by The Almighty...??? i really want Jannah... really want it... MashaAllah..knowing all the ultimate pleasures in Jannah.. who would refuse to get in it....??? and...im trying my best not to be amongst those, the dwellers of hell fire... but im afraid (arghhh.. again; 'afraid) i become one, out of my consciousness... Subhanallah..learning how horrible is the punishment...who would dare to get in...??? Ya Allah... I'm a week servant..become strong by the strength which u bestowed me... guide me in the right path... help me in preparing myself to face death...so i can awake with a smiling face on the day of judgment...o ME, be prepared...it might be tomorrow, might be in the next hour... go and get ready...hey, GET READY!!!...i am... huh???by writing a blog???? is that what u call preparing??? u got to be kidding me...hahha... err...er..

Monday, August 27, 2007

JOURNEY


the journey has begun.. n im ready...

aiming for His mercy n grace... O'Allah, grant me strenght.. ur servant has finally find her way.. in a land of strangers... i see my hidden trueself.. i hear the silent whisper of my desire..i sense the existence of my heart... a forgetful servant has finally wake up from her long deep sleep...step by step...im pacing thru the way... i will never look back, insyaAllah.. keep all the past at the back of my mind.. will never forget, but will take as a lesson...this ain't ez.. but i know.. He is always with me..