Friday, September 30, 2011

My Awesome Neil

Thursday was somewhat momentous. ahaha.. that prolly sounds a bit too dramatic. Anyway, I had a second mid crit for my major project. One last public review before the final presentation in November. I was all nervous since the night before. I really shouldn't be for I've been doing project presentation for like almost five years till now, but somehow, I was indeed not quite myself. I had a restless night like a typical-night-before-crit, in which I would either had no sleep or sleep like a sheep jumping on a trampoline on his two feet. I mean, tidoq jaga-lena-jaga-lena....

Unlike many other students, I was asked by my supervisor to prepare slides presentation other than 3A0 posters that go on the wall. I didn't finish the slides until like 30 minutes before the crit session started. It added to my nervousness that I had never set up the built-in projector in the allocated studio room where we'll be presenting. Being the only person using it, it was all up to me to set it up and I couldn't do it earlier that 6pm since there was a class running in the room. I was worried, like what if the projector didn't work, what if I couldn't use my laptop but the provided computer in which my animation might not work properly etc etc. and out of all days, I made a wrong decision wearing a skirt on that day. Putting up 3A0 posters-vertically aligned on the wall turned out to be quite a challenge. I am petite. I had to panjat up and down to pin up the massive sheets on the wall. Luckily some friends did give a helping hand. and for some reasons the projector cables had to tangled up behind the pc table, leaving me crawling underneath like a spider in a skirt. ahhaaha.. imagine doing all of those dgn control 'ayu'nya. note to myself, don't wear a skirt for the next crit.

The presentation started at 6pm, I was the third last person on the list. Everyone was given 20 minutes to present their work plus getting feedback from the critics. My sv Neil wasn't there when the session began. I thought he would be maybe 20 or 30 mins late for he's not an RMIT staff. He had to come all the way from his office after work. He's prolly hungry and went to grab something for dinner first. He's quite old btw. kesian dia kalau lapaq. one presentation after another and kelibat Neil masih tidak kelihatan. The weather was bad. The sky has been very upset for the last couple of days, maybe Neil was stuck in the traffic or so I thought. The clock stroke 715 and he's still not there yet. I began to panic. The thought of presenting without my sv was devastating. None of the critics had a clue about my project. And I don't have any other sv-mate, I mean, some svs tutor a few students, but I'm the only Neil's student. Neil's the only person in the world who understands my project and every time other sv 'backup' their students in the presentation, I felt scared. oh! what would happen to me? I got no one to back me up, not that Neil definitely would, but I know he won't let me get abused by others. ahaha.. I texted him but he didn't reply. My calls were pickup my the voicemail. =(

I waited and waited. The pain of waiting, oh! heaven knows. I've became so anxious when the person before me (according to the list) was presenting. I was upset and didn't feel like presenting at all. But posters were up. the slides turned on, I had to go anyway, with or without Neil. I said to myself, 'hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakeel'...

As I braced up myself and ready to go, one of the critics told me that Neil had just called him and said he would be there in 30 mins or so. So they moved my presentation to the last. What happened was Neil's flight had just touched down from Sydney, the flight was delayed due to the weather condition. I received a text from Neil as well, saying the same. I don't know how to describe how it felt. But I was reminded by the moment when prophet Ibrahim placed the knife on prophet Ishmail vein for the sacrifice. Then Allah revealed that he has completed his task and replaced with a lamb. How relief was he, how light must his heart felt to not actually sacrificing his son. Maybe it seemed totally unrelated and irrelevant to you. But I was extremely relief and grateful. It felt like, sunshine after the rain. My heart and head felt light instantaneously.

Neil arrived. My presentation went quite well, alhamdulillah. and I'm hoping the final one will be the best of all. ameen.

That day I learned that, sometimes... Allah tests us like that. He made the most probable thing end up seemingly like it would never happen and gave us no other option but to move on with whats left on us. Like, having your supervisor to be there for your presentation is the most common expectation of any student. Never had I thought I would have to go without Neil, thus I was very unprepared. But there I went, almost crying and felt so down, but eventually redha that I had to present anyway... and right before I present, Neil walked through the same door I had been staring for the last three anxious hours of my life. and of course, he had his reason for being late. To have Neil coming straight away from the airport is a blessing. I am grateful. He must've been very exhausted after few days of out station works and all. Thank you Neil. you're my awesome supervisor!

Kita jangan bersangka buruk dengan Allah. We planned, but Allah is The Master Planner. As commonly said, if its meant to be, it will be... it's just the matter of time. Waiting can be dreadful but if you're pleased with whatever Allah has decreed upon you. you'll do just fine.

It's just the matter of time... ;)

Here's some snippets of my project btw. Hope it'll serve as your eye candies after my long icky post.

"what in the world are you designing Asriah?"
ahaha... I'll write up about my project later. insyaAllah. when the time is right ;)

p/s: Neil Masterton is an architect from ARM here's his profile.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Less We Forget

Remember when you knew nothing but the face and voice of your mother. Remember when you liked everything including the striking red worn out sandals of your neighbor.

Remember when the sky always felt so high yet so touchable by the sunlight penetrated through the gaps of your fingers, your breath always felt so fresh, your mind was as light as the wind breezing the lovegrass lawn at the back of your door where you used to sit in the midst of it and got up with the seed heeds all over your pants.

Remember how a rainy day never grieved you, instead it called for joy of a mud bath and outdoor shower. Remember how rainbow always amazed you, leaving you wondering weather there was really a box of colorful floating ribbons and magic art tools at the both ends of it.

Remember how everybody pleased you, even just a smiling stranger. Remember, remember... remember how everything was so beautiful including me and you.

I think I remember, I hope you do too.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

One Stressful Post

I always find it a bit 'poyo' to always use 'stress' as an excuse for something. Eg; to get angry at others, to act sick, to skip classes, to apply for special consideration for late presentation/exams, to cry like a baby out of the blue.

Nevertheless, I think I in my not-so-right-mind do all the above except applying for a special consideration because as for me, no matter how stressful a situation can get, alhamdulillah... I always find a way to keep up with datelines. So it is what it is, saya jugak poyo lah mcm tu.

Anyways, we all have our own ways in managing stress... eg; shopping, p bertumbuk dgn org, tidoq tak bngun2... it always good to channel out our negative energy as long as, tak menyusahkan orang. apparantly, kalau p shopping pakai credit card cik abang tu, kesian la.. bertumbuk ngan org tu lagi buruk perangai.

There are also many reasons why someone gets so stressed out Workloads is a common example, a good and acceptable one. but there are many other reasons too, some are quite privacy... and in cases which you cannot share with others for reasons of appropriateness, or you stop sharing in order not to annoy others with your never-ending grief... it could eat you up. like seriously.. it begins to affect your health.

For example... sometimes it makes you heart go sprinting with no reasons. funny eh. But hey, the world does not revolve around you. the world goes around with or without your heart sprinting, I mean beating.... sometimes, you have to deal with it. if it's pain. painful it is. if it's stress, stressful it is.

Trust me, I've had ECG done, and the doctors said "it's stress"

Haha.. what a random post. anyway people. don't always buckle up inside. go talk to someone who cares. it'll help. don't let stress ruin your health.

smile, for smile sometimes is equal to.... happiness ;)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

On Happiness and Frantic Leap


There had been too many unpublished posts for the last couple of weeks. whilst writing this, my heart is wishfully praying that this one would be a finished post albeit part of me is confidently saying..'no, you're not gonna make it, u don't really have much to babble about tonight, u're not gonna talk about mat sabu or prof zainal kling, not even commenting on somalia or even 9/11 anniversary...u'll fall asleep halfway through the writing...' oh! that monologue was prolly unnecessary, a bit too much for an intro yea?

So how are you dear readers (if there were any laa)... blogging often feels like throwing words into space relying on the luck of random projectile motions, wondering or maybe more accurately hoping there'd be some wanderers with too much time in hands aka stalkers, stumbling upon it and subconsciously reading through all these words that may or may not carry any meaning to his or her life.

How is life getting on for everyone out there.. eh! this sounds so redundant...anyway, I sometimes sit on a tram, looking at strangers and wonder whats really on their mind, what sort of life are they living, what are their worries, are they happy? sad? anxious?. hahaa.. do I sound like I've got nothing to wonder about my own monotonous life to be so curious about others?

Well, I suppose, my life isn't so monotonous, maybe not as roller coaster as others but it does have its ups and downs. UPS and downs. oh, speaking of the two, how often do we complain about all the downs but rarely remember and be grateful for the ups. That goes to me most of all. ahhaha..

I've been contemplating about happiness a lot lately... about what makes someone happy, what really makes a happiness? is that an unexpected shiny day when you've had all your umbrella or poncho prepared for an outing, or a sweet surprise of chocolate and flowers from friends who care?

I am often reminded by Ibn Taymiyyah words, he said something like 'if a person does not find happiness in this world he is unlikely to find it in hereafter'. Thus, I sometimes feel scared when I grief. Little things as the aforementioned examples can definitely give temporary excitement. at least to me, they do... but I guess it all goes back to the most basic and tak-payah-cakap-pun-org-tau, it is to feel sufficient or content with what Allah has given to us.

This matter has been written and explained far too many times by Muslim scholars and philosophers. I'm not elaborating on that. But I'm telling you my dear readers (which might only be a future me), for an average person like me; to feel content takes a lot of faith. Faith in Allah SWT who's testing us with all sort of miseries... and... it is He-knows difficult. But no one ever says that to attain happiness in hereafter aka entering the jannah is easy.

I'm jealous of people who whenever is tested with hardships, he feels content, smiles and says "Allah is enough for me".

Hang on, why am I writing this? oh yeah! I'm trying to be a happy person. Am I sad? well... I guess we all have our own sadness at some point of times. Kalau tuhan bagi seronok sahaja, lupa daratan kot. I just feel that.. hmm how do I put it; would it make me a bad person if I should say I don't feel like I'm grateful enough? What else do I expect from this life? I have a loving family though I do not live with them, I have so many amazing and caring friends, I'm getting good education, living in a reasonable place, eating proper meals, wearing nice clothes, breathing clean air etc etc (which of the blessings will you deny?)

Of course, at this age, well.. 24 and.. umm, single? is quite something to think about. THINK about, not-yet worry about. Therefore, it shouldn't be so bothersome right? ahaha.. As I had spoken to many girlfriends of my age, the pressure is actually quite there. A really close friend is tying a knot at the end of this year, a few friends recently got engaged. there are 'blooming' babies more like mothers, here and there? ahaha.. I sometimes don't know how I feel. like... am I jealous? no I guess not, I'm excited every time I heard a friend is walking down the isle, eh silap I mean getting on the dais, eh tak jugak... takda sanding2... I mean... you know, completing the other half of his/her religion. It's exciting!!! Alhamdulillah!

It's just... for some strange-reasons-God-knows-who-can-explain-this, I feel scared. You know how we all are traveling on different paths in this life, some took the one less traveled. They aren't many people there... prolly met a few other travelers when the paths crossed, but paths only crossed at a junction... oh a junction is a junction, no one stays there for too long... everyone will move on to the path that is destined for them, and me... walking, so carefree... meeting new people and bidding goodbye at every junction... there would always be some familiar faces at some of the many junctions which sometimes lead you wondering while wandering weather are they following you or viceversa. There were moments when you'd expect them to end up taking the same route as yours but after a while you just get used to waving goodbyes.

What I really find scary is, to suddenly having a stranger you've never met in any of the junctions you've traveled to suddenly cross your path and does some kind of frantic leap entering your route. huh! *gasp*.. or maybe, you are the one doing that. ahahaa...

Okay, this post has gotten a bit too much. But life is sometimes like that, full of surprises, and surprises are good when you are not fainthearted. ahaha... Anyway, this post isn't totally about me, it came out of sembang2 I had with friends recently.

I don't know how to wrap it up, but all in all.... I'm trying to be happy person and prepared to be happy with whatever Allah would bestow upon me. Should I do a frantic-leap?