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Do you know what I love the most about you? I am asking, because I don't know. That convinces me that I will never fall out of love with you,  because a love that stays for no reason, shall have no reason to leave. InshaAllah. 734, 876 seconds to go.

It occurred to me that I always take my glasses off whenever I need to focus on doing a serious task. Like when I have to resolve a complicated detailing on Autocad. Or when I need to proof check construction drawings,  Or even when I want to compose a new poem. So if it happens that I take my glasses off when I talk to you, please know that you have attained my full attention. Please know that at the instance my glasses leave my nose bridge, and the moment you see my naked Asian eyes blinking earnestly although not very attractively, the whole world has become unimportant, the surrounding is just a bokeh of lights and sounds, and for that very glorious moment the only subject that matters in the whole universe, is you. Although sometimes, I just need to wipe off the greasy marks and fog on my glasses. :)

It's one of those weekends when I don't feel very well. Health is one of those blessings that you only realise when it's gone away. And I sit here in my little cradle with a cup of tea that often turns cold before my third sip. Dearest tea, you've gone cold too soon. who is going to warm up the aching pores of my old soul now. Heat up. I look out through the sliding door in my balcony and notice a little bird poop on it. It is white like toothpaste, but disgusting because it is a poop. Most of us, would agree that poop is disgusting. Dear birdie, I love your songs but your business here, is not welcome. I hear a faint cry of a lawn mower. I imagine the lawn mower man wearing a budenovka to cover up his head from the heat, with a towel underneath the cap, covering half of his face and absorbing his gracefully falling drops of sweat. Thank you for doing a job that most of us refuse to do. I hope you love your job like I love mine.  I hear a sound...

"thank you for stopping by....." This was in Melbourne, I would have been there if I were still in Melbourne. They are awesome, I know. Perfect pair. Not in a romantic sense.  Urgh.. why oh why didn't you guys visit Australia in 2011. 

Dear Someone, I am sorry for all the things I have said.  I am sorry for causing you pain and suffering. I am sorry for your fear and regrets. I am sorry for the time we have wasted. I am sorry for not trying hard enough. I am sorry for not being strong enough not to cry. I am sorry for not being able to hate. I am sorry to keep on hoping. I am sorry for making you try so hard. I am sorry for all the disappointment. I am sorry for remembering too much. I am sorry for being unforgiving. I am thankful for the lesson and wisdom. I am thankful for the roses, the books and all the gifts. I am thankful for the kind words and good wishes.  I am thankful for every poem ever written for me. I am thankful for the efforts and appreciation. I am thankful for the memories. I am sorry and thankful for everything. Yours truly, As

Wit: This is all you fault! Love: Oh yeah, now you are blaming me for everything, you were the one who encouraged her to admit my existence. Wit: I was merely helping her to find Happiness. I thought you’ll make Happiness stay. That was what I heard about you. Happiness: Someone says my name? Love: Damn you smug. Where have you been, I thought you were dead or something, I always like you more than Sadness but too bad you are always missing. See how things turned out when you keep going away. Happiness: If I’m always around, people won’t appreciate me. Plus I need a break too sometimes. Love: You’re taking too long, now it’s too late. I don’t see where you fit in anymore  her life is a total disaster. And by the way Wit, I did make her happy, right Happiness? I made you stay around for eight hundred and forty eight days minus the days when Infidelity crept in but you did hang around didn't you Happiness? Happiness: Well, I guess ...

I need a vacation.  I need to break away from all this never ending works and use up all my remaining annual and OT leaves which would be nullified as the new year start. Here, we are not compensated for our unused holidays. Such a shame. I like to go to a far away place, where there's no expectation. A total foreign place where there's no one I know and see things I had never seen in my whole life. I'd like to fall in love with a new place, and perhaps with new people too. I have never been in love with a stranger, would it ever be a sweet thing to do? ahaha. Fall in love, with a total awareness in my mind that it would only last for a few days. No heartbroken afterwards, only sweet memories.  However, I don't want to go Europe. Although, last year I only had a chance to visit a minor part of the vast British empire, I don't feel like going there again.Yes, I like to go to Venice, Paris and most of all Santorini. But those can wait. For now, if I cou...

Baby baby baby oooh.... No, I don't really listen to Bieber, I suppose, that is the only line out of all his songs that I know of. Now people, I have an announcement to make.  We have a new member of the family! yay! and she is so God-knows adorable! The family hasn't had any baby for like 6 years, the youngest one was in standard one. Now she was born, everyone is really excited. I am excited! ahaha. and it has been 7 days but she hasn't got a name. While the parents are being indecisive, her 7 yr old brother decided that she should just be called " baby ". She is baby Baby! *cuteness overload* Babies are cute. God made them cute and lovable. So we love them, even when they cry, even when they poo. Should they make a mess, we'll clean after them, feed them when they are hungry, hug them to sleep and kiss them all over the place, sing them the sweetest lullaby, forgive them when they get on our nerves, dress them with the best clothes ...

Bismillah… Hullo! , it has been so long. Many times had I intended to write a post, but ended up with nothing but a series of blank drafts. They were words of course, chunks of alphabets that probably do carry meaning as individuals but make no sense what so ever as a sentence. Blank like my days, vacuous like my mind and empty like my heart. Okay, enough with the drama. Frankly speaking, my days ain’t so blank, albeit jobless… I loiter around running some errands. My mind is often pretty occupied with things the world doesn’t have to know… and my heart, a heart is never empty when it’s home. J This is my very first post from home since I’m back for good. And as I said, I’m still jobless, looking for job, if that sounds a bit more optimistic. Ahaha.. I miss Melbourne but I’m not going to go long into that. So my updates? Well, a day after my graduation which attended only by the Malaysia Hall warden and a friend, I flew home, with a heavy heart. What awaited me ...

The first time I heard about it, I was like... LOL...! now, there's a club for that? ridiculous! anyways, I took that as  a joke, but later realized...woooaaah, these guys are pretty serious. They even made it international yo! haha I wonder what's the main motivation that leads them to this. Educating women to be obedient? Teaching domestic housewife skills including, how-to-treat-your-husband-in-bed by comparing to the first-class-whores? what the..! or just a way of asking some acknowledgement from the male species that we're trying realllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy hard here to please you.... awwwwwww~  I supposed the club provides them with certificates too... that's what you got after every seminar or skills training, aite? So the next time the husband complains, the wife can pretty much go;  "abang! I taatt, ni ada sijil tau... jangan main2" Godness gracious! they made men seem like such a pervert species on earth.  and don't we have enough ...

I'm very busy right now, but can't help to share a little story about my family.  My parents live next to my late grandparents, on my father's side. When my grandpa was sick, she took care of him, until his last breath. Then, my grandma... also, until she breath her last.  A few years prior to that, she took care of her mother, the mother that raised her, I'm pretty sure if she ever met her own mother, she'd do the same... I was young, I don't remember that grandmother very well. But I never forget how she suap makan and mandikan her every day. She also cared for my dad's half blood aunt.. and a few other people I can hardly remember. They all lived with us. I remember, when dad renovated our house, she reminded him to built a dedicated room for the sick... which now has become my room. Mum sometimes said, "I took care of many elderlies until Allah took them away from me, I hope Allah won't abandon me when I'm old" It occurs to me how...

(Warning! This post is sentimental and personal. You may choose not to read) I guess it’s the autumn rain or maybe the blessedly married couple story I heard last night. Or the sweet and sour taste of mandarin orange given by roommate. Or the good looking guy who taught me how to clear cookies on my iPhone. Or La Pasegiatta art I drew for my studio project. I don’t know… I’m just feeling mellow and a bit on the romantic side. Haha… Hence I’m writing this; The list goes as the following.... 1. An Art Gallery / Expo   I don’t mind if you can’t buy me the 99,000 USD worth painting that I fall in love with. I just need you to stand next to me, admiring the gift of God to all of these people. Understand how much I love arts. How I once dreamed to be a great painter. You must let me laugh of excitement when I see the piece that I like and don’t think me mad when I cry seeing the piece that makes me sad. I don’t mind you making silly comments of the displayed arts. I don’t mind you say...

A friend recently tweet-ed about Yuna new hijab style. Her tweet which I prefer not to quote sounded so intriguing that I ended up searching for Yuna's 'new' look. not that I'm a fan of her... I don't even have any of her songs in my playlist...anyway, upon 'stalking' through her fb fan page, I stumbled on a photo in which she (Yuna) was tagged on. It's Audrey Hepburn photo in a nun's outfit. something like below, (I couldn't find a similar photo) The caption following the photos talks about how most modern hijjab styles are similar to the Jewish and Christian women. It gives out hadiths regarding the forbidden of mimicking them.  Dear readers, how do you feel about this? As for me, I felt a tad sad when I saw that then became quite furious for the 'act'. I rather not use 'ignorance'. Not that I'm one of those hijjab fashionistas... me, still trapped in kampung-square-brooch-ed hijjab. Even wearing selendang always tak jad...

In my dream, I wrote something as awakening as this. beautifully sung. I wish I really were that talented. Still I wish that someday...  I'll write something worth singing, worth listening, and weight a little good in hereafter. Ameen.

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum...  fuh fuh *tiup tiup... kuis kuis habuk sikit* Apa khabar orang kampung? Lama sudah tak berjumpa. Haha.. Saya di sini sihat-sihat saja, sekalipun semakin gagal membezakan terbit mentari dan senja. Do you remember when we were young, when we have absolutely nothing to worry about? Well.... I don't. If I were to trace back my childhood memories, it'd most probably begin when I was 6.  People say, you can't really remember what you were worrying yesterday, but I do remember some of those troublesome moments; like the anxiety of not knowing where to hide and drink my daily milk during my sister's wedding reception... they were telling me it's shameful for a 6 yr old to still drink from a baby bottle. Also, about the brother in law. I was very attached to my big sister and the thought of her getting married scared me.. it felt like someone's snatching her away from me, thence I plotted a murderous scheme. hahaa... the plan was to dig ...

#01 Faith and piety are for God to judge. Caps and turban are turning into costumes these days. #02 How do rich people get rich? They are cheap! (cheap    ≠ stingy) #03 Power is like lust. Once you taste it, you'll crave for more. (even religious people are not excluded) #04 Inner beauty radiates, but not everyone can see it. Poor those souls with blinded heart. #05 A gentleman doesn't 'act' like a gentleman, he lives like one. There's sweetness in the demeanor (no no, no sweet talking) #06 Silence is one of the best 'temporary' solution. Not everyone understands though. #07 Everybody loathes infidelity, but most people commit it. #08 The beautiful patience is mysterious and divine. The tears are shed hidden, the pain is unspoken. No one knows, but God. #09 Love needs maintenance. Sometimes it costs you more than you can afford. sigh. #10 Happiness is as simple as 'Alhamdulillah'

I fancy mum and dad's little talk in the morning, how they both sit on the garden swing... just talking. Mum, to her own interest- whenever in that mini garden of hers, she'd talk about her flower plants, one by one. she does it so naturally that you could tell she knows every single plant like the back of her hand. Dad would listen, attentively, though I know, he's not so much into it... I bet mum knows it, as much as dad tries not to show it... because after awhile, she'll ask about dad's vegetation. Oh, they both have green fingers...! There's something wonderful about elderly couples... it's sort of the evidence of, -what's the saying?- "Time flies, love endures." I want a love like that, a love that lasts. Ameen.

I get a free hug almost everyday. I get a hug from a cute little girl who likes to say 'alaa tomei tomei tomei' when she watches Garfield. This girl can stay up until 2-3 am in the morning watching cartoon... drinking cold ice tea and eating bahulu. Her dad called her Garfield for always lazing around, watching tv. She speaks American english, but very lazy to read. She cries if you forced her to study, albeit getting no. 1 in her class. She is also lazy to speak.  If you asked her too much, she'll say 'I don't knowwww... ' until you force her to answer....  then she'll say something, which always begin with 'oh yeah, I remember' What a weird little niece I have... living in her own small world. Ibtihal.

I wish to be a TV presenter.  A childhood dream that never dies, probably will never happen too.

I wish to make you laugh... laugh like you used to do... hence you would love...  love like you wanted to.