mirpof

One Afternoon, I Wrote...

2012-01-30T17:31:00.000+11:00

It is a quiet afternoon, I'm sitting on the most comfortable chair I could find in this house, my brother's house. My eldest brother lives a door away from my parents, and my second brother built a house in the nighest land of my father... My eldest sister, bought a house not so far from here, it takes about 20-30 minutes to get here by car... I know, I used to go to school near her house.

I am the youngest of the family. The rest are married and... I suppose happy.

I haven't got a house of my own. I live with my parents.

The ceiling fans are spinning real fast. Here in Malaysia, almost everybody is famous, for most of us have at least a fan, and we keep our fans at home. Some hang in the ceilings, some keep them standing on the side, like bodyguards, who spin. These days however, the riches are losing their fans.

I'm yet 25. Almost, no not really. 24 still. sounds better, younger for sure. What is there really in a mind of a 24 yr old girl? a girl? or is she,uhm... a woman? I don't know.

Pause. Sambal kerang is on the stove. A pinch more of salt. ho yeah, done.

And I asked. Is light really the fastest traveler? I believe he isn't. A mind is, I presumed. and it travels through time. Funny that, it moves faster when you body is still. Perhaps it's just me. Look at me, my head is still, tilting downward, my eyes wink occasionally, often caused by a touch of the foreign creature in the air. My feet are barely touching the floor leaving the appearance of a slight limp. Only my fingers are moving, and my eyes, they are following the movement of my fingers, switching to the screen alternatively.

But my mind. She just came back from year 2003, the day I moved to a different school. She went to Melbourne, digging the details of a tram track where a tram ought to change it's direction. She visited London Christmas Theme Park and back on Sambal Kerang. An a moment ago, she wanders through the most delusional vision, a dream home of mine, complete with the households.

I'm jobless. Yet I dream so much. No, dreams happen when you sleep. I hope so much. That is more correct. Two things on earth that were never affected by gravity are hope and love. One soars up high on its own accord defeating gravity and the other fall endlessly even in the vacuum.When you posses both, you struggle to get a hold of reality. No, no... you do get a hold of reality, they both are real... but they provide an alternative reality in which many of us, can easily get lost. But hey, it's a lot more beautiful and pleasantly livable than the unyielding reality where everything is real, including pain and suffering. It's okay to get lost, sometimes, provided you constantly move... Thus, one must not be in a phase longer than he should be. I need to get a job.

It's time for lunch. How about, nasi with sambal kerang, ikan air asam, sayur sawi, ikan goreng and sambal?

Bon Appetite.

Of The Recent Past and Magic

2012-01-28T01:10:00.001+11:00

Bismillah…

Hullo! , it has been so long. Many times had I intended towrite a post, but ended up with nothing but a series of blank drafts. They werewords of course, chunks of alphabets that probably do carry meaning as individualsbut make no sense what so ever as a sentence. Blank like my days, vacuous likemy mind and empty like my heart.

Okay, enough with the drama.

Frankly speaking, my days ain’t so blank, albeit jobless… Iloiter around running some errands. My mind is often pretty occupied withthings the world doesn’t have to know… and my heart, a heart is never emptywhen it’s home. J

This is my very first post from home since I’m back forgood. And as I said, I’m still jobless, looking for job, if that sounds a bitmore optimistic. Ahaha.. I miss Melbourne but I’m not going to go long intothat.

So my updates? Well, a day after my graduation whichattended only by the Malaysia Hall warden and a friend, I flew home, with aheavy heart.

What awaited me was somehow exciting. I had tickets toLondon booked, along with my niece and nephew. So to UK I went. Spent, most ofmy holidays in Oxford where my brother is staying and fall in love with theplace.

I had to admit that I didn’t get to visit that many places,but Oxford alone is worth of the travel. The place is rich of beauty andhistory. Went to London for 3 days, again… most interesting places wereoff-visits for it was Christmas. Most museum were closed, and boxing day was…fuhh, hectic.

A drooling swan in Hyde Park. out of all photos, I have no idea why is this one chosen for the post. ahaha

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t exchange anything for my Londontrip. Life, does take a funny turn sometimes. Like in the Disney movie, I cameup close to saying something like… I believe in magic. Not in a sense offairies, dragons and wizards… but in term of how something so dreamlike couldever really happen, bring back to life a breathless hope, reawaken a faith,mend a heart and turn the world around. as someone might have said “it works wonderswhen you see someone face to face” or something along that line. Okay enough,I’m being mellow, ain’t I?

Anyway, I do wish to go to Europe again and visit a wholelot more places. I wish to see the beauty of St Basil Cathedral who ripped offthe sight of her architects, fall in love under Rialto Bridge, tell Eifel thatthe lady who claimed to be her wife is envious of his fame, weep at theOttoman’s ruin and kiss the blue sky of Santorini. Someday, I shall visit themall… and I shall take a stroll in Hyde Park again… where the most beautifulthing in the universe found its way back to me. InshaAllah. It all shall happensomeday.

So what else, oh yeah, I’ve got my teeth wired!! Ahaha.Yeah, I’m now wearing braces for heaven’s sake after years of loathing mysmile. There goes, the inferior side of me, exposed. Ahaha. I think theexperience is worth sharing especially for adults planning to wear braces, thusit deserves a different post altogether..

I’ll blog about it soon inshaAllah.

Current State

2012-01-04T21:43:00.005+11:00

I'm jobless and have no motivation to look for a job! ahaha!

Smile

2011-12-26T08:41:00.001+11:00

Dear Mr Hope and Mrs Happiness. Gimme some space to prepare for your arrival. :)

Tomorrow

2011-12-13T18:31:00.000+11:00

Tomorrow is my graduation day. There'll be a parade along Swanston Street in the morning and the ceremony will be held at Etihad Stadium in the evening.

I wish my family were here...

Is it bad to be a little envious of having seen friends with their family touring Melbourne and gearing up for the graduation? I guess it is, for it seems very ungrateful of me. Being able to graduate, even having the opportunity to study here, in Melbourne was a blessing.

So for tomorrow, I'll have Malaysia Hall assistant warden and his family and a friend to attend the event. well... four tickets, I was given. I'm glad still that there're people who want to go. ahaha.

But yeah.. it is not the same. I want my family here. it is impossible I know.

The whole world might give you all the attention you deserve, but when the person you care the most ignores you, nothing seems to worth celebrating.

De-attachment

2011-12-11T19:23:00.001+11:00

(warning: this is one of those boring emotional lament I often write when I get, well emotional)

Light projection on State Library's facade.

Weather I like it or not, the day will still arrive. I have 5 days, of my 5 years stay here. I know I've been ranting about it for the past few posts... but hey, detachment is god knows difficult.

I remember my first tram ride here. It was a tram ride to the city, for in my first year, I lived somewhere in the outskirt of the Melbourne CBD. I was 19, well turning 20 on that year to be exact. That day, I couldn't imagine spending my year after year here, I know that I would, but it was hard to comprehend the idea of being in a foreign land on my own... it was an excitement infused with fear and curiosity...I, was a little kampong girl who for the first time had set her feet in a place somewhere over 4000 miles away from home.. I couldn't imagine all the things that had happened in the last five years, but still... as my memory can recall.. they did take place in my life.

I am of course, happy to go home. Blood is thicker than water, although in these days, oil seems to be thicker than anything.. Blood, is indeed thicker than the aromatic morning cappuccino dusted with the heaviest chocolate powder over a layer of fluffy creamy foam. I miss my family... for I would inshaAllah, give all that I could for them... that includes, a desire for prideful personal achievement or even money. So, I am of course going home and excited about it. The thought of spending my days sembang with mak ayah, weekends shopping with my dearest Kak sarah, lepak2 at my siblings house... Those are sweet... sweeter than the sweetest nectarine from the grandest season. I love my family. enough said.

Yet, five years is an oodles amount of memories...and memories are memories, either bad or good, they often last. well, the bad ones often seem to leave permanent effect.. but the good ones would always be forever cherished. 5 years is ofc long enough to have given me an equal amount of both... but hey... every occurrence that came prior to the memory had made me who I am today, I think I have grown out quite well out of them. ahahah.

I guess the actual detachment is when you are left with no other option but to stay detached... and you can never be fully detached of something that has came to past until it has been replaced by something better, or more remarkable... I hope, in Malaysia, I'll have something better than cold weather, good transportation, freedom and higher purchasing power... ahaha... (sounds almost impossible)...

But still... love can soar above everything... ;)

Bonda, ayahanda... tunggu anakanda pulang~~~

Please

2011-12-07T12:34:00.001+11:00

"Say: "O 'Ibadi ( My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins) Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

(Holy Quran; 39:53)

A Waitress Does That!

2011-12-02T22:10:00.001+11:00

I failed my first plan. ahaha! My previous post says today should be my last day working as a waitress/ kitchen hand. But, I didn't even get to tell the makcik that I want to quit. so, I'll be working tomorrow. Anyway, now that she makes me work only from 11am - 3pm, I guess it isn't so bad. but hey, I have only two weekends left. I should really tell her that I'm quitting.

Now, who says it's easy to be the one's leaving? ;p

*neighbor's amp is too loud, should I bang the wall?*

hhehe.. sorry for the intermission.

Dear readers,

How many of you have ever worked in a restaurant? or maybe currently working in one?

When I first told my friends that I'll be working as a kitchen hand, they were like

"what are you gonna wear?"

"you don't seem befitting for the job?"

funny aye... I however understand their remarks. I have to say that my wardrobes is rather fancy. Not that stylish though. But I love skirts, lacey, chiffon, satin and colorful clothing, which seem a bit too much and inappropriate to be worn while potong ayam sayur mayur, wiping kitchen top and tables, carrying dishes etc etc... but hey, I do have normal shirts as well... afterall, I'm just budak comot as some may call.

I think working in a restaurant, albeit for just approx 3 months taught me a lot. Here I'm sharing what I've got for being a kitchen helper and waitress.

1. I acquire some quite useful kitchen skills, that includes how to sharpen a knife properly, peel off chicken skin and slice carrot quickly. Since I haven't really been cooking since I live in Malaysia Hall (we are not allowed to cook), my cooking skills has really gone rusty. Thus, it is good that I'm working at the kitchen. I sometimes 'jeling2' the recipes while the chef is cooking. The recipes yeah, not the chef.

2. I learn about the ethnic differences. It is normal that we see men eat more than women. But ethnic background influences that too. Somalians and some of the Arabs really eat a lot. I mean like A LOT!!! like, nasi tu berbukit-bukit. Kadang tu dtg kedai skinny mcm bilis, nasiknya minta bergunung. oh, yeah, it's a Malay-Singaporean Restaurant, so they serve Malay food.

3. I learn how to be nice to people, even when I'm tired, busy and moody. That fake smile and happy "hello, how are you today sir?" are pretentious... but somehow, it can cheer you up just as well. even temporarily. I find that it makes me happy when someone returns a smile and greets me back etc. That adrenaline rush when there are lines of people waiting to be served, in the nervousness of being a newbie, I'm continuously repeating how are you, how can help you and forcefully plastering a smile on my face... It makes me feel good.

4. I learn to say sorry more sincerely. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when you are new at something. I'm a lousy cashier, always make mistakes at keying in and remembering codes for the menus.But everytime I made a mistake, I said sorry... to the customers... and surprisingly, the locals, I mean orang puteh are more forgiving than many other races. oh, more on ethnic background.

5. Malaysians are not the most berbudi bahasa. This is quite related to the above point, and point no. 2 as well. I'm most happy at serving orang puteh. First, they say thank you. At the age of 24, I learned that being appreciated is one of the best feelings in life. And saying thank you does a lot of that. Bagi sudu ckp thank you, tunjuk air kat mana ckp thank you, ambik duit dari tangan dia pun cakap thank you. Dahla tu, senyum selalu. and as I said, they are forgiving too. Rarely they frowned if I did something wrong or made them wait. They'd accept my apology and say.."that's allright"... Ada jugak org kita berbudi bahasa... but meh! not that many though.

6. I learn about business here and there. Not so much though, but kinda gives a good insight of what it's like to run a kedai makan. since it's a small restaurant, the tauke turun padang, the kitchen isn't so big and I can pretty much here every business discussion they had... I think I've got something... ahaha.. what are they? hmmm... rahsia la...

7. Money doesn't come easy. My salary is hourly based. I'm beginning to compare every expense with the number of my working hour. ahhaha.. damn you capitalism! :D

Okay, I think that's all for now.. but hey... any of you can add to the list? Selingan, makcik tu masak taufu sedap laaaa. I think I'll miss her sweetspicy taufu.

p/s:

should I become a full time housewife...
I'll get myself a stylish apron. ahaha

A Lifebuoy

2011-12-01T22:01:00.001+11:00

Hi, I'm updating again....

It feels like I've been literally living in the present these days, I live my life, as commonly say, going with the flow. Although, I don't live to the common understanding of the phrase, I once said to a friend, that we are the 'flow' of our life. As in, what happens about our life is predetermined by the things we did prior to a circumstance. Therefore, there's really no 'going with the flow' in which we often refer to a situation which we do not make decisions but rather succumbing to fate and go along with it. Deciding not to decide is after all a decision, a predetermination of 'the flow'.. urgh! am I making any sense? Anyway, all that I was about to say is I need to start making plans.

Upon listening to a friend laying out his plan A, B, C, D, E.......Z, I feel like I need to start planning out my life rather than loitering around, solely waiting... waiting... waiting... for.. I don't know. a miracle?

To be honest, I don't feel like looking for a job yet. ahaha. But hey, what am I going to do with my time if I don't look for work. As I often say to myself, financially speaking, life is either making money, or spending it. I think every breath has a cost and benefit, since nothing comes free. The air is free, but the electricity, the water that you drink as you get exhausted breathing, eh!. ahaha. well. I'm being merapu. but you get what I'm saying. oh, btw, have you watched In Time? I think that movie is fantabulous!

So, other than working as a waiter/kitchen hand at a restaurant here, which I plan to quit after tomorrow, I need to start thinking seriously about my future. The time has come, to be a person, a useful one.

So I am laying out my plans here instead of scribbling in my organizer which will soon meet its end and being replaced, just to remind myself that I do have a plan(s) or more like aims. or is it more like a things-to-do list. ahahah... anyway, here is all the above or whatever you wish to call it.

December.

1) Quit working as a waitress

2) Email JPA for Elaun Tamat Pengajian (money! yeay!)

3) Finish up CV and Portfolio

4) Graduation

5) Job Search

6) Holiday plans, where to go and whatnot

7) Souvenir Shopping (see if its necessary)

8) Pack Up for shipping, second round! ahhaha

9) Balik Malaysia! (woohooo!)

10) Holiday in UK! (loooooooking forward!!!!)

2012

January.

11) Must start looking for jobs seriously!

12) Lapor diri di JPA

13) Find a job around Penang.

14) Tak dapat, then go to KL or maybe Singapore. eh!

Once dapat kerja and onwards......

Bekerja dengan bersungguh-sungguh menjadi manusia berguna... selama setahun... kumpul duit.... nak pergi...

15) Jeng jeng jeng.... SANTORINI!!! ahaha... okay, that's not the ultimate aim of couse.

16) I'm hoping, after 3-4 years, I can get an Ar. inshaAllah....

Ar Nur Asriah. aiceh... only then, I can really call myself an architect. :)

17) Ada rezki, cukup capital, ada partner atau investor... I'll be starting my on firm in 5-7 years inshaAllah.

Ada plan hidup yang tertinggal ka? Apa? Apa? Apa? eheheehe... oh, yang itu....

That one is difficult... who doesn't want it, but it's something I cannot plan alone, especially when you don't see anyone to 'ajak' plan along. ahhahaa. I think eventually, I'll go traditional. Mak said, I have a year. huh? so that makes the plan #279 ahahaa... apabenda mengarut ni.......

In general, the future seems uncertain but quite promising, the past was full of colors and the ugly ones are getting bleaker. The present is wonderful. I sometimes feel like, I have everything that I need for now... and a boyfriend is not needed, for those who had asked. ;)

After all, Allah SWT is the Masterplanner. My dear readers, spare me some duaas for my success and happiness.

InshaAllah, inshaAllah...inshaAllah... he'll give us what's best for us.

Love, we only have two weeks.

2011-12-01T04:00:00.005+11:00

My memories are fragmented. 2 weeks left. This heart is as heavy as a mountain. I'm going to miss not just the place, but all the great friends I met. Who's to say that we will meet again? Not every opportunity comes twice. Hoping for a missing chance to revisit is the beginning of a regret.

Malaysia Hall Melbourne.

I will write more about this place. A place I never thought I would spend approx. 24 months of my life. Here, I met not just friends, but family. I'll remember this place... but most of all, I remember every happenstance.

As the saying goes;

"we do not remember days, we remember moments."

Mc-ing on MHRC Night (Malaysia Hall Biaanual Dinner)

Aishaah, an 8 yr old girl I have grown fond of in the last few months.

It is always so easy to love a kid..

Missing you, already!

2011-11-23T21:51:00.001+11:00

You know that feeling when you miss something/one that sits right before you. in front of your eyes, knowing that you prolly won't see it again.

That is exactly how I feel right now, as I stroll down every park and street of Melbourne. I am already missing Melbourne! oh, how heavy this heart of mine! Maybe I won't come back here... or even if I do, it'll be in a far unthinkable future. I love this place, but there's nothing for me here. 5 years, and it should be it. 3 weeks left, everything begins to get sentimental... like every petal of a rose given by a lover. I want to remember you forever...

Oh! I know I'll miss you. I know I'll miss you dreadfully.

I don't really wanna leave you. but I have too. I don't belong here.

My dear, I have to go back to where I used to be.

But you, in my heart... will always be near.

A Possum is Not Awesome

2011-11-19T18:12:00.001+11:00

Imagine waking up to a possum staring right into your eyes. His/her face so closed to yours. The eyes glistened as they pierced right through you.

No no no. Maybe it wasn't the stare that woke you up. It was his/her fur that brushed against the bare skin of your arm. It was a momentous touch that happened for only a tiny second of your life but left a permanent effect on the spot where the intact had occurred. It was fast, instantaneous... perhaps it was longer than you realized for you had been sleeping when it began... but you woke up as you felt the caress... you thought it was a dream...

and you opened your eyes.... there, a possum of a size of a fat cat... standing on your bed, in front of your face. Glaring at you... eyes to eyes....

I wished it was an imagination, I wish it was dream. But it wasn't....

I am Zoophobia.

I jumped off a chair when a cat passed through my legs. I borrowed other people bathroom for there was a dragonfly in mine. I woke my dad up in the middle of the night to catch a frog in my toilet back at home. I cried when I saw a kangaroo running towards me in a the Wild Life Park. I had weeks of after effect on my palm after forcefully attempted to feed a wallaby. I am scared of animals.

Now tell me, how do I forget what happened last night. I still feel the touch of the possum in my arm.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm a bit psychologically damaged now. There's inconsolable 'geli'-ness that I can't get over. urgh!

The possum previously used to stand outside of the windowpane, for hours... and stare into the room. I never thought he/she would have such a courage to get into the room, onto my bed! and last night, when I woke up and switched on the light... he/she run out frantically to the same spot outside the window pane, turned back to me and stared innocently... like, like... like it never came in. huh! belakon!!!

Lesson: Shut the windows properly at night.

For those who do not know what a possum is, here's a photo of it... and a wiki link...

urghhh! tgk gambar ni pon rasa nak muntah and nangis.

I need to jerit one more time...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

I need a way to get this geli-ness out of me. Help!

About Worrying

2011-11-18T20:21:00.001+11:00

It occurs that what worries us the most isn't really about not getting an opportunity to do something that we wish to do, but rather the decision we made upon every chance presented before us. We human, worry about consequences, for it is a lot easier accepting the fact that something is not meant to be ours given the matter remains out of reach. But once an effort was made... we worry about not getting things right or achieving what we had imagined we would achieve before the decision was made ... we human, worry about failure.

A famous quote says that...

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

Yet....

There is only a single 'what if...' if we denounce a chance and that is..

"what if I had taken the chance to..."

but it would be hundreds of them.... if we had walked the path....

"what if I did not say that....

"what if I took it slower....

"what if I have tried harder.....

"what if I am a lot forgiving....

"what if I had said No...."

at the end of the day.... we suffer the same.

The Tamed Giant of Kuala Lumpur

2011-11-11T22:57:00.001+11:00

Here's my final project for everyone to have a look at. Click on the image for a larger view.

This project is a polemical response to the Malaysian Government’s proposal to build yet another mega tower as a landmark for Kuala Lumpur in the Petronas Twin Tower tradition. The proposition responds to significant public disproval by providing an alternative design to the existing 100-storey mega tower proposal, and in turn seeks to answer whether built form, other than a high rise tower can become a landmark for a city or region?

The critical architectural act is defined by a simple and vernacular process of ‘braiding’. In this case the two separate towers of a Petronas Complex are ‘braided into one’. The two are bonded, separate things united, unity suggested. This is envisaged as an appropriate landmark metaphor for a multi-racial country.

A further insight is possible...imagine this...the mighty tower now lies prostrate. It is reclaimed by Kampung Baru, the last remaining urban village in KL. It is as if the tall, proud capitalist giant has humbled itself to the low, almost slum like urban nature of the traditional village. Between then and now the traditional village has reclaimed the tower for its own. Big and little, Rich and Poor dwell together.

“The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together, and a little child will lead them.” - Isaiah 11.6

And the outcome? A tamed giant, a 12 storey, strangely familiar built form nesting into the medium rise zone on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur.

2011-11-01T22:22:00.003+11:00

I am nervous. God knows.

Jamban Jitra

2011-10-15T20:32:00.002+11:00

Image taken from here

ahahaaa... I never knew it is called Jitra Toilet.... ahhaha..

You're Attractive To Me!

2011-10-10T15:10:00.000+11:00

Hello.

How is everyone today?

ahaa.. that sounds a little like a teacher or maybe a tv presenter or maybe some boring dj in the lamest radio channel. oh, do you know that I once wanted to be a tv presenter or a dj. I think I blogged bout that before.

Anyway, today, I would like to write about charms or attractiveness. eh! whats up with all this formality.. ahah.. this post should be a brief one.

What defines attractiveness to you?

I've been browsing through Lat's cartoon these few days for my major project. Since my project looks very much cartoon-ish, my sv, Neil suggested I should present it more like a comic, and make it very Malaysia-ish.. thus, I decided to present it in the manner of Lat's. I tell you man, it's difficult to copy something as great as that.

ah! this is so nostalgic! I think I called in tumbui instead of tumbung. Image taken from here.

Browsing through some of his cartoons took me to various cartoonist/ artist websites, effectively dragging me into endless admiration and awe. I think, people with artistic trait are very very very charming! regardless how they look. I know I always have a thing for people who writes...or should I say, those who rhyme? ahhaha. I love to rhyme myself, though it's never as good as a hymn. Anyway, all these cartoonist or artist are just fabulous in their very own way. They have their own strokes/style, their own font, their own bubble box... so much about the artist in an artwork. how can every of them manage to find their own individuality when there are like... I don't know billionsss of them? Maybe there are some similarities but still... you can tell the different.

I remember how I used to adore Kazuya Minekura. I used to like Saiyuki very much. oh, here's my recent sketch of a character in the story.

I copied it somewhere ofc.

Prior to that, I used to collect Blues untuk Aku if any of you are familiar with the series. I like Sireh and his Student Life, and AIE of course, then Jakalll who came a little bit later than the two aforementioned. (I remember emailing him a couple of times asking about drawing techniques and whatnot). I had also tried making some comic strips back then, but I gave up... why? because I found myself copying the artists I admired rather than having my own styles. Sad. I think when it comes to drawing, I only know how to copy. I guess, that's why I like to draw portraits. here's some portraits of friend that I've drawn.

Ok, this post seems to take a different direction. ahahaha.. and haven't I said that it should be a brief one? hish. Anyway, see those two portraits... I drew both, but they don't seem to possess similar style. you think? I think if I should become really good at drawing pun... I won't have my own style. Sad!

Dahla...should just give up on drawing, all heart out for identity quest in architecture.

Anyway, I think I'm a little jealous too with all these talented people and their uniqueness. Oh, yes, that's the word. Uniqueness. I'm all for unique. ;) Dear all talented people, stop being so attractive to me.

I sometimes randomly hum a silly prayer

"...send me a poet.... send me a poet..."

maybe I should ask for a cartoonist/painter too. ahaha.

or... will I ever meet a poet who draws?

How I deal with fireflies in my tummy?

2011-10-06T00:06:00.001+11:00

Bismillah...

A friend, upon knowing how I never had any exam except 3 minor tests in 5 years study asked how do I really cope with presentations, don't I feel nervous or anything.

I guess for most architecture students, weekly presentation is like going to the toilet in a cold wintry night. It's torturous sometimes, but we gotta do it anyway because to wet your mattress during winter is the worse decision ever, It ain't no sun to light it dry, leaving you sleeping on the floor for the following months. Damp and dirty mattress will invite bedbugs... and, oh, you know what they do... ok sudah2.. the analogy is getting to far... but who wets a mattress even in a other season? baloq sungguh. eee. pengotoq.

Anyway, most of us can actually do the presentation subconsciously... u know, like how you p** with your eyes half-opened/closed. It's just something we used to do. fullstop.

Nevertheless, for major presentations... as for me, I still get fireflies in my tummy... No matter how many years I've been doing it, it's still feel the same, every time, especially when I know there'll be a list of well-known ~~scrutinizers~~ architects as my guest critics.

So, how do I keep the cool?

1. GET YOUR WORK DONE!!! / Be prepared. Kalau dah kerja tak siap2 sah2 la ketaq. tak upaya la. Asriah, nanti tolong print awal2 sikit.

Hahaa.. takdak gambaq nak letak.

2. Dress well. When I was in high school, I used to join forums and some other public speaking competitions, Bahasa Melayu la tapinya... and I remember preparing the night before making sure my uniform is freshly washed and ironed. I would also laced up my shoes tightly. That was the reason why I wore laced shoes during high schools although most girls would go for normal pump shoes. Brogues are my favorite now. These days, I would think on what to wear a day earlier as I always face incurable indecisiveness in deciding on daily outdoor attire. Sometimes I would iron and hang it next to my bed if the presentation should start early in the morning. But normally I would just iron on the day. Ya, saya mmg rajin iron baju. sampai stakat ni smua yg jd roomate kat hall ni teguq. takdala suka. tapi habit. pastu kdg lupa tutup iron. -_-". Anyway, I think, "when you look good, you feel good" kinda works for me. Plus, when you know you look presentable, you at least have one thing less to worry about. Make sure your attire is appropriate and comfortable though, not just pretty or nice. I did mistakes too sometimes, like how I wore skirt for my last presentation not realizing I had to climb and crawl to setup the presentation. Expect the unexpected. But don't get too excited, to an extent... hari lain pucat macam nak mati, mai nak present, tudia aih mulut merah... tebai setimba... 6 kilometer nampak dah bibiaq dia. dress moderately. Like last time, I wore black and white since my presentation panels were all very colorful. Nak orang tengok kerja ka, nak orang tgk hang? Ok. dah... I should prolly write a separate post for this... ahhaha

3. Be confident. but how? I know it's not easy to get THE confident. Aside form point #1, you have to believe in what you're going to say. 'Know' them well but never memorize the text (if you had any) word by word. If you did, once you forgot... you'll just go blank. It happened to me before. I got lost and didn't know how to pick up where I left. Also, do not read up or at least, don't read too much from text. It's ok when it comes to quotes... but if you just read from the beginning to the end, your presentation tends to sound like this "--------------------------" and it's BORING! Same goes to slides presentation. Avoid placing long texts or paragraphs. Use points and BIG and punchy font if suitable. Say it slightly different form the slides because apparently your audience can read. Also, to have the confident, you really need to believe in yourself and your authority in telling people what they (just assume) don't know.... and throw your voice as you speak, at least... it fakes the confident even though it's not really there.

4. Drink enough water. I'm not suggesting to eat which is actually quite necessary. It's your mouth that should do the talking not your tummy. But in my case, I most of the time prefer not to eat (much) because when I get too nervous, I always feel like vomiting, and if I had eaten, I would then end up vomiting causing me feeling tired and all. I always keep a bottle of water with me. Maybe carry something to munch. Buah-buahan ka... oh, tapi yg sesuai laa.. satgi makan epal krukrakkrukkrak... hingaq kot.

5. Talk to the critics, or maybe just anyone. Anxiety piles up if you keep quite. But don't create a scene laa.. org present kat depan dok potpetpotpet stail anak mami kat blakang susah la. If you had a chance, talk to the critics... I find this helps, because presenting to a complete stranger who would later criticizes your work is rather...hmm intricate? I don't know how to say it, but to put it simply... talking to your critics eases the tension between you and them, thus it makes you feel easier when it comes to 'telling' them your work. It's like warming up.

6. Unless you must, don't pay too much attention on other people's presentation. ahaha.. why? Intimidation is one. Common... let's get real, won't you get intimidated when the person before you were all pumped and praised up by the critics? or what if the critics were so mean...what if the person's works seemed fine to you but he got bogged down so badly. what if... ahaha.. ok... my point here is, our emotion is usually quite unstable before the presentation, thus... all the 'if-examples' can sometimes demotivate us. Thus, listen... but don't give too much heed. I sometimes go out for a little walk from the room when it gets too intense pretending like going to the toilet. yeah, I think they were some presentations in which people would have thought I got kidney problems. Or find a distraction, like texting friends or twitting... I don't know.. it depends on you.

7. Last, but the most important one is to tawakkal to Allah. Say bismillah, recite the prayer of Moses. After all, Allah is the most powerful of all. He makes it easy whatever He wills. If Allah were to test you with difficulties, no matter how you've prepared... it won't be as easy as you wish. Pray. jangan prepare nak present sampai tak solat.

There go 7 points from me. Cukup la kot. I think my points are more on doing architecture presentations... maybe some are quite unrelated to you. Mind to share yours?

*I prefer fireflies than butterflies. ;)

My Awesome Neil

2011-09-30T20:24:00.013+10:00

Thursday was somewhat momentous. ahaha.. that prolly sounds a bit too dramatic. Anyway, I had a second mid crit for my major project. One last public review before the final presentation in November. I was all nervous since the night before. I really shouldn't be for I've been doing project presentation for like almost five years till now, but somehow, I was indeed not quite myself. I had a restless night like a typical-night-before-crit, in which I would either had no sleep or sleep like a sheep jumping on a trampoline on his two feet. I mean, tidoq jaga-lena-jaga-lena....

Unlike many other students, I was asked by my supervisor to prepare slides presentation other than 3A0 posters that go on the wall. I didn't finish the slides until like 30 minutes before the crit session started. It added to my nervousness that I had never set up the built-in projector in the allocated studio room where we'll be presenting. Being the only person using it, it was all up to me to set it up and I couldn't do it earlier that 6pm since there was a class running in the room. I was worried, like what if the projector didn't work, what if I couldn't use my laptop but the provided computer in which my animation might not work properly etc etc. and out of all days, I made a wrong decision wearing a skirt on that day. Putting up 3A0 posters-vertically aligned on the wall turned out to be quite a challenge. I am petite. I had to panjat up and down to pin up the massive sheets on the wall. Luckily some friends did give a helping hand. and for some reasons the projector cables had to tangled up behind the pc table, leaving me crawling underneath like a spider in a skirt. ahhaaha.. imagine doing all of those dgn control 'ayu'nya. note to myself, don't wear a skirt for the next crit.

The presentation started at 6pm, I was the third last person on the list. Everyone was given 20 minutes to present their work plus getting feedback from the critics. My sv Neil wasn't there when the session began. I thought he would be maybe 20 or 30 mins late for he's not an RMIT staff. He had to come all the way from his office after work. He's prolly hungry and went to grab something for dinner first. He's quite old btw. kesian dia kalau lapaq. one presentation after another and kelibat Neil masih tidak kelihatan. The weather was bad. The sky has been very upset for the last couple of days, maybe Neil was stuck in the traffic or so I thought. The clock stroke 715 and he's still not there yet. I began to panic. The thought of presenting without my sv was devastating. None of the critics had a clue about my project. And I don't have any other sv-mate, I mean, some svs tutor a few students, but I'm the only Neil's student. Neil's the only person in the world who understands my project and every time other sv 'backup' their students in the presentation, I felt scared. oh! what would happen to me? I got no one to back me up, not that Neil definitely would, but I know he won't let me get abused by others. ahaha.. I texted him but he didn't reply. My calls were pickup my the voicemail. =(

I waited and waited. The pain of waiting, oh! heaven knows. I've became so anxious when the person before me (according to the list) was presenting. I was upset and didn't feel like presenting at all. But posters were up. the slides turned on, I had to go anyway, with or without Neil. I said to myself, 'hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakeel'...

As I braced up myself and ready to go, one of the critics told me that Neil had just called him and said he would be there in 30 mins or so. So they moved my presentation to the last. What happened was Neil's flight had just touched down from Sydney, the flight was delayed due to the weather condition. I received a text from Neil as well, saying the same. I don't know how to describe how it felt. But I was reminded by the moment when prophet Ibrahim placed the knife on prophet Ishmail vein for the sacrifice. Then Allah revealed that he has completed his task and replaced with a lamb. How relief was he, how light must his heart felt to not actually sacrificing his son. Maybe it seemed totally unrelated and irrelevant to you. But I was extremely relief and grateful. It felt like, sunshine after the rain. My heart and head felt light instantaneously.

Neil arrived. My presentation went quite well, alhamdulillah. and I'm hoping the final one will be the best of all. ameen.

That day I learned that, sometimes... Allah tests us like that. He made the most probable thing end up seemingly like it would never happen and gave us no other option but to move on with whats left on us. Like, having your supervisor to be there for your presentation is the most common expectation of any student. Never had I thought I would have to go without Neil, thus I was very unprepared. But there I went, almost crying and felt so down, but eventually redha that I had to present anyway... and right before I present, Neil walked through the same door I had been staring for the last three anxious hours of my life. and of course, he had his reason for being late. To have Neil coming straight away from the airport is a blessing. I am grateful. He must've been very exhausted after few days of out station works and all. Thank you Neil. you're my awesome supervisor!

Kita jangan bersangka buruk dengan Allah. We planned, but Allah is The Master Planner. As commonly said, if its meant to be, it will be... it's just the matter of time. Waiting can be dreadful but if you're pleased with whatever Allah has decreed upon you. you'll do just fine.

It's just the matter of time... ;)

Here's some snippets of my project btw. Hope it'll serve as your eye candies after my long icky post.

"what in the world are you designing Asriah?"

ahaha... I'll write up about my project later. insyaAllah. when the time is right ;)

p/s: Neil Masterton is an architect from ARM here's his profile.

Less We Forget

2011-09-18T23:38:00.007+10:00

Remember when you knew nothing but the face and voice of your mother. Remember when you liked everything including the striking red worn out sandals of your neighbor.

Remember when the sky always felt so high yet so touchable by the sunlight penetrated through the gaps of your fingers, your breath always felt so fresh, your mind was as light as the wind breezing the lovegrass lawn at the back of your door where you used to sit in the midst of it and got up with the seed heeds all over your pants.

Remember how a rainy day never grieved you, instead it called for joy of a mud bath and outdoor shower. Remember how rainbow always amazed you, leaving you wondering weather there was really a box of colorful floating ribbons and magic art tools at the both ends of it.

Remember how everybody pleased you, even just a smiling stranger. Remember, remember... remember how everything was so beautiful including me and you.

I think I remember, I hope you do too.

One Stressful Post

2011-09-15T17:04:00.005+10:00

I always find it a bit 'poyo' to always use 'stress' as an excuse for something. Eg; to get angry at others, to act sick, to skip classes, to apply for special consideration for late presentation/exams, to cry like a baby out of the blue.

Nevertheless, I think I in my not-so-right-mind do all the above except applying for a special consideration because as for me, no matter how stressful a situation can get, alhamdulillah... I always find a way to keep up with datelines. So it is what it is, saya jugak poyo lah mcm tu.

Anyways, we all have our own ways in managing stress... eg; shopping, p bertumbuk dgn org, tidoq tak bngun2... it always good to channel out our negative energy as long as, tak menyusahkan orang. apparantly, kalau p shopping pakai credit card cik abang tu, kesian la.. bertumbuk ngan org tu lagi buruk perangai.

There are also many reasons why someone gets so stressed out Workloads is a common example, a good and acceptable one. but there are many other reasons too, some are quite privacy... and in cases which you cannot share with others for reasons of appropriateness, or you stop sharing in order not to annoy others with your never-ending grief... it could eat you up. like seriously.. it begins to affect your health.

For example... sometimes it makes you heart go sprinting with no reasons. funny eh. But hey, the world does not revolve around you. the world goes around with or without your heart sprinting, I mean beating.... sometimes, you have to deal with it. if it's pain. painful it is. if it's stress, stressful it is.

Trust me, I've had ECG done, and the doctors said "it's stress"

Haha.. what a random post. anyway people. don't always buckle up inside. go talk to someone who cares. it'll help. don't let stress ruin your health.

smile, for smile sometimes is equal to.... happiness ;)

The Tamed Giant Teaser

2011-09-14T11:39:00.004+10:00

"Asriah, please don't get married... kalau u kawen semua ni nanti hilang..." Alynn

On Happiness and Frantic Leap

2011-09-12T00:00:00.009+10:00

Bismillah~

There had been too many unpublished posts for the last couple of weeks. whilst writing this, my heart is wishfully praying that this one would be a finished post albeit part of me is confidently saying..'no, you're not gonna make it, u don't really have much to babble about tonight, u're not gonna talk about mat sabu or prof zainal kling, not even commenting on somalia or even 9/11 anniversary...u'll fall asleep halfway through the writing...' oh! that monologue was prolly unnecessary, a bit too much for an intro yea?

So how are you dear readers (if there were any laa)... blogging often feels like throwing words into space relying on the luck of random projectile motions, wondering or maybe more accurately hoping there'd be some wanderers with too much time in hands aka stalkers, stumbling upon it and subconsciously reading through all these words that may or may not carry any meaning to his or her life.

How is life getting on for everyone out there.. eh! this sounds so redundant...anyway, I sometimes sit on a tram, looking at strangers and wonder whats really on their mind, what sort of life are they living, what are their worries, are they happy? sad? anxious?. hahaa.. do I sound like I've got nothing to wonder about my own monotonous life to be so curious about others?

Well, I suppose, my life isn't so monotonous, maybe not as roller coaster as others but it does have its ups and downs. UPS and downs. oh, speaking of the two, how often do we complain about all the downs but rarely remember and be grateful for the ups. That goes to me most of all. ahhaha..

I've been contemplating about happiness a lot lately... about what makes someone happy, what really makes a happiness? is that an unexpected shiny day when you've had all your umbrella or poncho prepared for an outing, or a sweet surprise of chocolate and flowers from friends who care?

I am often reminded by Ibn Taymiyyah words, he said something like 'if a person does not find happiness in this world he is unlikely to find it in hereafter'. Thus, I sometimes feel scared when I grief. Little things as the aforementioned examples can definitely give temporary excitement. at least to me, they do... but I guess it all goes back to the most basic and tak-payah-cakap-pun-org-tau, it is to feel sufficient or content with what Allah has given to us.

This matter has been written and explained far too many times by Muslim scholars and philosophers. I'm not elaborating on that. But I'm telling you my dear readers (which might only be a future me), for an average person like me; to feel content takes a lot of faith. Faith in Allah SWT who's testing us with all sort of miseries... and... it is He-knows difficult. But no one ever says that to attain happiness in hereafter aka entering the jannah is easy.

I'm jealous of people who whenever is tested with hardships, he feels content, smiles and says "Allah is enough for me".

Hang on, why am I writing this? oh yeah! I'm trying to be a happy person. Am I sad? well... I guess we all have our own sadness at some point of times. Kalau tuhan bagi seronok sahaja, lupa daratan kot. I just feel that.. hmm how do I put it; would it make me a bad person if I should say I don't feel like I'm grateful enough? What else do I expect from this life? I have a loving family though I do not live with them, I have so many amazing and caring friends, I'm getting good education, living in a reasonable place, eating proper meals, wearing nice clothes, breathing clean air etc etc (which of the blessings will you deny?)

Of course, at this age, well.. 24 and.. umm, single? is quite something to think about. THINK about, not-yet worry about. Therefore, it shouldn't be so bothersome right? ahaha.. As I had spoken to many girlfriends of my age, the pressure is actually quite there. A really close friend is tying a knot at the end of this year, a few friends recently got engaged. there are 'blooming' babies more like mothers, here and there? ahaha.. I sometimes don't know how I feel. like... am I jealous? no I guess not, I'm excited every time I heard a friend is walking down the isle, eh silap I mean getting on the dais, eh tak jugak... takda sanding2... I mean... you know, completing the other half of his/her religion. It's exciting!!! Alhamdulillah!

It's just... for some strange-reasons-God-knows-who-can-explain-this, I feel scared. You know how we all are traveling on different paths in this life, some took the one less traveled. They aren't many people there... prolly met a few other travelers when the paths crossed, but paths only crossed at a junction... oh a junction is a junction, no one stays there for too long... everyone will move on to the path that is destined for them, and me... walking, so carefree... meeting new people and bidding goodbye at every junction... there would always be some familiar faces at some of the many junctions which sometimes lead you wondering while wandering weather are they following you or viceversa. There were moments when you'd expect them to end up taking the same route as yours but after a while you just get used to waving goodbyes.

What I really find scary is, to suddenly having a stranger you've never met in any of the junctions you've traveled to suddenly cross your path and does some kind of frantic leap entering your route. huh! *gasp*.. or maybe, you are the one doing that. ahahaa...

Okay, this post has gotten a bit too much. But life is sometimes like that, full of surprises, and surprises are good when you are not fainthearted. ahaha... Anyway, this post isn't totally about me, it came out of sembang2 I had with friends recently.

I don't know how to wrap it up, but all in all.... I'm trying to be happy person and prepared to be happy with whatever Allah would bestow upon me. Should I do a frantic-leap?

O' Stranger

2011-08-29T09:46:00.006+10:00

I came to RMIT (my uni) hurriedly this morning.. worrying not be able to get any computer to work on for I wasn't as early as I should have been... there are only a few computer labs in this design school and during weekdays like this, some of the labs are used for teaching and only one or two are available for students, and most of the time, if you're late... most of the computers are already taken... Since my computer is now old and lazy, not to mention making sounds like the engine of an aeroplane.... I prefer to work at RMIT, the computer is faster, the softwares are all uptodate, faster and unlimited internet connection, I procrastinate less etc etc etc....

Anyway, on my way here... as usual, I took a tram... however the pakcik tram (driver) seemed to be a little careless this morning, he stopped the tram so sudden causing me who was standing without holding on a thing to loose my balance andddddd.... fell... well, almost did. but was saved... by a stranger... *say: aaauuuwwww~*

In that instance... it occured to me that sometimes in this life, it takes a stranger to catch you when you fall.

Thus, be kind to strangers... and be a good stranger too.

Oh! and I arrived at RMIT just to realise there aren't many people around or any class running... which reminds me.. this week is actually a holiday.. its the spring break. oh well, my supervisor refuses to acknowledge the cuti ponnnn...

here I am at RMIT, still having this strange fuzzy feeling from falling on a stranger... haha... and sitting on my favourite spot at the computer labs. I like this computer, it's at the corner of the room. I can see the whole room from here :)

ok. I should start working. oh btw... enjoy these final days of Ramadhan. ;) Allah Bless.

New Addiction

2011-08-14T21:30:00.003+10:00

I didn't know that Hamza Namira has a new album, Insan, after Ehlam Ma'a (Dream with Me) until today... now I'm so addicted to this song. I like that most of his songs in Insan ain't so melancholic... so refreshing!

ياما نفسي أعيش انسان قلبه على كفه
Oh how I wish to live like a human being who carries his heart in his hand
كل اللي بردانين ف كفوفه يتدفوا
All those feeling cold would find warmth in the palms of his hands

يضحك يضحّك خلق الله
When he laughs all of God’s creation laughs
يفرح يفرّح كله معاه
When he’s happy he makes everyone else happy
إنسان جواك وجوايا

A human being inside you and me
إنسان له حلم له غاية
A human being who has a dream and an aim

اللي معاه على طول مش ليه
He’s always giving away everything he has
ولا حتى روحه ملك إيديه
And he doesn’t even own his own spirit
جواه في قلبه ونن عينيه
Inside his heart and in the depths of his eyes
شايل أمل وشروق وحياة
He carries hope, sunrise and life

إنسان بيحب ولا يكره
A human being who loves and never hates
إنسان شايل أمل بكره
A human being who has hope for a better tomorrow
بيبان في الشدة ويطمّن
He appears in the midst of hardship and reassures others
ولا خان ولا عمره هيخوّن
Never has he betrayed nor will he ever accuse anyone of treason

كلمات: حازم ويفي
لحن: حمزة نمرة

100887-100811

2011-08-10T07:33:00.001+10:00

Two and Four.

shouldn't I be worried?

oh well................ ;)

Creepy Me in my Poems

2011-08-04T18:20:00.005+10:00

For the first time in my architecture-life, I'm bringing my poems into architecture. What's more interesting is, I use my poems in their original form, by this I mean, in Malay language. Now everybody in my class knows how Malay language sounds like. ahaha...

The project is pretty much investigating the space between poems. The atmosphere of hearing two poems recited simultaneously. Sounds that make space, space that's defined by sound. Seriously, I don't really know how it'll work out... but hey, just having some experimentation with stuff a bit off-architecture... a break from my headache major project. Plus, I kinda enjoy making people listen to my poems without expecting them to understand a word... rather then, reciting to a bunch of people who understand but couldn't 'appreciate' them... and yeah, I receive some flattering comments from 'mat-salleh' course mate like...

"when something is well written, even you can't understand it... you can kinda tell it"

hahahhahahahaa.... ok.

here's how my superimposed poems sound like.

Spacebetweebpoems01 by asriahtalib

*heyyyyy! don't laugh!**malu la mcmni*

creepy much ey? hahaaa... I myself kinda like how the word 'mati' singularly ends the poem... *psycho alert*

they seem to enjoy it though. and.. oh! these poems are I guess the most emotional ones I had in my collection, well... I mean among those that I published on the blog. of course there are a lot more psycho emotional insensible poems in my private collection. hahaa...

rasa kena record lain, dahla record malas2...if you notice in one of the poems I miss pronounced the word 'tiada' as 'tayada'... hahaha... punya malas nak rakam lain... such half-assed recording for the sake of the assignment. now I know that I have to make a public installation, I better re-record it properly.

anyways...since the tutor wants to 'immerse' in my voice (that's the exact word he used)... I guess, I gotta make them creepier... so that he'll get goosebumps!!!

this is so mengarut.

oh, btw I just realise that it makes me smile when people call me a poet, but for some unknown reasons, I feel like I have to put on a serious expression when I was called an architect.

The Holy Floral Pattern

2011-08-03T19:30:00.007+10:00

You do not know how much what you say on fb or twitter can affect others. or at least make others think. for example, a brother on my twitter tweeted;

"a sister's reading Quran on the tram, mashaAllah"

This left me pondering about people's perception seeing me reading Quran on a tram. I don't do it frequently, in fact I rarely carry Quran around since I use iphone for there's an apps for it, but now that its Ramadhan, just like many of us I try my best to increase my Quran reading as much as I can... and travelling over an hour to and fro almost everyday gives me quite a chance to flip through my little holy book. I used not to mind what people think, especially the non-muslims. I sometimes like how that sort of thing kinda become a conversation starter. but to make 'an impression' on other muslim, is the least I wish to do.

To me...it's some kind of guilt to present yourself better than what you are. I feel ashamed if people had given a better impression than my true self. I wonder if any of you had ever felt this way too. I don't know how to explain this. It's just, people kinda give you a good perception and somehow through the complexity of your mind, it turns into an expectation that does not meet up the actual condition. and, it's a shame, on me! huhu.

So today, I clothed my little green Quran with floral pattern wrapping. Unless you peep through, no one knows what I'm reading. I don't know if it's good or bad. but the matter of heart, is always hard to justify.

O'Allah, grant me hikmah in every decision I made, big or small. Ameen

A Habit

2011-08-02T20:32:00.001+10:00

you do know what happened to the run away rhabit. don't you?

She died.

Mengomel on Major Project 01

2011-07-31T14:27:00.004+10:00

I guess the more we think about it, the harder it seems to realise.
The question I myself put forward is the one that's hindering me from moving on.
Oh, my fellow Malaysian....please tell me

What is really our identity?
When Malaysia is mentioned, what's the first image that comes across your mind?
other than food?

What sort of pictorial quality and tangible idea should I look at, without being socially bias of course? I mean, songket is too Malay, Bak kut teh is too Chinese and Sari is too Indian. Is there any cultural element that really belong to all of us.

(jangan ckp 1Malaysia boleh tak?)

This is difficult. T.T

The Wait

2011-07-23T20:13:00.005+10:00

Life can be pretty funny sometimes.... like how it keeps you waiting for something which is already yours... or hoping for something which you'll never have. but...

as, a friend said to me, why worry for something you do not know. Especially when you have a lot of other important (certain) things to worry about. ;)

The only very certain thing about life is, it will end. Lets strive for what's worth it. Ramadhan is coming... semoga sempat sampai and hoping it to be the best of all the previous Ramadhan. Plus, this would prolly be my last Ramadhan (here).

Mail it to Miss Kiambang ;p

2011-07-18T18:52:00.001+10:00

I used to write little notes to myself when I'm in distress and put them at random places, just wherever I feel like hiding it. such as in the deep of a drawer, in the pocket of my organizer, in my arts box, between books or just pin it to the soft board.... It cheers me up when I discover them after sometime. hahaa. It occurs that... when you're down, the only person who can lift you up again, is yourself... and only Allah Jalla wa A'la can give you the strength you need.

I just found one today. It can be quite tah-apa-apa... but hey, I made myself smile today. hahaa... *narcissist much!*

This Place

2011-07-15T18:42:00.001+10:00

The naive and inexperience me never thought I would end up falling in love with this place, to an extend... I wish I could stay and build a life here. haha... I love Melbourne.

I would have to go back still... for a lot more love than merely a love for a place, a place that never was and never will be mine.

Opss... too soon aihhh to sedih2... a semester to go yo! praying for the best semester in my 5 years here, inshaAllah.

“Allahumma la sahla illama ja-‘altahu sahla anta taj ‘alu al hazana eza ma shi’ta sahla.”
“ Oh Allah! Nothing is easy except what you have made easy. If you wish, you can make the difficult easy.”

All the best to whoever needs the best in life ;)

Sky

2011-07-02T15:18:00.001+10:00

Everything sounds possible, achievable.... until you start putting them on paper and begin to work it out. By then you know, it's bloody difficult.

oh well, as I was told, if life is as simple as a game strategy in which after a few levels you'd start to understand the pattern and move and be able to anticipate the next... it won't be interesting, perhaps... not worth living.

yes it is not a game... but still, it needs strategy... life needs to be carefully planned. what the future will be like, we can't forecast. maybe it won't rain tomorrow, but at least... last three years I've bought myself an umbrella, and I have it in my provision...in case in rains the day after tomorrow.

I need to let go some of this baggage.

The Spider Gone Mad

2011-06-11T21:20:00.001+10:00

Is it true that, if you tell people that you have the best/ the most precious thing in the whole wide universe, no one would ever believe in you? that... it is better for you, not to say anything... or people would just think you're insane.

Is it true that, if you must always hide a matter, it is in some senses, is a crime? or to some people.. whom it may or may not concern, or who may or may not concern you, it is rather offensive?

Is it true that, if too many people know about a thing that you believe is about to happen which you're somehow still quite curious about how it's going to happen, it will never ever happen... you would then have to blame it on the expectation. Expectation kills, curiosity has retired.

I don't know which one is which, which one is true. The spider has gone mad. Oh, but I know, in this world , there is you.

Obedient Wives Club

2011-06-08T22:34:00.003+10:00

The first time I heard about it, I was like... LOL...! now, there's a club for that? ridiculous!

anyways, I took that as a joke, but later realized...woooaaah, these guys are pretty serious. They even made it international yo! haha

I wonder what's the main motivation that leads them to this. Educating women to be obedient? Teaching domestic housewife skills including, how-to-treat-your-husband-in-bed by comparing to the first-class-whores? what the..! or just a way of asking some acknowledgement from the male species that we're trying realllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy hard here to please you.... awwwwwww~ I supposed the club provides them with certificates too... that's what you got after every seminar or skills training, aite?

So the next time the husband complains, the wife can pretty much go;

"abang! I taatt, ni ada sijil tau... jangan main2"

Godness gracious! they made men seem like such a pervert species on earth.

and don't we have enough women's right and feminist group to deal with all of these concerns of being women/wives?

now the Sewing Club joined by a friend sounds a lot more sensible to me.

Ladies, don't you have anything else better to do? Yeah, go on... get busy with the club.... tgh hari lupa masak nasik! Ops!

I don't know... just think women should empower themselves with something better. Come oonnnnnnnn.

Yeah yeah.. I'm prolly being a pessimistic. oh well, what an unmarried girl* knows about being a good wife. but btw, I rather remain unmarried than being compared to a prostitute. Thanks!

*or maybe a person like me needs some lesson to become obedient. Kelab Isteri Taat, that is! ;p

Itsy Dipsy Spider Trying To Get Higher

2011-06-01T00:20:00.000+10:00

"Don't wish upon the stars... for stars themselves are made out of wishes."

I guess the problem with ~~human mind~~ "my mind" is; it acts more like a spiderweb. The heart, well my heart, is the spider. Every little thought or information is the catch... and this spider... sometimes can't tell whether the catch is edible or not. Poor little spider.

Sure it's gonna be a mess if all the bugs and flies stuck on the web are left uneaten. But that doesn't mean you should just scrap them all in my dear spidey. That's okay. A web doesn't last very long anyway. They gonna fall down, and you gonna have to keep fixing and rebuilding it.

Every bug you've swallowed isn't gone. They become a part of you. and that's the problem, when the catch is poisonous.

But hey, you're not just any spider. Don't fall sick so easily. Let some of the catches left embedded in the web, thicken and strengthen the structure of the weave. You! don't eat them! You're not just any spider. You're a Tarantula.

You and My Mama ;)

2011-05-25T17:06:00.005+10:00

I'm very busy right now, but can't help to share a little story about my family.

My parents live next to my late grandparents, on my father's side. When my grandpa was sick, she took care of him, until his last breath. Then, my grandma... also, until she breath her last.

A few years prior to that, she took care of her mother, the mother that raised her, I'm pretty sure if she ever met her own mother, she'd do the same... I was young, I don't remember that grandmother very well. But I never forget how she suap makan and mandikan her every day.

She also cared for my dad's half blood aunt.. and a few other people I can hardly remember. They all lived with us. I remember, when dad renovated our house, she reminded him to built a dedicated room for the sick... which now has become my room.

Mum sometimes said, "I took care of many elderlies until Allah took them away from me, I hope Allah won't abandon me when I'm old"

It occurs to me how amazing my mum is. I've seen how hard it is to care for a sick AND old person. Even a sick person sometimes gets on your nerve. I wonder if I could be like her.

I thank Allah for having my sister in law Kak Sarah. When it comes to taking care of people, she's like a clone of my mum, just a modern version. :) To me, you're the answer of mum's prayer. InshaAllah...

Thank you for always be there for them, and jaga mak ayah very well! You're too, amazing! like mak! I have a lot to learn from you.

My 10 Romantic Date Venues

2011-05-22T15:54:00.002+10:00

(Warning! This post is sentimental and personal. You may choose not to read)

I guess it’s the autumn rain or maybe the blessedly married couple story I heard last night. Or the sweet and sour taste of mandarin orange given by roommate. Or the good looking guy who taught me how to clear cookies on my iPhone. Or La Pasegiatta art I drew for my studio project. I don’t know… I’m just feeling mellow and a bit on the romantic side. Haha… Hence I’m writing this;

The list goes as the following....

1. An Art Gallery / Expo

I don’t mind if you can’t buy me the 99,000 USD worth painting that I fall in love with. I just need you to stand next to me, admiring the gift of God to all of these people. Understand how much I love arts. How I once dreamed to be a great painter. You must let me laugh of excitement when I see the piece that I like and don’t think me mad when I cry seeing the piece that makes me sad. I don’t mind you making silly comments of the displayed arts. I don’t mind you saying the ugly albino fox in one of the painting looks like me. But never say ‘this place is boring’. It’ll sadden me gravely. In prayer, I pray for someone who’s, not necessarily an artist or good at art, but at least appreciates it.

2. A Museum

It’s a bit like a gallery, but quite different. Museum is more thematic in the sense the materials displayed are specific to a particular criteria mostly history. I hope I’ll marry someone who has interest in history. Don’t rush when you walk with me in a museum. I sometimes digest an information slower than other people. I like if you talk about all the things we see. I like if you explain to me things I don’t understand. But don’t expect me to be clever and know everything.

I really wonder how it’s like to spend time in no 01 and 02 with the person I love, since so far I’ve been going there mostly alone.

3. Somewhere High

Here in Melbourne, around 6 am in the morning you’ll see hot air balloons floating up in the city skyline. I never ride it. It’s in my wishlist which I’m pretty sure would remain there until I go back for good. Haha... I hope someday. It’ll come true.. with you. You look at arts from a haptics-distance…. But to see the vast land from afar… will remind us of all the wide roads and narrow paths we have to travel together. Ain't that romantic. Other high places are like a mountain, a sky deck, and a rooftop of a high building.

4. A Theater

..and watch something classical. It’s okay not to have a dedicated tier seating for the two of us. It’s okay to sit amongst the crowd. Just pick a good play. Something classical. Something historical. Oh! So classy, so romantic. I don’t really fancy movies cinema, though.

5. A Bookstore

Buy me a book of your choice. I’ll savor every single word in the book like you were the author. Remember, I don’t fancy thriller. Hahaa.

6. An Autumn Garden

Hands up who thinks autumn garden isn’t romantic? Take me for an evening stroll and hold my hand along the way. I fall for you gazillions time more than the fallen ochre leaves. Primavera in the heart! This can’t be done in Malaysia though. How sad…

7. A Beach

I’ll make sandwiches and you treat me for ice cream. Hee… Deal?

8. On the back of a horse / Horse Riding

Out of all animals in the world. I’m not that scared of horses. It takes a lot of me of course to get closed to them, let alone ride. But I’ve tried not so long ago, so many times. I remember a brown horse named Rosy at Perlis Equestrian Club. I would love to do it again. Down the hill or along the beach, you pick. I don’t mind.

9. A Maze

We’ll take a different route and see who’ll get to the end first. whoever does, lets wait for the other patiently. The anticipation of meeting again after being disconnected and lost. How fun!

10. A Classic Japanese Restaurant

I’m not sure why is this in the list. But I imagine a restaurant where you sit on a pillow instead of chair. The food is all colorful, not artificially colored though and they range from seafood to meat. From veggies to flowers. Ice-cream and cakes and sweets.

Heee… Oh! now I have my 10 most romantic dreamed-vacations in the head. Oh well, I’ll save it for another rainy days. Should get back to work.

Anyways, my readers? What are your ideas of a romantic date?

You're No Longer My Taste

2011-05-19T16:15:00.005+10:00

The experience of picking up a path or school of thought in architecture is almost like falling in love with a person. The stages go from being strangers to, well strangers again like in this video.. Or maybe for the lucky ones, no matter how the love fades away… when you beckon, it'll come right on you burning brightly and lasts forever.

I used to be very keen on modernism. I once thought it’s a compliment to be called a modernist. “Form follows function”, “less is more” and “no ornament is the new ornament” are trio famous quotes coined by 19th C modernist architects which all sound so appealing to me.

However, whenever I went back home, I have some kind of recurrent frustration about the architecture. I’m getting sick of seeing stripped off flat façade, glass curtain walls, white wash painted wall, linear columns, doors and windows arrangement and random roman cornices in suburban retail buildings.

…and whenever I told people that I’m doing architecture, one of the common remark would be“nanti boleh la design bangunan pelik2, bangunan kat Malaysia bosan”

Of course I’m aware of our economic status. As a developing country the art and architecture are still pretty much dependant on the low development in material and technology production aka industrialization. Modernism in Europe had once made it influence for devoting to standardization which obviously pledged to industrial development. We probably don’t have THE money to do STRANGE building.

BUT last two years, our prime minister had proposed a Wawasan Tower, a 100 storey building to serve as our urban/country landmark. The project has raised quite a voice amongst the people. Most are, against it.

I’m probably one of those who’s not thoroughly against it, albeit not supporting it. Yes, I completely agreed with all the arguments put forward by my fellow Malaysians. Our urban development needs to focus on and fix other fundamental things like public transportation, education, refurbishing existing dodgy buildings and preserving our heritage (such as Pudu Jail!). And yes, we have enough of white elephants.

I however have faith in architecture, no.. not building but architecture. Remember what the prophet did during the opening of Medina? He built a mosque. Thence, everything started to happen around it. The idea here is not to built a mosque.. but to acknowledge the power of a building in bringing people together, shaping lifestyle, making identity statement, and empowering a nation.

It’s okay to have another ‘iconic’ (I’m actually reluctant to use this word) building. But NOT ANOTHER TOWER. I used ‘iconic’ to depict the idea of the building being significantly outstanding… not Zaha Hadid or Frank Ghery kind of ‘iconic’ stuff… not, not the ‘schmuck’ architecture. It’s more on ‘bold’ and culturally significant kind of architecture… the post-modernism, that is.

Architecture should be impressive and attractive, especially when it’s meant to be public. It should be able to attract people into it, even though by just looking at it. You can’t force people to enter a building -unless it’s a dungeon, but you can’t hide a building from people’s sight. Hence, it must be able to give an impressive first impression, not necessarily ‘good’… just impressive. Like, I really don’t mind if people look at my building and say ‘what the heck is that is?’ rather than saying ‘that’s such a beautiful building?’… of course the second remark is more pleasing to be heard…. But as long as people ‘notice’ it…to me, that's good.

Again, I’m not talking about plucking a star and put it on earth, just to make the impression. I’m not interested in random out of context, alien kind of architecture. Architecture could be weird, but it has to be bolted to contextual reference such as history, culture, memory…and people. It has to make a statement.

The forms don’t have to follow function, because to me… they never did. They’re always two separate things. You can always squeeze a function into different sort of spaces which always breeds interesting spatial quality/environment.

Mess is More. Less is more only when you care-less.

No ornament is NOT ornament. I’m doing a subject called ‘Ornament and Counterposition’. Various arguments have been presented in arguing minimalist views about spatial ornament…about ornament being space etcetera. Still, my take is always… architecture is not only for architects. You’re not handing out architectural books and philosophical writingsss to people in order for them to understand the quality of your building. If it’s decorative… it’s visible.

Modernism is good in many senses, but I want something better. Here I’m to declare, you’re no longer my taste. We're now strangers, again. Sorry!

Regarding the Wawasan Tower project, I’m planning to take it into research for my major project next sem…proposing an alternative… considering urban, economical, political, social arguments etc…. still unsure though. What do my readers think?

The Black Box

2011-05-14T22:10:00.000+10:00

I've been meaning to tell you that this place is cold. too cold for the tiny me. We arrived here too soon. The sun within me is still sleeping. You. you were the light. Do not dim. I'm afraid you won't be able to see me anymore. I'm almost. nearly. partially. frozen. Stay.

Tudung Alien

2011-05-11T16:43:00.004+10:00

A friend recently tweet-ed about Yuna new hijab style. Her tweet which I prefer not to quote sounded so intriguing that I ended up searching for Yuna's 'new' look. not that I'm a fan of her... I don't even have any of her songs in my playlist...anyway, upon 'stalking' through her fb fan page, I stumbled on a photo in which she (Yuna) was tagged on. It's Audrey Hepburn photo in a nun's outfit. something like below, (I couldn't find a similar photo)

The caption following the photos talks about how most modern hijjab styles are similar to the Jewish and Christian women. It gives out hadiths regarding the forbidden of mimicking them.

Dear readers, how do you feel about this?

As for me, I felt a tad sad when I saw that then became quite furious for the 'act'. I rather not use 'ignorance'. Not that I'm one of those hijjab fashionistas... me, still trapped in kampung-square-brooch-ed hijjab. Even wearing selendang always tak jadi one.

The reasons are beyond my interest in fashion or hijjab styles.

First of all, as my little knowledge is concerned, he half-quoted the hadith. "He does not belong to us who imitates other people, do not imitate the Jews or the Christians" Tirmidhi. I've heard the hadith before and believe it's actually about the manner of giving salam. I went about googling for the full hadith as I wasn't quite convinced with my memory. I found it in Muttaqun Online and it is indeed under the chapter of Greeting and the full hadith goes; Allah's Messenger said, "He does not belong to us who imitates other people. Do not imitate the Jews or the Christians, for the Jews' salutation is to make a gesture with the fingers and the Christians' salutation is to make a gesture with the palms of the hands." It's even stated below the narration is weak. I admit my incompetency to further discuss the science if this hadith. so I should leave it as that and proceed to my other reasons.

I'm aware that Islam has given us quite a strict guideline in appearance, for both, men and women. Some are quite specific, but most are very general. Like how men must not shave their beards and women must cover up. However, Islam isn't just full of constrains. I believe, it is permissible to be fashionable as long as it does not go against the guidelines.

The problem with many of the hijjab styles is, it's not doing what a hijjab should be doing. It's not covering what it should be covering. NOT that it's similar to a nun's outfit. If you look at some of the orthodox women in the area where Aramaic religion begins... you can hardly distinguish a Muslim and Christian women. I once had a Muslim friend from Iran whose her traditional hijjab style looks exactly like in the picture above. In case some of you can't imagine how can a Muslim woman possibly look similar to the Christian's... you might want to try watching this movie. It'll give a little idea how the nun's outfit originated.

The nun's outfit is a reflection of chastity, modesty and the best of their women, and believe me... it's one of the strongest argument we (Muslim women who live in the midst of Christian society) have.

Islam indeed ordered us to differentiate ourselves from the Christians and Jewish. However, as a Muslim women living in a country like Australia... I would say, having a piece of fabric 'properly wrapped' around your head, regardless fashion has already made the 'statement'.

True that muslima fashion requires a lot of reviewing. The evolution of hijjab trends is quite scary sometimes. At one time, everybody wanted to look like Wardina, Waheeda, then Hana Tajima, the next day... every girl is turning into a long headed alien with all sort of bling bling all over their head. The bright side is I have less reason to disgust people who wears shades inside shopping malls.

I guess my whole point here is, a style, hijjab or any sort of clothing goes back to its appropriateness. As formal as a baju kurung is back in Malaysia, when you wear it here... people think you're going to a 'party'. Also, comparing a style to nun's outfit is quite frivolous.

Jubah, serban, tudung lubuh pun boleh jadi 'libasu shuhra' (pakaian utk bermegah2) kalau tak kena konteks, right?.

Some people find it easy to control what they wear and vice versa. I'm not perfect by any means, and still struggling to correct myself. May Allah make it easy for me and you.

I felt bitter. Hence, I wrote this.

2011-04-21T18:02:00.002+10:00

THE BITTERMAN'S LAST DAY

He woke up in the morning and complaint how cold the weather is. His breakfast tasted bitter as he savored it along morning news on the newspaper and ipad. He cursed on the news, sent multiple tweets and facebook statuses speaking bad of the corrupt government and their stupid acts and the opposition coalition parties that never really win.

“O man, ain’t the coffee sweet and the nasi goreng nice? It was your wife that cooked.”

He honked the yellow sport car that took over him from the left lane. He wished he had a better car to race up. He called him ‘bastard’. He forgot how his mum always reminded him not to call anyone as such. The traffic jam irked him. He cursed again. He turned on the radio, they were playing love songs. He loathed love songs. It reminded him of his ex girlfriend who married a better looking and richer guy. He hated her. He hated love, but he too is married.

“your eyes never lie, your wife too, is pretty… neither that your ears, the songs sound good, aren’t they….the weather is nice and the road isn’t so bumpy this morning”

It was one of those morning when the boss came in late. He envied him. He envied how the boss always had the best. The best table, the best chair, the best meal, the best respect. He wanted it all. He knew, he won’t have those any soon. He barely able to pay his rent and bills. He resented the boss albeit he was working for him.

“But you do have a job, don’t you? This job is better that your previous ones. You’re earning more than your wife used to. The long intimidating aspect of your marriage”

He was about to unpack the ‘bekal’ his wife made him when one of his colleagues asked if he would like to join them for lunch at Chillis. He looked at the cold rice, fried chicken liver sambal and steamed veggie. He remembered how he had four full plates of rice the first time he tasted his wife sambal. That was two years ago, when they had just got married. He tossed the bekal to the side, grabbed his car keys and joined his colleagues.

“It is sweet that you remember the moment… but you may have forgotten that you said she made the best sambal in the world, you told her you would never get bored of her cooking”

He rushed to the door as the clock stroke 6. The sky was muddy. He knew it was going to rain but he prayed the clouds would hold their tears until he’s home. He didn’t want to get stuck in the traffic like it always happened when it rained. His prayer was answered.

“You used to think rainy days were romantics. You used to say it’s a blessing from God. When you were little, you ran around naked, feeling the rain”

His wife greeted him at the gate with a smile. He handed her his case. Silent. He regretted forcing her to quit her job. She was an architect. He hated how she roamed freely meeting clients and engineers. He hated that there were many men in her profession. He thought he would be happy making bread for the two of them. Now he hated how she just ate the bread he made. Maybe he hated her too. Nevertheless, he couldn’t ask her to go back to work nor that he could set her free. He had a thing, called pride or in its fancy term; ego.

“You used to give her a peck on the cheek when you got home…and she dressed up for you, how can you not notice?”

Night came. He admitted the dinner was delicious. He thought compliment was unnecessary. He paid for those. He then laid on his bed, wishing the darkness would last longer. The wife on his side was missing him. He drifted to sleep with dreams of becoming a king who ruled many kingdoms but all his kingdoms had a tragic doom.

The next morning he never wakes up again.

Kepadamu Kekasih

2011-04-16T21:59:00.001+10:00

In my dream, I wrote something as awakening as this.

beautifully sung.

I wish I really were that talented.

Still I wish that someday...

I'll write something worth singing, worth listening, and weight a little good in hereafter.

Ameen.

Spoken into The Void

2011-04-12T20:01:00.000+10:00

"Woman covered herself, she became a riddle to man, in order to implant in his heart the desire for the riddle's solution... It is an unnatural love. If it were natural, the woman would be able to approach the man naked. But the naked woman is unattractive to the man. She may be able to arouse a man's love, but not to keep it" Adolf Loos

Romantisma Hujan Petang

2011-04-09T21:42:00.002+10:00

Sepetang hari ini, seruang muka bumi Allah basah. seorang hamba telah larut dalam indah, romantisma hujan petang. 20 minit, daripada usianya yang mungkin hanya dua puluh lima, atau mungkin tiga puluh, atau empat puluh, atau sehingga esok senja berlalu begitu sahaja... menghirup aroma tanah basah dan merenung tarian dedaun manja dari jendela kamarnya. Hati sebenarnya rindu... pada suatu masa, pada ketika dahulu... di saat dia tahu ke mana harus berlabuhnya rasa agung itu. semakin hari seolah jauh... seolah menjauh... seolah jauh... menjauh... seolah jatuh.

Hujan masih tidak henti sekalipun langit diselimuti malam. seorang hamba masih mengenang sisa sisa usia ada. Mengapa begini dia lupa... mengapa jauh begini dia terbawa lara rajuk jiwa akan kekuatan rasa agung yang meruntun turun. mengapa dibiar rakus manusia menghina musnah rohani mulia yang pernah bertapak dalam dasar dada. mana pergi semuanya... mana pergi kekuatan yang bersemadi sekian lama menjadi intan... kini tidak bersinar kabur dan bentan. apakah kerana hadirnya suara memanggil berdansa irama asmara dia tidak bisa lagi berhenti menarik nafas seketika dan duduk jeda... untuk kembali mengenang... kembali menyedari, akan hakikat rasa agung yang termiliki.

Janganlah jangan hanyut... dengarlah dengarkan bicara sang hujan berpesan. janganlah jangan... terjatuh dalam angan. Hamba bermohon pada Tuhan, berilah kekuatan. Iman.

Pocopocoyoko Whatever

2011-04-06T15:41:00.005+10:00

Ayah has been quite unwell for the last few weeks. He had diabetes blood sugar level of 19, resulted in some type of glaucoma. For a person who has such a minimum awareness of scientific and health knowledge, I do feel a bit useless when it comes to this kind of situation. It's always frustrating when I couldn't get my head around a matter that gravely concerns me. Well, surely I can ask google...it ain't that simple for me though, I always have a hard time understanding medical explanation due to my lack of such vocabulary. I need to educate myself a lot more when it comes to this. I should really do. (ok ok I'll go read about retinopathy after this...haha) Brother recently called, jokingly asked why didn't I come home to pay dad a visit. I wish I could. It adds to the frustration when you talked to almost every family member but neither of them could actually explain and clarify dad's condition. Maybe they were right, the family needs a doctor. anyone?. hahaa...

It's a similar kind of frustration but in a different sense that you get, witnessing Malaysian politics. You can tell how critical (read: dirty) the situation is, but you feel handicap and incapable of doing anything. Worse, you can't quite comprehend the whole lot. You kinda have the conscience but it takes you no where. You kinda have the voice but it's not vocal.

It gets a lot more frustrating seeing how things worsen before your eyes. Follow Malaysian news twitter accounts, then you get what I mean. The day DSAI sex video made to the news, my timeline was disgustingly filled with word 'sex'. Then the Kinabatangan MP sexist remark 'about women being the sex objects'. Then the never ending case of TBH, the controversial witness Ashraf something caught 'bloody' red handed watching porno instead of monitoring Teoh. What's going on over there, people? How did our 'Islamic' country fall into such perversion.

Also, the controversial Interlok novel. I thought it's over. I wish I've read the novel so I could really have an opinion about that. Anyway, I'm kinda with the idea that, if it's a part of your history no matter how bitter it was, you have to swallow it. At least, he didn't call 'your' ancestors apes. Darwin did. Nevertheless, a novel, or even theoretical and historical work can always have some misleading points. It's not a holy book after all. But why nobody makes a big fuss about the false story of Tariq bin Ziyad burning ships, written on a corner of the form 5 history text book?

I remember dad's remarks whenever I talk about history that I've learned at school, he would always go

"Sejarah yg hampa belajar kat sekolah tu bukan betul sangat. Semua nak bagi nampak cerita hebat"

Back then, I always thought 'how could it be in the text book and taught at school if it wasn't true?' But as I read and hear more, I see the truth in dad's disagreement...same goes to many other aspects of life, especially when it comes to religious practice. you know, like some rituals that you've been practicing all your life in a way that 'ustazah-kata-macam-ni' but later you discovered that it is not what it was. hmm...

I guess it's the matter of knowing that you can't really trust anything in this world. No book has an absolute immunity from error unless it's the holy book. It goes like the Chinese proverb; if you believe everything you read, don't read.

Haish... what a world to live in, perversion is ruining the county and the scholars are concerned about poco-poco. Bite me.

Extra: Internet is everything today, I think CM Lim Guan Eng is clever, winning people's heart by installing free wi-fi all over Penang. hahaa...

Vacuous Waxing

2011-03-31T16:44:00.002+11:00

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum...

fuh fuh *tiup tiup... kuis kuis habuk sikit*

Apa khabar orang kampung? Lama sudah tak berjumpa. Haha.. Saya di sini sihat-sihat saja, sekalipun semakin gagal membezakan terbit mentari dan senja.

Do you remember when we were young, when we have absolutely nothing to worry about? Well.... I don't. If I were to trace back my childhood memories, it'd most probably begin when I was 6.

People say, you can't really remember what you were worrying yesterday, but I do remember some of those troublesome moments; like the anxiety of not knowing where to hide and drink my daily milk during my sister's wedding reception... they were telling me it's shameful for a 6 yr old to still drink from a baby bottle. Also, about the brother in law. I was very attached to my big sister and the thought of her getting married scared me.. it felt like someone's snatching her away from me, thence I plotted a murderous scheme. hahaa... the plan was to dig a deep narrow hole in front of the house, cover it up with.. well, something (ok, I don't remember exactly what it was then)... I'd direct the brother to the hole and when he falls into it, I'd pour sand and cement. (construction materials were always pretty accessible around the house). The plan wasn't executed of course, because a few days prior to the wedding, that awesome brother bought me a really huge set of colour pencils. yeah, I was bribed. Fullstops.

Kecik-kecik ada hati nak buat jenayah! hish.

As we're growing up, we begin to worry about many other things... we worry about ourselves, people around us, either we hate or love them... some are very trivial, some are really important... and all of these years and years of worries or any sort of disturbing thoughts just never really go away. They pile up and transform into memories... which, you can eventually look back and laugh it off...but those worries that were accompanied with frozen anger became one of the worst sort of negative feeling; bitterness.

Ok. That was the ugly side of it, On a different note... there's wisdom in everything. How do you know and be concerned about a matter if you're not worried about it? How do you know how much you really love a person if you're not afraid of losing them. and how can a man know the strength of his faith if he had never been tested?

We can't really get away from worries, can't we? It's a part of life... however, lets pray and try not be so affected by it... shall we? and always know where to turn to.. :)

"Oh Allah, I seek refuge with You from distress, grief, incapacity, laziness, miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from being overpowered by men”.

Dear ayah, I beseech Allah The Great, The Lord of all Throne to heal you. Ameen. May you get well soon.

I love you so much.

How to Live a Good Life

2011-03-17T00:05:00.001+11:00

Hiatus

2011-03-13T13:05:00.000+11:00

I'm busy living.

Arranged Marriage

2011-03-01T13:52:00.002+11:00

I'm feeling rather frustrated that I wasn't placed in my most preferred studio.

Oh, I better explain a bit about balloting.

Here in RMIT, the design studio (class) placement is a bit unique. We are not placed to studio according to year or semester. First of all, we are all classified by levels. To complete up to master course, we all have to do 9 studios (level 01 - level 09) + 1 semester of major project.

The levels are divided into 2. Lower pool (level 01-05) and Upper pool (level 06-09). So now, I'm in upper pool level 09. The highest and unfortunate level of all. haha... why it's unfortunate?

Let me explain.

In a studio, there will be mix of levels. Being in an upper pool studio means, you'll be in a class of students from level 06 to level 09...and being a level 09 student means, you're the senior, the most experienced, and tutor(s) will have a lot expectations on you. The assessment is also based on levels.

What's balloting?

No. Not for choosing a president. At the start of every semester, there will be a session in which tutors who'll be running studios for the semester will give about 5-10 minutes talk promoting their studios. Usually there'll be 15-25 studios per semester...and students must select 4 out of all, conventionally fill up a form, place in a box and wait for the result.

I rarely had more than 2 studios that I really liked...and again, I'm one of the unlucky people in the world who rarely got in my first preference. however, in previous years... level 9 students always got some priority in getting their first choice.

But the rules say 4. whatever it is... you must fill up four options...and it occurred that, there are so many level 09 students this semester... which explains why many of us don't manage to get in our first preferred studio.

I'm feeling frustrated because I balloted for the same studio twice (tutor(s) always rerun their studio). I got in my third choice. What's worse, I really really really like the studio which I didn't get in; that I became uninterested in any other studios. But remember, the rules say four, so I wrote the other options without being interested in them.

Anyway, there's nothing else I could do but to accept and learn to like the studio. If I keep hating it, I obviously won't be able to do the semester. Well, I don't actually hate this studio, I don't know yet how it's like. How can I hate it... but all that I know, I like that studio that I didn't get in. I should really learn to let it go. I ain't doing another studio anyway.

It occurred to me, this is almost like an arranged marriage.... in which you're in love with someone else, but the family brings in a few suitors, and at the end the of day they decide who you should marry. You don't hate the suitor, but you're in love with someone else. However, the decision is made and for some reason the person that you love can't take you in. You just have to go along with it, give out your best for the marriage, and learn to love the person who's meant to be with you.

I'm probably a bit too far off. hahaa... but life is giving me a good lesson.

The thing that you like is not necessarily the best for you and vice versa. Allah knows best. :)

"So hello Google Cities (name of the studio) , I'm gonna love you until winter holiday do us apart"

Light Upon Light

2011-02-22T22:53:00.004+11:00

Bismillah...

Every molecule of body is aching to blog for I have a story to share. An occurrence that really made my day.

But first of all, a few updates.

+I'm now back in Melbourne. It's a cold summer over here. I don't expect the weather to be like this in February. Melbourne weather is such a woman. Can't wait for autumn, my all-time favorite season, it will be my last autumn here inshaAllah.

+I am in my final year of architecture... still remember the first day I got here. The semester is commencing soon. Pray for me my friends for I'm indeed feeling very anxious about it.

So the story....

A friend and I were heading for a lunch in the city. We were walking along Swanston Street when a guy of mid 50 or maybe 60 halted us by his 'Assalamualaikum...'

He started by asking if we speak Arabic. I, who only know a few basic words considered myself don't know the language. We expected him to be a person who doesn't speak much English and needs a little help for direction or anything; (we've previously encountered many a person like that in numerous situations). However the uncle hence proceeded the conversation by asking our nationality. He expressed his happiness of meeting us thus, introduced himself as "I am a Christian".... at this point, I already speculated a few possibilities about him; (forgive me O' God) 1. He may be a Christian missionary, 2. He is a beggar. My speculations were however based on my past experience of frequently meeting such people around the city.

He then asked us a question, which left us dumbfounded for a moment.

"How do I become a Muslim?"

My friend and I looked at each other, not knowing what's the best answer to give. Thoughts and emotions flooded into my brain... I really didn't know what to say... but I knew, I got to say something.

So I asked him, if what he needed to know is a formal process like meeting the imam or finding places to learn Islam. I believe this man is an Arab, I could tell from his accent. So I thought what he meant was finding information 'about becoming' a Muslim. He then further asked...

"Do I have to go to the mosque. I want to become a Muslim. What should I do?"

So I told him, the fundamental things about becoming a Muslim is to submit to God with your heart, say with your tongue "La illa ha illallah, Muhammad rasulullah" (there's no god but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of God)...then you're a Muslim and must live as one.

"So I only have to say La illa ha illallah, Muhammad rasulullah, La illa ha illallah, Muhammad rasulullah" (the words sound so perfect in his Arabic tongue)

"Now I am a Muslim?"

He covered his hand over his face and said to himself. "Oh God, I am now a Muslim"

We had a little conversation after that. I believe the brother had learned a bit about Islam. He had Muslim friends which he seemed reluctant to say much when I asked about. I told him he should wash himself. Just bathing, then he can perform ablution and pray. Apparently he already learned how to pray, well technically at least. We chatted only for a few minutes. He expressed his happiness that he is now a Muslim, oh and God knows, I too was extremely delighted.

He thanked us and walked away. yeah, just like that. I didn't know what should I say or 'pesan' anything to him, I was still very much awestruck. He left us, with Assalamualaikum.

I was left speechless....then I came back to my sense after passing a few shops on the same street...

"Did he just converted in front of us?"

"Was it real?"

"Was he really, not a Muslim?"

"He testified in front of us, didn't he?"

My friend was pretty much in my state. We were clueless but somehow elated by the occurrence. Well, we don't know his story. We have no idea how did he get to a conclusion of becoming a Muslim while passing through xxx shops and walking in the midst of women in mini skirts.... We don't know what sort of path in that soul searching journey he had taken....We don't know what's behind and after 5-10 minutes conversation we had with him.

But Allah knows all, and He knows best.

Our path may not cross again (I even forgot to ask his name), but I thank Allah for today. It reminds me part of an ayah in surah An-Nur (which many of us have learned by heart in high school)

"..light upon light, Allah guides to His light whomever He wants. And Allah speaks to mankind in allegories, for Allah is knower of all things." (24:35)

Never had a stranger make me smile alllll day long, like he did. Allah...

*I'm feeling a tad guilty for letting he left just like that... should I have more conscience at that moment, I would have directed him to local Muslims or anyone my brain could work on. But I did what I could, I leave his care to Allah.

It's The Matter of Trust

2011-02-14T16:28:00.004+11:00

"If you don't trust in the the drawings, don't expect us to trust in you. ".there go my emotional remarks. =.=

I really get frustrated when people say, architects don't understand reality, they learnt theories, only do drawings, and drawings are never the same as the built.

Well, true it is, drawings are lines on paper. there are made out of inks... and of course they are not the same as the built. The accuracy also varies, depending on the scale of the project, the experience of the architects and draftsmen and many other factors. But hey, we were not only taught and trained to dream, but also to make the dream build-able. People had been drawing on walls and slates to plan buildings since forever. The purpose of the drawings is not just to visualize the idea and work on the building, but to guide and access the whole building process... so you don't get lost at some points not knowing how to connect a low wall to a roof... or run out of budget because some parts of the building have not been taken into consideration prior to the whole building process. When you have the drawings in hand, you can do the budget easily, sort out the 'impossible' bits where you need special expertise, or simply demand for an alteration. Architects are the problem solvers.

A drawing is never perfect, so do other skills. It is a subject to change and improvement, and so do other skills. The problem with many of our contractors is they do things out of their head, off the drawings, shrinking the budget wherever its possible and employ the only method that they possess in hand justifying that other proposed techniques are nonsense (when the real reason is it'll probably cost a bit more) and deal with the consequences latter (by running away).

I'm talking about the common situation in small private projects, where no engineers and project managers whatsoever. Where the architect sits in between the client and the builder, getting beaten to death by both. hahaa...

Well well well, who am I to criticize the experienced people in this industry, the contractors especially... I'm just an inexperienced architect-to-be. a budak kecik anak hingusan of the insdustry, who is still crying in the cradle... needing to be fed by others... but at this point, I've seen how worst a situation can be, and how much it affects a building progress when the client, architects and builder constantly disagree due to one only reason, the builder just don't listen.

NOTE: I wish not to marry an architect, a contractor, a builder or anyone in the industry.... I believe marriage itself gives enough reasons for the couples to fight... therefore, professionalism shouldn't add to the stress..

Read, Write and Talk

2011-02-14T12:37:00.003+11:00

Sometimes, to me blogging is a lot like reading, I always get excited to pick up a new book, the moment I finish reading one. If I abandoned the habit for too long, first of all, it'll no longer be a habit though I still get that kind of how-I-miss-getting-hooked-on-a-book feeling... second, I'll lost confidence in reading fat books. I'm afraid I'll forget the first chapter before I reach the ending... however, my love for books never dies... I still get the feeling I want this, I want that booksss whenever I go to the bookstore. Sometimes end up buying a couple of them.

When it comes to blogging, I notice the same pattern, I always blog in a few consecutive days with one or two days break in between... then a pause.... for weeks maybe months...during the non blogging period, I always have ideas/things to blog... I collect thoughts in my head, take photos, scribble here and there and say to myself, "I'll blog about this" but end up not doing so... and when I get to blogging back, I'll write about other things... usually the more trivial and less interesting matters than all the things I've collected. What happens to the thoughts? I feel like they are too complex... so I refuse to write, like a fat may-or-may-not-be-interesting book that I keep in provision but never was read.

However, reading is easier... when I have a book in-waiting... it keeps me going. But blogging is different in that sense, it's more similar to talking... like some nights when I have things to say, but go to bed hugging the thought.. then I wake up, with it still in my head only to realize the 'sharing' feeling is gone.

I love to think and talk before I sleep... but most of the times, I only read. :)

Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around The Old Oak Tree

2011-02-13T23:25:00.002+11:00

A tree that was planted, frequently visited... will grow before you, unnoticed... well, you'd probably cherish the first stem, the first leaf, the first bud, the first flower... but soon enough, you'll lost count of them... and one fine day, when the sun is still shining brightly like in any normal days... you'll learn that the tree is sick and dying... the thought is, must be; unbearable......

Ergo, I would like to stop nursing the growing seed I've once planted (that it now has aged a year or more, has a few healthy branches, rosing buds and abundance of leaves, also a few scars of dead stems).... before I further lost count of the branches and leaves... before the blossoming flowers overcome my fondness of the grasses around it... oh, those grasses have been there longer than the tree.

No. I'm not abandoning it. I only stop caring and wishing too much, leaving it's care to the sun and land, to the wind and rain... to the Creator.... and I believe it's old enough to survive the harshness of nature... aren't you, dear tree?

I'll keep my eyes on it... but my heart will always attend to the calls when its needed... like a really strong fertilizer that comes into rescue of an ill plant.

If the tree shall die young, I will not weep. ah, my sadness may visit... but I will not mourn. If it shall survive, I'll be happy... very happy... I'll celebrate each fruit that it bears with great gratitude.

All the things shall come to perish anyway... but some trees live for hundreds of years. :) For the tree, I have my prayers.

Oh, grow my tree grow... grow big and tall

grow my tree grow, be a canopy that shades us all

Oh, live my tree live.... live happy and healthy

live my tree live, turn my wish into reality.

Puteh sebu mek ni. XD

2011-02-09T22:39:00.003+11:00

People say a picture is worth a thousand words. Thus this post is worth a bible. ;)

According to brother, the purpose of this jalan-jalan is to makan. *burrp*heee..,

It has flourished pretty well... what? poverty? Penang pun ada org miskin, cuma tak gebang kat tivi.

I sense a strong influence of post-modernist spirit in many of its buildings.

Fuhhhh! It's hard to believe that that was my second visit to Kelantan after 14 years. My nephew was still an embryo then... yet, he visited Kelantan many times than I did. I should cuti-cuti Malaysia more. ;)

Yellow

2011-01-24T14:33:00.001+11:00

butterfly on my curtain,

I may not always say this to you

since you're always going, too soon

now listen,

"you're beautiful..."

and I wish you'd always be there

there there

there

on my curtain.

yellow is now my favorite color ^.^

Cantik Untuk Siapa?

2011-01-20T13:44:00.006+11:00

Recently, I ~~stalked~~ browsed through facebooks of a friend's wedding photos. I still feel a tad guilty that I didn't make to her wedding because I had to go to Perlis on that very date. I bought her a card, which I wanted to post but kept delaying until she has returned to Aus. haish...

I know this friend in person and I hold her close to my heart. However, I'm not writing this on that reason, I only think that she's set a good example for many.

It's turning into a trend to have a big amazing wedding, not just wedding.. engagement pun besar-besar which I don't see a point. Anyway, my friend, she is pretty. one of the prettiest girl I've ever known in person.

In her photos, of course she looks gorgeous as always...especially she's the pengantin, selalunya pengantin la kena paling lawa semua., make up mestinya mau gempal, eh gempal.. gempak... but my friend, she looks so fabulously natural. no fake lashes, no layered of caking concealer and powder, no heavy lipstick, no no no.. almost, no make ups. mungkin la pakai bedak selapis pelembap bibir sikit ka.

I imagine if you went to that kenduri with style like mak datin, mesti rasa mcm lebih2 dari pengantin. She reminds me of my brother's wedding in which my sis in law pun tak mekap sgt and my brother pakai biasa-biasa saja dan pergi sambut tetamu. haha...

If you browsed through facebook or blogs, sometimes you notice a trend among anak gadis masa kini. kalau muka cantik, gambar tu nmpak cantik, upload buat profile pict. haha..indeed, I always fear I'd fall into this trend. Ada org pernah cakap, 'kalau u nak blog u ramai follower, selalu la letak gambar u yg nampak cantik'. hahaa. ok.

But my friend has sort of reminded me that, you don't have to display your beauty to everyone. of course, modern women must always look presentable. Bukan suruh selekeh selebek. kena la tahu jaga ketrampilan. Jangan la pergi kerja macam nak pasar ikan.

But be just to yourself ladies. there's place and time for everything, and that includes displaying your beauty. Mmg la.. kalau letak gambar cantik selalu senang dapat peminat, tapikan... when you're married.. I don't think your man would approve yourself being displayed like that. I don't know, maybe there's man who likes people to stare at her wife and says "dude, your wife is hot". urgh, tolongla! Isteri is not a trophy ok!

Ladies, if you're born pretty.. say thank to Allah. some women have to do everything in their power to look good. but for less attractive women, it's also a blessing... Allah has spared you from the gaze of men... you have no idea what it does to their heart. Allah has spared you from vanity which sets many women away from their main priority... pleasing Allah SWT.

Siapa taknak nampak/jadi cantik kan... tambah pulak kalau 'cik abang'nya didekati wanita2 lebih cantik.... tak apa, cinta itu bukan hanya pada rupa... kalau dia setia, dtglah siapa pun. (eh, terkluaq tajuk)... anyway, I always remind myself, the best and most beautiful women are the women of paradise. Indeed in paradise, the believing women are better than the hoor al-ayn. InshaAllah.

Saya pun kadang-kandang lupa, terlebih melaram... perasan lebih dan sebagainya... Silalah ingatkan saya ya... Alang-alang mahu sgt jadi cantik, cantiklah yg kekal selamanya.... dan tentunya hanya di syurga. ;)

:: kalau nak cinta sampai ke syurga, carilah orang yang mahu ke sana::

bhukan ranting

2011-01-16T01:21:00.007+11:00

Lalu sang kumbang setelah terbang seantero belukar dan padang, pun pulang. Dari jauhlah ia memandang si ros kembang semakin tunduk seolah mabuk cahaya yang lebih diteguk... terdengar esak dalam rajuk yang tak mampu terbujuk

"oh terlalu lama... terlalu lama.. terlalu lama"

"matahari itu lebih garang mengeringatkan aku yg terbang, namun aku masih tidak mampu menyentuhmu... lalu katakanlah, siapa yang lebih sengsara?"

10 Lessons from 2010

2011-01-07T22:33:00.002+11:00

#01
Faith and piety are for God to judge.
Caps and turban are turning into costumes these days.

#02
How do rich people get rich? They are cheap!
(cheap ≠ stingy)

#03
Power is like lust. Once you taste it, you'll crave for more.
(even religious people are not excluded)

#04
Inner beauty radiates, but not everyone can see it.
Poor those souls with blinded heart.

#05
A gentleman doesn't 'act' like a gentleman, he lives like one.
There's sweetness in the demeanor (no no, no sweet talking)

#06
Silence is one of the best 'temporary' solution.
Not everyone understands though.

#07
Everybody loathes infidelity, but most people commit it.

#08
The beautiful patience is mysterious and divine.
The tears are shed hidden, the pain is unspoken. No one knows, but God.

#09
Love needs maintenance.
Sometimes it costs you more than you can afford. sigh.

#10
Happiness is as simple as 'Alhamdulillah'

LOVE

2011-01-04T11:21:00.004+11:00

I fancy mum and dad's little talk in the morning, how they both sit on the garden swing... just talking. Mum, to her own interest- whenever in that mini garden of hers, she'd talk about her flower plants, one by one. she does it so naturally that you could tell she knows every single plant like the back of her hand. Dad would listen, attentively, though I know, he's not so much into it... I bet mum knows it, as much as dad tries not to show it... because after awhile, she'll ask about dad's vegetation. Oh, they both have green fingers...!

There's something wonderful about elderly couples... it's sort of the evidence of, -what's the saying?-"Time flies, love endures."

I want a love like that, a love that lasts. Ameen.

Oh!

2011-01-02T23:47:00.002+11:00

yay! second blog post of the day. haha..

I'm soooooooooooooooooo freakingggggg bored. I'm already at a stage of I-don't-care-if-people-read-or-not-I-just-want-to-blog.

Anyway, I was scrolling my phone and found some of this 'worth' sharing photos. Jeng jeng jeng....

Pekan Bukit Mertajam.
Hahhaa.

Kecik-kecik dulu, kaklong selalu bawak pergi BM. Beli baju skolah. baju raya semua situla. Jalan Arumugampillai is my most remembered street name. skalipun konfius hari tu yg mana satu. muahahaa...

Dulu nak makan KFC kat situ la satu-satunya tempat, la ni ada lagi. oh, 2 gmbar last tu cubaan ambik gmbar waktu kreta tgh gerak. huhu. buruk kan... byk kenangan ni. sadly, it's now no longer the main shopping district sebab dah ada Jusco la Tesco la macam2 shopping complex besar bukak. Though, the pekan looks like it's gonna go 'toh' anytime... the business there is still going pretty well I suppose. maybe sebab banyak foreigner (bangla n indon) suka pergi situ.

Bosan bosan bosan. Kalau ada Khaulah pun best jugak dengar dia berleter. But don't doze off next to her, or you'll end up getting this when you wake up;

2011; Be Good, Miss Hyde.

2011-01-02T22:39:00.007+11:00

I'm bored.

It's been pretty mundane these few days. my day pretty much goes like......

bed.

internet.

food.

books.

internet.

books.

food (optional)

books.

internet.

books.

food (optional)

internet

books.

bed.

(of course there's solat, shower and whatnot in between)

Anyway, since my-genetically-tiny-however-bi-lids-eyes refuse to stare at those frayed pee colored pages of The Secrete Scripture, I'm feeding my boredom with writing this post which in it's nonsensical way kinda make me feel like doing something other than the aforementioned activities, though technically I'm on the internet.

I visited my tumblr yesterday, after long forgotten months... it left me thinking that we human, at some unpredictable situations are prone to suffer temporary psychotic disorder. was I psychotic? It wasn't so much about what's written there, it's more to what I did, writing down and admitting such deep pathetic thoughts and let people read it. though I'm kinda pretty sure that there aren't many who have read those. But such thoughts if they were to be written, are only meant for diaries which hence thrown into the ocean. huhu.. I'm exaggerating. Also, at some points they sound rather pretentious no matter how certain I am that they were all written out of my deepest sincerest heart, well at least.. at that particular time. All in all, I'm pretty embarrassed.

But again, we are all Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde sometimes, don't you think? It's just that, for some people, the alter-ago never comes out in bright day light.. or he/she sort of lays somewhere sleeping and never wakes up. Anyway, no matter what, to my mind... I feel a need for me to get know and understand that particular side of me

Therefore, in my case, my Miss Hyde (in ONE word) can be described as an 'irrational' persona. Of course, I can describe a lot more since I've been analyzing her in my head for last couple of days especially after what has recently happened. But there's no point of telling the world about it. Let only those, who've seen it, know it.

All these thoughtful self-reflections somehow lead me to a conclusion about myself which thus become my new year resolution. So to put it forth, my resolution is to tame The Miss Hyde in me... which hopefully will make me a whole better person. iA. Ameeeeen.

Oh by the way, I've also visited my friendster blog. muahahaa... yeah! that long ancient stuff. I almost forgot it's existence..and it's called 'Lacrymosa'. Why is that? huhu... I got no idea. Did I weep that much then? Anyway, I found these proses in one of the posts, I can't recall where it came from. Anyone knows?

It’s like freedom, making some people jealous.
It’s like a rope between you n’ your fellows.
It’s like a web, you’re stuck. How could it be so that
some people don’t always know how they feel?

When you can talk to somebody who you can trust.
When you can lie to that somebody when you must.
It’s like health, respect, because you still got one.
It is the way that I feel, I’m not the only one…

The Sermoner

2010-12-31T17:01:00.005+11:00

Friday.

There he is, approaching 40 and preaching about what's in his name. Time.
We are all bounded by the most magical matter of all. Time.
It's the witness of faults and truths, the evidence that proves. Time.
It changes you, changes me, changes us. Time.

Time. it's magical, mysterious and sacred, controlled only by the Greatest Power.
Allah S.W.T.

no matter what year or age. all that I want is to be a better person. Ameen.

and I thank Allah for having someone I can always look up to.

Happy Birthday brother. (though I know, not so much of your thing wishing birthday and all..hee)

This post is as good as deleted.

2010-12-31T00:29:00.008+11:00

If Claudia Ghandi ended up having a garden which she could walk on forever, which in reality she never does since she'd be dead before 'forever'... I prolly already have my own several botanical gardens that supply all sorts of flowers all over the world which is abundantly profiting by it's continuous production all year round. I could be so rich that my wealth would be a great privilege to my great great great grandson, if it'd somehow properly managed by his father who'd potentially turn out to be the son of my son's son.

Sadly, regardless whoever crosses my mind or frankly speaking 'I think about'... my brain doesn't seem to produce any flower, neither that my mum's orchids seem to bloom. all that I got is some sort of mutated brain cells which I can't quite figure out what sort of mutant they are since I didn't do biology when I was in high school. Anyway, I did like Cyclops in X-men albeit, Wolverine is still the coolest of the bunch, but if I were to be involved in a fight, I rather stay at the corner and fire up some lasers using my eyes than getting my nails dirty. oh ya, now that I've mentioned, could it be Cyclops amongst the audience? oh, that's completely off topic.

who the heck is Claudia Ghandi anyway? was it, Ghandi? Grandi? Gundy? Did Mahatma Gandhi have a daughter?

*uh, pish posh.* I should shake off the habit of googling random quotes to kill my boredom.

apparently, I do sound a bit disturbed, ain't I? Heh, this is the downside of locking up yourself in a room all day long, not speaking to people much and only have the company of books.

somehow, I thank God that I'm not Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird.

or maybe I'm better off as Storm in X-men, I can control the weather and ride the wind to wherever I wanna go. It's as good as teleporting you know. plus, having all white hair is kinda cool oso meh? ahhaaha.

Heh, I do wish I can teleport somehow. Still, I don't want my body to be disintegrated into some invisible particles though only in millisecond minute just to be formed at some other places.

I better stop before I blurt out more nonsense. oh! by the way, what's your new year resolution? I still don't have any. -.-'

Kapal Terbang, terbang rendah!

2010-12-29T13:35:00.004+11:00

Sebuah kapal terbang baru saja melewati langit pagi yang tenang di perkampungan Mengkuang. Terbangnya teramatlah rendah, boleh kata lebih kurang 40 meter dari paras bumi. Menurut si Talhah yang obses dengan kapal terbang semenjak kecilnya (skrg bawa lari kamera aku menunggu jika kapal terbang itu lintas lagi), jenis kapal terbang tersebut ialah F/A-18 Hornet. tak tahulah boleh percaya atau tak budak tu. Malaysia dahla ada 8 buah saja jet tu, apa benda dia nak buat dekat sini.... oh, tapi berdekatan Teluk Air Tawar memang ada lapangan latihan tentera udara.

F/A 18Ds Hornet

Teringat, kecil-kecil dulu selalu la jugak perasan kapal terbang terbang rendah, berlatih agaknya... tapi rendah sungguh terbangnya tadi... bak kata Dihyah 'bihsiinnnggg'. Getus hatiku pula "patut saman ja depa ni, mengganggu ketenteraman awam sungguh, terkejut kot tadi. Kalau ada baby tengah lena, mesti jaga"

Namun, sejenak, ditamu pulak sekelumit rasa ngeri di sudut hati. Terbayang mereka di negara terancam perang dan keganasan. Kapal terbang yang melewati bukan sekadar lintasan latihan juruterbang muda, tetapi membawa bersama bahan bom dan letupan, pabila dilepaskan meragut nyawa dan keindahan. Mungkin nyawa yang hilang, atau mungkin yang tersayang dijemput pulang.

Bagaimana agaknya, hidup saban hari dalam gelisah kekhuatiran tentang apa yang bakal melewati langit membawa bencana, dan apa yang bakal melata di bumi membawa binasa.

Pagi ini juga cuba membelek link-link yg ditweet berkaitan Palestine... baru bberapa link sudah kelesuan.. Isu yang seolah tidak berkesudahan, sebenarnya membuat aku terfikir akan ketabahan, teringat suatu perjumpaan yg pernah diikuti dengan Socialist Alternative semasa di Melbourne.. tentang seorang pakcik dari Palestine yg menyatakan betapa rasa harap itu terkadangnya dilupakan. bukan tidak percaya pada janji tuhan... sungguh kelak akan tiba masanya Palestine jatuh kembali ke tangan kita, tetapi menurut pakcik itu, beliau sekadar merehatkan harapnya... kerana terlalu lama sudah... terlalu lama. Tuhan, kentalnya jiwa mereka...

Sungguh, dan manusia itu hidup dengan rasa harap. pada Tuhanya, untuk masa depanya. terkadang bila apa yg cita lambat tiba, hati seolah berkata... mungkin sama sekali bukan milik kita. Namun masa depan itu kerja tuhan... Jika sudah rezeki, apa yang dinanti... insyaAllah akan termiliki. jika terlalu letih, rehatkanlah harap itu dengan rasa percaya. ;)

'menghitung hariiiii...detik demi detik...'

p/s: budak Talhah tu kata, boleh jadi F15-eagle. macam logik sikitla kalau yang tu. ka dak? wo hen bu zhi dao le!

F15- Eagle

I wear size 14!

2010-12-22T02:25:00.001+11:00

It's a part of our fitrah that we are drawn to beautiful objects/sights. in fact, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty.

It's a part of being women, that we want to be pretty, wear fashionable clothes, have healthy skin, put on pretty make ups and have a great body.

I'm not so much into high-ends fashion and stuff, do mix and match all the times rather than trying to keep up with the trend, pretty ignorant sometimes... but I believe I have sound judgement when it comes to physical appearance, that includes, what-you-wear... I refuse to say 'fashion' as I said, I'm rather ignorant.

I always feel like it's an honor when people ask for my opinion about what they are wearing. Almost every member in the family does that once in while. I also give out opinion even when they don't ask, and they always welcome my views with open arms which makes me feel so happy and appreciated.

I may not be that stylish or fashionable myself, but I always try my best not to appear so out of place. On that note, I would like to share one thing that I ALWAYS remember.... a Malay proverb that says;

'Ukur baju di badan sendiri'

Sekian, Terima Kasih

Come Find Me! Mermaid Prince

2010-12-18T23:48:00.001+11:00

Just got back from Teluk Bahang, left my shoe there, hoping a mermaid prince will find it, pick it up and come to find me. It would be nice to live underwater as a mermaid. ho yeah, I still believe in fairy tale.

boo hooo... kidding. not that stupid yo. haha.

I believe we are responsible for our own happiness as much as I believe Cinderella purposely left her glass shoe. Things don't work the same for everyone though.

What about, have a little faith and follow your heart?

and always, always.... always remember, Allah knows best. =)

2010-12-14T14:41:00.001+11:00

it's a continuous struggle...

Miskin Melarat

2010-12-03T22:22:00.001+11:00

Kadang-kadang bila tgk cerita org miskin, ala-ala bersama mu… kesian pun ada, menyampah pun ada. Bukan nak belagak, saya bukan org kaya, budak kampong hidup sederhana, skrg hidup pun mengharapkan org tua… belum ada kerjaya yang sempurna. Cuma terlalu byk juga cerita yg kedengaran dan reality yang kelihatan membuka mata dan minda.

Malang.

Sesetengah manusia diuji dgn kemiskinan. Rumah buruk. Duit tak ada. Tapi yg aku peliknya, kadangnya miskin, lepas itu tak ada pekerjaan. Ok. Tak kerja langsung. Duduk nganga mengharap ehsan manusia, anak-anak tak mampu disekolahkan. Ada yang kelahiran tak mampu didaftarkan. Kalau dah tak ada kelulusan utk kerja kerajaan, usahalah kearah lain. Duduknya di kampong, ambillah upah cuci rumah ka, tak pun tanamlah sayur, belalah ayam ka… buat lah kuih jual. Jgn la duduk goyang kaki buat muka sedih dekat pintu saja. Masalahnya diaorg ni bukan cacat atau kurang upaya. Kaki tangan sempurna. Haish, tak faham.

Kotor.

Ada suatu kawasan ni di negeri utara tanah air dihuni oleh org miskin. Rumah-rumah mereka teruk amat… lalu kerajaan negeri pun buatlah rumah utk mereka, bagi free punya. Memanglah tak hebat, tapi jadilah teres setingkat. Setahun setelah kawasan itu dihuni, kawasan rumah ehsan itu menjadi teramatlah kotor dan busuk. Dahla rumah org bagi percuma, bawa-bawa la jaga kebersihan. Lepas tu timbul la isu, miskin terbiar, ramai sakit tak mampu berubat. Dahla miskin, pengotor pulak tu. Sikap tu tak boleh nak ubah, nak jaga kebersihan pun malas… sebab tu la miskin.

Ayam.

Satu keluarga ni miskin, selain daripada bantuan kewangan, kerajaan bagi la anak ayam utk dipelihara dan dijual. Telur pun boleh jual. Setelah ayam-ayam itu membesar, dtg lagi minta bantuan… habis ayam dijual, datang lagi..datang lagi dan datang lagi… bukannya nak bela elok-elok, sebahagian telur tu dieram, kemudian jadi ayam… maksudnya pandai-pandai la putar modal. Tak faham sungguh. Kena duk suap selalu tu pasaipa? Sampai bila pun tak maju.

Tak Malu.

Pantang ada siapa-siapa baik hati… buka kaunter pertolongan… setiap bulan datang minta wang tuk bayar bil letrik, telepon dan sebagainya. Setiap bulan okay…. Bertahun-tahun lamanya.. yang minta bantuan untuk meniaga tu takpala… ni yang minta ehsan nak bayar bil la sebagainya... Tak malu ka tiap-tiap bulan mai minta bantuan?

Keutamaan.

Tahu tak, ada setengah rumah… miskin papa… rumah nak roboh…. Tapi masuk masuk dalam rumah tgk, tv besar-besar. Dapat wang, bukan nak dibelanjakan kearah yang membina… beli tv, beli vcd player, beli speaker besar-besar..pakai telefon canggih-canggih… Tak fahammmm… tak faham… anak sekolah buku tak ckup...

Saya bukan nak mengata orang miskin susah. Kalau dah usaha, dah buat apa yg patut… masih susah, ujian Allah… saya simpati dan saya kasihan… tapi ini tentang mereka, yang miskin tak sedar diri… dan kebanyakan mereka melayu… tak ada usaha nak tingkatkan taraf hidup… orang usaha bagi bantuan dan sebangainya, kalau mereka tetap takda usaha sendiri.. masalah kemiskinan orang kita sampai bila pun tak sudah… lepastu kita bising la, orang cina dapat subsidi, depa maju kita tak… kadang benda ni bukan takat dapat bantuan ja, apa yg jadi dgn bantuan yg diterima tu kena soal jugak.. agak-agak la org nak bantu pun… faeza herba poni (mcmana eja?) pun larat nak sponsor beras seumur hidup hampa… bawak-bawak la usaha… jgn la duk bising nak bantuannnn ja… usaha apa pun takmau… usaha la usaha…

“Allah does not change the condition of people until they change what is in themselves”

Ar-Ra’ad 13:11

I Love You

2010-12-01T21:44:00.002+11:00

I get a free hug almost everyday.

I get a hug from a cute little girl who likes to say

'alaa tomei tomei tomei' when she watches Garfield.

This girl can stay up until 2-3 am in the morning watching cartoon...

drinking cold ice tea and eating bahulu.

Her dad called her Garfield for always lazing around, watching tv.

She speaks American english, but very lazy to read.

She cries if you forced her to study, albeit getting no. 1 in her class.

She is also lazy to speak.

If you asked her too much, she'll say 'I don't knowwww...'

until you force her to answer....

then she'll say something, which always begin with 'oh yeah, I remember'

What a weird little niece I have... living in her own small world.

Ibtihal.

I don't look good blonde.

2010-11-22T23:46:00.001+11:00

Kaklong: Adik, jom kita pi Pulau Aman.

Me: Nak buat apa pi tengok polis?

OK. saya konfius. yang tu Bukit Aman. Pulau Aman is actually one of the mini islands around Penang. Yes. I never knew that. I think, there's a feri named after it... but how would I ever know it's existence?

photo taken from here

I do know some other small islands around here like Pulau Jerejak and... and... and... ok. failed.

Nephew: Makcik, baba ajak p Sedim

Me: Malas laa.. nak buat apa. Mak, depa nak p Sedim buat apa?

Mak: Tgk tanah.

Brother: Siap! cepat

Me: OK la.

Bila semua orang dah siap.

Me: Eh?! Awat semua orang pakai mcm nak p jogging ja?

Nephew: Yala, nak mandi ayaq terjun, makcik taktau ka?

Me: hmmph! (cepat2 grab another shirt and pants)

Brother: Mai ayaq terjun pakai punya raget

Me: fine, next time org bawak pelampung.

fuh, tgk budak zaman skrg... ke air terjun mcm ke kolam renang.

siap pakai goggles. mainan pantai. heh...

haih... dah besar2 dah anak menakan.

Ok. semua orang tau ka kat Sedim ada air terjun? Maybe I should know because I'm orang utara. I do know some other waterfalls like Bukit Hijau and Hutan Lipur, though.

Masa tingkatan 3 dulu, subjek geografi hanya best sebab boleh kaler peta. hahaha. ok, padan muka. tempat sendiri pun tak kenal.

Haish... this is not good. when it comes to geography, I feel like a blonde. hahaa... tak boleh jadi ni.

Wish #04

2010-11-19T10:41:00.001+11:00

I wish to be a TV presenter.
A childhood dream that never dies, probably will never happen too.

Hello! I'm a sixteen y/o. You?

2010-11-18T20:35:00.005+11:00

"laaa, bila balik ni....?"

"awat nampak seghoh (semakin kurus) sangat? tinggai haluih (halus = kecil) hang duk sana?"

"brapa taun lg? ni kak Ra (bukan nama sebenar) kat Mesir lg 6 taun"

"nanti ajak tok p rumah" (referring to my mum)

1. I come to realize that whenever people ask 'when did you come back?' my standard answer would always be, 'few weeks ago'...

2. A few people has noted that I've grown thinner in some ways. That includes my dad n brother. Apparently, not eating properly throughout this year has taken it's toll on me.

3. Judging from my physical appearance, people always think I'm younger than my age. I suppose, it's not so bad if you're in your 40s... in fact, it's something I wish would happen when I grow old. However, to be mistakenly thought as a high school student when you are at your best age of adulthood is so not cool. I wonder if this would be a problem in getting a job in the future. Would people trust me to be a site architect? Even my previous boss once said," if you were to be placed at a site, you'll definitely fall sick". Do I look that fragile?

4. I know how great it is to be a doctor... but I'm not becoming a doctor, despite my 5 year long studying abroad. Fullstops.

5. Still, it's funny when a neighbor addressed her 5 year younger granddaughter as 'kak' to me, until I reminded her that I'm the same age as her eldest grandson.

6. This is the worst... a distant relative deliberately mistaking me for being my niece, my abg ngah's daughter. She's 12.

7. If I were really 16, I'm almost as good as Sheldon...doing a master degree at this age. haha.

Ketupat!

2010-11-16T20:36:00.004+11:00

Happy Eid!

Commonly, Malaysian Eid celebration wouldn't be complete without ketupat.. so this time around, I'm gonna show you how to wrap a Ketupat Palas (sticky rice dumpling)...

Frankly speaking I'm not a good cook (I should say, not yet), but wrapping ketupat palas is something I can proudly teach anyone. hahaha...

Though it might seem kinda easy, if you fold the leaf to the wrong direction, your ketupat might end up as 'ketupat betina' (female? ketupat)... oh well, how do I explain this, its rather perverse to put a photo or explain... well, doesn't matter... here's the steps of how to wrap a sticky rice ketupat.

1. Fold the wide edge of the leave into a cone shape container

2. Fill it with the half-cooked sticky rice (the rice was cooked with cocunut milk, a few pandan leaves and salt)

3. Fold the tail of the leaf to the left, covering the rice

4. ok, this is a tricky part... and my nephew didn't take the photo properly... haish
Bring the leaf underneath the bunch and fold into a ring shape on the right corner of the ketupat, with the tail of the leaf on the inside under the bunch. This will form a corner of the ketupat or as my mum called it 'the ear' of the ketupat.

5. Pull it tightly, but don't pull too hard... otherwise the leaf will break and unable to contain the rice... the rice will spill out, like guts spilling out of a torn bulging tummy... euuww!

6. Tadaaaa! That's it... a Palas Ketupat... usually, I'll tie a knot with the remaining leaf just to secure the wrap. Easy peasy lemon squeezy ketupat dah jadi! Muahaha!

Now you can either boil it, or steam it.

Good Luck!!!

There's Been A Death in The Opposite House

2010-11-13T17:38:00.001+11:00

2 very close relatives (an uncle and cousin) passed away last year.

Yesterday, a neighbor’s grandson involved in an accident, and died.

Last few months, a cousin’s house was caught fire, his wife was severely injured and breathed her last after few days in ICU

My friend was 19 and he was killed in a road accident when I was 18.

Another friend… a year younger, passed away of a lung cancer.

A neighbor whom I don’t remember his name died last month.

We all will eventually die, it’s just the matter of when… and normally whenever the thought of dying visits, it comes with that lame rhetorical question which often left unanswered… Are you ready?

constantly reminded, yet continuously forgetting.... Me!

Whatever!

2010-11-11T17:58:00.001+11:00

At times, you wonder about your own behavior… but when you’re back to where you came from… you know that there is nothing weird about the way you are…and if it’s in the blood, changing it would be a lifelong dream.

Apparently, no one loves snide remarks. Especially when it’s thrown just in your face… funny jokes that ain’t funny… laughter and giggles that crawl into you like poisonous bugs, ripping your flesh of the bones.

But hey, sarcasm works wonders when nothing else matters…. And very often, it leaves you something to live with… something like a derogatory remark about yourself… hahaa… aside from trust, self-confidence is very expensive.

…and many times in my life, I could barely tell the difference between vices and virtues…

I am forever small, looking up to all the great people around me. Life is good.

The Dumb Shall Speak

2010-11-05T13:35:00.009+11:00

This is my last semester project (Semester 01, 2010) I've been wanting to put this on the blog since it was presented which is about 5 months ago.... but soooooo lazy to adjust and write... and now, I end up chucking in just my speech.

The Blurred Masterplan

The project is a metaphor of Melbourne city. It is generated by the blur master plan or a blistered satellite view of Melbourne city and its surroundings. The blur master plan is a reverse representation of a typical master plan which is meant to give a different perception about Melbourne city. It represents the fuzziness of Melbourne City, its history, urban life and memories. The reading of the master plan which has been visually interpreted by the idea of distance between the dots hence becomes the rule to generate the form of the building. The rule is explored through three main strategies that response to Venturi’s Complexity and Contradiction.

Firstly, the project celebrates the interdependency between form and functions. The iterative rule from the blur master plan generates a form for the buildings. However the demands of the functions require additional rooms which could spatially serve the functions. Therefore, the programmatic needs of the building break and blend the generative rule of the form.

Secondly, it deals with the contradiction between ‘form and form’ and ‘form and function’. The whole project is a juxtaposition of complex and simple geometries. The generative form is complex in a sense of its illegibility and the extrusions are pure cylinders intersecting the complex form.

Thirdly, the outcome of the project serves the inherent variety and ambiguity of visual perceptions. The buildings in this project are hiding and emerging between the existing trees that maintain the sense of familiarity and the jagged shapes are vulgarly flowing. The project is illegible as a whole, giving variety of experiences as one moves through the site.

It is important to note that the notion of blur in this project is defined through the ambiguity between appearance and experience. It is not trying to expressively appear blurry as it appears in smoke or mist. It is blurry in a sense of lost in the experience of the whole project. The whole project from satellite view appears like a portion of blurred area in the land, camouflaging with the surrounding and vaguely depicting the shape of the building but vividly appear as whole. However from the street level, the existence is vivid but the project could never be experienced as a whole. The fragmented experiences narrate the blur idea of the whole depending on the side and the angle of view. Almost like the idea of a city (including Melbourne city) where one’s experience and perception are diversified from another depending on personal values, history, lifestyle and memories.

Another element that this project deals with is the cook’s cottage. The cottage is a disputable object. It is an artifact that full of doubts whether it should be celebrated as a reminiscence of glory or a doomsday. At this depends on whether the acknowledgement comes from the aborigines or the whites. Besides, it is also historically arguable whether Captain Cook had ever lived there. Therefore the ambiguous status of cook’s cottage is represented in this blur metaphor. The cottage is partially nestled within the whole, giving an idea of uncertainty whether it is inside or outside when it is in fact both, mimicking the dubious relationship of the cottage and Australia.

The Plan; find the building yo!

see! see! there's The Cook's Cottage

The Amphitheater, for the first time in my life, I wanna be in my building.

*that's so vain*

My tutor, Mark Raggat from ARM said; 'it's like in the Mary Poppin'

Macam mainan ja kan?

The following is my additional elaboration about the design process, I tell you it's really crappy, wrote them few minutes before the presentation. so bear with the grammar and all. my grammar is rarely correct anyway.

How did I design?

The dots become connectors , or generators of the buildings

Remember when we were young, we learn to draw things and learn numbers by connecting dots exercise... It is something similar to that

The image that creates the dots exercise is a clear thing, for example, a horse. But someone makes it ambiguous by turning it into a series of dots, which when connected, produce a horse again, but obviously the horse looks different from the real one depending on the beauty of lines or in another word the child that draws it… and as well, the traces of the dots is still there. The outcome would never appear exactly like the original image of a horse.

In this design, it’s all begun with a real satellite photo of the site, a readable photo of the site. Which hence turn blister using rasterbater. Like a child who does know what could it become, I connect all this dots, and out of it, I got a building, well.. a few buildings to be exact.

But this is architecture, obviously it has to be more than just learning the number sequences… the image does not tell me where should I begun and where to connect or even, what colour of pen shold I use to draw.

So there are other studies of the image that generates the rule. Like the child, before doing the dots exercise, she has to learn about numbers and how to read it.

The Iteration Process

Programs hence used to fashion the process into architecture... most of all, to determine additional height to most spaces which previously formed by connecting the dots.

Following are the process diagram...showing how the cylindrical volumes are extruded to serve the required programmatic space.

p/s: I won't blame you readers if you can't understand what did I blabbered about. It's quite a crazy thing...still I wasn't philosophical enough in my approach of this project if you must know. This project also has strong relationship with Venturi's Complexity and Contradictions. So you may need to read that to understand. But hey, don't bother.... just look at the images... hahaha... it's a land of no where. I doubt I will have any chance in my whole life to design a building like this in my architecture practice. oooh... and I'm sure... some ppl think this sort of iconic crazy philosophical architecture is too vain and nonsensical... not to mention, it's a waste of money.

Matahari

2010-11-03T16:03:00.004+11:00

Yay! Changed my blog layout.

I’ve grown sick of dark and gloomy background… besides, it’s spring yo! Flowers are blooming everywhere and the sun shines even on the rainy days, why must I all be sad and moody. Let’s get the mood brightened up a bit.

Anyway, for some reasons the blog header appears to be a bit pixelated, I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure I got the dimension correct, I’ve checked the pixels and all. Anyway, it was way worse when I uploaded the JPEG version, so I tried using PNG and it seems a little bit better, like the above.

I’ve been changing my blog name a couple of times till now. I think, from now on… I shall try to stick with one. I'll use mirpof. Where did I get it from? Oh, it was a typo when I wanted to write…...... heheee… I’ll keep that to myself. But yeah, that was when I first setup this blog… the url accidentally became mirpof.blogspot.com.

It really has no meaning. Unless you can find one for me.

Lalaalaa….

nak balik Malaysia lagi 6 hari, ada orang nak kirim barang?

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ahaks! too late!

2010-10-31T14:45:00.001+11:00

I looked up in they sky and asked, what are you after, Kiambang?

The Braided Campus, Formfield Design Studio Sem 02, 2010

They Bloom in My Heart ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-10-28T18:01:00.004+11:00

Spring brings along sunshine. Days are a lot warmer than in winter, of course… and it’s a relief to those who suffer from cold winter weather. Yet to be honest, I’m not a big fan of spring… (I blogged before how always prefer autumn out all seasons). Especially during the early spring, flying pollens gives me allergy. Also, the-never stable-spring temperature affects my skin badly. I woke up this morning with a roommate asking ‘what happened to your face?’ my face redden occasionally, not the shimmering blush red, but the horrible irritated red. Ah, I don’t know how to describe. I’ve been applying bio oil hoping that it’ll ease the irritation. Anyone has any idea what else can I do?

Nevertheless, I love spring for one thing… flowers are cheap. It’s the season, right. Oh, I’ve been unfair to mother nature, I hate pollens but love blossoming flowers… sorry…

And it’s one of the best thing about living here; the availability of fresh cut flowers. Well, gardening is never my forte (aaaa, this reminds me, mak said I have to take care of her garden if she goes to Mecca this year, oh my! That’s the most challenging task ever…owh ya, she also said, it’s a way for me to prove that I’m a responsible person and ready to get married… what?! makkk, you should know that I wasn't born with green fingers...aaaa)… anyway, I enjoy so much having fresh flowers in my room. I don’t know, just by looking at them, makes me so happy…

I’m going to miss this when I go back to Malaysia. As far as I know, fresh cut flowers are quite pricey and hard to get… especially around where I live. well, the cheapest place to buy fresh flowers is at the Buddhist crematorium which they use for funerals. I should just cut my mak’s pokok bunga… muahahaha!

The blossoming chrysanthemums make my day! It’s one of my favorite flowers since they look a little like sunflower.

Fresh cut sunflowers are still very rare, though.

Willful Ignorance

2010-10-28T00:38:00.004+11:00

I was too busy with architecture for the last few weeks.. . haven’t really got a chance to get my head around what’s going on in the world, especially back home in Malaysia.

I felt detached from reality.

I felt like I was living in ignorance.

I felt guilty.

Therefore, since I finished my final presentation yesterday (still got 2 submissions coming though)… Today, I decided to take a day off from architecture. I went out for a good lunch with a friend, had some retail therapy… and came back, get on the internet and try to update myself with some of the current issues.

I read. I read. I read and I read.

As a result. I feel sick.

And I still feel guilty, way worse… I feel guilty and hopeless for knowing things I could never really do anything about.

I know... I know...I know I’m a little behind.

But I still need to put more efforts in understanding the following issues, I’m feeling lost and mentally constipated just by reading one or two news/articles/blogposts about them.

1. The Budget… I know, I would never be able to understand like an economist does or a politician, the rationality of each provision and all, but if the government really wants to be transparent to the people… they shall present it to us, in a way that we could somehow digest the information… it’s not that I don’t understand the general idea of most of the things… the rationality is still questionable… maybe I’m too shallow minded… or maybe I just don’t understand… or am I too stupid?

2. The Audit report. It’s not surprising at all. But it’s sad. Kalau nak musnahkan sangat penghawa dingin tu, hantar la rumah saya satu. Ya tak MAIWP? Some wounds won’t heal if you covered or bandaged it up. You know that?

3. Malaysian Indians community issue… what issue?

4. DSAI. This has been going on forever. I’m seriously sick of this dirty political play. Put an end to that please. *puke*

5. FFI? I love fashions. But that’s was wayyyy too much, Datin Seri Wanita Nombor Satu.

6. Pusat Hiburan Antarabangsa. Wait…. What???!!! Seriously… oh yeah, great… then we are not just ‘a moderate Islamic Country’ but also ‘a hedonistic Islamic country’… oh, that goes very well with IFF.

7. Tsunami in Indonesia. Humanity should trespass all sort of enmities, right?

Am I showing too much ingratitude to my government if I say, I yearn for some great pleasant-sincere news (from the people, not your media) about how well-managed, corruption-less the government is… hey, I could be one of those who still have a teeny weeny bit of faith to the current government. Hahaha.. you know why? Because I don’t believe the oppositions could be any better, the best they could be… just equal. Samalah mana-mana pun.

‘dah kena dah, yang di sana tu penyangak, yang di sini tu penyamun’

Btw, I love today's Daily Quotes on Google.

Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.

Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, 2008

Wrinkles Winkles

2010-10-25T21:29:00.001+11:00

Tomorrow is the final presentation for design studio this semester. Insha’Allah, if I manage to breeze through this one, I’ll be left with one more upper pool studio (next semester)…. followed by the major project (final semester). Hence, I’m done here, Insha’Allah. Either I’ll go back for good or not, that’s a different story. But of course, I don’t want to contribute to the current brain drain. Let’s see what my master degree can do for the country, Insha’Allah.

Subhanallah, time does fly like an arrow.

It’s hard to believe that I’ll be in my final year here next year. Oh my, I’m feeling old. 23?! Next year, 24? (kalau hidup lagi la)… 25, 26, 27…. Tuaaanyaaaa…… and one day, if I live long enough, I'll wake up with with wrinkles and grey hair.

It feels like I just set my foot here, yesterday. Lameeee. Haha… and that’s a lie. To be honest, I feel rotten for being here for so long… if I were to further my study, I’ll definitely look for some other place.
I love Melbourne, still.

Anyway, pray that the presentation will be good… and I’m going back home in 15 days!

Oh! bagai baru semalam bertemu kamu di lapangan terbang itu.

^.^

2010-10-16T01:13:00.000+11:00

Laughter is indeed a good medicine.

I’ve been watching The Big Bang Theory while doing design, as I always need a good company, especially when I’m building my 3D model.

I finished the whole episodes of season one, my model is progressing quite well and… I feel happy. =)

I guess I need to go to bed early tonight since I got a plan tomorrow. So, as what Sheldon would always say… Good night. And if there's an apocalypse, good luck.

Daa!

Wish #03: Delusion

2010-10-14T00:43:00.003+11:00

I wish to make you laugh... laugh like you used to do...
hence you would love... love like you wanted to.

Kau Bungaku

2010-10-09T15:41:00.002+11:00

Oh... seperti seorang ibu melihat anak-anaknya membesar... girangnya hati melihat tulip-tulip ku berkembang segar dan mekar... ah, sudahlah... drama! but they are really pretty, aren't they?

dan dah terlebih-lebih kembang pun.... sukanyaaaa! ^.^

lepas tu, ada satu kuntum tu mcm aiskrim... ni yang main petik tak tahu spesies tu... sekali ada yang unik ni... rasa macam warna putih lagi cantik, tp sbb dia unik, lalu dia menarik perhatian...

do people dry tulips? I tried drying roses before and they look pretty good... maybe should try with tulips... ngehee... I don't mind living in a room full of flowers... dried or fresh.... they make me happy...

btw, I'm loving this retro/lomo camera apps on iPhone.... who needs a lomo when you have an iPhone... hahaaa! hmph! but I still want a polaroid.... maybe I should buy one before going back for this summer holiday... my nephew Talhah must be very excited about that...

OK... buat kerja, nanti nak pasang cenderahati utk TPM pulak...

I don't care which planet you came from, we are living on the earth.

2010-10-07T22:47:00.007+11:00

The good thing about having a close friend who happens to be in the same situation as yours is you can open up to each other and talk about it like you both are reading the same page of a story book.

Anyway, we girls open up to each other most of the time.

********

Girls dream.
Most of us grew up reading fairy tales, in which wedding is always the happy ending… a prince will do everything while the princess just has to lay somewhere sleeping, combing her hair, eating poisoned apple or cleaning a stepmother house. Even in Malay folklore, the girl will always be someone who is innocent, naïve, bullied, born with a fish, has a veggie name, and kind, well stupidly kind and beautiful. So we grew up dreaming… hoping, eventually at the end of the day… a prince or a gentleman will come knocking on our door… after fighting dragons and all sort of strange creatures, sweep we off our feet… marry us and live happily ever after.

Women understood.
Most of us are not princesses. We were not born in a castle and cast out to live with dwarfs in a jungle and fated to wait and wait until someone who strangely curious enough to come searching for a wife in a jungle. We are living in 20s century where women and men are equal in many ways. Also, we don’t just fall for someone who happen to save us from something, whatever it is. Most women today are educated and sophisticated. Women don’t just deal with domestic stress but also carrier and other external responsibilities. We know that in reality, there is no happily ever after… happiness and sadness alternatively take place in our life. When the sun gets low, the storm always ready to blow… but then, there will be a rainbow, well at least... sometimes.

There is a girl in every woman.
She could be a state minister but behind the curtain she might still fancy plushies and Barbie. She just stops showing her interest… so she could appear poised and composed in public. But if a woman shows you her childish and vulnerable side.. don’t just go “wooo! What in the world is wrong with you… I thought you’re someone blablabla etcetctec…” She is still that same person you knew, but it’s just more about her that you need to know… just because at one point, she is acting against what you thought of her, doesn’t prove you wrong… no she wasn’t wearing a mask… women contradict themselves all the time… and you just need to understand, there is a girl in every woman… just like there is a boy in every man. Oh come on… don’t act so superior… I know a 37 years old man who still enjoy dragon ball and naruto, a 23 years old who wants a control car, the same thing I was asked for by 9 yr old nephew… I know a 42 yr old dad who enjoys assembling toys for his kids and you could see that he is doing it out of his own interest… those are just examples… but my point is adults do act childish sometimes… when it comes to the worse, be it man or woman, we do cry, throw tantrum, say stupid things, sulk, yell…..are these all mature?… for God sake, no!

I'm not you.
Despite having so many similarities, like education, background, political views, interest, jobs and hobby… we are created different... Men, are generally natural thinker.. they put their head before their heart…and this makes them good leaders, being able to put feeling aside, will allow them to be just and that’s also why in Islam they are allowed to polygamy. While women are generally natural feeler… we prioritize feelings most of the time… we buy things we can’t really afford because we like it so much, we say yes to things we don’t want to do because we feel guilty to turn down a request… we give out false hope, because we sympathize a man in love… we say things we don’t mean just simply because we are angry… and we cry over someone’s else grief even when we don’t really understand. Therefore, a man shouldn’t be so judgmental about a woman especially based on her emails, ym or sms… It takes beyond that to get to know someone, but one thing is crucial… be prepared for the surprises. A thing about all this sort of communication technology is it allows us women who are already, always preoccupied with feelings to be more expressive, sometimes aggressive. That’s why most twitter users are female. It’s apparently so much easier to write/type rather than say with our tongue. However, you need to understand that women are no better than men when it comes to verbally expressing feeling to the opposite sex. Yes, we talk about our feeling to our girlfriends most of the time, but it’s not the same as talking to men. So guys, just like you always say the wrong thing to us… it is always hard for us to find the right words to say to you.

Rationale.
Women… we are natural feeler but we are not brainless, and men… are not heartless. Rationality bridges the gap between a brain and a heart… we know when we need to use our head instead of our heart, it’s just sometimes we refuse to do so, and so do men….therefore a woman needs a man to tell her not to buy a pair of shoes she would never wear no matter how pretty they are, while a man needs a woman to tell him it’s okay to cry when his cat is dead. We complement each other in so many ways.

Sooooooooooooo….
I personally don’t think that we should look for a copy of us to marry. We need someone who complement us… everyone is lacking at something and good at something… has anyone ever told you that sleeping beauty has a bad breath because she’d been sleeping for 100 years? Oh, and she also has amnesia once in awhile… but she is a real beauty.

Ok… I’m writing a ‘book’ again… but I do hope that we all men and women could become more rational, understanding and tolerant when it comes to man and woman problems, be it in professional relationship or romance.

p/s: dear friend, I hope you’ll make it through… I pray Allah will make it easy for the two of you. Ameen.

2010-10-05T21:31:00.001+11:00

I wish someone would write me a letter, a deep and moving letter.

haha! ok...that's a bit random.

Doubt

2010-10-04T18:45:00.002+11:00

I hate uncertainties in so many ways. It always leaves me in a difficult situation which will hinder me from taking any progressive steps.

As much as I love design subject, it always puts me in this situation in which I have to choose between doing either what I really like to do or what my tutor wants me to do. Maybe it seems like I should always listen to my tutor, but when you come to something subjective like design, doing what your tutor wants you to do is not always good enough... she will expect more, to an expense of you do what you want, however that may not please her because what you want always contradicts what your tutor wants.

People understand things differently; a thing about being a designer is you must be transparent enough to allow people to read your mind, but to some people... regardless how transparent you are they won’t just see through you because they are mentally blocked by their own existing perception. So you have to talk through your ideas, peel it carefully like peeling an onion.

I know that it’s a part of life that we will always face uncertain situation... but if there is a room to make things certain, I would always go head on in trying to make things as certain as it could ever be.

In many situations, I prefer if I do A, I’ll get to B. Rather than, I do A, I’ll probably get to B or C or D or maybe just stay at A... I’m not limiting my options, but I like to be focused about my goal... and if I were ever told to wait for something, I need to know what I’m waiting for, not just ‘something’... and If I were really to wait, I need to know that my waiting will not be in vain. Or, I should say... I need some hope. Less, I won’t move... and if l let my doubt to grow, one day...it’ll be high enough to bury all my dreams and wishes.

Therefore, I need to know what I’m trying to achieve here with my design concept, why setting a goal seems so hard now..... I should get back to work~!

Vivian, will you ever like my design?

Give me some hope.

Wakeyyyy! September has ended!!

2010-09-30T18:27:00.006+10:00

A friend tweeted “esok dah Oktober!”

It occurred to me how quickly time passes. Life seems to flow monotonously, but along the way, as I took a glimpse of a few recent weeks, many things had actually took place and some of them, leaved without a trace for me to understand what it was, let alone response… but at the back of my mind… I knew it happened, and I remember.

July
It was one of the sweetest months. I went home, had a good winter escape in my hometown… and I met you. However, I stumbled upon a door sill and realized, the door was left ajar because the lock wasn't working! (haha... mesti orang tak faham) … huhu.. The semester commenced... it was a good start. I got my first choice studio. However, at the end of the month.. things started to get a little hay wired.

August
I would say, patience was the hallmark of August. The semester got tougher. Works were continuously piling up… things got off my hands. I romped about my life, breaking all the good things I had… I had my birthday… what a ‘rainy’ birthday it was… haha… but so happy when some friends did remember and cared to wish… all the things got so critical… I couldn’t quite comprehend most of the things that were happening at that time… there was an outrage of emotional flux…haha… and there was Ramadhan… I’m glad it was Ramadhan… less, I might not have as much patience as I did. Thank you Allah.

September
I know there was Hari Raya.. went to a few open houses. Other than that. Work. Work. Work…. And suddenly its ending. What? !

and...

October.
I wish for the best in October. All my final presentations will be in this month. I need to catch up and patch up some of the broken things ... put some of them back together and ditch the crappy and nasty bits of it…

You know when you try to put broken things back together, it won’t look exactly like it was, take a broken ceramic for instant… you’ll see the glue lines… the cracks… the uneven surfaces…

But, you can make it better… maybe like this...

see, they become pavers!

or if you love art, this is very pretty

oh! this is pretty too

Or… if it’s too broken to ever be fixed… what’s the point of keeping it, right? In another word, sweep away the mess, sweetheart!!!

Life is indeed full of surprises... you'll never know what's coming in your way... =)

The Hidden Beauty!

2010-09-25T23:08:00.002+10:00

I’ve been wanting to write about this for so long. Now that my brain is figuring out some stuffs about design, I’ll write about it… as I said in previous post, I’m a multitasker…hihii

Before I proceed, I better clarify that, I’m not writing a fiqh article.. I’m just sharing my thoughts with all the hijabees out there, something based on my observations…

Hijabess aren’t really strangers here in Melbourne, you’ll see women with headscarves everywhere. Nevertheless, from my personal experiences, people still question about this piece of fabric wrapping our head… some of the lame questions are like, why do you wear it? Can you ever take it off? Do you wear it at home? Can you wear different colors? How do you get your hair cut?

Well, I’m not answering all of those question here… but I’m going to write about something else.. here is the story.

I know that scholars differ in the ruling of not wearing hijjab with the non-muslim women… you can ask about it yourself and I’m not competent enough to explain it here… but I did ask one of our scholars and he said, it’s okay to uncover your hair as long as it won’t bring fitnah.. back to the story that I wanted to share, one day, I was having a chat about hair care with my non muslim friend… and she told me how she used to befriend with a muslim girl who happens to wear hijjab.. and one day, the girl took off her hijjab and her hair was so stink!

I’ll stop there.

My dear sisters… this reminder goes to all of you and myself… just because we cover up our hair, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have to take good care of it.

Cleanliness is a part of faith.

Sometimes, I just don’t understand how can any girl be so ignorant about her hygiene. Well, you could say that I better take good care of myself rather than judging people… but you see, my point here.. I’m not judging anyone… I’m just reminding myself and you, that our hygienic negligence will give out bad perception regarding the act of wearing hijjab….regarding every sister who wears hijjab … it’s like, underneath those scarves.. their hair are ugly and stinky.

Shampooing is fun!

I love washing my hair everyday and it makes me feel good. Some people prefer not to wash their hair everyday and they have reason for doing that… but, hey… as long as your hair doesn’t smell bad… it’s okay… but you know sisters, sometimes the smell passes through your hijjab, it blends with the fabric… and as wind breezes the fabric… the smell travels to noses around you. Don’t think that because it’s all covered up underneath a piece of cloth, people can’t smell it… your wearing a fabric, not a vacuum plastic wrap! But I do advice you, to wash your hair frequently… especially if you’re living in a hot country, and you have oily and sweaty scalp.

Dry you hair!

I know some people don’t like hair drier very much… people say it’ll damage your hair a lot quicker than the sun. well, I did not like it much too… but since I started using it, I don’t really feel it’s damaging my hair, instead… it makes my hear firmer and smoother. The key thing here, you got to use hair conditioner after each shampooing. Or instead, you can use electric fan…or just let it dry naturally… but don’t put the scarf on while your hair is still wet, worst, dripping! Especially if you intended to wear it for all day long… you know what I’m saying…

Love your hair.

Hair is like any other part of your body… some people were gifted with beautiful hair than others… but again, beauty is subjective. No matter how much you like or dislike your hair… it’s still a part of you regardlessly… some girls say… ‘it’s good to wear tudung, so I don’t have to bother much about my hair’… well, partly its true.. you don’t bother to style it before going out… no one knows how it looks like… and you don’t have to worry about sun damage… but that doesn’t mean you can just abandon your hair care… plus, it is a good thing to make yourself presentable even just among the sisters and family members… and if you are married, your earn rewards for beautifying yourself for your husband, that includes styling your hair… =)

Ok, I have a lot more to say… but I guess my point here is clear enough… I write this, to remind myself and my sisters… let’s take good care of our hair!

Merepek lagiii...

2010-09-25T02:55:00.001+10:00

As soon as you started talking to people about your situation or anything that’s burdening you. You’ll realize you’re not alone. God created each of us unique but at the same times have so much in common so that we could learn from one another.

I’m not a big fan of generalization for I never see two situations as equal. There is no one size for everything. But I do believe as much as we think others don’t understand us, they do have things in their mind that could relate to what is in ours… and as much as I don’t fancy generalization, I use it all the times just because it makes sense to many people rather than just myself.

It won’t be me not having so much thoughts mounting in head. I always try to focus on doing one thing at a time, but it’s just as hard as trying to quit being a nocturnal…what I’m saying, it’s not impossible.. It’s just so freaking hard. If my head is not a mess, it prolly got nothing in. I’m a multitasker… instead of keeping on complaining why can’t I focus blablabla… I’ll just take that as a gift. =)

Here I go again, pouring out my nonsense… as usual, just need to clear up my head a little bit.

Anyway, I wanted to say, how sometimes we need to learn to take thing slow. Some people ask, ‘what’s the difference now that you’re doing master?’.. well, since in architecture, at least in RMIT, our master degree is not research based like most other post grade courses, it’s project based…. The course is still pretty much similar to the degree. We got classes, studios and lectures… we do presentations every week for almost every subject and we have submissions every now and then depending on the subject.

The workload is still pretty much the same… it’s just that… for me, it’s just getting more and more difficult… and it’s normal right? I believe other courses are like that too. Even if you compare it to our lives...the more you understand the more complicate… it’s just, well… life.

But after all, there’s something that I learned from my master course… and from a few things that occurred about my life recently… sometimes, we do need to take things slow.

Hei! Tak lari gunung dikejar!

Ok, I’m not making any sense. Should just stop.

Whiney baby emo kid.

2010-09-21T21:58:00.005+10:00

What a life would’ve been without twitter or facebook or even this blog.

Writing has been my salvation since I know how to write. Seriously, I don’t really remember how it all started but all that I knew, I kept diaries since I was in primary school. I composed poetries when I was ten and enjoy reading since kindergarten.

I don’t really write for people to read. I write for my own personal reasons, I write to divert my negative energy into something less destructive. Written words can’t be harmful if they were left unread. .. that’s why diaries have always been my best friends.

Technology somehow has changed that. I don’t want to talk about how people these days have split personalities between their real and virtual life. Most thoughts are read, at least by a few… and with the mushrooming social platforms, people talk more, in fact more than in their actual life… and I talk more than I used to do, sometimes to an extent of disclosing unnecessary personal stuffs. <-like saying this.

I admire those who have so much self control in their virtual life - knowing what’s to share what’s not. These people know how to be friendly but deliberately maintaining their privacy and no, they don’t go around spamming and swindling anonymously.

I'm spending too much time with computers. I can’t avoid that since my works mostly involve computer except for occasional site visits. Having said that, I still need to control my virtual life.

Such as… stop tweeting.

I tweeted too much… and many things I rumbled about shouldn’t really be publically mentioned …and sometimes, those who response to those tweets in their own accords, couldn’t care less about the real situations.

I’ll stop tweeting for awhile…inshaAllah, let’s see how long I could go without tweeting. Hahaa…

I’ll talk more to my diary… and if I really need to say something out loud, I better talk to people directly rather than throwing my words in the air so carelessly.

Anyone would like to be my real life twitter?

Hah! you! I saw you raised up your hand. =)

p/s: I will still visit twitter frequently... stalking some of the Twits *wink*

Monolog

2010-09-20T23:47:00.003+10:00

Aku mahu... teramat mahu pergi jauh... tempat yang teramat jauh, kalau nak sampai itu jenuh. Kalau dicari lelah bersepuh... jauhhhhhh sekali... tak tercapai naluri... padan muka, siapa pun tak dapat cari... separuh mimpi separuh realiti...

Tapi....

Kerja belambak, duit takdak.

Di sinilah duduk tercanggak.

Sedih.

"Hei kamu, bawa aku pergi dari sini... kerna dalam hati ini, ada secangkir benci yang aku musuhi.... jua ada setelaga cinta yang aku hampir lupa"

OK... tak payah mengerti.... hanya momok perempuan gila di malam hari.

....dan aku pun ketawa berdekah-dekah pada diri. ya, padan muka sendiri.

I Procrastinated!

2010-09-20T01:47:00.005+10:00

Got stuck between works and did this random psychology test... look at the result!

You Are An INFP
(introversion, intuition, feeling, perception) is an abbreviation used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to refer to one of sixteen personality types.[1] The MBTI was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl G. Jung in his book Psychological Types. Jung proposed a psychological typology based on the theories of cognitive functions that he developed through his clinical observations.) - copied fr wikipedia

The Idealist - O.o

You are a creative person with a great imagination. *wink* You enjoy living in your own inner world. (huh! are saying I'm a 4D person?)

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. *chiuuwwww!!***

It takes a long time for people to get to know you. (oh welll...*caugh*) You are hesitant to let people get close to you. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. =)

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic (huh?)) standards. (errr... no comment)

You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense(?!!!) feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. *cough* (surprisingly, they were all my ambitions)

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual =)

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak (ooooooooo!!!!!!...patutla..hmph!)

and of course, this is not necessarily accurate.

Sometimes (bukan lagu Britney)

2010-09-15T16:33:00.002+10:00

Sometimes, you don’t really want to hear things like ‘you’ll be alright’… because it’s all that you’ve been telling yourself all along… the word ‘alright’ seems to appear so pretentious and sarcastic… and you don't know how long it’ll take to get there.

Sometimes, you do need someone to remind you that you are better than what you think of yourself and trust in you more than you trust in yourself.

Sometimes, a slap on the face is way better than a comforting hug… you need someone who always brave enough to snap you of your broken dreams … wake you up to move on and fix things… or at least, dream another dream.

Sometimes, being overly optimistic would only give you false hope… you need to step back, admit the impediment… measure your strength properly prior to taking any action.

Sometimes, you do need someone to catch you when you fall… but if you think of yourself as a bouncy ball rather than a fragile glass… you would prefer a hard surface rather than a soft one.

Sometimes, instead of keep on feeling and thinking about your problems… you need to start thanking for all the blessings.

Sometimes, you need to put your pride aside and listen to your heart carefully… as pride and heart always disagree in various matters… but whenever a heart is broken, the pride will be hurt too.

Sometimes, all that you want is an ice cream!

Oya, jom pergi Cold Rock!

Best kot kalau dapat makan Cold Rock waktu macam sekarang.... yummmmm.

Blablabla

2010-09-13T00:51:00.004+10:00

I have so much random thoughts in my head… well, I’m desperately in need of something useful for my design.. but all of this randomness is hindering my brain from working properly… adoila…

*I promptly named a friend Mahmud for no reason today*

The coming mid semester crit chills me to the bone. I’m doing such a studio which I kinda like very much despite the crazy hectic workloads… really wanna give all my best… besides… my ex will be coming as one of the guest crits… opps! I mean, my ex-tutor… muahaha.. *haish, merepek sgt aih ckp!!!*

Have a snippet of my preliminary design proposal:

my tutor said it's 'beautifully ugly' *hmmph!* or in master chef term ' yuckyyumm'

Haish… I feel like a hopeless lazy bum… blame it on the raya mode! Oh! Ask me not about my raya… it was good all in all, alhamdulillah… but how could I ever be celebrating much when all these worries are having its own celebration in my head…. Syyyhhh.. do you hear it? Chiiiuwwww chiuuwwww chiuuwww… braprbappapappp…booommm… it’s fireworks! see! told ya… a bunch of worries are having a little party in my head. *I’m really getting old before time.*

I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK!!! Oh dear… my head is a mess… did I have too much kuah kacang just now? My brother once said to me… well, he asked me something (I can’t remember exactly what it was)… I delayed a little before responding to his question and he was like “kepala adik tu semak, you need to sort out your mind like a library… the coding system blablabla” his common metaphorical lecture which rarely makes any sense to me… sorry brother… I could tell how properly sorted your mind is… but the fact that our names are similar doesn’t make me as good as you… owh, but you are pretty random too. *why am I talking about my brother?*

…and my laptop is experiencing the blue screen of death lately… how it breaks my heart seeing my charming Mr Asus like this… I kinda get a little freaked out as my previous Toshiba horribly ruined and dysfunctional after frequent attack of the blue screen. Uwaaaa… and this evening my desktop switched on by itself… *gasp*

Technology awes me sometimes… especially seeing how everyone looks so fabulously smooth skinned bright eyed in the photos… thank you much to the invention of dslr… owh, please don’t mention purikura… hikhik… it does make me feel pretty once in a while.. I guess, it could be good for improving one’s self esteem. Muahaha…

Opppss! Ada org tepon.

2010-09-08T17:16:00.001+10:00

Untuk semua yang dirindu dan seluruh umat Islam

taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum

Would you marry yourself?

2010-09-05T19:37:00.002+10:00

A friend of mine wrote a very interesting status on Facebook "reflective reflection: would you marry yourself?" which lead me to this beautiful piece of writing on an Islamic Forum.

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

One of the first things that most people think about when preparing for or thinking about marriage, are the characteristics or qualities of the person they would like to marry. Some people think about how they want their potential husband or wife to look - perhaps they think about such things as hair and skin color. Some men may look for a wife who is an excellent cook, and some women may look for a husband who is very religious. Many Muslims nowadays look for a wife or husband that is conversant in the Arabic language, or someone that is at least a student of Arabic.

Nonetheless, most people, Muslims included, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or expect from their potential husband or wife. And while this is good and perhaps a very necessary part of the marriage search, few people ever sit down, and with the same purposefulness and care, enumerate their own qualities and characteristics or think about whether they, themselves, are the kind of people that someone else with just as high expectations or ideals would want to marry.

Think outside of yourself for a moment: If you were someone else, would you marry you? I don’t mean you, as you would like to see yourself weeks, months or even years from now. Nor do I mean you as you imagine yourself after you have had a chance to change a few of your bad habits, improve your character, fix yourself up, or you after you begin to practice your religion more seriously. I mean you, as you are TODAY.

I believe that if some people were to be completely honest with themselves, they would have to admit that they, themselves, do not possess the kind of qualities or characteristics they would want in a husband or wife.

Perhaps we all know of someone like this – possibly a relative, a best friend or maybe this person is YOU. For two people who are experienced at it, marriage, at best, can be difficult. It requires patience, diplomacy, perseverance, flexibility, wisdom, and endurance, just to name a few things.

Does this mean that if someone does not possess ALL of these qualities they should not get married? No, I don’t mean to say this. However, there are people that I have come across that are in a desperate race to get married; while at the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness, stubbornness, inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude. They are overly critical of other people while at the same time they have difficulty accepting criticism of themselves. And they have poor communication skills. On top of all of that, they may be in denial and won’t face up to the fact that they have a *few* personality defects to iron out before getting married. Do any of these characteristics describe you or someone you know that is looking for a wife or a husband? Has anyone ever told YOU that you possess any of these characteristics?

Marriage is so serious an affair that I would dare say that if someone looking to get married possesses some or all of these qualities, they may be headed for big trouble. Or, should I say anyone that marries a person like this might be in very, very big trouble? The question then becomes: Does a person who possesses these kinds of shortcomings have to wait years before getting married? I would say the answer is no. Someone like this doesn’t have to wait years to get married.

Allah, The Sublime, says in the Quran that He will never change the condition of a people until they first change what is inside of them. This ayah offers hope - hope of a new tomorrow. Isn’t that what most people want? They want to know that whatever difficulties they are facing today, a change is on the horizon for tomorrow. However, it does not only offer hope. It offers hope on a condition. That condition is that we have to take the first step to recognize that we have a problem and then do something about it. Can a man who is a drunk ever become sober unless he recognizes that he has a problem? And can a man that is insensitive, inflexible, stubborn, ungrateful, rigid, and selfish ever be a good husband?

Someone who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative pattern of behavior until they first recognize and ADMIT that they have a problem. Once you can admit that you have a problem, the next step is to begin working diligently and consistently on your problem or negative characteristics.

The key words here are working diligently AND consistently. As any doctor will tell you, a patient has to be diligent and consistent about taking their medicine in order to see good results. Couple this prescription that Allah gives us in the Quran with prayer and strong faith, InshaAllah, you can overcome any problem.

If after taking a good long, honest look at yourself in the mirror you cannot honestly say that you would make a good husband or wife in your present condition, then before you pick up the pen to enumerate a list of all the fine qualities you are looking for in a wife or husband, instead, why not list some of the qualities that you need to work on, and then embark on a program to change these bad qualities so that someday soon when Allah does bless you with a good wife or husband you will be worthy of such a person?

After all, isn’t the divorce rate high enough already?

If he comes knocking at my door...

2010-09-05T00:49:00.004+10:00

I’m having a light headache probably from the rain this afternoon… took some panadol and tried to put myself to sleep but for some reasons, my eyes refuse to shut… I want to do work but my brain isn’t functioning very well and I’m rather a little cranky…

The light is off, and as I was drifting in my thoughts I remember a beautiful real event/story which was told to me a few days ago.

..and I feel like sharing it with everyone…

There is a man who is a caretaker of a masjeed here in Victoria. One day, while he was sitting alone in the masjeed, two good looking bearded men visited the masjeed.

As this two men arrived, they performed an ablution hence entered the masjeed. Upon entering the mosque, one of them said to the caretaker whose name is Mansoor.

“Salam O’ my brother Mansoor, are you ready?”

Mansoor was smitten by the question… but after a little pause he positively answered;

“inshaAllah, I’m ready”

He hence got up from his sitting and walked towards the two men.

One of them then asked again.

“Is it ready yet?”

Mansoor answered again, “inshaAllah… I’m ready”

The man said to Mansoor.

“My name is Jibrail and I’m here to take it from you”

Mansoor replied “of course I know who you are”

Jibrail then said, “I’m going to take the cd”

Mansoor answered “Yes, you can have all my cds brother"

Jibrail was seemed a little confused by the answer so he clarified his intention to Mansoor.

“No, it’s the cd that you supposed to do the copying for tonight’s event”

Mansoor hence grasped the situation and it wasn’t what he promptly thought.. and of course, the angel of death is called Izrail not Jibrail. =)

The story was told by brother Mansoor himself (may not be his real name) but I altered and simplified the story here and there… it’s way more dramatic and funny if your hear it directly from him… plus, I’m rather a lousy story teller… my deepest apology for that.

However, this story is a very charming reminder indeed and it’s not plainly a miscommunication between Mansoor and Jibrail… May Allah bless brother Mansoor for his constant remembrance of death. To my mind, it’s sort of a call to reflect upon myself.

If the angle of death comes knocking on my door right now and asks me, are you ready… would I be able to say, Yes I am ready, inshaAllah?

Nothing is more certain than death… but why do I feel so unprepared?

‘O Lord, indeed You are The Oft Pardoning, You love pardon so pardon me’

So to speak, death is the best reminder!