Spring brings along sunshine. Days are a lot warmer than in winter, of course… and it’s a relief to those who suffer from cold winter weather. Yet to be honest, I’m not a big fan of spring… (I blogged before how always prefer autumn out all seasons). Especially during the early spring, flying pollens gives me allergy. Also, the-never stable-spring temperature affects my skin badly. I woke up this morning with a roommate asking ‘what happened to your face?’ my face redden occasionally, not the shimmering blush red, but the horrible irritated red. Ah, I don’t know how to describe. I’ve been applying bio oil hoping that it’ll ease the irritation. Anyone has any idea what else can I do?
Nevertheless, I love spring for one thing… flowers are cheap. It’s the season, right. Oh, I’ve been unfair to mother nature, I hate pollens but love blossoming flowers… sorry…
And it’s one of the best thing about living here; the availability of fresh cut flowers. Well, gardening is never my forte (aaaa, this reminds me, mak said I have to take care of her garden if she goes to Mecca this year, oh my! That’s the most challenging task ever…owh ya, she also said, it’s a way for me to prove that I’m a responsible person and ready to get married… what?! makkk, you should know that I wasn't born with green fingers...aaaa)… anyway, I enjoy so much having fresh flowers in my room. I don’t know, just by looking at them, makes me so happy…
I’m going to miss this when I go back to Malaysia. As far as I know, fresh cut flowers are quite pricey and hard to get… especially around where I live. well, the cheapest place to buy fresh flowers is at the Buddhist crematorium which they use for funerals. I should just cut my mak’s pokok bunga… muahahaha!
The blossoming chrysanthemums make my day! It’s one of my favorite flowers since they look a little like sunflower.
I was too busy with architecture for the last few weeks.. . haven’t really got a chance to get my head around what’s going on in the world, especially back home in Malaysia.
I felt detached from reality.
I felt like I was living in ignorance.
I felt guilty.
Therefore, since I finished my final presentation yesterday (still got 2 submissions coming though)… Today, I decided to take a day off from architecture. I went out for a good lunch with a friend, had some retail therapy… and came back, get on the internet and try to update myself with some of the current issues.
I read. I read. I read and I read.
As a result. I feel sick.
And I still feel guilty, way worse… I feel guilty and hopeless for knowing things I could never really do anything about.
I know... I know...I know I’m a little behind.
But I still need to put more efforts in understanding the following issues, I’m feeling lost and mentally constipated just by reading one or two news/articles/blogposts about them.
1. The Budget… I know, I would never be able to understand like an economist does or a politician, the rationality of each provision and all, but if the government really wants to be transparent to the people… they shall present it to us, in a way that we could somehow digest the information… it’s not that I don’t understand the general idea of most of the things… the rationality is still questionable… maybe I’m too shallow minded… or maybe I just don’t understand… or am I too stupid?
2. The Audit report. It’s not surprising at all. But it’s sad. Kalau nak musnahkan sangat penghawa dingin tu, hantar la rumah saya satu. Ya tak MAIWP? Some wounds won’t heal if you covered or bandaged it up. You know that?
3. Malaysian Indians community issue… what issue?
4. DSAI. This has been going on forever. I’m seriously sick of this dirty political play. Put an end to that please. *puke*
5. FFI? I love fashions. But that’s was wayyyy too much, Datin Seri Wanita Nombor Satu.
6. Pusat Hiburan Antarabangsa. Wait…. What???!!! Seriously… oh yeah, great… then we are not just ‘a moderate Islamic Country’ but also ‘a hedonistic Islamic country’… oh, that goes very well with IFF.
7. Tsunami in Indonesia. Humanity should trespass all sort of enmities, right?
Am I showing too much ingratitude to my government if I say, I yearn for some great pleasant-sincere news (from the people, not your media) about how well-managed, corruption-less the government is… hey, I could be one of those who still have a teeny weeny bit of faith to the current government. Hahaha.. you know why? Because I don’t believe the oppositions could be any better, the best they could be… just equal. Samalah mana-mana pun.
‘dah kena dah, yang di sana tu penyangak, yang di sini tu penyamun’
Btw, I love today's Daily Quotes on Google.
Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.
Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, 2008
Tomorrow is the final presentation for design studio this semester. Insha’Allah, if I manage to breeze through this one, I’ll be left with one more upper pool studio (next semester)…. followed by the major project (final semester). Hence, I’m done here, Insha’Allah. Either I’ll go back for good or not, that’s a different story. But of course, I don’t want to contribute to the current brain drain. Let’s see what my master degree can do for the country, Insha’Allah.
Subhanallah, time does fly like an arrow.
It’s hard to believe that I’ll be in my final year here next year. Oh my, I’m feeling old. 23?! Next year, 24? (kalau hidup lagi la)… 25, 26, 27…. Tuaaanyaaaa…… and one day, if I live long enough, I'll wake up with with wrinkles and grey hair.
It feels like I just set my foot here, yesterday. Lameeee. Haha… and that’s a lie. To be honest, I feel rotten for being here for so long… if I were to further my study, I’ll definitely look for some other place.
I love Melbourne, still.
Anyway, pray that the presentation will be good… and I’m going back home in 15 days!
Oh! bagai baru semalam bertemu kamu di lapangan terbang itu.
Oh... seperti seorang ibu melihat anak-anaknya membesar... girangnya hati melihat tulip-tulip ku berkembang segar dan mekar... ah, sudahlah... drama! but they are really pretty, aren't they?
dan dah terlebih-lebih kembang pun.... sukanyaaaa! ^.^
lepas tu, ada satu kuntum tu mcm aiskrim... ni yang main petik tak tahu spesies tu... sekali ada yang unik ni... rasa macam warna putih lagi cantik, tp sbb dia unik, lalu dia menarik perhatian...
do people dry tulips? I tried drying roses before and they look pretty good... maybe should try with tulips... ngehee... I don't mind living in a room full of flowers... dried or fresh.... they make me happy...
btw, I'm loving this retro/lomo camera apps on iPhone.... who needs a lomo when you have an iPhone... hahaaa! hmph! but I still want a polaroid.... maybe I should buy one before going back for this summer holiday... my nephew Talhah must be very excited about that...
OK... buat kerja, nanti nak pasang cenderahati utk TPM pulak...
The good thing about having a close friend who happens to be in the same situation as yours is you can open up to each other and talk about it like you both are reading the same page of a story book.
Anyway, we girls open up to each other most of the time.
Most of us grew up reading fairy tales, in which wedding is always the happy ending… a prince will do everything while the princess just has to lay somewhere sleeping, combing her hair, eating poisoned apple or cleaning a stepmother house. Even in Malay folklore, the girl will always be someone who is innocent, naïve, bullied, born with a fish, has a veggie name, and kind, well stupidly kind and beautiful. So we grew up dreaming… hoping, eventually at the end of the day… a prince or a gentleman will come knocking on our door… after fighting dragons and all sort of strange creatures, sweep we off our feet… marry us and live happily ever after.
Most of us are not princesses. We were not born in a castle and cast out to live with dwarfs in a jungle and fated to wait and wait until someone who strangely curious enough to come searching for a wife in a jungle. We are living in 20s century where women and men are equal in many ways. Also, we don’t just fall for someone who happen to save us from something, whatever it is. Most women today are educated and sophisticated. Women don’t just deal with domestic stress but also carrier and other external responsibilities. We know that in reality, there is no happily ever after… happiness and sadness alternatively take place in our life. When the sun gets low, the storm always ready to blow… but then, there will be a rainbow, well at least... sometimes.
There is a girl in every woman.
She could be a state minister but behind the curtain she might still fancy plushies and Barbie. She just stops showing her interest… so she could appear poised and composed in public. But if a woman shows you her childish and vulnerable side.. don’t just go “wooo! What in the world is wrong with you… I thought you’re someone blablabla etcetctec…” She is still that same person you knew, but it’s just more about her that you need to know… just because at one point, she is acting against what you thought of her, doesn’t prove you wrong… no she wasn’t wearing a mask… women contradict themselves all the time… and you just need to understand, there is a girl in every woman… just like there is a boy in every man. Oh come on… don’t act so superior… I know a 37 years old man who still enjoy dragon ball and naruto, a 23 years old who wants a control car, the same thing I was asked for by 9 yr old nephew… I know a 42 yr old dad who enjoys assembling toys for his kids and you could see that he is doing it out of his own interest… those are just examples… but my point is adults do act childish sometimes… when it comes to the worse, be it man or woman, we do cry, throw tantrum, say stupid things, sulk, yell…..are these all mature?… for God sake, no!
I'm not you.
Despite having so many similarities, like education, background, political views, interest, jobs and hobby… we are created different... Men, are generally natural thinker.. they put their head before their heart…and this makes them good leaders, being able to put feeling aside, will allow them to be just and that’s also why in Islam they are allowed to polygamy. While women are generally natural feeler… we prioritize feelings most of the time… we buy things we can’t really afford because we like it so much, we say yes to things we don’t want to do because we feel guilty to turn down a request… we give out false hope, because we sympathize a man in love… we say things we don’t mean just simply because we are angry… and we cry over someone’s else grief even when we don’t really understand. Therefore, a man shouldn’t be so judgmental about a woman especially based on her emails, ym or sms… It takes beyond that to get to know someone, but one thing is crucial… be prepared for the surprises. A thing about all this sort of communication technology is it allows us women who are already, always preoccupied with feelings to be more expressive, sometimes aggressive. That’s why most twitter users are female. It’s apparently so much easier to write/type rather than say with our tongue. However, you need to understand that women are no better than men when it comes to verbally expressing feeling to the opposite sex. Yes, we talk about our feeling to our girlfriends most of the time, but it’s not the same as talking to men. So guys, just like you always say the wrong thing to us… it is always hard for us to find the right words to say to you.
Women… we are natural feeler but we are not brainless, and men… are not heartless. Rationality bridges the gap between a brain and a heart… we know when we need to use our head instead of our heart, it’s just sometimes we refuse to do so, and so do men….therefore a woman needs a man to tell her not to buy a pair of shoes she would never wear no matter how pretty they are, while a man needs a woman to tell him it’s okay to cry when his cat is dead. We complement each other in so many ways.
I personally don’t think that we should look for a copy of us to marry. We need someone who complement us… everyone is lacking at something and good at something… has anyone ever told you that sleeping beauty has a bad breath because she’d been sleeping for 100 years? Oh, and she also has amnesia once in awhile… but she is a real beauty.
Ok… I’m writing a ‘book’ again… but I do hope that we all men and women could become more rational, understanding and tolerant when it comes to man and woman problems, be it in professional relationship or romance.
p/s: dear friend, I hope you’ll make it through… I pray Allah will make it easy for the two of you. Ameen.
I hate uncertainties in so many ways. It always leaves me in a difficult situation which will hinder me from taking any progressive steps.
As much as I love design subject, it always puts me in this situation in which I have to choose between doing either what I really like to do or what my tutor wants me to do. Maybe it seems like I should always listen to my tutor, but when you come to something subjective like design, doing what your tutor wants you to do is not always good enough... she will expect more, to an expense of you do what you want, however that may not please her because what you want always contradicts what your tutor wants.
People understand things differently; a thing about being a designer is you must be transparent enough to allow people to read your mind, but to some people... regardless how transparent you are they won’t just see through you because they are mentally blocked by their own existing perception. So you have to talk through your ideas, peel it carefully like peeling an onion.
I know that it’s a part of life that we will always face uncertain situation... but if there is a room to make things certain, I would always go head on in trying to make things as certain as it could ever be.
In many situations, I prefer if I do A, I’ll get to B. Rather than, I do A, I’ll probably get to B or C or D or maybe just stay at A... I’m not limiting my options, but I like to be focused about my goal... and if I were ever told to wait for something, I need to know what I’m waiting for, not just ‘something’... and If I were really to wait, I need to know that my waiting will not be in vain. Or, I should say... I need some hope. Less, I won’t move... and if l let my doubt to grow, one day...it’ll be high enough to bury all my dreams and wishes.
Therefore, I need to know what I’m trying to achieve here with my design concept, why setting a goal seems so hard now..... I should get back to work~!