mirpof

Apparently this blog still exist. Apparently I haven't been writing here for a very long time. Apparently life is so much different now. Apparently I'm not always keen to share it with the world anymore. Apparently I'm just too busy or, is it too lazy. Writing is good though. I should be back. I will be back. InshaAllah. There are things, not very interesting things, but worth sharing, if not with the world, at least, with my future self... I will be back. InshaAllah,

Maybe I am a bit too obsessed with getting my life mapped out and planned. I'm always busy keeping tracks and pulling out dates for almost every event No matter if it's certain to happen or just an expected coincidence I jot down with an almost macabre sense of confidence. 7 years ago when I started using a planner I was still a student It was filled with dates for classes, exams and dues for school assignment Today I am an architect with lots of meetings, site visit, pending submissions and appointments But writing a planner is becoming more like an obsession, I recorded almost every occurrence holiday, sales and bills, my favourite snacks expiry date and sometimes the weather condition I put down the day I expected my shoes to get worn out and probably need to buy a new ones And if I had missed something, it will be backdated at an instance I am obsessed with pre-arranging and scheduling everything that sometimes dealing with people can give...

There was once a fisherman's wife, who always stood by the sea and sang... "Row row row thine boat,  safely at the sea, till thou cometh back for me I shall wait for thee" They said the husband never returned, and she turned into a stone. What a sad story. I said.

Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was.  Remember, there was a tsunami, it hit this place when we were sleeping and how we woke up at different places. It took mountains and oceans for us to find one another. It was long long long time ago. Perhaps a thousand years from yesterday. and yesterday was...oh how I could not remember, or I wished to never remember.  Honey, tread wisely, there is a crack in the pavement. or there was. Hairline crack does not widen, its merely a hair line, they say. you cannot see from a distance... like a white hair blackened, its hidden. you could dye or you could lie. It's okay, we'll get a specialist to fix it. Have faith. It could never be perfect, but could always be fixed. They say, we must learn to bend without getting broken. Have faith. Honey, tread wisely... ...we are in no hurry.  Some days, like yesterday, the sun shone so brightly like diamonds in heaven... our feet barely touche...

It is a quiet afternoon, I'm sitting on the most comfortable chair I could find in this house, my brother's house. My eldest brother lives a door away from my parents, and my second brother built a house in the nighest land of my father... My eldest sister, bought a house not so far from here, it takes about 20-30 minutes to get here by car... I know, I used to go to school near her house.  I am the youngest of the family. The rest are married and... I suppose happy. I haven't got a house of my own. I live with my parents. The ceiling fans are spinning real fast. Here in Malaysia, almost everybody is famous, for most of us have at least a fan, and we keep our fans at home. Some hang in the ceilings, some keep them standing on the side, like bodyguards, who spin. These days however, the riches are losing their fans.  I'm yet 25. Almost, no not really. 24 still. sounds better, younger for sure. What is there really in a mind of a 24 yr old girl? a girl? or is she,uhm...

Dear Mr Hope and Mrs Happiness. Gimme some space to prepare for your arrival. :)

Tomorrow is my graduation day. There'll be a parade along Swanston Street in the morning and the ceremony will be held at Etihad Stadium in the evening. I wish my family were here... Is it bad to be a little envious of having seen friends with their family touring Melbourne and gearing up for the graduation? I guess it is, for it seems very ungrateful of me. Being able to graduate, even having the opportunity to study here, in Melbourne was a blessing. So for tomorrow, I'll have Malaysia Hall assistant warden and his family and a friend to attend the event. well... four tickets, I was given. I'm glad still that there're people who want to go. ahaha. But yeah.. it is not the same. I want my family here. it is impossible I know. The whole world might give you all the attention you deserve, but when the person you care the most ignores you, nothing seems to worth celebrating.

Remember when you knew nothing but the face and voice of your mother. Remember when you liked everything including the striking red worn out sandals of your neighbor. Remember when the sky always felt so high yet so touchable by the sunlight penetrated through the gaps of your fingers, your breath always felt so fresh, your mind was as light as the wind breezing the lovegrass lawn at the back of your door where you used to sit in the midst of it and got up with the seed heeds all over your pants. Remember how a rainy day never grieved you, instead it called for joy of a mud bath and outdoor shower. Remember how rainbow always amazed you, leaving you wondering weather there was really a box of colorful floating ribbons and magic art tools at the both ends of it. Remember how everybody pleased you, even just a smiling stranger. Remember, remember... remember how everything was so beautiful including me and you. I think I remember, I hope you do too.

you do know what happened to the run away rhabit. don't you? She died.

Life can be pretty funny sometimes.... like how it keeps you waiting for something which is already yours... or hoping for something which you'll never have. but... as, a friend said to me, why worry for something you do not know. Especially when you have a lot of other important (certain) things to worry about. ;) The only very certain thing about life is, it will end. Lets strive for what's worth it. Ramadhan is coming... semoga sempat sampai and hoping it to be the best of all the previous Ramadhan. Plus, this would prolly be my last Ramadhan (here).

Is it true that, if you tell people that you have the best/ the most precious thing in the whole wide universe, no one would ever believe in you? that... it is better for you, not to say anything... or people would just think you're insane. Is it true that, if you must always hide a matter, it is in some senses, is a crime? or to some people.. whom it may or may not concern, or who may or may not concern you, it is rather offensive? Is it true that, if too many people know about a thing that you believe is about to happen which you're somehow still quite curious about how it's going to happen, it will never ever happen... you would then have to blame it on the expectation. Expectation kills, curiosity has retired.   I don't know which one is which, which one is true. The spider has gone mad. Oh, but I know, in this world , there is you. 

"Don't wish upon the stars... for stars themselves are made out of wishes." I guess the problem with human mind "my mind" is; it acts more like a spiderweb. The heart, well my heart, is the spider. Every little thought or information is the catch... and this spider... sometimes can't tell whether the catch is edible or not. Poor little spider.  Sure it's gonna be a mess if all the bugs and flies stuck on the web are left uneaten. But that doesn't mean you should just scrap them all in my dear spidey. That's okay. A web doesn't last very long anyway. They gonna fall down, and you gonna have to keep fixing and rebuilding it. Every bug you've swallowed isn't gone. They become a part of you. and that's the problem, when the catch is poisonous. But hey, you're not just any spider. Don't fall sick so easily. Let some of the catches left embedded in the web, thicken and strengthen the structure of the weave. You! don't ea...

I've been meaning to tell you that this place is cold. too cold for the tiny me. We arrived here too soon. The sun within me is still sleeping. You. you were the light. Do not dim. I'm afraid you won't be able to see me anymore. I'm almost. nearly. partially. frozen. Stay.

THE BITTERMAN'S LAST DAY He woke up in the morning and complaint how cold the weather is. His breakfast tasted bitter as he savored it along morning news on the newspaper and ipad. He cursed on the news, sent multiple tweets and facebook statuses speaking bad of the corrupt government and their stupid acts and the opposition coalition parties that never really win. “O man, ain’t the coffee sweet and the nasi goreng nice? It was your wife that cooked.” He honked the yellow sport car that took over him from the left lane. He wished he had a better car to race up. He called him ‘bastard’. He forgot how his mum always reminded him not to call anyone as such. The traffic jam irked him. He cursed again. He turned on the radio, they were playing love songs. He loathed love songs. It reminded him of his ex girlfriend who married a better looking and richer guy. He hated her. He hated love, but he too is married. “your eyes never lie, your wife too, is pretty… neither that your ears, ...

A tree that was planted, frequently visited... will grow before you, unnoticed... well, you'd probably cherish the first stem, the first leaf, the first bud, the first flower... but soon enough, you'll lost count of them... and one fine day, when the sun is still shining brightly like in any normal days... you'll learn that the tree is sick and dying... the thought is, must be; unbearable...... Ergo, I would like to stop nursing the growing seed I've once planted (that it now has aged a year or more, has a few healthy branches, rosing buds and abundance of leaves, also a few scars of dead stems).... before I further lost count of the branches and leaves... before the blossoming flowers overcome my fondness of the grasses around it... oh, those grasses have been there longer than the tree.  No. I'm not abandoning it. I only stop caring and wishing too much, leaving it's care to the sun and land, to the wind and rain... to the Creator.... and I believe it'...

Lalu sang kumbang setelah terbang seantero belukar dan padang, pun pulang. Dari jauhlah ia memandang si ros kembang semakin tunduk seolah mabuk cahaya yang lebih diteguk... terdengar esak dalam rajuk yang tak mampu terbujuk "oh terlalu lama... terlalu lama.. terlalu lama" "matahari itu lebih garang mengeringatkan aku yg terbang, namun aku masih tidak mampu menyentuhmu...  lalu katakanlah, siapa yang lebih sengsara?"

If Claudia Ghandi ended up having a garden which she could walk on forever, which in reality she never does since she'd be dead before 'forever'... I prolly already have my own several botanical gardens that supply all sorts of flowers all over the world which is abundantly profiting by it's continuous production all year round. I could be so rich that my wealth would be a great privilege to my great great great grandson, if it'd somehow properly managed by his father who'd potentially turn out to be the son of my son's son.  Sadly, regardless whoever crosses my mind or frankly speaking 'I think about'... my brain doesn't seem to produce any flower, neither that my mum's orchids seem to bloom. all that I got is some sort of mutated brain cells which I can't quite figure out what sort of mutant they are since I didn't do biology when I was in high school. Anyway, I did like Cyclops in X-men albeit, Wolverine is still the coolest of th...

Just got back from Teluk Bahang, left my shoe there, hoping a mermaid prince will find it, pick it up and come to find me. It would be nice to live underwater as a mermaid. ho yeah, I still believe in fairy tale. boo hooo... kidding. not that stupid yo. haha. I believe we are responsible for our own happiness as much as I believe Cinderella purposely left her glass shoe. Things don't work the same for everyone though.  What about, have a little faith and follow your heart? and always, always.... always remember, Allah knows best. =)

it's a continuous struggle... 

Aku mahu... teramat mahu pergi jauh... tempat yang teramat jauh, kalau nak sampai itu jenuh. Kalau dicari lelah bersepuh... jauhhhhhh sekali... tak tercapai naluri... padan muka, siapa pun tak dapat cari... separuh mimpi separuh realiti... Tapi.... Kerja belambak, duit takdak. Di sinilah duduk tercanggak. Sedih. "Hei kamu, bawa aku pergi dari sini... kerna dalam hati ini, ada secangkir benci yang aku musuhi.... jua ada setelaga cinta yang aku hampir lupa" OK... tak payah mengerti.... hanya momok perempuan gila di malam hari. ....dan aku pun ketawa berdekah-dekah pada diri. ya, padan muka sendiri.