I miss the luxury of not having to drive to get somewhere. We could decide to go to the beach on Sunday morning without worrying where to park the car. I could hop on a tram not worrying if I ever get lost because even if I did I'll just take another tram that goes in the opposite direction. I always get lost anyway. It doesn't scare me anymore.
But here, in a country called home, things are a lot more confusing and frightening.
I am learning to live, like a child learning to walk, every step is a struggle. Bless the child with supportive parents, holding her hand or at least waiting at the end ready to catch her should she fall. But, the child must learn to fall and get back up on her on. So the parents keep an eye and let her fall sometimes, otherwise she wouldn't learn. yeah, that's more like it. But learning to live ain't as simple as that, you can't expect your old man to be next to you when you stumble and fall. You must learn to walk and run and fly on your own, and if you fall you must not let them see. They've done enough for you, now must not let them worry. Every bruise and scratch should be properly covered. Life is a solitary battle.
Solitary, does it make us fell lonely? I miss my solo strolling on a depressing day. I miss walking alone in the park or visiting gallery or eating in the mall, alone, without appearing socially awkward. I miss doing things my way without getting judged all the time. Ignorance is bliss they say, it is more than that to me. Although, I don't have problem working in a group or hanging out with a bunch of people, I have to admit that I am not really a social creature. I like being alone, or going out only with a small group of people. I mostly enjoy a company of a single person who can tolerate spending hours at bookstore and not buying a single book, going in and out of clothing shops and not liking even one, always having the need to go to home decore/d.i.y store without having anything to buy and not knowing where to eat but have an eccentric description of what I feel like eating. hahaa.
I've been listening to Carla Bruni lately and this song is on repeat when I am writing this.
(English Translation)
Everybody is a strange person,
And everybody has a tangled soul,
Everybody has some humming childhood,
At the bottom of a forgotten pocket,
Everybody has pieces left of dreams,
And corners of destroyed life,
Everybody has sought something one day,
But everybody hasn't found it
But everybody hasn't found it.
Everybody would have to demand to the authorities,
A law against all our lonelyness,
That no one will ever be forgotten,
And that no one will ever be forgotten.
Everybody has a hell of a life going on,
But not everybody can remember it,
I can see some that fold it and even break it,
And I can see some that can't even see it,
And I can see some that can't even see it.
Everybody would have to demand to the authorities
A law against all our indifference,
That no one will ever be forgotten,
And that no one will ever be forgotten.
Everybody is a strange person,
And everybody has a tangled soul,
Everybody has some humming childhood,
At the bottom of a forgotten hour,
At the bottom of a forgotten hour...
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