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Ampuniku...ya Tuhan...

Agak seketika smenjak post yg lalu....dan hari ini.. aku kembali menatap ruang blog ini... kembali mencoret cebisan2 rasa... moga ada redha dlm lena dan jaga...
Ramadhan... ramadhan ini ramadhan pertama aku disini.. suasana baru...dan yang penting... tekad yang baru... sesegar tekad yang ada.. ku pohon pdNya teguh jiwa ...bagai baru semalam segalanya bermula.. dan hari ini.. atas kurnia usia drNya..aku masih menelusuri denai2 payah dan susah demi esok yg lebih cerah... hanya padaMu ya Allah..ku sandar tekad dan harapan... suatu imbauan pd pengisian ramadhan...kisah jahilliyah.. ya... Jahilliyah.. bukanlah jahilliyah pd rangka masa yang merujuk pd masyarakat arab sebelum kedatangan islam.. ttapi jahilliyah yg tumbuh hidup dan bersarang dlm jiwa...menjadi sebati dgn hati dan diri...nauzubillah...
sejenak pada hari-hari lalu hidupku... betapa aku mensiakan nikmat usia yang ada...jahilliyah ku pada tingkah dan kata... astaghfirullah...ampuniku ya Allah...

Jahilliyah- apa baja yg ku tabur hingga begitu subur tumbuh dlm jiwaku hingga berat nan sarat untuk ku hambat.. bahkan liat nyawa untuk ku bunuh...jawapan biasa lg bershaja... 'aku mangsa keadaan..mangsa pada serangan minda yang tak ku sedar.. dan aku hanya mangsa...' hah... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa.. membiar diri menjadi mangsa sedang kau tahu pilihanya ada... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa... akur pada keadaan sedang taatmu harusnya pada tuhan... bodohlah kau wahai jiwa...mengaku kalah sedang usaha mu tiada selangkah...nikmat mata kau persia pd cerita2 dusta di kotak kaca, kau hala pd sudut2 ruang yg harus kau tunduk pndang... kau hidang dengan indah dunia yg sementara...sedang mata itu bakal ditnya... bakal menatap tuhannya.... airmta tumpah pd secalar luka kerna manusia...sedang doamu kontang skalipun dosamu bergantang... nikmat dengar kau jamu dengan lagu2 hina kisah cinta manusia melanggar susila, pd suara2 sumbng penyair kufar dan fitnah2 manusia ingkar kau sandar dengar....sedang ayat2 tuhanmu lebih indah dr syair dan lagu...nikmat lidah kau khianat pd ucap yg tiada manfaat...pd alunan kata nista yg mencerca... pada bicara yg mengundang dosa... sedang kekok mengalun indah ayat2 tuhanmu..sedang tiada mampu mendebat tatkala agamamu difitnah hebat... tiada mampu tegar pada yg benar...terlalu sukar melafaz ampun atas dosa yang bertimbun... dan.. segumpal darah..seruang rongga didadamu..kau biar tidur lena..tiada diisi ruangnya... tiada dihadirkan pd tindak dan kata... wahai jiwa.. rugi lah dirimu jika kau terus begitu... ya..jiwa yang bangun mula sedar dan segar... aku bukan mangsa..bukan juga hamba kepada sesiapa.. aku adalah hamba Tuhanku..pemilik segala singahsana.. penaung takhta segala takhta...tiada lagi mahu terjerat pada cabang2 laknat.. pd sakibaki jahiliiyah yg memusnah...

semalam.. suatu kisah kelam dan hitam.. dan hari ini.. mendungnya masih ku rasa.. namun suluh sinar yg bermula..terbitkan sekelumit cahaya..menghambat reda kabut2 semalam....alhamdulillah...

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