mirpof

Dear Someone, I am sorry for all the things I have said.  I am sorry for causing you pain and suffering. I am sorry for your fear and regrets. I am sorry for the time we have wasted. I am sorry for not trying hard enough. I am sorry for not being strong enough not to cry. I am sorry for not being able to hate. I am sorry to keep on hoping. I am sorry for making you try so hard. I am sorry for all the disappointment. I am sorry for remembering too much. I am sorry for being unforgiving. I am thankful for the lesson and wisdom. I am thankful for the roses, the books and all the gifts. I am thankful for the kind words and good wishes.  I am thankful for every poem ever written for me. I am thankful for the efforts and appreciation. I am thankful for the memories. I am sorry and thankful for everything. Yours truly, As

Wit: This is all you fault! Love: Oh yeah, now you are blaming me for everything, you were the one who encouraged her to admit my existence. Wit: I was merely helping her to find Happiness. I thought you’ll make Happiness stay. That was what I heard about you. Happiness: Someone says my name? Love: Damn you smug. Where have you been, I thought you were dead or something, I always like you more than Sadness but too bad you are always missing. See how things turned out when you keep going away. Happiness: If I’m always around, people won’t appreciate me. Plus I need a break too sometimes. Love: You’re taking too long, now it’s too late. I don’t see where you fit in anymore  her life is a total disaster. And by the way Wit, I did make her happy, right Happiness? I made you stay around for eight hundred and forty eight days minus the days when Infidelity crept in but you did hang around didn't you Happiness? Happiness: Well, I guess ...

I need a vacation.  I need to break away from all this never ending works and use up all my remaining annual and OT leaves which would be nullified as the new year start. Here, we are not compensated for our unused holidays. Such a shame. I like to go to a far away place, where there's no expectation. A total foreign place where there's no one I know and see things I had never seen in my whole life. I'd like to fall in love with a new place, and perhaps with new people too. I have never been in love with a stranger, would it ever be a sweet thing to do? ahaha. Fall in love, with a total awareness in my mind that it would only last for a few days. No heartbroken afterwards, only sweet memories.  However, I don't want to go Europe. Although, last year I only had a chance to visit a minor part of the vast British empire, I don't feel like going there again.Yes, I like to go to Venice, Paris and most of all Santorini. But those can wait. For now, if I cou...

Semoga saya menjadi manusia yang tahu bersyukur....

There is a huge different between rightfully fulfilling a task through the power/position given and fully but merely exercising power over a situation . Yes I am stating the obvious. Although, the one who commits the second often claims to be doing the former. In the eighth month of my job, I was thrown in at the deep end.  I was assigned a rather difficult and complicated task.  But, Alhamdulillah, I'm not alone. I have a good mentor at the office. Sometimes, what I like about my job is meeting people. Although, most of the times, it gives me headache. By virtue of meeting, knowing and learning about others, it tells how different we all are. How we all have our own eccentricities, that sometimes we don't even realise but seen through others' eyes. Many of us who seem to be working in the same field, going through pretty much the same routine, be at the same place, speak the same language can always have different intention, dreams and mea...

I never miss school.  But I miss the life as an RMIT student very much. I browsed through the contents of my Bintang, Bintang is my hard drive... and I found this photo.  A photo of my friend and I doing site study for a project. The friend in the photo is Mastura, she's expecting a baby at the end of this month. I haven't met her since she's pregnant. I can hardly imagine my petite friend with a bulging tummy, haaha.. I believe she's still very pretty anyway, as always. I kinda miss her too. Hey Mas, if you're reading this. I hope you and your baby stay healthy, take care and God bless.  Life seems to be progressing quite fast somewhere else. Mine is not that bad actually... and... and..  don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my working life. I'm learning so much in such a short period of time. But it's just...something, some moments, some people in life, you  can never have back... no matter how hard you reminisce or even... try. ...

Someone shared this video on twitter last night. well, to begin with, I'm touched when someone shares link of videos/blogs/story they enjoy directly to me, good things shared are twice as good and sharing is caring after all, although spam is not included. perhaps I'm just being sentimental.  I love this anyways! So, thank you, someone. do tag more @kiambang. haha! p/s: nak tengok teater, anyone?

I miss the luxury of not having to drive to get somewhere. We could decide to go to the beach on Sunday morning without worrying where to park the car. I could hop on a tram not worrying if I ever get lost because even if I did I'll just take another tram that goes in the opposite direction. I always get lost anyway. It doesn't scare me anymore.  But here, in a country called home, things are a lot more confusing and frightening.  I am learning to live, like a child learning to walk, every step is a struggle. Bless the child with supportive parents, holding her hand or at least waiting at the end ready to catch her should she fall. But, the child must learn to fall and get back up on her on. So the parents keep an eye and let her fall sometimes, otherwise she wouldn't learn.  yeah, that's more like it. But learning to live ain't  as simple as that, you can't expect your old man to be next to you when you stumble and fall. You must learn to walk and ...

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose, Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses. On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud que de nos chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit... Que tu m'aimais encore, C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore. Serais ce possible alors ? On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout Parais qu'le bonheur est à portée de main, Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit ... Mais qui est ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'aimais? Je ne me souviens plus c'était tard dans la nuit, J'entend encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits "Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que j'vous l'ai dit" Tu vois quelqu'un m'a dit... Que tu m'aimais encore, me l'a t'on vraimen...

Me, in loving memory. *lol* Let's just be bold and honest. Women got paid less in this industry and we have to work twice as hard. To do the work and to prove that we are worthy of the task and the consequences. We struggle to stand up to accusation that when we made a mistake, it is due to us being human, not because we carry womb in our stomach resulting in the reduction of our brain capability in handling big tasks. Men make the same mistakes that we do, thus, we deserve the chances as much as they do. Queen Elizabeth never married. We are, God-made emotional creatures. but that comes in a package, He made us excellent in multi-tasking. Don't worry about our emotion, whatever emotional turmoil befalls us, we'll get the work done.  There's a beginning to everything in this world. The first moment, the earliest experience in life of doing something major can be nerve wrecking to just anyone, men or women, young or old. To a young and inexperienced ...

There was once a fisherman's wife, who always stood by the sea and sang... "Row row row thine boat,  safely at the sea, till thou cometh back for me I shall wait for thee" They said the husband never returned, and she turned into a stone. What a sad story. I said.

As I overheard their conversation, re-analyse their jokes, or the remarks they sometimes nonchalantly give in a circumstance I could have never expected, I know now, that there is wisdom in what is made obliged upon us women... which is to cover, what should be covered. ladies, dress decently.

Last Saturday, There are a few things that have been troubling my mind lately. In attempt to get out of my troublesome feelings, I went out to a book store in a quest for a good book. I was halfway through reading Tess of D'Urbavilles, a tragic love story that eats up so much emotion in reading it, thus I decided to look for something more philosophical or poetic, or something on the other side of romanticism. But the opposite happened... The Relationship Books. urgh, my bed sheet looks so ugly in this photo After scavenging hither and thither around the store, I couldn't find a single book that suits my early preference and I settled for the least expected book, although the book has long been in my to-be-read list, I do not have a plan to read it so soon. But somehow, I bought it. I actually bought a combo pack, one is Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus and the other one is Mars and Venus staring over.  I've heard about the book so long ago, becam...

Although I believe my blog isn't a tv series which everyone can't miss and impatiently wait for every next new episode and most of you readers, (if they were any) might only read this blog by accident or perhaps in circumstance when there ain't any other things to read, I still feel obliged to write what I said I would do in the previous post. I believe, for every muslim out there, who still believes in this religion, or for just anyone who behold onto a religion, there is a soft spot for God's words.  Yusoof is a consolation for a number of reasons. here's a few of the obvious ones.  1. The story, is easy to remember. Out of the many surahs in the quran, surah Yusoof as far as I knew is the only surah (correct me if I'm wrong) that tells a single story from the very beginning till the end. . Thus, it makes the whole story easy to understand and remember especially for those who struggle to learn arabic like me. When you understand something, i...

Dear readers, I hope it's not too late to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri,  maaf zahir batin taqabalallahu minna waminkum solehul a'mal. kullu 'am wa antum bkhir. ;)

I had long favour the Yusoof more than the other, and I ask Allah to pardon me for that.  For a person, who has only basic knowledge of Arabic, I rely a lot in the tafseer to understand the general meaning of the ayahs in the Quran. I am not a hafizah, like most of you or maybe worse, I find memorising quran is a real challenge. It was easier as a child. I remember memorising surah Al-A'la just by listening to my dad reciting it quite frequently in solah al-maghrib.  There was a phase of my life which I had dedicated to listening to the audio of tafseer, sometimes while doing work etc, I regret it didn't become a habit. But alhamdulillah, it had got me the interest of reading the meaning of the quran, instead just reciting the ayahs. You know what I mean, if you're not an arabic speaker like me. This article is a perfect read. It is what I put into practice every Ramadhan, when I should be doing that all year round. such a shame!. I wish I had been more det...

Assalamualaikum readers, It's the eighth day of Ramadhan today, how is everyone so far. I wish you all a blessing month and most of all I wish Allah make it light for our body to maximize our ibadah as our heart remains straight on the intention to please Him. My dear readers, How does that feel if you were accused for a crime you did not commit? Will you be mad for the wrong claim made against you? how about vice versa? as in... if you were assumed to be a very good (or should I say pious) person when you know at the very deep of your heart, that you struggle to become that very person, and your are just not there yet? Would you stand adamant for false flattering comments? or would you say thank you and act accordingly? What is the benchmark of hypocrisy? I sometimes choose to say thank you in respect to other's opinion especially the people I've just met. But it often leaves me with a never ending guilt. It ain't their fault. bu...

I had never been good at realistic rendering, thus, for the past five years of study I always opted out for a rather fancy and surreal representation of my work, such is my final year project, The Tamed Giant  was presented in a comic style!  However, very recently, a fellow architect at the office had introduced me to this awesome software called Lumion, I was really fascinated at the quality of images it produces, and most of all the animated elements in it, like the rippling water, the swimming fish, the flying birds, the sun that rises and the people that move, more like shuffling, but hey... it's just too awesome and seemed way more handy than Maya and 3DMax. So I bugged him day in day out to install it on my computer, so he did. I had previously mentioned that Lumion comes in rather handy in comparable to those two epic software. But I like to make a point that  based on my little knowledge and experiences with Maya and 3DMax,  Lumion is a lot easier to le...

Not so long ago, a friend has  introduced me to this song. Stumbled upon it again today while randomly clicking on youtube. Kinda lifted my dispirited mood. Thanks Katie, and thank you friend. :) 

Naive. I guess that's how it seems to them. Well, there are 'common' things I don't know, or never heard of, thus when asked, I look rather stunned. Who the hell knows what ' demam kepialu ' is?! okay, at least there's someone else here who didn't know it as well and went googling for it. well, it's just good to know that I am not alone. cheers ;)

I have never really been a fan of big brands. Mostly because I can't afford it, and, maybe it's due to me being quite a cheapskate when it comes to buying certain things. My impulse buying betrays me sometimes, although most of the times, I'm rather  fussy with my choice, and very often on quality and appearance rather than brands.  However, I rather go for a brand-less or a more affordable brand than using the fake ones, be it handbags, shoes, clothing, electronic devices etc, no matter how close the item resembles the originals. There are plenty of them, all sort of brands, Louie Vuitton, Ferragamo, Chanel, Beats by Dr. Drei (<--- recently found in a shop close to my office) and here in Malaysia, all the fake ones are sold everywhere even in a big supermarket. As per say, I rather wear Asadi than fake Adidas. Or carry a handbag from Nose than a faux Coach. Same goes to Converted Mitsubishi Lancer, which originally was Proton Inspira.  I don't know ...

Teeth have been making significant improvement. It's exciting to see. I have to say that all my upper front teeth are now aligned, my protruding incisor has nestled almost perfectly into the gap where a premolar was extracted. The whole set are now needed to be shifted to the right to close another gap and centralise the whole bunch. My bottom teeth seem to move a bit slower than the upper set resulting my two front teeth to stuck out a bit, making a bottom overbite. I hate to see my lower lips jutting out, not so much though, people don't seem to notice or don't even care to notice this minor change of my lips, I tuck in my bottom lip sometimes, like a fat person with pooch belly tucking his tummy to appear slim.. haha... anyway, this would be temporary. InshaAllah. The orthodontist has placed some funny thing across my bottom brackets, it hurts so much for a few days, almost a week. Its like the first week of having the braces on, the pain has resided now. Here's...

I like meeting suppliers, how they often try their best to convince me they got the best in their line of production. I like the way they look confidently into my eyes hiding their indignant of the doubtful air echoing in my every inquiry. I like the persuasiveness in the tone of their voice, how they get defensive sometimes to the extent they slyly yet professionally belittle other comparable products that I've never heard of. I like the cheerfulness in their smile, albeit for my faux admiration which I habitually give...and I'm getting better at it. I know that they know, the decision is still mine. That I can choose not to use their products regardless what the say and they are competing with other suppliers I might have met before who had probably won me. But they try their best still.  All in all, I just simply enjoy learning of new products and meeting enthusiastic people who have firm believe in what they are doing or at least that's ho...

I wore a knee length plain fuchsia dress, a pair of black pants and a floral head scarf. I guess, I appeared a bit made-up for I had an interview on that day. I was walking toward Surau at R&R Tapah when two guys sitting on the kerb muttered something to me. I couldn't really register their words until I walked a few steps passed them. It was something between whistling and flattering, then I realized it was nothing serious but the playful remarks a lady often gets especially she's walking alone. I got that sometimes. Not very often, but sometimes and it has been many times. I believe many of you have experienced something similar... and it could be worse. If I were to rate the above scenario on a scale of 1-10. I'll give it  1. or maybe 1.5. Imagine 10. What makes they do that to us? what makes us so vulnerable to men that they think they could freely harass us on the street? Is that in the way we dress, the way we walk or the way we look or the way we n...

I might be having a little change of heart.  Indeed Allah knows best, thus we pray to him for the best. He knows.

I was told to be blessed, for this silk frolic scarlet dress, not everyone has. They said, it suits me best. Like no other dress, perhaps this is really the best looking dress among all the ancient dresses you could find in my broken wooden chest. What I never told you. I was a warrior before. My feet are here but my heart remains in the war... and no dress gives me comfort like the steel vest I used to wear... and nothing makes me feel secure like the rusted helmet in my kept-life.  I wish for no luxury, I yearn for days with swords and archery.  I haven't written my story. Don't try to chain me into this palace of disgrace. Of me, being a lady and must remain within the life of celibacy, abstained from challenge and mystery? Enough. There is no harmony in the song you sing for me. I wish for nothing but to remain a warrior in this dried soil of reality.  and no one knows best, but He. The heck was the above writing? ahaha. I was called out for a...

One sad evening, I made a wish to be a florist. When was that sad evening, it is not now of course, but perhaps just now. It rained beautifully, it is raining still. You know how in the movie, it has to pour to make a scene dramatic. Oh, that is! perhaps, I am just being dramatic, there is no sadness after all. Just a normal evening, the sun is just leaving, and the moon is idly rising. I'm sure they blew each other a kiss twice a day. At dawn, and just about now... at dusk. Oh dear, what a faithful couple but never would be together. It's good to be home around these hours, especially after days of working around the clock. The clock should learn to work around us. Why must we go about complying to something we invented. Stupid head, it is not the  clock you're abiding, it's the time. Ouh yeaaah! there goes my little voice. She is a lot cleverer sometimes, talks too much though, especially when I am quiet. Words to me could be like gasses sometimes. Have y...

A crime in the eyes of law is a pleasure in the heart of a hooligan. oh well, maybe she/he isn't really a hooligan... maybe he/she is just a desperado. A desperado cherishes everything, for he got nothing. Dear people, I have a curiosity. or to be exact, something I wish to learn. Should there be a manual, I'll throw an investment onto it... and there is no law, no hooligan no desperado. Only a heart seeking to understand... How do you forgive an offence that is about to be committed against you, knowing that you would never be able to forget it? Should anyone reading this have any idea on how to do it. Prey tell, for I've been trying my heart out... just, to understand why should there be a forgiveness at the first place when there wasn't an apology. Maybe there was... an apology. Saying "sorry" sometimes is just a custom. Like, "I'm sorry sir, you stink!" That's not a real apology. It's just a 'proper' way o...

Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was.  Remember, there was a tsunami, it hit this place when we were sleeping and how we woke up at different places. It took mountains and oceans for us to find one another. It was long long long time ago. Perhaps a thousand years from yesterday. and yesterday was...oh how I could not remember, or I wished to never remember.  Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was. Hairline crack does not widen, its merely a hair line, they say. you cannot see from a distance... like a white hair blackened, its hidden. you could dye or you could lie. It's okay, we'll get a specialist to fix it. Have faith. It could never be perfect, but could always be fixed. They say, we must learn to bend without getting broken. Have faith. Honey, tread wisely... ...we are in no hurry.  Some days, like yesterday, the sun shone so brightly like diamonds in heaven... our feet barely touche...

Dear a sixteen year old Asriah,  How are you doing? How is school. I believe moving to a new a school ain’t easy. Everyone treats you like a junior even though you are now in form four. I know you won’t listen to me, but the guy who keeps sending you letter would bring you no good. Keep your head in its place. Ignore all the silly signals from the opposite sex. They are only approaching maturity you see, ah and so are you, I forgot.  Oh yeah, let me introduce my dear self to you. Yes, I am dear to you indeed. I am your 25 years old self. Almost 25 really. As you might have guessed it’s year 2012. March 18th. So it’s still months away to our birthday.  Things would change the way you never imagine, except for your size. Petite as ever, that’s your fate my dear. You can still fit in the exact baju kurung you’re now probably wearing. Unless you change your eating habit, I don’t know if it’d help though. You know that one student they often say bears a great re...