Skip to main content

LONELINESS

I am all alone in my apartment... but i know He is watching me... n His loyal angels are jotting down every single deed of mine.. hopefully this blogging thing ain't something bad... i need to keep on writing... this is, sort of self reminder.. cause, i might forget how i feel today, at this very moment..once i open my eyes tomorrow..if only..i do open my eyes, again... Somehow.. i really like being alone... i feel closer to Him... i become very needy, and i know He is there to suffice me... i feel really vulnerable, yet i know... i can always turn to Him... But...there are things at the back of my mind which..i try hard to forget... but it keeps coming back to me... especially, when I'm alone...my past... undoubtedly, it is really hard to get rid of the past...its not that i want to forget.. its just, i wish.. i don't think too much...its sort of unpleasant feelings...I'm haunted by my past..and its really hard to deal with...regret and repent never seemed enough... thinking about all the sins I've committed...i keep asking myself, why did i do such and such...say i was 'jahil'.. i don't think its an appropriate word..because... sometimes.. i really know such and such thing..it is 'haram'...it is a wrong deed.. yet still.. Ya Allah... i don't want to be amongst the wrongdoers anymore...i ask for Ur forgiveness... Forgive me O' Lord.. I wonder, how long do i still have before my journey in this world comes to the end??? do i have enough time to strengthen the piety in my heart??? do i have enough time to divert all my attentions n love toward this 'dunya' into the greatest love and submission to 'akhirat'..??? n do i have enough time to do good deeds and erase all the sins I've committed....??? do i??? do i???

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transition

Sometimes I wonder if I would still blog after I go back for good since it always turns out that I don’t really blog whenever I return to Malaysia. I’m back in Melbourne again. Despite everything I said about this place. I'm always thankful that I’m studying here. 8 hours is long enough, can’t imagine going further. Let alone going back during a short winter break like I just did. Haha… However, regardless how good Melbourne is, coming back here is never easy. It is not the place, it’s the transition. Travelling is tiring. Yes, like yesterday, I had to take two flights, one from Penang to KL, then KL to Melb, it is a lot more tiring for someone like me who could barely sleep in a plane. That’s why I enjoy traveling during the day and taking a window seat. I enjoy day dreaming while staring at those fluffy white clouds. Haha.. Weather change changes everything. I had never went back during winter before. So that was my first time experiencing an abrupt change from a...
12 comments
Read more

Willful Ignorance

I was too busy with architecture for the last few weeks.. . haven’t really got a chance to get my head around what’s going on in the world, especially back home in Malaysia. I felt detached from reality. I felt like I was living in ignorance. I felt guilty. Therefore, since I finished my final presentation yesterday (still got 2 submissions coming though)… Today, I decided to take a day off from architecture. I went out for a good lunch with a friend, had some retail therapy… and came back, get on the internet and try to update myself with some of the current issues. I read. I read. I read and I read. As a result. I feel sick. And I still feel guilty, way worse… I feel guilty and hopeless for knowing things I could never really do anything about. I know... I know...I know I’m a little behind. But I still need to put more efforts in understanding the following issues, I’m feeling lost and mentally constipated just by reading one or two news/articles/blogposts about them. 1. ...
2 comments
Read more

Kerja Tak Siap Lagi!

I guess one of the real problem with Malaysian Architecture is it lacks of publication even on the internet. I have been browsing for Malaysian architecture these few days and surprisingly I found that there are many amazingly great projects back home. I stumbled upon many photos of interesting designs that I wish I could dig further for my assignment. But it is frustrating that how brief most of the information is. I also wonder if having a website is such a big deal (expensive, is it?) since not many firms have a website, let alone a good one. Some websites I have to say are not inviting at all. Many use dark/navy blue as the primary color, why is it? I don’t hate blue, but it’s not tasty at all as an architecture website… I also found some real good architects who keep blogs, but the problem with a blog is, it depends on the updates. Therefore, even if it is a current project (since some projects run for years), but if the post was 7 months ago, the blog seems abandoned. Besides, it...
5 comments
Read more