Maybe I am a bit too obsessed with getting my life mapped out and planned.
I'm always busy keeping tracks and pulling out dates for almost every event
No matter if it's certain to happen or just an expected coincidence
I jot down with an almost macabre sense of confidence.
7 years ago when I started using a planner I was still a student
It was filled with dates for classes, exams and dues for school assignment
Today I am an architect with lots of meetings, site visit, pending submissions and appointments
But writing a planner is becoming more like an obsession, I recorded almost every occurrence
holiday, sales and bills, my favourite snacks expiry date and sometimes the weather condition
I put down the day I expected my shoes to get worn out and probably need to buy a new ones
And if I had missed something, it will be backdated at an instance
I am obsessed with pre-arranging and scheduling everything that sometimes
dealing with people can give me annoyance, like asking 'when?' and not getting the answer
Don't you give me a 'soon' or 'someday' because I don't know where they fit in my calender
I prefer a definite date like February 9th, April 25th or maybe 28th of November,
Or maybe if you like me to calculate, don't hesitate,
'Monday next week or 3 weeks from today' will just do
I can quickly have a look and work out the date without further ado.
It frustrates me too that there are a few things I cannot put into my schedule
like when will the roses in my garden bloom or when will I fall sick and need to see the doctor
and most importantly when will I fall in love again so I can start noting on dates for anniversary
instead of counting days since the day he left me for somebody who is not very planny.
I wish I knew all these too.
Sometimes I ask myself if I need to unwind a bit
Not to the extend of throwing my planner down the pit
But maybe just maybe try to let life unfolds more naturally
Stop rushing around just to get things done and fulfilling all the activitties of the month
Make plans for what is only necessary like work related or dentist appointment
Leave coincidence to its nature and never should I force things to happen
So maybe, just maybe I can avoid a frequent let down and disappointment
And maybe just maybe I could be happy, at once.
p/s: part of this writing is fictional