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BIG EVENT

i know its hard.. i know it fr the very beginning.. opting this decision..its hard man..really hard.. i know... i know it very well... but i think i can do it... i really think so....by thinking so...am i being a hypocrite?? am i a deceitful person... look at me...I'm still me, not much has changed...well..externally, those who know me before might notice a few changes...yet..what matter most, ain't what people can see and judge...external things...huh..there are just claddings.. what with so fantastic look externally but inside..huh crap.. eg; Guggenheim museum, Bilbao by Frank Ghery , those titaniums thingy, its merely cladding man..internally.. just a conservative spaces... look at Adolf Loos's Muller Villa... isn't it interesting.. externally, so humble, so rational, very pure forms but interior..so rich with meanings..very luxurious... no one will know by passing by the villa unless they get in it...Oooopss...what with this archi stuffs.. haha...well.. i call this non-secular approach... hahah..k.. back to what im saying before.. its something unseen..something inside..something in me..something which only He knows...day by day.. moment by moment..which pass by there is a feeling..in me...indescribable...its not something burdensome sort of things...yet, not a pleasure at the same time... guess what... I'm thinking of DEATH.... Allah says, "every soul shall taste death"... ok.... what with this many-people-don't-like-to-talk-about-topic...???? well.. the question is... am i afraid of death?????...as a Muslim... I SHOULD NOT!!!... therefore...obviously... i cant say i am... but..what with this worries... i am really am... i feel like..like... i'm not ready...ok, define 'ready'... i rather use example... the mid sem crits is coming (which is on this coming Monday actually...haha..current issue)..or maybe for other people (those non-archi-related human being who migth not know what on earth is this mid crits thing) take exams instead...if u haven't finished the model, haven't done the drawings ( i should be doing my drawings instead of writing this blogs... just cant help it..something inside trigger me so much..heh) or.. haven't studied...these are considered as not ready circumstances prior to crits or exams... will u feel afraid??? r u u scared???? obviously..yea...n u will say... Owh God..I'm not ready..SO SCARED... what am i going to do... what if i failed??? k...generally speaking when one is not ready..more or less... he or she will feel afraid of the consequences....so..so what... about this DEATH thing... am i scared??? am i?? NOOOOOOOOOOO.. i can't say that.. I'm a Muslim.. n a Muslim shouldn't scare of death... then what???? i did say i'm not ready... did i???? WHATTTTTTTTTTT?????? waaaaaaaaa... so...so???? arghhh.. see.. this is the thing... i know no one can give me the answer... the truth is... finding the answer weather i am ready or not..isn't what i should be doing... knowing that... i should prepare myself instead... i am... i am trying hard to prepare myself for that big event in my life...but..it never seemed enough... and im so worried where will i end up in once all my deeds be judged by The Almighty...??? i really want Jannah... really want it... MashaAllah..knowing all the ultimate pleasures in Jannah.. who would refuse to get in it....??? and...im trying my best not to be amongst those, the dwellers of hell fire... but im afraid (arghhh.. again; 'afraid) i become one, out of my consciousness... Subhanallah..learning how horrible is the punishment...who would dare to get in...??? Ya Allah... I'm a week servant..become strong by the strength which u bestowed me... guide me in the right path... help me in preparing myself to face death...so i can awake with a smiling face on the day of judgment...o ME, be prepared...it might be tomorrow, might be in the next hour... go and get ready...hey, GET READY!!!...i am... huh???by writing a blog???? is that what u call preparing??? u got to be kidding me...hahha... err...er..
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