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Regret?

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my sister regarding ‘regrets’. Yes, regrets… my sister and I, we always talk about pretty much everything… odd as it might sound; I suppose it’s quite a normal topic for us.

As I reflect about my life, I find that I don’t have that many regrets to mention, except one… one thing that keeps bothering me on and on. Before I go any further, I would like to state that, though this might appear a bit shameful to some, I don’t mind sharing… else, I won’t write… I wrote about this before and I’m writing about it now…

Something I’ve always wished for since I don’t know when is to be very good in English and Arabic and I regret not taking learning these two languages seriously when I was little.

I learned Arabic for 3 years when I was in SMKA. I wasn’t very excellent but I did quite well I would say. But since I left for Sek Sains… That’s just it… Last 2 years, I had an online tutor, a Yemeni Arab who is studying in Malaysia. But it’s quite tough to learn it online and it ended after about 6 months… anyway, the tutor and me are still friends, which is good =) I tried to learn it myself, many times.. I bought books and stuff, but it didn’t work… I seriously think I should take a proper class… well, I did look for it once, it was really good… the syllabus was brought from Jordan… but my busy architecture schedule did not allow me to attend such classes, that program requires a serious commitment. Again, my intention was hindered. But I’m still hoping that someday… I’ll be able to relearn Arabic and be very good at it…

And for English.. urgh! Tula..kecik-kecik dulu baloq! I already blogged about this long time ago. Well, who can deny the importance of English? I keep thinking… What’s up with me? I learned English since standard 1 and now at the age of 22, my English is still horrendous. When I just arrived in Melbourne, my English was even worst… but Alhamdulillah… there is a slight improvement in it… There was once in my life, for a semester to be specific, I got extremely frustrated with my English (my course involves a lot of presentations, and essays)… just imagine, I went to class with tones of drawings that enough to cover up the whole school (ok, I’m just exaggerating, but heaps of works, seriously) but still failed to deliver a convincing proposal because my speech wasn’t beautiful enough to describe my work or as my tutor said “you should know how to talk about your building?”... Yet a local girl who did only a few sketches made his day because she gracefully described her project. Anyway, it’s not always like that… some tutors do understand international students very well… they will overlook your English, listen attentively and try to understand what you are saying… but it was my fate at that very time that I got a tutor who loves one who talks about building like a poet talks about lover… it was a class full of locals (of course my spoken English is the worst, I don’t pronounce ‘day’ as ‘die’) and I felt so small (literally too.. haha)… But I don’t blame him for that… An architect needs to defend his designs for the rest of his life. Unlike many other things that end upon completion, design is a thing that consumes the designer’s life. As long as a building stands still, it is opened to criticism and the architect has to always face it and defend it… in fact, even if it collapses and crumbles, again the architect has to stand up for it.

Ok, so I got really upset and was so dishearten with my English. Since that I try to read more… Oh, I always love reading… but I try to read more and more, English books of course… and I told my housemate to correct my spoken English. Haha… I even prayed to Allah to send me an English teacher (and I added to that… If I were to get married, let he be the one who is excellent in English so that my kids won’t be like me and he can tutor me too…hahaha… it is still left unanswered, but who knows tomorrow….syhh.. isn’t this suppose to be a secret???) I was very very frustrated… Allah hasn’t sent me an English teacher… but I think he might have sent me a good friend who always helps me out for my English… Thank you Allah, and thank to you too…

Nevertheless, I still feel bad about my English… especially when now I have a degree from oversea… it’s common for people to expect me to be proficient in English, right?... but my English is just so-so. Aaaaa!!!! Takpa, berusaha!

p/s
1. Kalau ada org kata.. “tak malu ka duk cerita kat org tak reti bahasa?”
Haaa.. tau dak sbb apa org sakit jiwa ramai jadi kronik (gila)? Pasal masa duk lompat sikit-sikit tu tak mau mengaku sakit… lagipun kalau tak reti, buat pa nak bodoh sombong?
2. To my dear friend who always gets annoyed whenever I complain about my English, I hope you won’t read this post.
3. And to you who helps me a lot during my degree… ( ada 4 sem lg utk master… rajin dak lagi nak tolong check?) hehe…
4. Ada org kata, nak elok sampai tara mana? –as good as my malay!
5. Kak sarah kata “suka tulis post panjang2!”- ni org tak masuk bahasa cina lagi.. hehe

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Comments

lara aisya said…
hahahahhah...panjang sangat...next post buat essay ya....
January 14, 2010 at 9:01 PM
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