Thursday, January 24, 2013

Miss Planny

Maybe I am a bit too obsessed with getting my life mapped out and planned.
I'm always busy keeping tracks and pulling out dates for almost every event
No matter if it's certain to happen or just an expected coincidence
I jot down with an almost macabre sense of confidence.

7 years ago when I started using a planner I was still a student
It was filled with dates for classes, exams and dues for school assignment
Today I am an architect with lots of meetings, site visit, pending submissions and appointments
But writing a planner is becoming more like an obsession, I recorded almost every occurrence
holiday, sales and bills, my favourite snacks expiry date and sometimes the weather condition
I put down the day I expected my shoes to get worn out and probably need to buy a new ones
And if I had missed something, it will be backdated at an instance

I am obsessed with pre-arranging and scheduling everything that sometimes
dealing with people can give me annoyance, like asking 'when?' and not getting the answer
Don't you give me a 'soon' or 'someday' because I don't know where they fit in my calender
I prefer a definite date like February 9th, April 25th or maybe 28th of November,
Or maybe if you like me to calculate, don't hesitate,
 'Monday next week or 3 weeks from today' will just do
I can quickly have a look and work out the date without further ado.

It frustrates me too that there are a few things I cannot put into my schedule
like when will the roses in my garden bloom or when will I fall sick and need to see the doctor
and most importantly when will I fall in love again so I can start noting on dates for anniversary
instead of counting days since the day he left me for somebody who is not very planny.
I wish I knew all these too.

Sometimes I ask myself if I need to unwind a bit
Not to the extend of throwing my planner down the pit
But maybe just maybe try to let life unfolds more naturally
Stop rushing around just to get things done and fulfilling all the activitties of the month
Make plans for what is only necessary like work related or dentist appointment
Leave coincidence to its nature and never should I force things to happen
So maybe, just maybe I can avoid a frequent let down and disappointment

And maybe just maybe I could be happy, at once.

p/s: part of this writing is fictional

Monday, January 21, 2013

On The Other Side of Where I am.

I had a long week last week. From technical meeting on Monday to Site Meeting on Tuesday to 3 days am to pm interaction meeting to another urgent site inspection on Friday. I'm exhausted, flat on my ass at the end of the week that I could hardly enjoy a fabulous Friday night family dinner of ikan bakar at Teluk Tempoyak. kesian kan. haha.

Anyway, no matter how tiring it feels sometimes, I do gain satisfaction with the thing I'm doing. Working in a consultant company has given me such a great opportunity to learn so much about the profession. I love being in charge of a project, flipping through tones of thick heavy drawings and reports no matter how they often caused me paper cuts, rushing to the site under scorching hot Malaysia sun that often makes me dizzy, I love coordinating people albeit sometimes feeling all lost and confused when speaking to the engineers and other consultants, contractors, councils etc. I love discussing technical issues, giving out ideas and solution or even to the extent of making decision. I am learning at a fast rate and improving what I was lacking so much before I started working; people skill. And to be told by my superior that I am reliable and competent is the best self esteem booster. I love being an architect.

My career has just started, I could see clearly although not quiet confidently where I am at and where I want to be in the next 3 to 5 years. But one thing I forgot was to keep reviewing my Plan B.

Somewhere in October 2012, I attended an interview for an Architect position in the Ministry of Works which I was quite 110% confident that I didn't pass, considering the number of applicants and my performance during the interview session. I can hardly say I did ok. But I guess, when you took such a large sum of government's fund for your education, you can't just get away with it. When I just got the offer, I was a tad flat with my feelings. Half of me wished I did not make it through. I have 7 years bond with the government, meaning it is a must for me to accept the offer. I do not have a choice.

But I must be grateful. Come to think of it, I pretty much received a free tertiary education. I do not have to pay back a single penny comparing to others who have taken loan or even ptptn and now are painfully paying back every month out of their limited useful income. I only need to work with the government and it's not so bad. 

I will still hold a position of an Architect although the prospect and even the scope of works are very different. I've been liaising with JKR's architects for the last few months and I could see the differences. I will not say which is better than the other, like everything else in the world, I believe being a government officer has its ups and downs and soon enough I will learn what they are. I only hope I will love my new work and workplace as much as I love being an architect in a private company or maybe even better, I will love it more.

I'll be on the other side of where I am now and let's hope I can make the best of it. InshaAllah.

Oh yeah, by the way, my brother suggested that I should get married before settling to a new place in case they put me somewhere out of Penang. So, should I launch like a 30 days to find love mission or something of that sort? hahaha. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013

When Love Arrives

"thank you for stopping by....."

This was in Melbourne, I would have been there if I were still in Melbourne. They are awesome, I know. Perfect pair. Not in a romantic sense. 

Urgh.. why oh why didn't you guys visit Australia in 2011. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Reality unfolds not the way we were often told.
All in all, Allah knows best.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Of Kids.

I was baffled with the story of a 13 year old trying to rape a woman at a Shell Petrol Kiosk. And today another story of a 14 year old committed suicide. 

At that age, I was trying to get used to a hostel life, making more friends, curing homesick, keeping good scores at school and saving up monthly pocket money for a little shopping with my sister at the end of the month.  Those things were like my greatest struggles. These kids, I wonder what kind of childhood did they have. 

God, I don't even know if I should be mad or sad for either of the story. And as a woman, you can't literally trust anybody, not even a kid with an innocent face. God...

Being a parent these days must be very challenging. I don't know if I would make a good mother. 

. . . . . . . . .  
In a parallel universe...

As I came back from work, a seven year old neighbour who was playing near by told me that I looked pretty today. Awwww~

But then he also asked if I had some change so he could buy some ice cream. duh! haha. pandai betul.

And why must he has the same name as yours. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

And Today, The Boss Was Mad.

I had a hard time at the office today. The boss was mad at me. 

However, I learned one valuable lesson.

No matter how hard I try, or how much confidence I had, I need to stop myself from pushing too hard. I have my limit and still have heaps to learn. I should not rush into doing things or trying to do everything at the same time. Take things slow, not too slow that I would be left behind... but slow enough to avoid choking while chewing and digesting all the new experiences and information. 

I made mistakes. I admit it. I believe admitting your mistakes is a step towards maturity. What's next? Be responsible? If you broke something- fix it, If you lost something - find it, If you took something - admit it, If you hurt someone - apologize, If you love someone - tell her. Ops! haha.. the final 'If' may or may not be a mistake. 

What was my mistake? I overlook a structural discrepancies between engineer's and architect's construction drawings causing some funny! 3000 mm cantilevered heavy slab without a proper reinforcement. I should have chased the engineer to come out with the correct drawing before the beams and slabs were casted on site but I was too occupied with some other projects and I totally forgot about it. I took the blame. 

So the whole evening I held a mesyuarat tergempar with the engineer and site staff trying to figure things out. Actually, it wasn't very tergempar because I needed to take a deep breath, calm down, drink coffee, re-evaluate the problems, shut off the emotional turmoil, go to the toilet yada yada... haha... but sitting down and discussing calmly is the key to solving almost any problem. 

p/s:  Dear someone, I wish I could talk to you and tell stories, but it's impossible, right?