Friday, March 30, 2012

Of Forgiveness and Offences.

A crime in the eyes of law is a pleasure in the heart of a hooligan. oh well, maybe she/he isn't really a hooligan... maybe he/she is just a desperado. A desperado cherishes everything, for he got nothing.

Dear people, I have a curiosity. or to be exact, something I wish to learn. Should there be a manual, I'll throw an investment onto it... and there is no law, no hooligan no desperado.

Only a heart seeking to understand...

How do you forgive an offence that is about to be committed against you, knowing that you would never be able to forget it? Should anyone reading this have any idea on how to do it. Prey tell, for I've been trying my heart out... just, to understand why should there be a forgiveness at the first place when there wasn't an apology.

Maybe there was... an apology.

Saying "sorry" sometimes is just a custom. Like, "I'm sorry sir, you stink!" That's not a real apology. It's just a 'proper' way of telling a hurtful truth. Perhaps, sometimes you could sense a tinge of sympathy in such revelation. But very often, in the aforementioned situation, I believe the concern is the nose of the person disclosing the truth. Poor stinky man, you stink!

Hang on. This is a different story all together. Take this, would you let anyone trample on your beautifully blooming garden with a promise that things will grow back as usual. How usual is usual and how long do you think all the lavender and roses would take to grow and bloom. one whole year maybe? maybe you would have to wait for the next spring... and maybe it's a forthcoming spring of a distant future, a spring of a year prior to the summer which you disappear. Even the thought of trampling on someone's garden is unforgivable. 

Ah! here's a complicated heart bickering against a rational mind. Be forgiving, they say. Yes, sure. Yes, will do. I guess what it really takes is a blatant devotion. This is when my second thoughts get loud. 

There is no law no hooligan no desperado.
Only a heart seeking to understand and to be understood.

chewaaah. ahahaa.

Bitterness shall end here. Thank you for reading, and sorry for wasting your time.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Pavement Talk

Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was. 

Remember, there was a tsunami, it hit this place when we were sleeping and how we woke up at different places. It took mountains and oceans for us to find one another. It was long long long time ago. Perhaps a thousand years from yesterday. and yesterday was...oh how I could not remember, or I wished to never remember. 

Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was.

Hairline crack does not widen, its merely a hair line, they say. you cannot see from a distance... like a white hair blackened, its hidden. you could dye or you could lie. It's okay, we'll get a specialist to fix it. Have faith. It could never be perfect, but could always be fixed. They say, we must learn to bend without getting broken. Have faith.

Honey, tread wisely...

...we are in no hurry. 

Some days, like yesterday, the sun shone so brightly like diamonds in heaven... our feet barely touched the ground. Who cares what happened to the pavement. But honey, on days like today of yesterdays, it rained. Tread wisely, our feet were slippery. Like many rainy days before, we prayed in silence and walked with caution, for there is or there was, a crack in the pavement.

Honey, have faith. Let knees be broken, or feet get swollen... but we would never let the crack gets widen.

This is our road to heaven. 

Promise me, we'll tread wisely for there is... or there was...........

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Letter to Asriah

Dear a sixteen year old Asriah, 

How are you doing? How is school. I believe moving to a new a school ain’t easy. Everyone treats you like a junior even though you are now in form four. I know you won’t listen to me, but the guy who keeps sending you letter would bring you no good. Keep your head in its place. Ignore all the silly signals from the opposite sex. They are only approaching maturity you see, ah and so are you, I forgot. 

Oh yeah, let me introduce my dear self to you. Yes, I am dear to you indeed. I am your 25 years old self. Almost 25 really. As you might have guessed it’s year 2012. March 18th. So it’s still months away to our birthday. 

Things would change the way you never imagine, except for your size. Petite as ever, that’s your fate my dear. You can still fit in the exact baju kurung you’re now probably wearing. Unless you change your eating habit, I don’t know if it’d help though. You know that one student they often say bears a great resemblance to you, you despise it so much for you dislike to be associate with anyone. Have you seen how he looks like btw? I can’t quite recall when you would eventually see him. Anyway, I prefer not to tell of him, yet.. so you won’t anticipate anything. So yeah, at the age 25 you’d realize life can be quite funny sometimes, that dreams can come true, so do nightmares. You’ll meet many interesting people, trust me. So I remind you not to sell your trust and fall in love just yet. I know you won’t, just saying out of responsibility, you see. There are things that’s still the same though, other than your size, Palestine is still under the occupation of Israel. US is still as powerful as ever, and Saddam had died btw, ah, don’t tell mak just yet. She’d know eventually. 

Here is the reason I am writing to you. I am glad to inform you that the dream that you once had in your head full of doubts, has now come true. You are an architect. Unbelievable I know. Remember, last year, your last year of course, how would you remember my last year when you haven’t been there yet? Yeah, when you were building a straw tower or some sort, a thought crossed your mind, that lead you into choosing this path? The thought about becoming an architect. Hey, you did it. I mean, you will eventually did it? The sentence doesn’t make sense, does it, but you get what I am saying, do you? 

All the matters in your life seem to fall into its place, slowly they do. Just to give a realistic insight, you are not earning that much just yet. I have just started working over a month ago. But at this point, life feels if not fabulous, I would say full of gratitude, good. Alhamdulillah. 

Enough for now. See if I would write to you again. Don’t hope for it though, I’m sorry to tell you that I rarely miss you, or ever wish to turn back time and become you again.. Take good care of yourself. Don’t take too much sugar and drink more milk. Play in the sun sometimes, for in three years time you’re gonna miss it… 

You would grow up well. So Be happy and grateful, Asriah.

It would sound narcissist if I say I love you. I love you anyway. ;p

The 25 yr old Asriah.