Anyway, we girls open up to each other most of the time.
Most of us grew up reading fairy tales, in which wedding is always the happy ending… a prince will do everything while the princess just has to lay somewhere sleeping, combing her hair, eating poisoned apple or cleaning a stepmother house. Even in Malay folklore, the girl will always be someone who is innocent, naïve, bullied, born with a fish, has a veggie name, and kind, well stupidly kind and beautiful. So we grew up dreaming… hoping, eventually at the end of the day… a prince or a gentleman will come knocking on our door… after fighting dragons and all sort of strange creatures, sweep we off our feet… marry us and live happily ever after.
Most of us are not princesses. We were not born in a castle and cast out to live with dwarfs in a jungle and fated to wait and wait until someone who strangely curious enough to come searching for a wife in a jungle. We are living in 20s century where women and men are equal in many ways. Also, we don’t just fall for someone who happen to save us from something, whatever it is. Most women today are educated and sophisticated. Women don’t just deal with domestic stress but also carrier and other external responsibilities. We know that in reality, there is no happily ever after… happiness and sadness alternatively take place in our life. When the sun gets low, the storm always ready to blow… but then, there will be a rainbow, well at least... sometimes.
There is a girl in every woman.
She could be a state minister but behind the curtain she might still fancy plushies and Barbie. She just stops showing her interest… so she could appear poised and composed in public. But if a woman shows you her childish and vulnerable side.. don’t just go “wooo! What in the world is wrong with you… I thought you’re someone blablabla etcetctec…” She is still that same person you knew, but it’s just more about her that you need to know… just because at one point, she is acting against what you thought of her, doesn’t prove you wrong… no she wasn’t wearing a mask… women contradict themselves all the time… and you just need to understand, there is a girl in every woman… just like there is a boy in every man. Oh come on… don’t act so superior… I know a 37 years old man who still enjoy dragon ball and naruto, a 23 years old who wants a control car, the same thing I was asked for by 9 yr old nephew… I know a 42 yr old dad who enjoys assembling toys for his kids and you could see that he is doing it out of his own interest… those are just examples… but my point is adults do act childish sometimes… when it comes to the worse, be it man or woman, we do cry, throw tantrum, say stupid things, sulk, yell…..are these all mature?… for God sake, no!
I'm not you.
Despite having so many similarities, like education, background, political views, interest, jobs and hobby… we are created different... Men, are generally natural thinker.. they put their head before their heart…and this makes them good leaders, being able to put feeling aside, will allow them to be just and that’s also why in Islam they are allowed to polygamy. While women are generally natural feeler… we prioritize feelings most of the time… we buy things we can’t really afford because we like it so much, we say yes to things we don’t want to do because we feel guilty to turn down a request… we give out false hope, because we sympathize a man in love… we say things we don’t mean just simply because we are angry… and we cry over someone’s else grief even when we don’t really understand. Therefore, a man shouldn’t be so judgmental about a woman especially based on her emails, ym or sms… It takes beyond that to get to know someone, but one thing is crucial… be prepared for the surprises. A thing about all this sort of communication technology is it allows us women who are already, always preoccupied with feelings to be more expressive, sometimes aggressive. That’s why most twitter users are female. It’s apparently so much easier to write/type rather than say with our tongue. However, you need to understand that women are no better than men when it comes to verbally expressing feeling to the opposite sex. Yes, we talk about our feeling to our girlfriends most of the time, but it’s not the same as talking to men. So guys, just like you always say the wrong thing to us… it is always hard for us to find the right words to say to you.
Women… we are natural feeler but we are not brainless, and men… are not heartless. Rationality bridges the gap between a brain and a heart… we know when we need to use our head instead of our heart, it’s just sometimes we refuse to do so, and so do men….therefore a woman needs a man to tell her not to buy a pair of shoes she would never wear no matter how pretty they are, while a man needs a woman to tell him it’s okay to cry when his cat is dead. We complement each other in so many ways.
I personally don’t think that we should look for a copy of us to marry. We need someone who complement us… everyone is lacking at something and good at something… has anyone ever told you that sleeping beauty has a bad breath because she’d been sleeping for 100 years? Oh, and she also has amnesia once in awhile… but she is a real beauty.
Ok… I’m writing a ‘book’ again… but I do hope that we all men and women could become more rational, understanding and tolerant when it comes to man and woman problems, be it in professional relationship or romance.
p/s: dear friend, I hope you’ll make it through… I pray Allah will make it easy for the two of you. Ameen.