Friday, July 30, 2010

A complete nonsense post



I wish to write, but I don’t really know what I am suppose to write.


hmmm...

Actually, I kind of know things that I want to write about, but I’m not sure about how I suppose to write them

For once, I really feel bad at writing.

I guess I just got too many things in my head, they are all clustering and intertwining with each other.

hmm.........

.........



hmmm...



emmmm....









I was thinking, I was thinking about the alter ego of an architect.

Architects have too much pride. They are always firm and stern with the decision made despite the outcome. Architects mind deal with too much of rationalization, or maybe post-rationalization… they either really have or they make reasons for all the things that they do. Architects don’t believe in right or wrong because every idea or action has certain potentials, they only believe in which reason is stronger or maybe more sensible than the other. Architects deal with criticism pretty well, they ‘listen’ to criticism pretty well but most of the times, they don’t act upon the criticisms because they believe in taste… and everyone is to its own preference. But on the other hand they always find a way to make things work because they know that if something does not have any potential, they wouldn’t have pursued it at the first place. Yes, architects don’t give up on things easily, because with everything that they do, there is passion. Architects.... female architects can be too complicated for some... cause women are naturally complex and architecture makes them more difficult.

I don’t know why I’m blogging this. I need to clear my mind a little… it’s too pack in there.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Masih Menatap Pelangi 2

Jadi manusia, memanglah… selalu saja lupa, lupa nak buat kerja, lupa nak makan, lupa nak telefon emak… dan paling dahsyat bila kita lupa, kita ini makhluk bertuhan….

Dalam banyak benda, kita selalu berusaha dan berusaha… tapi kita lupa untuk tawakal… lupa bahawa segala usaha tidak akan jaya tanpa kuasa tuhan… sampailah suatu masa, kita rasa letih… rasa mengalah.. rasa seolah-olah segala ikhtiar kita sia-sia… lalu, fitrah manusia itu akan kembali sedar… kebergantungan sebuah hati pada Penguasa hari esok…

Kebergantungan pada tuhan itu indah… hamba itu, saat jiwanya begitu rendah dan merasa kalah… saat dibibirnya menyebut “Ya Allah..........” hatinya akan ditamu selintas tenang… kerana, sekalipun segala manusia di dunia ini melupakannya… keluh kesahnya masih didengari yang lebih berkuasa… bahkan yang menguasai setiap nyawa dan jiwa.

Manusia itu sering lupa akan Penciptanya saat gembira… mulianya mereka yang mengingati tuhan dalam ketawa… lalu untuk pelupa, sekali sekala dihadirkan duka dalam hidupnya… syukur, aku masih diberi peringatan…

Aku bukan orang menyerah pada takdir… tidak, tidak aku mudah akur pada sebuah kekalahan… tetapi aku percaya bahawa takdir itu harus diakur dan diterima dengan redha… Hati yang pasrah pada tuhanya itu jauh lebih tenang daripada amarah yang terzahir.

Manusia diberi kebebasan membuat keputusan dan membuat keputusan itu menjadi rumit apabila hanya disandarkan pada diri semata… aku merasainya… macam orang tua-tua kata, ikut rasa binasa, ikut hati mati… tapi aku fikirkan, semuanya harus ada, rasa, hati, akal, iman…. Semua itu adalah neraca pertimbangan yang jika digunakan sama rata menghasilkan sebuah kewarasan…

Banyak kali dalam kehidupan, aku ini terlalu buru-buru… harus belajar menjadi tenang dan matang… banyak benda yang aku belajar tentang hidup kebelakagan ini… Subhanallah… Aku mahu menjadi lebih sempurna, moga aku punya upaya…





Sungguh… sesudah hujan itu adanya pelangi… lalu aku percaya




Kalau dah ajal, pastikan tiba… 


Kalau dah rezeki, beroleh jua… 


Kalau dah jodoh, tak ke mana…



Ramadhan bakal tiba, bagaimana persiapan kita?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Kesimpulan Sebuah Cuti

Amboi… tiap2 hari update blog… well, ni la kerjanya bila takda kerja… haha… rasa macam tulis blog ok la jugak daripada duk tulis surat-surat misteri yang takkan ada siapa baca tu… opss! Haha… kurang-kurang kat sini ada la sorang dua jengok2 dak? Takpun baca tajuk.



Baiklah kanak-kanak… hari ini ialah hari terakhir cuti sekolah! Aaa…. Dah habis dah cuti! Mari kita lihat kembali apakah pengalaman atau pengajaran cuti musim sejuk ini.

1. Kalau nak balik, beli tiket awal… ada orang tu kata… setahun awal!

2. Beli souvenir jangan duk simpan dalam almari, nanti lupa nak bagi.

3. Mesin tandatgn dan cap jari Maybank sangat kuno. Kena ketuk-ketuk baru berfungsi… lepas tu nak buka akaun berejam-rejam… jadi bawa-bawa la sembang dgn makcik-makcik yg duk sebelah… mana tau kot-kot dia nak buat menantu… eh!

4. Celcom mahal! Lepas tu tak cool sungguh pakai iphone tapi asyik2 kena topup. Hahaa…

5. Isi masa lapang dengan menolong ibu spt mengecat bilik air… bila tak larat, boleh buli anak saudara…

6. Jangan main sms tengah malam…terutama waktu emosi… buruk padahnya!

7. Banyak perkara boleh ketinggalan kalau tak ada internet…

8. Some people change when they start working…

9. Orang sekarang dah maju, bahulu tak bentuk ikan lagi… dalam cawan cupcake…

10. Sama ada dulu-dulu depa tak cerita, atau mmg sekarang banyak berlaku… letihnya dengar pasal orang kawen dua… kakak-kakak makcik-makcik… spare me such stories… I’m not even married!

11. Air Asia tak best… dahla delay tak bagitau… kalau dak hari tu boleh gak duk smbg dengan orang yang hantaq sejam lagi…

12. Sedang berlangsung pameran Titanic dan Tim Burton… ramai org ckp Titanic lagi best.. tapi saya suka keduanya!

13. Oh… cerita Toy Story 3 seronok…!!!

14. Terharu jumpa kawan lama dan sembang2 pasal zaman sekolah sambil makan aiskrim… thanks for the icecream… ada sapa-sapa lagi nak datang Melbourne?

15. Tak sempat jugak nak pergi galeri dan pantai sorang-sorang…

Winter ni macam tak berapa nak sejuk… global warming! Tapi boleh jadi jugak separuh jiwa tertinggal kat negara beriklim tropika… hahaa.. tu laa… gatai lagi balik kerap-kerap.. padan muka!

Takut sebenarnya nak mula semester baru!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

A Brick Wall for Us





"Excuse me mam, I had just moved here a few months ago… I heard that this is a crime-prone neighbourhood…"

"Yes, it is… but there will always be some policemen patrolling the area at night…"

"Oh.. I see… I still think it’s a shame… it’s such a beautiful place… but you can’t really feel secure here…"

"No.. not really… there is a way to it… come closer, I’ll tell you the secret… You must build a wall… a strong and sturdy wall around your house…"

"Really? Can I get people to build the wall for me?"

"No… don’t… you should never trust anyone in building that wall… no one is trustworthy enough for the job… the builder you hired, could be the one who will break into your house."

"How do I build it then?"

"With your own bare hands… brick by brick… but remember it should be strong enough to protect your property… high enough, so that no one can trespass it… but transparent enough so that you will not lose touch with the reality…"


"Wow.. that sounds pretty challenging…"

"There is another way actually…"

"and that is?"

"Move out of here."






:: I had just got here, and I'm loving this place... you ain't kicking me out of here, mam... i'll do whatever it takes... i'll build the wall brick by brick, besides... I plan to live here till my very last breath ::

Friday, July 16, 2010

It's all in my mind.


Certain things don’t go so right if you tried too hard.

I might need to get loose a bit more. Lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa….

Good night Melbourne!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

We don't say goodbye~



My brother had once played this song in his car, and said… ‘if your English is good, try to understand what this song really means’…

Well, my English is never good to begin with… but I don’t accept defeat easily. Though, I have to say that such poetic material is not easily understood and digested just by listening, even if it was written in my mother tongue which is Malay.

I didn’t say much about the song when he challenged me, worst, I even misheard some of the lyrics when he asked me ‘what it’s saying?’… well.. I’m not an audio person… I tend to misheard things all the times… the other day, I bought a bottle of fabric softener when my mum asked for detergent. .. I’m not deaf, it’s just that… my mind never stays still… the only thing that halts it from wandering is a visual attraction/distraction. Well, what happened was, mum talked about fabric softener after she requested me to buy her the detergent and she talked to me when I was choosing outfit to wear for the outing…my memory was confused, haha… and last four years, I screwed up listening part for my IELTS. I blamed the test for having only four parts which are reading, writing, listening and speaking but not watching. Haha…

However, as I said, I’m not deaf… if you need to talk something important to me, steal my attention first… make me look at you, then talk…

Ok, let’s go back to the song. I had browsed for the song lyrics and tried to find its official MV and also looked for the song meaning… but they don't help much.

Anyway, since that I’m not that ‘rajin’ to do the homework on the song… I’ll just try to interpret it myself… using my limited understanding of this language. *tunjuk pandai*

Before I begin with my pseudo-analytical insight of the song, I have to say that I always love many of Celine Dion’s songs… the lyrics are always beautiful and sometimes very poetic, oh the compliment should go to the lyricists and this song was written by Walter Afanasieff… oh, I never knew about him… but as it says in the wiki, he wrote for many great artists…

So, the song really suits my taste perfectly.. but to really understand what its saying is a different thing. In my-not-so-thoughtful opinion, it’s probably about a sacrifice of one’s love for the sake of an ambition. Someone once told me that, it is rare to find a man who could really balance between love and carrier. Well, that person, being a businessman himself would probably be talking from his own perspective. I guess romance and success don’t really go hand in hand. However, as the famous saying goes ‘behind every successful man, there is a great woman’… there got to be some truth in both. I had witnessed both.

Since the song is sung by woman, it kind of makes some sense. Women don’t rise to the top easily and normally men are not pleased with us being better than them. Some husbands don’t find it acceptable to have his wife earning more than him. You know, man’s ego. So maybe, the woman in the song decides to let go of his love for the sake of her ambition. Maybe her man is the one who was holding her back from achieving her dream. But being a woman, her heart doesn’t un-love or forget the man. So she goes for her dream, carrying the memory of love with her. She fights for her dream as if she is going to live forever. Also, maybe the man lets her go for her dream, that’s why she says ‘we don’t say goodbye’. However she does remind the man that her future is uncertain. Like the cards play in poker. Her fate is on the wind. That’s why she takes her heart back and leaves him with no hope but only feeling.

Or, another possible interpretation is… her husband could be dead… she is simply moving on, but keeping the memory. Haha…

Omg… why did I bother to write about this… hahaha… I’m just bored.

Anyway, maybe the writer didn’t really think that deep when he wrote the song. Probably he was squeezing lemon for lemonade or brushing his teeth or shaving his moustache, suddenly a cluster of words appeared on his mind… he grabbed his pen and paper or laptop or whatever medium he used, then scribbled them down… then walla.. ‘here is a new song for Celine Dion!’.. he already got the name back then…

but brother, why did you want me to understand this song?




Hopefully, I won’t give up on either love or carrier that easily.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Transition

Sometimes I wonder if I would still blog after I go back for good since it always turns out that I don’t really blog whenever I return to Malaysia.

I’m back in Melbourne again. Despite everything I said about this place. I'm always thankful that I’m studying here. 8 hours is long enough, can’t imagine going further. Let alone going back during a short winter break like I just did. Haha…

However, regardless how good Melbourne is, coming back here is never easy. It is not the place, it’s the transition.



Travelling is tiring.

Yes, like yesterday, I had to take two flights, one from Penang to KL, then KL to Melb, it is a lot more tiring for someone like me who could barely sleep in a plane. That’s why I enjoy traveling during the day and taking a window seat. I enjoy day dreaming while staring at those fluffy white clouds. Haha..


Weather change changes everything.

I had never went back during winter before. So that was my first time experiencing an abrupt change from a freezing cold winter to a hot and humid tropical weather.

I honestly love cold weather because it makes my skin and hair feel healthier and smoother. Well, I still need to occasionally use lotion and moisturizer to prevent the skin dryness, but I rarely experience breakouts. Besides, coldness sometimes makes both my cheeks a little pinkish as if they had been sun-kissed. No blusher needed! Hahaa… but that doesn’t always happen, as I’m naturally bloodless pale.

I don’t hate Malaysian tropical weather, it’s a place where I was born and grew up and of course my skin had long adjusted to that weather before it gets to know winter. But the transition between two types of weather always affects my skin badly. It happens all the times, even when I go back during summer as summer here is hot but in a different way from Malaysia.

It’s time to heal my irritated skin.


Comfort is everywhere, but some comforts are more comfortable.

I have to say that I love being independent. There’re things that I couldn’t do in Malaysia but I could do here, like single strolling around the city etc. I love watching my own spending without having to depend on others. I love minding my own business without others nosing around to ask how thing is going on.

But at the same time, I love being cared and pampered by people around me. I love when people force me to eat when I'm feeling unwell… I love when mak blabbers over things undone... I love when ayah wakes me up for subuh. I love when people order me to do things that I already know. I love when people pick and order food for me without really asking what I want to have, kan Kak Sarah?

These are two sort of comforts. I enjoy both. But too much of independence makes me yearn for a little of subservience, and I’m only subservient to my love ones. I’m missing those attentions already.


Being loved and being with the loved one(s) is never the same.

I believe that distance is not really a problem in any love-relationship. Yes, it is an obstacle, but not the greatest because despite where you are, if you are loved, you are loved and that is why wherever I am, I always feel loved.

But it is so different when you are together. It is so different hearing mak says ‘sayang adik’ through the phone than staying next to her watching Malay drama. It’s not the same answering a call from ayah and hearing things like ‘ayah duk teringat kat adik’ compared to when he randomly asks me ‘adik, jom kita pi pasar malam dua orang’. The first one is more expressive than the second, but the second is more meaningful than the first. Love is both, emotional and physical. Words and actions.

I miss my niece, Ibtihal’s big hug.....



Oh my… I’m plainly complaining here. But I need to get these stuffs out of my head before I get a little too emotional. Haha…

oh ya! I have been scrolling the notes in my phone and realize that I actually have written quite a number of poems… but for some reasons publishing them is not really a good idea. Haish… haven’t updated my laman puisi for so long.

My holiday was short... but it was very very very meaningful.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Past Forward, Puke!

I literally felt like I was ditching my past. Moving on does involve a lot of letting go. For last few days, I was moving room. As far as I could remember, I had dwelled in all of the bedrooms in this house and now that I’m the only one who is still living with my parents, I have freedom to decide which room to be mine, well, the options exclude my parent’s, of course.

So, the process of moving on involved getting rid of approx. 10 years of archives. Actually, I could barely remember when did I start to live in that old bedroom, but I do remember painting the wall several times, from white to green to yellow to peach and yellow and peach.

Mak always said I’m so ‘makngot’ when it comes to sorting out old stuffs. Truth is, I’m quite a sentimental kind of person though it’s hard to admit. Haha… well… usually, I got no problem throwing away my useless/worn out/damaged things… but when it comes to gifts/photos/letters (anything with significant past)… I don’t do it very well… I feel a need to examine and reminisce each and every single of material before deciding to keep/throw them. And I ended up throwing a lot of stuffs. Haha..

Owh btw… I postponed my ticket to 11th July. Suka suka saja!

......

Jadi, memandangkan tiket telah dilewatkan, saya dan keluarga telah pergi memancing di laut. Tidaklah saya sangka… laut sungguh bergelombang memandangkan angin barat sedang bertiup (menurut pemandu bot).

Pada mulanya, sewaktu bot sedang meluncur laju dan melambung-lambung di permukaan air, saya tidak mengalami sebarang masalah… namun apabila bot tersebut berhenti untuk kami memulakan proses pemancingan, saya pun telah mengepalai pasukan muntah…hahaa… minta maaf semua! Sebenarnya, kami semua telah melakukan kesilapan besar kerana makan dengan hebatnya sebelum menaiki bot.

Jadi pengajaranya di sini… pertama, elakkan makan sebelum menaiki bot untuk memancing, kedua, bawa-bawalah ambil tahu keadaan laut sebelum terlebih semangat untuk memancing.

Haish, dah tunda tiket… masih rasa takmau balik….

Hingga bertemu lagi di lain rancangan… tataa…!